Sean & Ewan Arrogant vs Humble Leader body

The speaker reflects on their experience as a leader and acknowledges that it is rare for leaders to admit their own shortcomings. They emphasize the importance of self-reflection and being open to the possibility of being a bad leader. They discuss how leadership extends beyond just business and can impact various aspects of life. The speaker shares a personal story about their own struggles as a boss and the negative impact it had on their team members. They discuss the danger of having high expectations without considering the human aspect of leadership. The speaker recognizes their past mistakes and the need for growth and improvement as a leader. I I'm a terrible leader. How many times do you hear that from an actual leader? Who sits and thinks, you know what I just really suck at this and nothing's going the direction I want it to go and it must be me. That's a rare comment. The irony of this statement is that a good leader would actually say the words maybe I'm not a good leader. That's the first key is exploring the possibility that maybe you might be wrong. I'm not just talking about business. I'm not just talking about maybe leading friends or a sports team. I'm talking about your family, your relationship with your your church, your your wife, your kids, your husband, leaders. Everyone is a leader in some area of their lives and you can determine whether you're good or not with the response and the reactions from other people in your life. So today we want to discuss that the what it looks like because it's very subtle. Again no one says to themselves I'm a terrible leader. It's just not we don't think that. We're biased and that cannot be true. We all have areas to work on but it's so important because it impacts the people you're around and when they go off to go do their thing with the next person your impact has impact on that person even though you don't know him. It knocks on and Sean has mentioned as many times in previous episodes his his story his origin story where he had a period where being a boss was very difficult. He even called himself a terrible boss. I don't know I wouldn't say terrible but he says that it was very difficult and he did the self-reflection. He must have said to himself at some point things are not going well. I'm seeing the response. I'm seeing the results and they're not what I want. People are doing this and that's an indication that something must be going on over here. So without further ado I've said all that like what I'm saying to Sean what it was hitting you there and what we can get into. Yeah so a lot of things I mean I think leadership is everything and then over the years on building these businesses and companies and having team members and employees come and work for me it's really forced me to level up quickly because if not then what ends up happening is employee turnover. People despising or almost. Wow that word right there that's a heavy word. Yeah. What makes you say that? Well just in internally right so if I was the leader that was like it's my way or the highway. Yeah. Right and so to a certain degree because I had the one track mind like I thought I knew best then I would just dismiss everybody's ideas around me right that would bring up stuff. You just picture this you know everyone's been here first off no one is just an amazing leader right off the bat right I mean even people who are just natural to them maybe they are great leaders at some point they must have dealt with what you just said right like you're just not gonna hear what someone else says and can you think of some moments and I'll share mine too of when you just didn't listen and you almost see that I don't know if you call it the look in their face or the their body language or the tone like what do you feel like what have you felt in those moments do you remember how people are or I'm very curious what you're I'm looking at your face I'm looking at your face right now. Man reflecting back there was one event that popped up I'm sure there's been dozens and you know what's interesting is I'll know I'll probably have team members listen to this and people in my life. It'll be the biggest commenting episode ever. I love it though. The cool thing is they all tell me to this day like I'm just I know. I've seen it as your best friend like I mean it's been inspirational. Thank you I appreciate that. So yeah there was one instance where I had this this awesome lady I've had some awesome people work for me and the insurance company and just to get some context so I'm 36 and my first business has been open for nine years which is incredible. It's crazy. Which is cool because business has fell within that eight years. It's gonna be ten years man. And I contribute to my team right my team awesome customers shout out if you're listening to this. It's all because of you not because of me. And so this was probably five years ago and when I remember having these meetings with with with these awesome team members her I'll leave her name out just in case you know for privacy but I remember she was awesome she was fantastic she did everything she was like by the books like probably one of the best employees I've ever had I had ever had. I've never heard this story you never told me this. And she was just to go get her. She would show up early she would leave late and she worked through lunches she would do whatever it took to get things done and reflecting back it just makes me sick thinking about it because in those moments I didn't even though she was working hard I knew I was working hard but it was my expectation she was almost it was almost like because it was my business right and so it was almost my expectations like you should be working harder than me. And it makes me sick thinking about that and saying that because that's not that's not the case right. You hear that a lot that owners of businesses or people have a portion of ownership in a company and they may look at their employees and be like why are they not working harder why are they not putting in the effort well it's not their baby right like they're not rocking it like it's they've created this thing when you see someone else's child you know you're like oh there's great little child probably have fun with them you play around because you know how to play with kids but it's not your kid they're not coming home with you you know so you're not clearly not as intentional with that kid as you are with