3. Satan Transed Our Child

The hosts of the Joytuck Club podcast discuss their recent interview with Maya, a transgender individual who underwent multiple surgeries in different countries. They also touch on the topic of how one knows they are transgender and debunk the myth that it is just a fetish. They provide a user-friendly list of clues to help people determine if they are transgender. They also mention the percentage of transgender individuals in the population and the varying levels of acceptance around the world. The hosts conclude with a segment on positive transgender news. How's your microphone? I think I've got an appropriate distance from my mouth. Yeah, you know, finger and thumb. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah. You know, the same length as they say your penis is. Not after HRT is that? No. Well, no. After HRT you'd be... Let's start. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Joytuck Club, the podcast that celebrates the diversity and beauty of transgender individuals and expressions. I'm Rachel, and with me is my co-host, the beautiful Phoebe. We are also known as Red and Freckles, and are the team behind Too Damp Trans. Say hello, Phoebe. Hi, Rachel. Hey, wasn't that a great interview we did with Maya last week? I don't know anyone who's done so many surgeries in such a short amount of time. You know, like she said, she was speed running her transition. She hit five different countries. She had every operation that we talked about for gender affirming care, and then some. And then she also had the first one that was ever done for a Western trans woman. All the details in the episode. You need to listen to it because it's too much to fit in here. But what did you think? I loved it. It was so much fun listening to Maya. We had some great feedback. A cis friend of mine said to me that Maya's explanations were phenomenal. She was so down to earth, but so emotional about her transition. More people need to listen to understand. Yeah. So, you know, you can find the full hour-plus interview on the Transition Special from, you know, all the normal places. All the normal places. So, moving on, each episode, we're going to discuss a transition topic. And this week, it's starting at the beginning. How do you know you're trans? And there is a simple answer to that. But let's get one thing out of the way first. Some gender critics, those gender criticals and TERFs, et cetera, I'm just bundling them up together, have claimed it's just a fetish, that it's all about cross-dressing. Rachel, would you care to strip this myth down to its bare naked bones for our listeners? I hope it'd be my pleasure. Hello, listeners. This is Rachel, the ghost of Podcast Future, popping back in to say that due to heavy rain while we were recording this episode of the Joy Club, the next six minutes will have some background noise that we only realised the mics had picked up after we'd rapped. Soz. You know, I knew I was different when I was about age six, and I didn't have a name for that. But it manifested itself in cross-dressing. I mean, I'm honest and open about stuff. And back in the day, cross-dressing used to be thought of as a fetish and some dirty little secret. And, you know, but that's just what we've all been conditioned to think. So... Sorry to interrupt. You knew you're trans since you were, what, five, six? No, I know I was different. I knew I was different to all the other boys. Yeah. You know, I wanted to play with the girls. I wanted to wear girly stuff. I wanted to make up and that. So, yeah, I used to cross-dress. It would start out with maybe just some underwear under my clothes. And then two, three weeks down the line, I'd find myself standing in front of a mirror, like fully made up, wearing a pair of heels, wearing a dress. And then suddenly this overwhelming feeling of guilt, crashing, is like, what am I doing? And then you swear off, you chuck away all the clothes, say you're never going to do it again. And then you start up again. That little bit at the beginning is enough to make you feel normal. Yeah. But then it's not enough because your new normal becomes different and you need to feel normal again. This is what we talked about in the very first episode was that transitioning is just about becoming normal as much as we can, normalising our body with our mind, with how we look, with how we feel. Yeah, absolutely. Well, that was great. Thank you. So it's a really good question before we get into answering the main topic is, if you're trans, you're not alone. But how many are we? So transgender identity is generally found in less than 1% of the worldwide population, with figures ranging from under 0.1% to 1.6%. What I did find when I looked into this as well is that it varies very much by region and country. But how accepting they are. Yeah, exactly. Transgender people, yeah. I mean, you're going to put your hand up if you're in, well, a part of the world where doing so will get you thrown in jail immediately or shot. Or worse, yeah. Or worse, yeah. So we do know there's no one way to be trans. People express their identity and their gender in all sorts of different ways. Is there an official way to be trans? There isn't. But there are certain characteristics you can have, apparently, that will qualify you for health insurance and treatment in parts of the world that follow this particular guide. Is that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders? It is. I thought so. The DSM lists six symptoms of gender dysphoria, and if you had two of them for six months, then you passed their bar. You are trans. Congratulations. Do you want me to read the list? Actually, let's not. It's boring and