Chunk 5

The fear of losing people as you become healthy is common but necessary to resist for healing. Not everyone benefits from your growth, as relationships may struggle to adapt to your changing dynamics. Healing can threaten your social identity, making some relationships challenging to maintain. Outgrowing someone doesn't diminish love, but signifies growth and integrity. It's important to acknowledge and process any grief that may arise from these changes. One of the quiet fears that needs resistance to healing is this. What is becoming healthy costs me people. And that fear isn't irrational, because sometimes it does. Not everyone benefits from your growth. When you were dysregulated, your relationships were structured around that. People knew how to interact with your overgiving, your availability, your patience, and your tolerance. When you become secure, those dynamics shift, and not everyone adjusts. When roles change, connection changes. If you were the fixer, the listener, the emotional container, security means you stop carrying what isn't yours. And some people don't know how to relate to you without that role. That loss can hurt, even when it's necessary. Healing can threaten your social identity. Your identity might have been the strong one, the understanding one, the emotionally deep one, or the one who stays. Healing doesn't erase those qualities, but it changes how they're expressed. And that shift can feel like losing who you are. When others resist your boundaries, Sometimes people say they want you healthy, until healthy means you say no, you need reciprocity, you don't over-explain, or you leave sooner. That can activate guilt. And guilt can feel like a reason to stop healing. Outgrowing doesn't mean abandoning. Outgrowing someone doesn't mean you didn't love them. It means the relationship was built around a version of you that no longer exists. And that's sad, and okay. Here's a gentle truth. If someone can only access you when you're dysregulated, they don't actually have access to you. They have access to your coping. You are allowed to change. Say this quietly if it resonates. I am allowed to grow, even if it disappoints people. Growth isn't betrayal. It's integrity. If you feel grief here, let it be present. You don't rush this part.