your own you know and I see that comparison when you're not when you don't have that ownership in a business yes like you yeah you may love it you might even follow that leader you may even bleed the color of that company but it's still not yours and you'll never have those intense nights and thoughts that the owner does you know so it's an impossible expectation that's what I heard right there is like you you were expecting me like like she owned it up to your level yes like it was almost her business yes but it wasn't and so it's yeah so what did you get out of that like realizing that the reason that context is important because when we are having our morning week we had our weekly morning meeting and she was in there sitting across the sitting across the chair from me with my other employees in there that was the worst part about it is these other people were seeing it too and at this point they already knew a little bit about me and they knew my expectations were high my standards were high however that's just an excuse that is the wrong approach that was the wrong mindset and so that with that context and that mindset the problem with that is that is all I concentrated on is you should be up here you're not and you work for me what about the other employees that were there at the time in the room but did you have to expect same expectation 500% it was the same expectations for everybody across the table and so in my mind it's like how we do one thing is how we do everything and if you're not meeting the expectations what I what would happen with anything would come out of my mouth and what I mean by that is is that when my mind was focused on this the macro of this is how we do things this is the standards this is the expectations yeah the problem with that you in is that's what I'm focused on so we're focused those energy flows however you forgot human beings right yeah yeah hundred percent they're not they're not their souls it's like they get bypassed right like it's like you see the mission and here's the thing with you and I know there's a number of other people big hearts like you care about those people you care about their their well-being there they're everything like when you think about them you do but when you're not thinking about them and just the goal it's easy to forget and once you forget them well then they become like a pawn or a cog in a machine and that people don't work like that and as you as you know man it feels stifling like the breath can be taken out of an employee's lungs with when you because it feels like a squeeze yeah right I mean so anyways sorry keep going the breath hasn't been taken out yet mm-hmm oh my good how many people were in the room for at least four it was it was a pin drop could be heard oh yeah okay goodness oh and this has happened multiple times yeah and so we were talking we were discussing they were challenging this one lady was challenging me and this was five years ago now I accept challenge I want people to challenge yeah you're looking for people you get mad if they don't I know well but if you challenged me five years ago it's a recipe for disaster that's a horrible mindset as a leader yeah it's a boss you have to be open minded as a leader and I didn't understand this at the time when this lady challenged me I was focused on the external I wasn't focused on what she said I was focused on that she was challenging me and if you challenge the threat level went up yeah it was a fight or flight yeah and it was something along the lines of my job Sean that I'm doing at this agency nobody else can do I said I'm gonna argue with on that could be replaced by a VA those words came out of my mouth yeah and I remember as soon as I said it my heart and soul dropped and I didn't know at the time subconsciously I was like this is not what this is not what I this is not what it should look like no but I didn't know any better yeah I didn't have no you don't know I didn't know what I didn't know I didn't have I feel like I didn't I never had somebody to mold with good leadership you know like what did it look like what did that role model on that leadership look like what did those conversations look like humility humility right and I didn't understand all this at 30 31 years of age but I knew it wasn't right I knew as soon as I said that and I saw the look in her face that it had crushed and it crushed me yeah when I had said that and so now it fuels me inside to live out my life and be a role model in the leadership space because other people out there doing that right now yeah they're doing that right now saying those things not it's not what you didn't want to say it it just happened to come out because you didn't have that toolbox or the emotional IQ at the time to handle that situation you just knew what you knew and so there's a lot of leaders out there to probably still do that oh yeah and are not you care you know you actually care and so that you hated that moment there's a lot of years out there that might not even care yet you know until they start seeing well here's here's a good segway that you know what was the result of all this you know well in you and I didn't even you have to understand at 31 even though it was so young yeah to be leading it was five years ago right but in the moment when I said that for a split minute of like that wasn't good I shouldn't said that I never corrected course and I never said I'm sorry I should I should not have said that yeah that's that's that's a problem yeah so she went away walked away with her tail between her legs think about what I did with them never resolved and so the biggest key ingredient component now that I realize is like we as human beings we're going to say stuff that we don't mean right or maybe we do mean I don't know but if it comes out of your mouth you need to do two things you need to be one apologize and say what you're gonna do moving forward yes right and this is what I try to work on or take a minute before you want to say that yeah and say hey hey let's postpone this meeting whatever they yeah I think we also bring off emotion yeah yeah so if I didn't I would have self-awareness yeah that was a passive take a break let's take a break and come back yeah and so I think it's just knowing oneself because I think we as leaders and business owners we get all this pressure in these different angles entrepreneurs entrepreneurs business owners leaders mothers and fathers yes right husbands and wives it's the