Test Show 12.7.23

Veronica and Brooke discuss the importance of self-awareness and healing in relationships. They believe that many men remain single and women feel lonely because of certain behaviors and pathologies. They emphasize the need to rescue oneself first with the help of God and the Holy Spirit before finding an appropriate partner. They also discuss the lack of examples of loving marriages in real life compared to the fairy tale romances depicted in movies. They suggest that healing and being true to oneself are important aspects of a successful relationship. They also stress the importance of finding joy and considering future generations when choosing a partner. They discourage the idea of trying to change someone and encourage authenticity in relationships. Hello, everyone. Thank you for tuning in to Sienna Podcast. My name is Veronica, and I'm here with the lovely Brooke. Hi, everybody. My name is Brooke. It's a pleasure. And so, we're just hanging out right now with a glass of wine. It's a lovely evening. It's the vigil of the Immaculate Conception. And we're just taking it all in, thinking about a lot of things. Is there anything in particular on your mind this evening? There's so many things, and this is why I'm so happy that we're together discussing these things. I think, you know, self-awareness is one thing I think about. I still think about getting married. I know you think about that, too. I think about Christmas time, especially, like, being able one day to share that with, you know, my husband, as I know you do, too. And just, you know, what it looks like. This can be a very dark world. And what does it look like now in finding, maybe, a soulmate, or a husband, or, you know, what does that look like? That's a great question, Brooke. What does it look like? What does that look like for you, my dear listeners? Well, you know, for us, we're kind of in a unique situation, and I hope that we can give some of our wisdom to maybe some of the younger lonely hearts out there. We are in our mid-40s, and we've dated a lot of men, collectively. I don't know. It's probably hundreds. We had our good times and our bad times. But I dare to say that we've noticed some pathologies and some behaviors that is probably really causing men to remain single, and it's causing a lot of women to feel more and more alone. And we just want to, you know, help people out of their loneliness and maybe give some perspective and help them on their journey of healing. Would you say that's right, Brooke? I would say that's right. I think primarily before getting, you know, into a serious relationship, I think one of the things that I've learned in my 40 plus some years is how healing is so important. And I think sometimes when we are younger, we tend to be more go with the flow, it's all going to work out. But I think just taking a recognition and an acknowledgement to the healing of relationships, whether it's in the family, whether it's, you know, with a person that we've dated for some time, a partner. But I think that it's key to really acknowledge some of these things that kind of trigger us, I would say. I think the word is trigger and know that I think sometimes in this modern world, you know, I was raised as well as Tessa, I think, in what we would call the Disney era. And, you know, that was just thinking that a man was going to come and rescue you, and everything was going to be okay. But I think first and foremost, we need to think of that everybody's a human being, most importantly, we're all human beings on this planet. And we have to be aware of, we're all dealing with something, right? And we can't always put the men, we can't put the men in the rescue position. Sometimes we have to rescue ourselves first, with God and the Holy Spirit. And I think once we do that, we can bring an appropriate partner into our lives. But Tessa, but Veronica, tell me what you think about that? Are you on my page? Or you have a different outlook? And if you do, that's okay. Well, I think when you're talking about healing, this is a much needed topic that I think people gloss over, and they don't realize that there is something that is healing. I think it might be out of their concept of their emotional life. You know, some people who are very maybe conservative minded and traditional minded, they were taught somehow, somewhere along the way, that you repress your feelings and everything is your will. And which that sounds pretty amazing, that people can just marry anybody and will to love them. That may not be, in my humble opinion, prudent. I think we all see that there's a major devastating marriage crisis. And it's all across the board. It's not just one group of people. People want to be happy in their marriage, but they're not. And some people just stick it through and carry on, which can be absolutely virtuous and heroic. But what about the children that see you and your spouse as an example for marriage? And I'm thinking that that's probably what happened to the millennials. They look at these miserable marriages, and they, I am imagining that some of them just don't even have any hope, because they just, how can they see in real life, what a loving marriage even looks like? You know, are there even examples of this in real life? So on the TV, we see a lot of like the fairy tale romances. And a lot of women love the Hallmark movies. But they're not real life. You know, people, the funny thing is, when you see these people in the Hallmark movies, they are so articulate with their feelings. Does anybody really do that in real life? When you're dating or married, you, you know, succinctly and concisely describe exactly all the nuances of your feelings in like, I don't know, two minutes or something. And then the other person understands and they make up and everything's great. I think it's much more complicated than that. And so, Brooke's wisdom on getting healing, I think is something for people to really consider. Yeah, and I think, you know, when you're talking about all this, the wisdom, and then it's also compiled with what is, you know, masculine and also feminine energy. I think that art of, you know, what it means to be a woman in this world is a very great gift. And what it means to be also a man. And the two are such beautiful creations that, you know, it's an art and it's a dance, one might