Episode 7

In this podcast episode, the host and his wife discuss the concepts of temperaments and personalities. They explain that temperaments are predisposed traits that are typically unchangeable and can determine how we interact with others. Personalities, on the other hand, are influenced by factors such as upbringing, education, and life experiences and can evolve over time. They discuss the four temperaments: sanguine (cheerful and outgoing), caloric (ambitious and confident), melancholic (thoughtful and reserved), and pneumatic (calm and easygoing). They emphasize the importance of understanding and embracing our own temperaments and those of others to improve communication and relationships. You have an opportunity every day with every person you encounter to either hurt or to help. Today I have brought my wife, Kendra Myers, in to have a conversation with Sean Myers on the Level Up podcast. So let's give her a hand of applause. Welcome, Kendra Myers. And he was the only one clapping. Hi. How are you doing today? I am good, a little nervous, not gonna lie, because somehow you have convinced me to join you on this podcast. Well, that's okay. I appreciate you being here today. And I'm nervous, too. So no matter how many times you do this, whether it's public speaking, whether it's working out, whether it's talking about temperaments on a podcast to audience or to a microphone in this case, I'm still nervous. But that's what makes us human, right? Exactly. So today we're gonna be covering temperaments and personalities and the difference. Kendra, do you wanna kinda touch on those? Funny thing is, I guess I kinda just realized what the difference was between a temperament and a personality. I knew growing up, I am who I am, and you have to deal with it or not deal with it. And you'll learn about why I just said that in a second when we talk about the different temperaments. But the temperament is kinda like what we are predisposed to, like our eye color, our fingerprint. It's something that's typically unchangeable. It's something that usually is gonna either draw people into a spotlight and on the stage, or it's gonna be something that's gonna make that one person wanna work in a cubicle, be in their own space, quiet environment type thing. So do you see yourself being in a cubicle and not talking to anybody, just leave me alone by myself? Oh, Lord, no. Okay. I think that, I mean, honestly, since you just asked me that, I think whenever, so I'm a teacher for those of y'all that don't know. And when we hit COVID and we went virtual, and we had to work remotely and kids were not checking in and things like that online, and I was literally sitting on a Zoom call with myself, I realized very quickly that I needed something with other people and something that I knew I had a purpose with. So no, definitely not a cubicle office for me. And something about the temperament, too, is you don't really choose who you are, and you can't really change how you're wired, though many of us try. And yes, you will learn that maybe your temperament might change a little bit over time, but when I say that, it might, you're still gonna be your dominant color for the most part. It's just that you might start seeing other qualities because you're growing and evolving as an individual, if that makes sense. Yeah. Man, I wish I would've known this because we're both in our 30s. It would've been nice to know this in our teens and 20s. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Right, knowing about temperaments, whether we were ready for it or not, the different seasons of life, just understanding the difference between the temperament and your personality. You wanna touch on a little bit about the, so you touched on the temperaments. What about the personality? So the personality itself is more so how you display your thoughts and your feelings. Maybe you display it specifically because you're the baby in the family, like I am, or maybe you're the firstborn child, or what education you have, or your experiences in life. And over time, ultimately, your personality is gonna develop and evolve and constantly change, for the most part. Maybe not constantly, but it's gonna change. If you kinda think about who you were in high school versus who you are now, whether you're male or female, or what part of your life you're in now, I can almost guarantee you that something has made you change. I was actually just talking to a girl the other day, and I went to one of those drink places to get a protein shake. And she was like, yeah, you know, I graduated from high school. I'm not sure what I wanna do. And we were kinda talking, and I was like, well, it depends on what you wanna do. If you wanna go into college or higher-level education. And she was like, okay. And she was kinda asking me the benefits. And I said, well, one thing that school will do for you is kinda help you develop and mature and grow, maybe get you out of your comfort zone in certain levels. And I think you can kind of attest to that as well, when you went. Because I know Sean keeps telling me, so when we've been learning a lot about each other the last couple of months, and he keeps telling me, he was like a shy, timid guy in high school. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Because he was the loudest, he was louder than me when I first met him. So to think of- Life of the party. Yeah, so to think of him being shy and timid is different. But I was trying to tell that girl, you're going to evolve over time. It's gonna help you change. So what was your personality in high school? So you were outgoing, outspoken, life of the party, people wanted to be around you, you were nice to others? Looking back, I think I thought I was something that I was not. And I think that the perception that I had from others was different. And people that went to high school with me might say yes or no. I tried to be very nice to people. I tried to always include people. But then I also was stupid and young and dumb. And I remember one girl specifically told me, well, Kendra, I remember one time you pulled my chair out from underneath me. And I was like, what, why did I do that? And I guess I thought that that was so funny. But looking back, that's not funny. That's being a bully, right? And so I think I've changed. I think I still try to include people. And there's certain things that have still stuck with me. I mean, I was very involved in high school and I couldn't sit still. So I'd definitely say that that's kind of still the same way as I am now. But I feel like I have matured and I wouldn't go pull the chair out from someone and make them hit the ground. Yeah, you've just become a better person. I can attest to that for sure as well. Well, I don't know, you would pull the chair, you probably wouldn't put a chair around. I've seen some TikToks that I want to try on you. It's all for the love. But hey, the key is to learn from it, and apply it what you're moving forward. So that's the difference between the temperaments and the personalities. And Kendra is right. She hit the nail right on the head. I was shy. I was timid. I think I mentioned that. If you go back to episode one in the ground story and listen to my background, my life map, and where I came from as far as growing up with my parents, I was a shy, timid, they kept us in our bubble. And so you can go back to episode one and listen to that. But that's what kind of helped me when I went off to college. It helped me mold who I am today as far as the experiences, getting outside of my comfort zone, my element, and really challenging me. And I do want to say something too, because I know, because I teach high school, I actually do personality tests and stuff like that with my kids at the first of the school year just to kind of see who they are and what I'm working with. And to give you some clarification, the four temperaments that we're referring to and the words that we're coming from, like and we're saying in today's episode, is from the book, I Said This, You Heard That, by Kathleen Edelman, and it's actually on Amazon, so if y'all really like it. And we can reference the link in our bio for the episode as well. Okay, cool. So yeah, so you know where it's coming from, just in case, we didn't just make this up. Yeah, so Kendra, what are the four temperaments? Okay, forgive me if I say these wrong. You're forgiven. I'm really good at pronouncing things wrong. If you're taking notes, make sure you write these down, because you can go over this, and then also make sure, like Kendra said, go order the assessment so you can go over it with your spouse and your close friends and family. This is a game changer, guys, so take notes. Okay, so the first one is a sanguine. Okay, it's also referred as like a yellow personality, so it's based on names and colors, which helps my brain, to be honest. Traits of these people, they're usually cheerful, outgoing, social, they're optimistic, and they're super lively. They're usually the cheerleader in the room. Do you know a couple people like that? I would say that I kind of used to have more yellow, but I think I've dialed it down, because it's kind of not exactly what I wanted to be portrayed as, if that makes sense. I do know some people like this, and there's a couple tips that the book gave us, too, about these temperaments. It's embrace your extroverted nature and sociability. Like, you are full of enthusiasm and energy, and it can be contagious and positivity. People do like that, and it can impact those around you. However, there is something that's kind of like a negative mindset, I guess you could say, is you do have to be mindful of your impulse behavior of like, you know, maybe pulling chairs out from under people, thinking that it's funny, stuff like that, and remember to also follow through with your commitments. Like, once you make a commitment, you have to follow through with it, because sometimes it was said, like in this personality, you just kind of want to do what's fun, so you might not think about what you've already committed to. That's right, and the reason we're bringing this up is to be mindful of this temperament. You sanguins out there that are people and fun, I have a few friends in my life that I love to be around. Sometimes it can be too much for the opposite of that, and we'll get to that here in a second, but like Kendra said, just being mindful and aware of that temperament and these other temperaments that you can apply in your life when you're dealing with different types of temperaments of people. Okay, and then like, caloric? Caloric, that's right. Caloric. Okay, so these are like the red personalities. Traits for these people are usually like ambitious, they're confident, they're very decisive, they're assertive with what they want. In this one, they usually use their natural leadership skills to motivate and guide others, but sometimes their strong determination can be an asset in achieving goals, but sometimes it can also come off as like being over-controlling, bossy, or aggressive in the approach that you're using, kind of like, hey, I want you to do it this way, or like, we're gonna do this, and you kind of don't really take into account what other people are wanting to do in that situation, if that makes sense too. Yeah, so what I'm hearing you say is that these folks are really, the language of it is power and control. Yes. Do you know anybody like that in your life? I mean, if there was a mirror sitting in front of both of us. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So what you're saying is that I am caloric. We both technically are. We both are, and on the point system, so when you guys take the assessment, there's a point system, right, and the higher the number, the stronger your temperament is in that, and that's your lead temperament. So mine is a 20, I got 27 points, guys. Out of 40. Out of 40 points. So basically, that's more than half right on the caloric. And sometimes you might even notice, though, when you take the test, like you, for example, I got my niece to take it just to see what she was, and it was interesting, so I'm like, hey, there's no right or wrong answer, just take it and see what you did. This girl scored 11 on three different colors, and I was like, how did you do that? She's like, well, I guess I'm a well-rounded person. I'm like, I mean, maybe. So, and that's the thing. You might have something, and there are people that might score the same exact on two. So my number one is the red, the caloric, but I actually, on my second one, because usually it's like, you have a dominant one, and then, oh my gosh, what is the word when it's like not dominant, but it's the next one? Secondary? Yeah, like your secondary trait. Usually it's like one color, right? Well, my secondary is actually split between two. So, and then there's one that I barely had any points on. So, yeah, so that's kind of our point, but yeah, that's the caloric. So they usually have natural leadership skills, and that kind of is probably why I don't know some of y'all that probably do know us, they've told us like, oh my God, y'all are a power couple. Like, y'all can do so much and all this stuff. Well, we didn't really understand what that meant, but it's because we're constantly taking charge, being out there, not being aggressive, but like, kind of aggressive. Yeah, well, and that's another thing, too. This is probably for another episode. I'd love to have you back on, Kendra. Maybe. I'm sure our audience and guests would love to hear your voice again, and to dive deeper on some of these temperaments in our own marriage, because, man, I'll tell you what, we've been together 11 years, this is June of 2023, and married for five plus years. And one of the things that we struggled with in our marriage, not to dive deep on this, but it was our communication. And so when you have two calorics, two temperaments in your marriage, that can cause a lot of ram, like going at each other, and two people in control. And so if you lack that communication, if you lack that understanding of the temperament, so maybe in your own marriage, with your own spouse, when you are not aware and mindful of your own temperaments, there's a reason behind the scenes, and maybe you're unaware, and maybe this helps shed a light. So we would just encourage you to help understand those temperaments, so you and your spouse, or your friends, your family, or mom or dad, whoever you're trying to communicate and understand each other better, to understand where that person and where they're coming from. Because now I understand that, hey, my wife's a caloric, she's trying to, her language is power and control, and so I resonate a lot with that, so I have to be cautious, I have to be patient, and I have to kind of take a step back when we're communicating. Right, and I mean, and there's different, so when you do this test, there's like a whole lot of strengths and a whole lot of weaknesses, and just because Shawn and I are both red and caloric, doesn't mean that we value the same thing. So for example, there's like four innate needs for each one of the colors, and it's loyalty, sense of control, appreciation and credit for work, for when it comes to the red or the caloric. And if you look at Shawn and I, which two did you say were your innate needs? It would definitely be loyalty and sense of control. Okay, see, and I am the exact opposite. I kind of do like to be in control, but I'm fine with letting other people be in control as well, as long as they're kind of doing it like I want them to do it. But more so, if I look at those four innate needs, my two that would really stick out for me is appreciation and credit for work. And when I mean credit for work, I'm not meaning like, yes, I have to have my name on it, but I sure don't want to do all the work, and either someone not say thank you or acknowledge it, or if I do all the work, somebody else take credit for it. So that's kind of more, I guess, important to me than controlling the situation or loyalty. Yeah, makes perfect sense. So, okay, so that's kind of a lot about red. So if you're not red, then I'm sorry. But the next one is melancholic. So this is actually blue. These people are usually thoughtful, analytical, they're reserved, and they're also sensitive. So, What's the opposite color of the blue? The opposite color is yellow. Okay. No, is it blue and red? No, no, no. It's yellow. Okay. So, yeah, the yellows kind of make the blues a little nervous. Okay, that's right. Okay, and then like, usually if you're red, you either have a little bit of yellow or a little bit of blue. So like, for example, in my case, when I said I have two colors that are my secondary, yellow and blue are both mine, because you can't see it obviously, because we're on a podcast, but up in the left hand corner is like a yellow, the right upper hand corner is a red, below it is blue, and then on the bottom left is green. So when you're diagonal from a color, it's somebody that might conflict or they might, it might be harder to get along, right? So