same thing right because you're getting in these pressured environments and so we're flying off the seat of our chairs with our emotions with the fly to fight how we feel and we say things we don't mean but we can't take back yeah because you know the other employees are on the table once they saw that she did that yeah they're never gonna speak up even even though they might be feeling it inside which what is that it's a pressure cooker yes like just ready to pop or they're gonna leave because if they don't like what's going on or there's an issue going on and they saw what happened last time to that person they're certainly gonna speak out so there's no outlet yes they just feel the squeeze they feel like there might be that cog or that pawn trying to get a result and they're going to check out you know you're not going to get that that's exactly what happens they check out yeah they check out so that takes your question on what happens is they check out maybe not that day maybe that's the next day maybe not the next week but over time they will end up checking out and they'll leave well I think what's important to to discuss here is that when you said oh you know what a VA could replace you yeah your thought process there was was there an element of this it's a very skewed element but oh this will motivate them they better get going it's like a fear based if you don't I could replace you so you better get the job done type thing you know or what was it it was the context was it was coming from a place of this what I'm doing be grateful for yeah because if you're not it was be you better be grateful for it right type of situation I'm like well yeah you know and then instead of like you're right yeah I said I'll just get a robot which is what which which was the wrong which is how you you must have viewed it right so they're getting treated like a robot yeah I got like a cog and a wheel we've talked about this in previous episodes and you know what's interesting is that it's one thing to not say it but you can't even as a good leader you can't even think it yeah it's not a good enough to just know I don't say those things to Mike I know I believe that could replace them but I wouldn't be good if you you can't hide what you truly believe it will come out in your tone your your energy or vibe it comes out so you have to not just change the way you show up with your words I mean but it's got to be the belief your belief in what you do now you don't even have to say anything you can see all the wrong things and all the wrong ways but your belief that you what you're saying now is that you do listen and you have their backs even if you said it wrong they know what's going on they know the score that's beautifully said it's such a beautiful place to be in they say a lot of sleepless nights hard work behind the scenes and just a huge shout out to the people on my team right yeah we've talked us for behind the scenes yeah because it really does come down to like the mutual respect mutual understanding and now I've shifted from that arrogant leader that thought he knew it all to dismissing ideas not collaborating yeah collaboration you know with that you said if you'd had someone to lead and show you you would have seen it and probably adopted because you do and whoever you hang around with or whoever you look up to you kind of do those things or you're either gonna learn humility from someone or you're gonna learn humility through pain which is the suffering of your business right things aren't going that well so so you get forced to be humble so to have that humility like you had to learn it through all the the negativity so it's one way or the other and that goes to speaking to someone that might be resonating on the side or man I don't I'm not acting the way I should the humility that openness the letting go not squeezing is letting go of control is actually giving you the control that you actually want for the endgame we think if we squeeze hard we'll get the results but who wants to be squeezed no one and so how do you get the result that's nothing that's the problem people don't know how to get the result because they haven't got the toolbox yet and you went to town and figure what that toolbox is and then we were talking this earlier you create spaces for people to be their best version you don't tell the who how no no you got the who because they already know how you just you just tell them this is what I want I'll get tell you how to do it why would I do that if I need if I knew I needed to tell you how to do it you probably aren't the right person I needed to get and or I might be stifling an even better result because I got you because you're so good at that thing I'm not good at that thing so why would I tell you how to do the thing that I don't even want to do myself you're perfect for it this is the result it's all you need to know go get it free you are free to be if you got something to bring to the table I'm all ears right that's the place I want to be you know as opposed to no no you need to do it just like this you step out of line trouble and you fight me on it slap of the hands right that's a then the check out you know there's two ways to look at it from a leadership standpoint what I've learned in my leadership in the last decade the first way is when I was having those conversations it was because I that's all I knew I wanted my expectations my standards this is my way or the highway that is all and I saw that human transition into all walks of life friends family relationships yeah and now the other way I look at it is is IV I'm more self-reflecting I'm more aware and I'm more intentional about how can I serve you what can I do to serve you today you know that what every husband and wife bickers if you say you don't then you're lying yeah but what is true is that to me a major indication of great relationship and humility and great leadership on both sides is the lack of bickering and the increase of understanding and dropping the ego and so it meant to me that have you noticed that over time like the victory between you because you're on the same team now right like if they trust you they're not going to bicker with you and you have to work on yourself to get to that place of where they trust you so much that they can mess up and not feel like they're about to get scolded right as a leader have you know if you notice with you and Kendra that there's less bickering yeah I'm just curious like have you seen that