say, right? And I think, I wish they would have taught us this in school. Four years in high school, right? Absolutely. Or, you know, community college and classes we take. You know, I think this was something that needed to be taught is how to deal with relationships because relationships are the most important thing you'll ever have, right? Exactly. Absolutely. Everybody's wound at the end of the day is they don't feel loved or they're afraid they're not going to be loved unconditionally. We all know that ultimately, God is love and we should rely on his love, but he did create human love and human love does reflect our impression of our relationship with the love of God. So, I think when you're considering marrying someone, I think it's prudent and wise and charitable to think about future generations and what you're getting yourself into. Am I marrying somebody who gives me joy and brings me closer to God? I say joy for one reason why I say joy is because joy is a reflection of Christianity. So, if you don't have joy in your life, there's something that has to be healed and if you don't find joy in this person that you're going to marry, I'm not, I don't really understand how that could be fixed. You could get a miracle, but if you know better, you probably should not marry that person. And I also think that women and men, they sometimes enter, I know I've been this person as well, you enter into these relationships thinking, well, it's going to be better a year from now, maybe two years from now, maybe six months from now. But really, we're only accountable to ourselves and what God can do through us to think that we could change this person, bend and mold, fix to our liking. It's, I think, very irresponsible in a way because these are people and they come as they are. And I think everyone's always had their best behavior, to be honest, but then the first few years or months of dating somebody, would you not say that, Veronica? Yes, thank you. I think that's typically true, unless, sometimes you have a real secure person and I don't know how they get that security. They must have been really unconditionally loved and had somebody really present in their life and a lot of support throughout their life that they could, they really feel confident in just being themselves to most people. And when they're vulnerable, somehow they can still really be authentic with themselves. I mean, that kind of person, I think, probably does better in a marriage because you know what you're getting when you marry this person. But for most people and probably throughout history, I don't know if that's really been the case. I think women were kind of going to get screwed and everybody knew it if they didn't have a husband. So there was a lot of pressure on the woman to behave in a certain way that probably did not reflect her personality. And so when the man marries her a little while later, he's like, well, she's not the same person who I married. This can go the other way, too. I think a lot of women marry a man and then they see, she sees his true colors and his personality is completely different. So I think you have to encourage people to be honest with themselves, to be who they're created to be. Yeah, be who they're meant to be and to shine in the light, even their flaws to shine and be accepted, too. And that other person, I think, will help you along the way. Most importantly, they'll respect you because we're all human beings, but they're not going to change you. I think what happens is people think, I can change him, I can change her. And that's when all of the things are revealed after a few moments in time, right? That, I didn't marry this, this is not who, this is not what I signed up for. And I think if people go into the dating or the courtship as, let me just be myself fully, it means there's mud on my boots, or maybe I've got something in my car that I haven't cleaned up, right? Or, you know, maybe my gym bag's in my car from the day before, and I didn't take the gym bag out. You know, this, this, this need for perfectionism, I think, is everyone's trying to be so perfect and on their best behavior. And I think, show everything, show who you are. And who God would love you to be. Be proud of that, even if you have dirty socks in your car, I don't know, whatever's in your car, your old coffee cup. But, yeah, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid of, I think it's, don't be afraid of rejection. You're better off just getting rejected immediately. And let it, and you know, okay, this is where I stand. This guy doesn't get me, or this girl doesn't get me. Let it go and move on. And I think it's way better in the long run. I often think about that, that movie. What was that movie with that girl? It was, not How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but it was, he's just not that into you. Yeah, I know, right? I remember rewinding and fast forwarding and, well, the movie came out, it was on DVD, maybe even, I don't know, VHS too, right? And just watching this movie and thinking, this is the answer. This is all this playbook, all these rules of how I can get a sustainable relationship. And when you think about that movie, it's kind of sad in a way, because people are kind of settling for, you know, something that is not what they deserve, in a way, because of these rules. So, yeah, the funny thing is, okay, I'm trying to remember when this movie came out. It probably came out around 2010, right? So, 10 years prior to that, the rules, that book written by those ladies, came out. And that really profoundly affected me, because I was trying to find someone, I was internet dating, I was doing all the things, and I felt pressured to read these rules and do all these, you know, so I, okay, in retrospect, I think the rules were a mix of manners and a mix of manipulation. And some of them are good manners, like, don't accept a date before, whatever, Wednesday, if he's asking you on a Saturday, that's fair. I think those are, like, good boundaries. But some of them were, like, I can't even remember, I think I blocked it out, because it was so weird, but, like, always act aloof, right, and not interested. And I was thinking, well, that's not being my authentic self. If I'm interested, I want to behave how I behave when I'm interested. I mean, I'm not exactly, like, over the top. You know what