Passed Over for Promotion Questions

When someone is passed over for a promotion, it's important for leaders to ask the right questions. Instead of dismissing their feelings, leaders should ask how they can rebound from the situation and use their strengths for future opportunities. A real-life example is given of a young woman who got a job over a more experienced man. She approached the situation by acknowledging his feelings and suggesting they work together as a united front. This approach built trust and eventually led to his promotion. Coaching is about helping people see things from different perspectives. When somebody has passed over for a promotion, it is really critical you understand your questions and your options for questions. I think one of the worst things a leader can do when somebody says, I'm upset, I'm angry, I feel like it wasn't fair, and you start countering them with, well, come on, you gotta get over it. The guy did the interview, he's a great guy. That's an argument, that's not coaching. So one of the best things that we can do is to ask questions such as, what are you gonna do to successfully rebound from this? What if I were to tell you that resilience will serve you well? How would you put that into action? What's the one thing you've really enjoyed about your current job that we can continue to use as a catalyst for the next promotional opportunity? Those use techniques called framing. It frames their mind to look at the situation from a different perspective. Now, let me share with you probably one of the toughest demographics and toughest situations I've ever had. This is an agricultural firm, client of ours, young lady got the job. She called me up and she said, I've got this guy, twice my age, 20 years more experience than I do in the space, and I went for the job and got it, and he didn't. He now reports to me. And I said, well, how's it going? Well, he doesn't engage in our staff meetings, he doesn't engage in our quarterly meetings. I've heard from other people he's undermining me, and I think I need to address that. And I said, okay, let me ask you something. If you go address somebody who's got 20 years, more experience, twice your age, really feels jaded that he didn't get the job if I'm correct, and she said yes, and you're going to say, I hear you're undermining me. One, what's your objective? And two, how do you honestly think he's going to react? And she started laughing. She goes, I never thought about it. I said, right, you feel the need to address it, right? I said, let me give you something called a psychological interrupt. Let's do something he won't expect, because we're creatures of habit, right? You reprimand him, he's going to start rolling his eyes. She said, you know what? He actually physically rolls his eyes all the time. I said, well, let's sit down with him, and basically I was coaching her on how to have the conversation. Sat down with the guy, and really, as she explained it to me later, did exactly the framework which we intended. Sat down and said, look, you didn't get the job. I got the job, whether fair or unfair. I want to also share with you, if I were in your position, I think I'd feel the same way. And she said, he immediately started to look at her very inquisitively, like, well, I didn't expect this. And she said, you know, I was thinking about something. In a month, I have to meet with my manager, and that spotlight on us is burning, huh? The gentleman says, the spotlight? Yeah, the one that's on us. He said, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're referencing. She said, well, there's a spotlight watching how we're gonna even interact with each other. Wouldn't it be cool, wouldn't it blow people away if you and I were a united front? And I'm wondering how that might serve you to get your next deserved promotional opportunity. She later told me his verbatim response is, wow, I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. And once he said that, she made a brilliant move by saying, look, I get where you're coming from. I don't know how you feel. I got the job. I didn't make the decision. I don't think anyone in their wildest dreams think I'll be your greatest supporter, but I'd like to be, and if I could, it might give you what you want. He said, wow, I owe you an apology. I was pretty upset. She said, no, I get it, I get it. I never talked about what he said to other teammates. And she said, how can I make this, this is a critical question, how can I make this transition comfortable for you? He said, well, quite frankly, I need to make it comfortable for you. You're the boss. She said, still, I wanna know. He said, honestly, when we go to our quarterly meetings, I like to lead those meetings. She said, well, let's co-chair a couple. I would love it. Now, she said, you know I can't take a huge step back because that could undermine what I'm trying to do, yet I need to give you your space if I understand you correctly. He said, yeah. He said, especially when it comes to agronomy and some of the technical parts of what we're dealing with, I'd really like to lead those parts if you're cool with it. She said, oh my gosh, absolutely. Months later, she met with her boss and she called me and she said, what do I do? How do I continue this process? I said, you have your boss call this guy and say, you know what, I just got done talking to Jenny. She raved about you. I am shocked at how well the two of you were working together and she made a strong comment to me. The boss said, John, Jenny actually really wants you to get that promotion and feels you're deserving. I want you to know that. And you know what, I took note of this. Your reaction to this really differentiates you. About two or three weeks after that, he had contacted her and said, look, I talked to the boss and I want to tell you how much I appreciate you and how much you are doing for me and I'm not so sure I'm deserving. She said, look, we're in this together. Different titles, different levels, it doesn't matter. We're still in this together. I will be your staunchest supporter. About a year goes by, he ends up going up for promotion, gets it, went up to her, thanked her and that trust that she created by asking those questions. What can we do to be a united front? What can I do to make this transition comfortable for you? Had she reprimanded him on him talking behind her back, it would have been combustible. Now, do I think she had the right to do that? Absolutely. Yet coaching is about getting people to see things from different perspectives.