yeah so with us like it's funny because me and Kendra talk about all the time like about the smallest little things like it's not big fights like you hear the yelling and well the escalation the yelling and then and then and then fine you know and but what do they argue about right that's what that's what fascinates me is it's about getting squeezed from yeah finances never about the argument it's never about they're like why do you leave the dishes dirty when I it's not about the dishes like oh whatever it is it's never about it's the buildup of all the stuff behind it yes and and once you get rid of all the stuff behind it well then those things don't come up you know right like what I found for my own self and from a leadership standpoint is even at 36 years of age like I want to say it's got easier but I've just gotten more intentional because the fact of the matter you is that these situations pop up because not only am I leveling up so I'm going to face more challenges and obstacles and problems yeah that makes it is because I'm not staying at the same level so when you level up and when you become whether you scale a company or you get or you bring on new challenges within your marriage whether that may be new goals new vision you know whatever that may be you're leveling up your marriage and so for me it's it's these other levels and being intentional about it so the answer question like with bickering it's like if something like that pops up we do everything in our power to recognize it within that moment yes it's condensing the time if you're used to bickering that's kind of the go-to but as you you build more and more you become a good leader because I believe it is the man that needs to drop that ego first and be that good leader because then the woman can feel secure yeah also be an equal leader in the relationship because it is equal that thing a lot of people think I'm the boss yeah right you think you're the boss the man you are not a leader you know big that man I was gonna say that big difference between the boss the CEO and a leader a leader is a concept a boss a CEO that's a title right a leader it can be anybody a leader can be an eight-year-old who makes good decisions and a 40 year old might see that you know so for me me and Cal my wife you know we had our stages we've been married for 19 years and we bicker and this is all many years ago we've worked on ourselves so much in Russia that like when we start bickering it's so foreign to us I'm like what is happening this is not our state of happiness our love for each other and I have her back so much that we almost never argue but when we do my the last one we were in it was a while ago but it was during while I was saying that I was like no but then you I said something like but then you'd such this and blah blah and you know what I'm doing right now is that I'm arguing with you and I need to drop my ego right now and I'm really sorry so I got was in the sentence of argue with her and dropped it I was like kick can we just I'm sorry let's hug and we hugged step back kissed her and said oh I don't even know how we got sideways like it's my bad take a breather and then she apologized immediately for whatever I don't even remember what it was but it just was so smooth and we got right back to where we were before and it's been forever since we've been in an argument because we're so focused on the only thing direction which is that is that not what all leaders and bosses and CEOs should have like we're all in the same direction and we don't want the conflict if it is gonna be a conflict it should be a positive version of where you don't want yes men right you want that you want that lady that works for you to do that yeah if I need to do my job and as a leader you want people like that you want them talking back to you so that you can level up together it's like a healthy version of it it's not some stifled ego battle it's like no the mission is this and I believe to get there is this and and and you also believe that's the mission and then you can actually step back I think she's ready to get pretty good idea yeah this person is gonna get us to where we want to go yeah anybody else want to join in you know and so that's good leadership you know and I see that from you all the time yeah it's great leadership and I always say my I'm a imperfect action taker because it's not it's easier said than done right I know there's listen I know there's people listen to this like man okay look easier said than done you don't know what they said you know what they did you know whatever maybe yeah and so kind of like what's your story with Kel it's like you never said what she said or what she did but you're like I'm just gonna drop the ego right here that's one thing I've challenged myself all the time is is to be the one that drops the ego and the pride and first in and because because if you don't no one else will yeah right you have to assume that so that's fascinating and so insightful and I believe that wholeheartedly that is so true like think about all the situations that you've been in if you're listening to this with an employee with a family with a friend with a sister brother maybe even your spouse and who's dropping it first yeah you're it's typically not you right or maybe it is and it took me decades to learn that like I've got to be the first one to drop that yeah and I'll be completely transparent it sometimes gets exhausting dropping it because I'm the type of guy in my temperament first time you notice about me like I'm a challenger like I was you know yeah but now I've just learned it's like it doesn't pull your piece it yeah long term yeah exactly sit with your piece if you don't drop it then it's gonna burn yeah later it's never gonna leave you it never leaves to sure I mean when the I mean when was the thing I mean when the battle but I lose the war lose the war yeah you know and that's what happens yeah and that's the same thing with employees like I mean one of this battle but what happens she left I lost the war yeah right yeah so like you said it's very easy to say right it's a conceptually to look back like oh that's great but in the moment it's the feeling the feeling of the wall going up the feeling of being attacked yeah the feeling of I should be fighting right now because that's all I've ever known it's all I've ever been taught is to to not get not even win but to not get beat right by this person because they're trying to dominate me