blues and yellows, it's a little harder for them to get along. Greens and reds, it's a little harder for them to get along. So that's kind of the opposite. But when it goes to the blue, the melancholic, they usually have like an intro perspective. Nature allows you to see things from a different perspective. They embrace your creativity. They are very creative people. I think that's part of the blue that I tend to have, because I like creativity. You do typically express your emotions and thoughts. You're cautious of overthinking and negative self-talk. And you usually find a healthy outlet for your feelings and to talk about things. So you're more sensitive. That part is not me, but that is blue. Yeah, what's interesting too, would you say, like for me, like I like perfection order, like a clean garage, a clean car, a clean inside. But at the same time, like I struggle with, I struggle with the expressing, sometimes the emotions and the thoughts. I don't think that's why. And I think that's why you're so high on red. Yeah. Because the clean and the order is good. But it's still going to be kind of falling to the red category. Yeah. Do you tend to overthink things? No, I don't think enough about things. I'm definitely not an analytical person. Yeah, and in the melancholics, they tend to overthink. And they have the negative self-talk. And I'm actually pretty good about that. I don't really have negative self-talk. Yeah, and I do have friends, I won't mention names, but I do have friends that are in this blue and they tend to think a lot. And when you think a lot, you get paralyzed and you overthink and you don't take action. Correct. Now, the last one is pneumatic. And that is going to be the green. So this color is usually the color that kind of doesn't get along well, I guess you could say. It's harder to get along with reds. Okay. These people are- The green is? Yeah, because they're the exact opposite of us. Right? So we're red. That's right. We're aggressive, we're power and we're controlled. The green, exact opposite. They're calm, they're easygoing, they're super patient, diplomatic. They usually are able to remain calm under pressure and they can be great assets in resolving conflict and creating harmony. They usually want everyone to kind of get along. And harmony looks different for everybody, right? It could be chaotic, but as long as everyone's not screaming at each other and it's still chaotic and everybody's being loud, that's fine. But once they start screaming, it usually will irk the green person. They usually use their diplomatic skills to mediate, not meditate, mediate and bring people together. However, they also have to make sure that they express their needs and they avoid being overly passive in situations where their input is actually essential because typically the greens, if they're put in a situation, like one of this example was like this guy went through a drive-through and he's usually like, okay, whatever. And he's easygoing, whatever. But just all of a sudden, he kept having to repeat his order to the drive-through person. And then he just lost it. And he's like, you know what? Just cancel my order. And he drove off and he like blew up and his wife was like, what are you doing? And he's like, I just had enough. And so like, that's the bad thing about the greens is they're super easygoing, but once you push them enough, like they're gonna explode. So you have to be careful. And as greens, you have to realize, like you have to talk and put in your input and share your thoughts and your ideas before explosion. Yeah, I have a friend like that that he and I was sharing some of the temperaments and the other day actually, and he likes food and when you mess his food up or you take too long on his food, it's kind of the same way as like, man, ticking time bomb, like don't mess with my food, get it right the first time. But if you don't, then it's only a matter of time before they bring out. True, and I know we're kind of like already explained what the temperaments are and stuff like that, but one thing that I really encourage you guys to do is to get this book and to take the temperament test. Not only has it helped us in our marriage and like understanding what strengths and what weaknesses people are, but one of the things in the workbook is you are supposed to figure out what your five strengths are and your five weaknesses. And so it tells you to ask one person, but I encourage Sean and I to do it differently. We asked five different people that were close to us, whether it be our moms, our sisters, our friends, whatever, we asked each other and we got to see what other people saw as our strengths and our weaknesses. And one thing that I realized is like all of my friends, they had the same strengths and weaknesses for me, right? They were like, okay, well, you get things done. Actually, I think everybody said I got things done. Make it happen. But they were like, I don't know, you're kind of bossy or you're really impatient. Well, my mom's, I say my mom's, my mom, Tammy, and then Sean's mom, Tina, they both did it for me and theirs were completely different. Like they weren't, I mean, my mom said I was bossy, but I think anybody can say I'm bossy. But there was some things that I saw is like depending on who I was talking to, my temperament might kind of be dialed back or be more aggressive in some situations. So what I'm hearing you say is depending on the situation and who you were talking to, you were using a different, it was a different temperament almost. Yes, but also too though, it's not even necessarily who I'm talking to. If you look at my best friends that did the temperament test like they were