I'm saying? I'm kind of shy. So for me to read that, it would give me so much anxiety. Because I didn't, I just want to be myself. But they're all telling me not to be myself. Like, I'm never going to get a man if I'm myself. But that's also a lie from the deceptor himself. I think so. Telling you that, you know, you have to behave a certain way. And let's be fair, we can only, I mean, we're not out in Hollywood acting on stage and Broadway and all these things. We can act, but for how long can we put up the mask or the facade until, you know, people say our true selves. I think, like Veronica's saying, it's being your true self and holding true to that and being who God made you to be. Yeah, so let's dive deeper into that. Sounds good. So is it possible that maybe there are people in your family of origin that would affect how comfortable you are with being yourself? I would say so. I mean, I think, you know, trying not to bring people into this podcast and hold respect still. I think family of origins, it's a tricky situation because you come into this world, you only know so much, right? You only know so much from the previous people that were here before you give you that information. You don't know what's true. It's almost like the game of telephone. And then you have to find your own deduction by reasoning and think, well, is this true? Is this not true? Whatever the family drama is or whatever the family case is or story or whatever it may be, you kind of have to do your search on your own. And I think that search ultimately leads you back to Christ. It leads you back to God because he's the truth. I think origin is key. You have to find out what the patterns are in the family. You have to find out maybe if they're destructive patterns, maybe if they're, you know, great patterns, but you've got to figure out where maybe it starts from. And you've got to figure out who had it and maybe using prayer and, I don't know, protective prayer. The bad things. We want to hold the good patterns, right? We want to keep those. Right. Because those prosper us, right? Right. I wonder, though, if sometimes there could be dominating personalities that prevent us from even knowing ourselves. Because I think it's St. Augustine, he said, know thyself. That's got to be a thing, right? Maybe it's just an exercise in and of itself to get to know, like, be honest with who you really are. Right. What do you think that looks like? A process of getting to know yourself? I think it's, well, like you said, you have to have the support and love first in order to show yourself or the acceptance of who you are. Okay. I think it's hard, you know, when you're young because you could be forced in these social situations you may not want to be involved in because you maybe are an introvert or maybe you are an extrovert. And your mom wants you to take part in, I don't know, a school play. And you're like, I don't know if I can do that. Right. Because I'm not feeling it, right? You're going back to your feelings, maybe. You know? So I think in some generations it was very common to ignore your feelings like your feelings are worthless or stupid. However, I think that Catholics really have been more developed in recent years, at least talking about this, that feelings inform you. So you don't always have to act on your feelings. True. But you can consider, you should consider the feelings that you're having. So if you're really feeling uncomfortable with, you know, doing a play or something at school, you should really work through those feelings and find out what is really going on there rather than ignoring them and forcing yourself into something. I agree. Right? Yes. And I think that we can find, people find themselves not knowing who they are, like you say, because you grew up now, you're forced into this. Maybe you're forced into the play. You never wanted to do that. You're forced into going to the college you didn't want to do. It's a box that keeps on opening. You're forced into the career maybe you didn't want to take. Because I do think children, and I do think when you're young, God is very present there always and speaks to your heart and tells you intuitively, you know, one might call it your gut instinct of, hey, this is what I want to do. Right? This is what's going to set the world on fire or make me feel amazing. I mean, it might not be easy, but I have the grace and patience to do it. Right? Right. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Okay. Well, we are coming to an end here. I think it's time to kind of wrap things up. Do you have any, like, closing thoughts? I just think always stay true to yourself. And if you have, you know, God and the Blessed Mother are there to sustain your choice, you know, pray to them for guidance of, you know, where you're supposed to be led and what's going to ignite your world and help others and help yourself and setting the world on fire. I love it. What about you, Miss Veronica? Oh, well, I don't know if I could have said it better. I absolutely, this is like a new concept for me of really getting to know yourself and being yourself instead of trying to become what people want you to be. But I've been there so many times, so many of the dates I was on throughout, you know, when I was in my 20s, I was, you know, I was feeling pretty good about myself. But there were some toxic people, unfortunately, that pushed forth a narrative that really rattled my self-confidence. Nevertheless, I would date and feel like I couldn't really be myself. But at the same time, each date, I felt like they already had a preconceived judgment on who I was. And if I went, if I were to just relax and laugh a little or do something that's really myself, they would clearly, you know, I would feel like I wasn't myself. And I would clearly, I think, I'm very sensitive. So I could pick up on that. I wasn't fitting into who they wanted me to be. And it made me feel very uncomfortable. So of course, I wouldn't go back out with that guy. And so I guess I just, looking back on all these things, I never want to be in that situation again, that I can't truly be myself. I think it's that important. Super important. And we value and love the self that you are. Thank you. Yeah. It's been a pleasure. Thanks again. And thank you all for listening. I hope that this was inspiring and helpful. God bless you.