308 to 12 steps

308 A Way Out Of Depression During acute depression, avoid trying to set your whole life in order all at once. If you take on assignments so heavy that you are sure to fall in them at the moment, then you are allowing yourself to be tricked by your unconscious. Thus, you will continue to make sure of your failure, and when it comes, you will have another alibi for still more retreat into depression. In short, the all-or-nothing attitude is the most destructive one. It is best to begin with whatever the ridicule minimums of activity are. Then work for an enlargement of these day by day. Don't be disconcerted by setbacks. Let's start over. Letter, page 1960. 309 Spiritual Axiom It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about justifiable anger? If someone cheats us, aren't we entitled to be mad? And shouldn't we be properly angry with self-righteous folks? For us of AA, these adventures in anger are sometimes very dangerous. We have found that even justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it. 12 and 12, page 90. 310 Learning Trust Our entire AA program rests upon the principle of mutual trust. We trust God, we trust AA, and we trust each other. Therefore, we trust our leaders in real service. The right of decision that we offer them is not only the practical means by which they may act and lead effectively, but it is also the symbol of our implicit confidence. If you arrive at AA with no religious convictions, you can, if you wish, make AA itself or even your AA group your higher power. Here's a large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect, they are certainly a power greater than you. Even this minimum of faith will be enough. Many members who have crossed the threshold just this way will tell you that once across, their faith broadened and deepened, relieved of the alcohol obsession, their lives unaccountably transformed. They came to believe in a higher power, and most of them began to talk with God. 112 Concepts, page 19. 12 and 12, page 27 through 28. 311 Telling the Worst Though the variations were many, my main theme was always how God-awful I am, just as I often exaggerated my modest attainment by pride, so exaggerated my defeat through guilt. I would race about confessing all and a great deal more to whoever would listen. Believe it or not, I took this widespread exposure of my sins to be great humility on my part and considered it a great spiritual asset and consolation. But later on I realized at depth that the great harms I had done others were not truly regretted. These episodes were merely the basis for storytelling and exhibitionism. With this realization came the beginning of a certain amount of humility, grapevine June, 1961. 312 Tolerance Keeps Us Sober Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way. Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group because they don't like the way it is run. Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must. Some go to a different group or form a new one. In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others. It has been that way from the beginning of AA and probably always will be so. Letter 1943 313 In the Sunlight At Last When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me, I didn't like the idea. So my friend, Ebi, made what then seemed a novel suggestion. He said, Why don't you choose your own conception of God? That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadows I have lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. It may be possible to find explanations of spiritual experiences such as ours, but I have often tried to explain my own and have succeeded only in giving the story of it. I know the feeling it gave me and the results it has brought, but I realize I may never fully understand its deeper why and how. One Alcohols Anonymous page 12 to AA comes of age page 45 314 High and Low When our membership was small, we dealt with low bottom cases only. Many less desperate alcoholics tried AA but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of their hopelessness. In the following years, this change, alcoholics who still had their health, their family, their job, and even two cars in the garage began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarce more than potential alcoholics. How could people such as these take the first step by going back into their own drinking histories? We showed them that years before, we realized it was out of control, that our drinking, even then, was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. 12 and 12 page 23 315 Greater Than Ourselves If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us. No matter how much we tried, we could wish to be moral. We could wish to be philosophically comforted. In fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the power needed for change wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshmallowed by the will, were less efficient. They failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves. Alcohol's Anonymous, page 44-45 316 Our Protective Mantle Almost every newspaper reporter who covers AA complains, at first, of the difficulty of writing his story without names, but he quickly forgets his difficulty when he realizes that here is a group of people who cared nothing for acclaim. Probably this is the first time in his life he has ever reported on an organization that wants no personal publicity, cynic though he may be. This obviously sincerity quickly transforms him into a friend of AA. Moved by the spirit of anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for personal distinction as AA members. Both among fellow alcoholics and before the general public, as we lay aside these very human aspirations, we believe that each of us takes part in the weaving of a protective mantle which covers our whole society and under which we may grow and work in unity. One Grapevine, March 1946, 2, 12, and 12, page 187 317 Vision Beyond Today Vision is, I think, the ability to make good estimates both for the immediate and for the most distant future. Some might feel this sort of striving to be hearsay against one day at a time, but that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives. It means chiefly that we are not foolishly to repine over the past, nor wishful to daydream about the future. As individuals and as a fellowship, we shall surely suffer if we cast the whole job of planning for tomorrow onto a fatuous idea of providence. God's real providence has endowed us human beings with the considerably capable for foresight, and he evidently expects us to use it. Of course, we shall often miscalculate