more so blues and yellows, which are right beside me, right? And I love our moms, but they're more green. Yes. And so depending on who I'm talking to, but also their color choices, my personality is different based on their personality. So like if they're a person that's like, hey, we can do whatever. Well, yeah, I'm gonna make the decision to do stuff. I'm gonna seem a little bit bossy because you're not giving me your idea. So I'm gonna come up with them all and then we can just do them because they're great, right? Yes, yes, yep. Just kidding mom. But you get it. So it's just something to think about because you can also look at it and also it helps you realize like, what is their temperament? And so you can be more cautious and conscious of your weaknesses so that you aren't destroying the relationships with those people that are opposite of you. Because to be honest, if you look at your closest like five people, whether it be family, friends, whatever, they're probably all different colors. I highly doubt you're all the same color. And so you really need to figure out what weaknesses and strengths you're gonna play on or use during the conversations or those relationships with the other people. Yeah, that's so powerful. In my opinion, I'm not an expert. I couldn't agree with you more. In the 30 plus years that I've lived, I wish there was an audio or a podcast or something like this with assessments out there. And I'm sure there was, but one of our goals is to bring more awareness and be more mindful of assessments and workbooks like this just to help flourish those relationships and ultimately help you become a better version of yourself. So just remember in closing that these temperaments are just a generalization, right? And most people possess a combination of traits from multiple temperaments. And so kind of like Kendra explained, even though she was in her high 20s, I was high 20s, we still have other, like her seven, she's in a seven in blue, seven in yellow, and then six in green. So, and then like her niece, our niece, Madison, who had 11 across the board was just, almost well-rounded in the temperaments. So just being aware and mindful of these different temperaments is a game changer in becoming the best version of yourself. So obviously the goal is not to fit into a specific category, right? Not all red, not all blue, not all green, but to understand yourself better and capitalize on those strengths while working on the areas that may need improvement. Like for me, if I'm at a 27 red, strong and powerful, that's how I show up in conversations. So me, personally, I try to work on calm and harmony and perfection and order in some of these different areas of life that helps me with peace and understanding where the other, these, dealing with other people when I'm communicating with them. So just, go ahead. One thing I also wanna say too, though, is not any of these temperaments, none of them are bad, or you shouldn't necessarily want to be a different temperament. But one thing to think about too, and this is kinda why I do personality tests in my classroom is, when you're building a group of people or you're trying to do a team or come together on something, you're typically going to want one person of every color or every temperament to be in your group because you're getting to see all different aspects. There's gonna be one that's more analytical, there's gonna be the born leader in the group, there's gonna be one that's gonna make it fun, and then there's gonna be one that makes sure that everybody gets along if you go through all the different colors. So ultimately, the goal is to not try to be a different color, but to surround yourself by people and embrace the other colors. Well, that's good. What about even in business too, right? Oh, absolutely. If you had a business and you had a team of 10 people in business, because a lot of people that listen to us are entrepreneurs and business folks, if you had 10 calorics, right, all at 10, you'd be going at each other all day long, right? So you have to have a balance. And God, if you had one green in there, that poor green green one probably is hiding in the corner. So for you greens out there. Run. No, I'm just kidding. But it's just, you know, that self-awareness, ultimately, it can lead to personal growth and it can actually make you more harm, harmine, harmon, how do you say that word? Harmonious. Harmonious. Yeah, harmonious in relationships. In relationships with others. So like, just everybody's more in harmony, right? Obviously that's not one of my characteristics, I can't even say it. But it'll help you get along and it'll help you grow together as a team, I think. No, 100% agree. And I will say that it's interesting because in our life group, we are the only couple out of about 12 that we know we've asked, we're the only two that are the same color. And everybody is always like, oh my gosh, y'all are both reds. And we're like, yeah, it is. And don't get us wrong, like sometimes we butt heads and when we butt heads, we butt heads. But the whole point of this was to start learning and how to grow and how to not butt heads with the person that's the other, like the same as us, if that makes sense. So I think that it's really helpful to understand it and be aware of what your strengths, your weaknesses are and how to communicate with those around you. Oh man, you hit the nail right on the head. And Kendra, thank you so much for being on this episode today. I really enjoyed your company. You're welcome. Absolutely. Well guys, thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Level Up with Sean and Kendra Myers. 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