medical. Let's be realists. You mean with a real list? Yes. We've already compiled a more user-friendly list of clues to help you answer the question, Are you trans? Some of these align with the official criteria from the DSM, while others are just experiences that seem to happen if you are. But, in all cases, all you need to know regarding a medical diagnosis is that if you think you are trans, if you say you are trans, you already qualify for the treatment you need. So here they are, and definitely not in any specific order. Let's go. OK, the first one is fantasizing and dreaming about being the opposite gender. I can certainly relate to this one, especially after I discovered the website frictionmania.tv, which is transgender fiction. Yeah. Body swap, magical rings, all this sort of stuff. I spent a lot of time on there. I remember. You sent me there too. Yeah. All right, next one. Choosing a character of the opposite gender in video games. And just to be clear, because the cis will say it's things like, well, you know, I just want to look at that cute ass in front of me, or something like that. Nothing to do with that. No. Body feels wrong. Hating, wanting breasts, feeling like you have the wrong genitals and can't bear others to see them. Tucking in the mirror, wearing extra underwear to tuck or tight tops to bind. Finding excuses to act like the opposite gender, i.e. this was me. Start cycling or swimming so you can shave your legs. Also me, wearing tights as an extra layer because it's cold. Oh, I used to do that with, I'd have business suits on top, tights underneath. Yeah. Being more comfortable with people of the opposite gender. This really struck me when I went from being in all boys school to a year in a co-ed school. And suddenly, you know, I had just exclusively girl friends. And it was fantastic. We hung out, we'd go have coffee. It was a beautiful experience. I envy you. Yeah. Deliberately packing light for a holiday so you run out of clothes and have to borrow your partner's. Is this another one that's just me? I never thought to do that. That's just you. Yeah, every holiday. If you look at my holiday photos, always towards the end. I'm not wearing my t-shirts anymore. Oh, well, how about this one? Envious of people of the opposite gender. And for me, I'm not staring because of any other reason, but I love what you're wearing. Yeah, I feel that one as well. Okay. Not sure if you are attracted to or want to be someone of the opposite gender. Oh, yeah, that's a tricky one. Or both. Well, why not? In my case. Transbience. Not wanting to be seen as having a gender at all. Yeah. Being called effeminate if you were assigned male at birth, or a tomboy if assigned female and knowing you won't just grow out of it. Right, no matter what everyone says. Naturally using the mannerisms and gestures of the opposite sex and forcing yourself to conform to gendered expectations to fit in. That was exhausting. Yes. I always had to control the way my hands moved, my arms flew about and so forth, even the way I spoke. And now you just let them fly. I do. Often into other people's faces. Sorry, anyone who's been hit by me accidentally. Apology accepted. Using or not using makeup when the other is expected. Can't relate to your assigned gender at birth. For example, wondering why others of your assigned gender behave the way they do. It pretty much describes my entire life looking at boys and men getting up to stuff and me just not understanding the point of any of it or why they wanted to. This reminds me of after my head cracked and still having to use the male changing room at work. I was just looking around and thinking I don't belong here. These people are completely alien to me. Yeah, current work. Yeah, yeah, current work. Moving swiftly on. And finally, be a mistaken for gay, which is actually accurate in my case. So even if you relate to just a few of these, you may well be trans and all we can say is lovely to meet you and welcome to the club. There's a lovely tweet that I saved and it's from Laura on Twitter. She's at La Lita and she says, ladies, if he just isn't like other guys, he's really great, suspiciously great, in fact, again, just totally not like other guys somehow. Then that's not your man. That's your woman. She just hasn't started transitioning yet. That is good. Mm hmm. But I think that applies to a lot of a lot of trans people. Yes. Wow, what a start. But we've now reached that time in the podcast where we dive into the murky waters of trans news and attempt to distill the love from the hate and produce a more palatable version of positive transgender news for you, our listeners. Rachel, intro, please. Thank you. That's become quite your signature move. So what news have we extracted for this episode? Here are this episode's headlines. The Golden State makes history by making Transgender History Month official. There's a new Doctor Who villain in town and her name is Posey Parker. Hate pastor convinced the nicknames of the work of the devil and our transing kids. Wait, Red, are you saying people with nicknames are trans? I'll let you make up your own mind on that one, Freckle. Lady Gaga reflexes back. Our first story is California becoming the first U.S. state to officially recognize Transgender History Month, a significant step in LGBTQ plus representation and education. The decision was reached after lawmakers voted in favor of House Resolution 57, not to be confused with Heinz 57. It was originally introduced by Assemblymember Mattie Haney. And beginning in 2024, the Golden State has officially recognized August as Transgender History Month. Prior to this statewide recognition, certain cities in California, such as