by saying I'm the problem I'm the reason behind this when as soon as you start resisting what they're saying you're not listening to what they're actually saying and so you're missing the whole point you're just thinking you're getting attacked so you fight back what they're actually trying to tell you is I'm struggling I'm having a tough time and I don't know what to do so it comes out in an aggressive type form and then you got just two people battling man typically feels disrespected woman typically feels unloved when that's the crazy cycle I shout out to I forget I think it's I mean I think it might be yeah yeah yeah the crazy cycle and it's so true like if a woman feels unloved she will disrespect the man and the man needs respect and you'll show a lack of love and it just goes around around so cutting that out makes it makes a big difference so so what would be one piece of advice that you leave are somebody that's like experiencing this saying look I get it it's super hard I understand I dropped the pride the ego what's one way to do that even the macro and to remember this is to remember it all you want everybody wants the best outcomes like you want everybody wants the best no one says I want this to go to hell in a handbasket no one says that but it does the reason it does that is because of control squeeze you that the leader is afraid of losing control not getting the result and so when they don't the toolbox to get it they squeeze but they don't realize it's the polar opposite and you can't argue that because looks what happens when you squeeze no one has ever been squeezed before you have ever squeezed your team or your employees or your loved ones to where they have to do for some that it turns out well it just doesn't it ends up what happens you squeeze things break they burst this they scream the key the golden key to remember is that to let go to let people be free is how you get your result this is very scary because if you're not in control you think I don't control this it's not gonna happen it's not gonna be the way I want it to be but the opposite of that doesn't work like to squeeze doesn't work so you have to let go to let people be free because then they find their passion they feel that that openness to be the best version of themselves and then you will get actually 10x more than what you ever thought you could get so everything you said you can narrow it on the head and I'm gonna don't tell right off that what I would say to that is if you can do that you can drop that ego drop that pride and allow them to do what they're best at you know you as the leader whether it's in your marriage or whether it's in your business with your employees my number one mindset is that I'm intentional about and I'm not perfect at it but it has got me where I am today five plus years later and I've had the same people in my life same on the same team members and I apply this to my marriages what can I do to serve you how can I deserve you how can I serve you and what I mean by that is is like how can we get you closer to your goals how can we get you closer to what it is that you enjoy doing on a daily basis yeah you want four days a week to work cool what do we need to do to get you there yeah you want to you want this financial income cool what do we need to do to get you that servant you're being a service servant yeah that that's proper leadership dude I command biblical because a lot of people say the man is the head of the household right and a lot of people took that over years that even if you don't believe in the Bible right like but if you just read that the men think I'm the boss you do as I say that's you know I'm not sitting the couch you bring me my dinner right that's because I'm the I am the important one what the Bible is saying is that the man is the leader of the house he is the servant it's true leadership lifts everybody up first so ultimately the the the leader should be getting the dinner for everybody else yeah the man should be looking after all those aspects so that everybody else can do their thing that they're good at right so that it's a it's a team it's a network right and so you saying that as a servant leader servant driven leadership I think there's a group called that let me look that up servant driven leadership and it's the only way to leave there is no other form of leadership there's that or tyrant yeah and how well does it work out for tyrants you know so man what you said is the servant leadership man you nailed it dude yeah I think that's a good one to leave on no they can focus on less than a sec with being a servant to their employees to their team members to their spouse to their to their kids I think that will will pay huge dividends in the future that's really allowed me to shift my mindset and apply it this day is it perfect absolutely not but when I noticed my old self coming up I flip the switch because I've been both the you said it earlier what do you call it yeah I hire it arrogant leader versus humble servant leader and I choose humble servant leaders every day of the week and that's releasing the reins relinquishing the control and allowing them to shine where they shine and people will tell you they'll tell you if you're a good leader or not you don't need to look inside you look outside how are they responding to me yes are they measure because there's no other your opinion does not matter they will tell you in their actions their words their energy you know they'll tell you right off how you're doing as a leader and another covers it for the sake of time so I know we're wrapping things up I feel like another episode maybe if you're listening to this another episode that I have in mind would be for leaders that are like yes yes give me more give me more and maybe it's along the lines of with okay cool we get it we can work on being a servant leader humble leader what if there's no results you and it Sean level up and live what if there's no results we're not getting results they're not falling there's no consequences or I'm sorry they're not falling when I hitting the goals we're not getting the vision they're not doing their job their tasks I don't show up and be a servant leader but still show up and be humble because it's very hard for me to do that when they're not doing their job maybe that's for another episode we don't we got answers for that yeah we need answers yeah we can keep going on and on yeah level up and live man level up and live a man let's go