the future in whole or in part, but that is better than to refuse to think at all. 12 Concepts, page 43 318 Forgiveness Through the vital fifth step, we begin to get the feeling that we could be forgiven no matter what we had thought or done. Often it was while working on this step with our sponsors, our spiritual advisors, that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they have wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us through all-around forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resultantly tackled step five that we inwardly knew we'd be able to receive forgiveness and give it to. 12 and 12, page 57 through 58 319 Two Authorities Many people wonder how AA can function under a seeming anarchy. Other societies have to have laws, and force, and sanction, and punishment administered by authorized people. Happily for us, we found that we need no human authority, which are far more effective. One is benign, the other is malign. There is God, our Father, who very simply says, I am waiting for you to do my will. The other authority is named John Bechlecorn, and he says, you had better do God's will or I will kill you. The AA traditions are neither rules, regulations, nor laws. We obey them willingly because we want to. Perhaps the secret of their power lies in the fact that these life-giving communications sprung out of living experience and are rooted in love. One AA comes of age, page 105. Two AA today, page 11. 320 Running the Whole Show Most people try to live by self-propulsions. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show and is forever trying to arrange the lights, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. What usually happens, the show doesn't come off very well. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitting. Is he not really a self-seeker, even when trying to be useful? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and unhappiness out of this world if only he manages well? Alcohol is Anonymous, page 60-61. 321 Results of Prayer As the doubters try the process of prayer, he should begin to add up the results. If he persists, he will almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He will acquire a quiet courage, the kind that isn't tension ridden. He can look at failure and success for what these really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction instead of his destruction. He will feel freer and saner. The idea that he may have been hypnotizing himself by auto-suggestion will become laughable. His sense of purpose and of direction will increase. His anxieties will commence to fade. His physical health will be likely to improve. Wonderful and unaccountable things will start to happen. Twisted relations in his family and on the outside will improve surprisingly. Grapevine June 1958 322 Easy does it, but do it? Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables. My observation is that some people can get by with a certain amount of postponement, but few can live with outright rebellion. We have succeeded in confronting many a problem drinker with that awful alternative. This we AA's do or we die. Once this much is firmly in his mind, more drinking only turns the coil tighter. As many as alcoholics have said, I came to the place where it was either into AA or out the window. So here I am. 112 and 12 page 67, two letter 1952, three letter 1950. 323 Grouping towards God. Towards God. More than most people, I think alcoholics want to know who they are, what this life is about, whether they have a divine origin or an appointed destiny, and whether there is a system of cosmic justice and love. It is the experience of many of us in the early stages of drinking to feel that we have glimpses of the absolute and heightened feelings of identification with the cosmos. While these glimpses and feelings doubtless have a validity, they are deformed and finally swept away in the chemical, spiritual, and emotional damage wrought by alcohol itself. In AA and in many religious approaches, alcoholics find a great deal more of what they merely glimpsed and felt while trying to group their way towards God and alcohol. Letter 1960. 324 Spirituality and Money. Some of us still ask, just what is this third legacy business anyhow? And just how much territory does service take in? Let's begin with our own sponsor, Evie. When Evie heard how serious my drinking was, he resolved to visit me. He was in New York, I was in Brooklyn. His resolve was not enough, he had to take action and he had to spend money. He called me on the phone and then got into a subway, total cost 10 cents. On the level of the telephone booth and subway turnstile, spirituality and money began to mix. One without the other would have amounted to nothing at all. Right then and there, Evie established a principle that AA in action calls for the sacrifice of much time and a little money. AA comes of age, page 140 through 141. 325 Humility brings hope. Now that we are long patronized bars and barrels, now that we bring home the paycheck, now that we are so very active in AA and now that people congratulate us on these signs of progress. Well, we naturally proceeded to congratulate ourselves. Of course, we are not yet within howling distance of humility. We ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings. Just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If humility could enable us to find the grace by which the deadly alcohol obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result, respecting any other problem we could possibly have. One grapevine, June 1961, 2, 12 and 12, page 76. 326 Welcome Criticism. Thanks much for your letter of criticism. I'm certain that had it not been for its strong critics, AA would have made slower progress. For myself, I have come to set a high value on the people who have criticized me, whether they have seemed reasonable critics or unreasonable ones. Both have often restrained me from doing much worse than I actually have done. The unreasonable ones have taught me, I hope, a little patience, but the reasonable ones have always done a great job for all of AA and taught me of many a valuable lesson. Letter, 1955, 327, Three Choices. The immediate object of our quest is sobriety, freedom from alcohol and from all its baleful consequences. Without this freedom, we have nothing at all. Periodically, though, we can achieve no liberation from the alcohol obsession until we become willing to deal with those character defects which have landed us in this helpless condition. In this freedom quest, we are always given three choices. Our rebellious refusal to work upon our