San Francisco and Santa Clara, independently recognized Transgender History Month. A press conference was held after the vote with participation from Haney and various trans activists, including Honey Mahogany, the chair of the San Francisco Democratic Party and former drag race star. They highlighted the importance of this recognition in the face of violence and anti-trans legislation. Transgender History Month is seen as an opportunity to educate people and counter misinformation and anti-trans rhetoric, because there's not much of that around at the moment, is there? Oh, no. The event also aims to humanize the transgender community by sharing their history, educating others and promoting self-expression and personal liberation, much like this podcast. Absolutely. This recognition adds to a series of measures already taken by California to support transgender citizens, including protections for families of trans youth refugees and prioritizing gender-affirming care. And it marks a significant step forward in LGBTQ plus representation and education. Well done, California. Hey, Freckles. It would seem Dr. Who has a new nemesis in the shape of Posie Parker. She's previously embraced Nazi-era rallies and now has decided to take on the Tenant Army. What's this all about? Oh, this is a crazy story. Anti-trans activist and Queen Turf Posie Parker, also known as Kelly J. Keene, made a contentious statement on social media about actor David Tenant, probably best known for his portrayal of Dr. Who and, more recently, the demon Crawley in the excellent series Good Omens. Parker's remark involved a photo of David wearing a pin with the rainbow pride flag and trans pride colors, along with the words, you are safe with me. That's lovely. But Parker commented, his pin reads, hey, little girl, do you want to see some puppies? Insinuating that he is a pedophile due to his support for the trans community. David Tenant is a long-time ally of LGBTQ plus people, in particular those who identify as non-binary, and he frequently appears in interviews wearing pride pins as his fourth child, Wilfred, identifies as non-binary. Right. But this is not the first time David Tenant has faced backlash from anti-trans individuals for supporting trans rights. He was once called a groomer for wearing a T-shirt that said, leave trans kids alone, you absolute freaks. And his allyship doesn't just extend to pin badges and T-shirts, though. Speaking on the Reasons to be Cheerful podcast back in June, he shared a heartfelt pride message and explained that he's dedicated to fighting that fight for LGBTQ plus people every day. And he said, do you know what's making me cheerful at the moment? It's Pride Month. The fact that Pride Month exists and is flourishing is something that's happening at a time when the world seems to be getting it, in some corners, worryingly intolerant and weirdly backwards. He also continued, we can't take our foot off the gas. We can't expect that we'll always travel in the right direction towards acceptance. We've all got to be fighting that fight every day. So we can expect Cybermen and Daleks at Parker's next anti-trans rally, as well as Nazis. Yeah, they're all going to be yelling exterminate at us, aren't they? No change there then. I've got a question for you. I love questions. Do you hate pasta? No, I fucking love it. Well, hate pasta. I couldn't resist. Henry Schaffer, speaking at a conference run by anti-LGBTQ plus pasta Greg Long. That's a lot of pasta. It is. Claim that giving children androgynous nicknames could lead them to become transgender. A notion I might add that is not supported by scientific evidence. Really? You do surprise me. He specifically mentioned that names like Sam, short for Samantha or Samuel, are non-gender specific and may confuse children about their gender identity. Schaffer claimed it's the devil who allows kids to shorten names, a decision which then sets them on a path towards a gender transition. The comments took place during a Labor Day conference organized by Pastor Greg Locke's Global Vision Bible Church, known for its strong anti-LGBTQ plus stance. Locke has made derogatory comments about LGBTQ plus individuals before, describing them as demonic and perverted and has expressed hostility to transgender people. In February 2022, Locke also threatened to expose six witches who allegedly infiltrated his Tennessee church unless they voluntarily left his congregation. He sounds like a completely sane person. Oh, indeed. So just to reiterate, Schaffer's claims are not supported by the scientific understanding of gender identity, which is rooted in an individual's deep sense of self, rather than the nickname they're given. Well said, Freckles. Thank you, Ed. Okay. Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear that our next story is hate-free. Following on from the report last episode of Queen Bee's Dating Trans Is Beautiful, comes the news of another megastar coming out swinging for the trans community. I've got something to say about trans rights in this country. Lady Gaga delivered a powerful message of support for the trans community in Las Vegas by performing her LGBTQ plus anthem, Born This Way. The pop icon, known for her unforgettable hits and unwavering support for the community, recently delivered a powerful message of solidarity to the trans community during her Las Vegas performance. Gaga has been a prominent advocate for LGBTQ plus rights, openly identifying as bisexual and using her influence to condemn anti-LGBTQ plus legislation and rhetoric. In a remarkable twist, she stripped down her iconic anthem and sang it with heartfelt sincerity, connecting deeply with her audience. Toward the end of her performance, Gaga urged people to listen to the stories of real lives, underscoring the significance of empathy and understanding. I remember her being asked in an interview whether the rumour that she had a penis was true, and she replied, so what if I do? Oh my god. She's truly an icon. Yeah. I think I need to remember to do that too. I mean, what does it matter to anyone else? It shouldn't. It doesn't. No. Well, good on her. You know, Freckles, it's been a while since the gender criticals have boycotted anything because they feature a trans person in some way. Well, Red, your wait is over. Cue jingle. GC boycott of the week. That's awesome. This news is hot off the press and the company lucky enough to not have to deal with these vile bigots anymore is brawn. Yep, this is because they've featured a topless trans man using their Sirius X hybrid trimmers, the shaving accessory for beard hair and head hair, offering styling and trimming from head to toe. The fact that you can see his top surgery scars is what has them foaming at the mouth. Maya Forstater said that promoting the removal of healthy breast tissue is not only shockingly immoral, but it gets advertising standards guidance to not glamorize or trivialize cosmetic surgery. She then continued, Braun executives must have been living under a rock if they think that this campaign represents inclusivity. The reality is that Braun has now written itself into history as promoting social contagion and what will become one of the most notorious medical scandals. They are claiming that the ad goes against ASA guidance that warns against glamorizing or trivializing the decision to have cosmetic surgery. We should never be portrayed as safe, easy, or risk-free. Wait, but it's not cosmetic. I know! They just hate anything that reminds the world that trans people exist. Well, Braun are okay in my book, and as soon as we're done, I'm off to buy a hybrid X to give my lady garden a trim. In Costa coffee? Exactly, while drinking a Bud Light. Oh, wonderful. We're now at the part of the podcast where we'll be answering any transition-related questions or offering information on all aspects of being trans, from how to come out to what to wear when you go out. Gosh, who wrote that? That's brilliant. Some clever person, that's for sure. We should just point out that the content of this podcast is for general information and entertainment purposes only. You should always seek the advice of a qualified expert before making any decisions based on the information provided. Now the boring bits out of the way, can we have the first question, please? Of course! Now, in the future, we would hope that you, our dear listeners, would be sending some questions in, but this week, our questions come from the Reddit Ask Transgender Forum, and the first one is about coming out. I want to ask a friend group to try out a new name slash new pronouns for me. I think one of them is mildly anti-trans, but tends to be pretty respectful, and the others seem pretty accepting. I'm confident that it's safe to come out. My problem. I'm not sure how to build up the confidence to come out. I'm also unsure how would be best. I could just send a message in a shared Discord server, or I could try to talk to people individually. Does anyone have any advice or encouragement for me? Thanks in advance. We were talking about this just the other day. You had a really good answer, so do you want to kick on with that? I mean, it's crazy that we actually have to come out. Right? We have to let the world know, but I get it. For me, when I came out, I had a list of very close family, friends that I wanted to do it face-to-face, so I had an inner circle that I needed to tell face-to-face, close friends, family, even though I accidentally outed myself to my kids on Instagram, but that can be a story for another episode. Yeah, so I did them face-to-face, the important ones, and then my plan was I was going to then let the wider friend group, acquaintances and people that you kind of used to know but don't really stay in touch with, I was going to do that on Facebook. Yeah. I was going to put up a post saying, hi, I now identify as this blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then sort of direct people to a new Facebook page. So if they wanted to follow me, if they wanted to keep in touch, then this is where they could find me. Yeah. But as it happens, I didn't actually do that because I don't use Facebook anymore. But my advice would be, you know, if they're a close friend group, don't do it in a message. You know, the important people face-to-face, and yeah, that's about it. You know, do the people you care about face-to-face, and then everyone's going to find out by word of mouth anyway because once you've started that ball rolling, once you've opened that box, then it's out there and people are going to hear. But yeah, what do you think? I think that's great advice. Also, by face-to-face, I assume, like my family was very scattered. I was in the US, I had to call back to Australia, for example. Face-to-face also, just FaceTime or whatever video calling you use, I think is also suitable if it needs to be. Okay, I was just thinking whether this would be a good time to insert my favourite coming out story. Go on. I think, yeah. So one of my favourite, and you know, this was my favourite coming out ever. Yeah. And it was actually to someone that I didn't really know. We were work colleagues, knew each other well enough just to sort of say hi. But I remember it was a cold, wet night shift at work and at the time I was only out to four people. My wife, my counsellor, HR, and one of the senior management at work. And I was outside in the