glaring defects can be an almost certain ticket to destruction, or perhaps for a time we can stay sober with a minimum of self-improvement and settle ourselves into a comfortable but often dangerous mediocrity. Or finally, we can continuously try hard for those steering qualities that can add up to fineness of spirit and action, true and lasting freedom under God. Grapevine, November, 1916, 328, A New Found Providence. When dealing with the prospect of agnostic or atheistic bent, we had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There is no use arousing any prejudice he may have against certain theological terms or concepts about which he may already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter what your own convictions are. Every man and woman who has judged AA and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on step three. Isn't it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to care, protection, and guidance of AA? Already a willingness has been achieved to cast out one's own ideas about the alcohol problem in favor of those suggested by AA. Now, if this is not turning one's will and life over to a new found providence, then what is it? One Alcohol Anonymous, page 93, 212 and 12, page 35, 329, Do It Our Way. In praying, our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solutions to specific problems and for the ability to help other people as we have already thought they should be helped. In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore, we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its real merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, it would be well to add to each one of them this qualification, If It Be Thy Will, 12 and 12, page 102, 330, To Grow Up. Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for complete approval, utter security, and perfect romance, urges quite appropriate to age 17, prove to be an impossible way of life at 47 or 57. Since AA began, I have taken huge wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up emotionally and spiritually. As we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes towards our instinctive drives need to undergo drastic revision. Our demands for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power, all have to be tempered and redirected. We learn that the full satisfaction of these demands cannot be the sole end and aims of our lives. We cannot place the cart before the horse, or we shall be pulled backwards into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first, then and only then do we have a real chance to grow in healthy awareness and mature love. 1 Grapevine, January 1958, 2, 12 and 12, page 114, 331, The Great Facts. We realize we know only a little. God will consistently disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in the morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order, but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact of us. To the newcomer, abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Alcohol Anonymous, page 146. 332, I am responsible. When anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there, and for that, I am responsible. Declaration of 30th Anniversary International Convention, 1965. Dear friends, since 1938, the greatest part of my AA life has been spent in helping to create, design, and manage and ensure the solvency and effectiveness of AA's rural service, the office of which has enabled our fellowship to function all over the globe and as a unified whole. It is not exaggeration to say that under these trustees, these all-important services have accounted for much of our present size and overall effectiveness. The AA's general service office is by far the largest single carrier of the AA message. It is well-related AA to the troubled world in which we live. It has forecasted the spread of our fellowship everywhere. AA Rural Services Incorporated stands ready to serve the specific needs of any group or isolated individual, no matter the distance or language. Its many years of acclaimed experience are available to us all. The members of our trusteeship, the General Service Board of AA, will in the future be our primary leaders in all of our world affairs. The high responsibility has long since been delegated to them. They are the successors in rural service to Dr. Bobbin, to me, and they are directly accountable to AA as a whole. This is the legacy of rural service responsibility that we vanishing old-timers are leaving to you, the AA's of today and tomorrow. We know that you will guard, support, and cherish this rural legacy as the greatest collective responsibility that AA has or ever can have. Yours in trust and in affection, Bill. Bill W. died January 24th, 1977. The 12 steps. One, we admit we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Three, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Four, made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these effects of character. Seven, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. Eight, made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Nine, made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Ten, continue to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Eleven, thought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us, and the power to carry that out. Twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we are now ready to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The Twelve Traditions One, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. Two, for our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God, as he may express himself in our group conscious, in our group conscious. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern. Three, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Four, each group should be auto, each group should be anonymous, except in matters of affecting other groups or AA as a whole. Five, each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Six, an AA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise. Let problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Seven, every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Eight, Alcohol Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Nine, AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Ten, Alcohol Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the AA name, ought never be drawn into public controversy. Eleven, our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anatomy at the level of press, radio, and film. Twelve, anatomy is the spiritual foundation for all our traditions. Ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.