smoking area and across from me was a co-worker. Her name's Jade. Yeah. Who I only knew well enough to exchange pleasantries, but we'd never really spoken before. You know, because in my previous life, I kept myself to myself. I'd been the grey man, tried not to draw attention to myself and remain unforgettably in the background for most conversations. So we sat across from each other, not talking. And I don't know why, I just, I had a feeling something compelled me to out myself to her. So I simply asked, can I tell you something nobody else knows? Okay, she replied. I think she'd been on her phone and just sort of, now I had her attention. Yeah. So I held my breath and spoke the words, I'm transgender. And, you know, I couldn't have asked for a better response. That's amazing. She said, I want to give you a hug and then stood up and walked over to me. I stood up and we hugged for what seemed like the longest time. Neither of us knew it, but in that moment, that show of trust, that leap of faith that I took, we formed a kind of bond. And it was the start of what turned out to be and still is an amazing friendship. You know, from that moment, Jade has never once dead named or misgendered me. She became my rock, the one person that I could turn to when I needed someone. And, you know, she would downplay her part in my life. And I'm not exaggerating it when I say that I may not be here if it wasn't for her. You know, she's been there for so many firsts. She was the first person who invited me out as Rachel. Yeah. You know, the first time I went into female toilets was with Jade. Oh God. You know, and for that, she was the first person to invite me out as Rachel. Yeah. You know, the first time I went into female toilets was with Jade. Oh God. You know, and for that, and for many other things, I'm eternally grateful. Yeah. Yeah. Get a little bit teary, actually. Uh-huh. Me too. Okay. It's hard to imagine a better experience than that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm just saying, I took that leap. I didn't know her. I just had that feeling. Yeah. And now you've come so close. Yeah. It's not all been one way. You know, I'm there for her. I would donate a body organ for Jade. Oh. Private joke. Yeah. That was marvellous. Thank you for sharing that. Moving on, though, we must. Do we have another question? Yeah, we do. And our second question, you know, the first one was about coming out, but this is kind of linked. So the question is, Hi all. So I recently cracked, and it's seeming more and more likely I could be trans. However, I'm still not 100%, and I'm frequently filled with overwhelming doubt. Despite this, I was thinking that because of the long wait times on a lot of things, could it be worth getting them moving now? And I don't know how I'd feel, knowing I'd potentially waste this time while I'm being indecisive. Knowing some of your thoughts would be super appreciated. Thank you. Pheebs, do you want to take this one? Sure. Okay. So this person is asking if they should just get on with things, because there are very long wait times involved in getting any kind of trans. Especially if they're in the UK, as we touched on in our first episode. Yeah, I've got a really simple answer to this. There's lots of things you can do whilst you're waiting for the healthcare system, and there are things you can do if you don't want to wait for the healthcare system. So firstly, of course, you need to socially transition. That's a requirement for the healthcare in the UK. Is this what? We don't know. We don't know. It sounds like it. All right. The other thing is that they seem worried about jumping onto the list if they're not actually trans. But that's just jumping on a list. Yeah. That's not affecting anyone in any way, because if they decide through the early stages of transition that they're actually not trans, then they just come off the list. Yeah. And the rest of the queue moves forward one space. They're not taking anything from someone, because if they decide instead that they are actually trans, then of course, they've got their place on the list. Yeah. Yeah, that's good advice. I'd just like to add to that, that, you know, being on this list is all part of the journey, and you might actually need to be on that list. I don't know if they're talking about the gender identity clinic and therapy and all this sort of thing, but you might need to go through that to help you work out or confirm what you suspect. Yeah. So, you know, you absolutely have the right to be on this list. It's not like you're a trans woman taking a cis woman's space in a marathon. Thank you. Space number 6000. Yeah, that absolutely doesn't apply here. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to recap it, Dan one? Okay, Zaya, are we going to try and cram anything else into this already bulging episode? That we can't tuck anything further in. Let's call it a wrap. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening, for tuning in and being part of our community. If you want to connect with us further, please visit our website, thejoytuckclub.com, where you can find show notes, resources, transcripts and more, since we get them out. You can follow us on Twitter, never going to call it X. Instagram and Blue Sky, you can find us under the handle at 2DAMPTRANS, where you can DM us if you have any questions or topics you'd like us to discuss. Don't forget to subscribe and rate us on Spotify, Apple or wherever you listen to podcasts. We're on all the popular platforms now. And even some of the unpopular ones. We appreciate your feedback and support. So until next time, remember, you are valid. You are beautiful. And you are Transcending Boundaries.