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Communication Body

Communication Body

Sean MeyersSean Meyers

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In a room full of people, it's important to listen and ask questions rather than dominating the conversation. Asking questions shows genuine interest in others and helps build connections. People want to be heard and understood. Genuine curiosity and attentiveness are key to successful conversations. It's important to focus on the other person and not just talk about oneself. By asking questions and showing interest, relationships can be strengthened and deeper connections can be formed. So imagine a room, and there are say 50, 100 people in there, and they all have their hand up wanting to say something, because they all have something to say. They've got these life experiences, they know something, or they're excited about something, and they love it, and they can't wait to share it, and they have their hand up. They turn to tell someone, and they see that person with their hand up, also wanting to speak. Can you imagine both people trying to talk at the same time? It's just nonsense. It wouldn't go anywhere, because no one is listening. So imagine there's 100 people in that room, all have their hands up. You put your hand down, you turn, and you start asking that person with their hand up, what do you want to talk about? What is it you have to say? You will see that person smile, the eyes light up, body posture changes, and you start listening and being involved in what it is that they have going on in their lives. You will very quickly become that person's favorite person. I remember when I was at Enterprise Rent-A-Car back in the day, 12, 15 years ago at this point, it was a game that I would, by the time I picked a customer up and dropped them, or got back to their branch or dropped them off, I would know everything about them. Where they lived, where they worked, what their kids did, their childhoods, and my whole goal was to have it to where they didn't know my name. So by the time I got them to their destination, they wouldn't want to get out, because I was so involved in their world, and made them feel so good by listening and asking questions, that it was fascinating for me to watch just how the power of asking questions and being in someone else's world, how people just, they would love me. People would bring their wives back, or they're like, hey, this is the guy we met. But they would barely remember my name. And if I was to ask them, what is it that you like about me? They wouldn't be able to say anything. They'd be like, well, I like, I don't know. I don't know anything about you. And it was all in my game. I love them. I know them so much. They don't know anything about me. I know everything about them, and they would love me for it. So I just always found that fascinating. So today, we're going to talk about the three things where you can have a controlled conversation, take it to where you need to go for a win-win. There's not some manipulation, but you can very easily manipulate people doing this. But that's not what we're going to want to go down that road on. But can you speak to some of this, Sean, yourself? Yeah. And hold on to the end, because we're going to be sharing a bonus. Yeah. So we're super excited about that. And I will contest everything that Ewan's saying. So I'm curious. I know he's got a story to tell on where all this started. Because what you just said as far as asking the questions and learning about the other individual on the other side of the mic or in person and in the car, this all started somewhere, right? This wasn't, I don't think you've always been like this as a baby, correct? Yeah. I think just growing up, I think I was shy. I had lots of friends. And kids would all come to my house and knock on the door, like, hey, do you want to come out and play? And so I was able to attract people doing that, because I was one of that fun. Like we always talk about, I always had that energy, like, have fun, let's have a good time. I'm just focused on going forward and having a good time. And then as I got older, and you mature a little bit, and you want to start dating girls, well, you're going to have to have a few more tools in your bag than just having some good energy. I remember this one girl. At what age were you? Man, I want to say I can remember back as early as like 12, where I started to feel like, I like this person, and I had no clue what to say. It was so awkward. It was so, and I think it might have been a bad habit at the time, but I hated awkward silences. There being nothing said, the anxiety would rise, and I'm like, I've got to, someone needs to be talking here. I don't know where that came from, but to me that was, okay, if that's true, if I don't like awkward silences, how can I get this going? How can I, and really I learned just asking questions. Probably from a young age. I even talk about my kid, my son. He's an excellent question actor. I write down some of his questions. Some of them I, and another game I play, just to go side note, is how do I, how can I ask a question that the person doesn't know the answer to that has to make them think? So in case you're listening to this, that is the first hack. The first tip is asking questions. And if there's anybody that I've ever met, and I've met a thousand plus people in my life, probably hundreds of thousands of people, right, if I, all the network and social media and everything, Ewan does it the best. So listen in, hone in on this, asking questions is his number one strength, I feel like. And if you know Ewan, then you know that he asks some questions, and then he asks another question on top of a question, which allows you to dive deeper. So speak more on that. Which is the magic right there. I learned that asking questions, well here's, here's, a lot of people feel like if they talk, they control the conversation. That's just not, that's not true. Here's, here's a story here recently, you know, I'm training for this marathon, and I was at a, an event, and I was talking to someone, and I broke my own cardinal rule when I started talking about myself. Something popped up, we're talking about fitness or something, and I was like, hey, I'm training for a marathon. And I could feel it in my soul, I'm like, here we go. So, you know, while I was moving, and I just watched them, I was looking at the eyes glazed over. Yes. Because, why do people, why do people not listen to other people? Because they want to be talking. They want to be talking about what they enjoy, what they like. So if I'm talking about what I enjoy, there's a solid chance, vast, vast majority of people do not want to hear anything about you. That's right. So that's a, that's a skill to, to learn right there. I was talking to my daughter earlier, she's 10, and I'm helping her understand this skill that, because then you're like, well, do I ever get to talk? Do I ever get to share anything? You do, but only with the special people in your life. Save what you love to, to talk about it with people who actually care, who want to be involved in your world. It's probably going to be a fairly small circle, but most people do not want to hear what you have to say. And I think that's an important note, too, is the ones that you want in your life, right, if you find yourself, they're typically going to your inner circle, your tribe, your community, the ones that, you know, you keep close to you, they're going to ask you questions, right, and allow you to go down the rabbit hole. I almost don't know what to do when someone asks me that. Oh, I know what you do. I flip it real quick. Well, no, you tell me, what do I do? Oh, man, you go, everybody knows that, watch this, like I even shared about it on our retreat this weekend at, in Colorado, I was like, man, when Ewan gets talking boy on something that he loves, that he's passionate about, he just opens up a can of worms, right? And it goes back to the same thing, it's like, even my personality and my temperament, I try so hard to dial in, and like you said, me and you could spend days, hours and days together, and yeah, when it's something that you enjoy and you're passionate about, and that kind of speaks to what, when you ask questions, the only way you can find out about somebody is if you ask them a question and dive deeper on, and what allows them to pull it alive. Yeah, it's so true, it's all psychological, because people want to be heard, kind of like it's fine, they have their hands up, they have something to say, but, so do you have something to say, but they're not going to hear you, and if you're going to have a chance of them listening to you at any point, you're going to have to put a whole bunch of deposits in their bank, right, to where they might want to hear what you have to say, and even then, most people will not really care, they just, as a sad fact, I wish the whole world could be just nothing but people wanting to know about other people, but it doesn't work like that, people want to be known, and so, it is a skill, and once you hone it, it's a fun, beautiful world, right, because you get to be inside other people's minds, learning about their lives, and being, and here's a big part of it, you have to be genuine, you have to be curious, you have to really want to know, and even if, well, and we could use the, I will mean yours, and I bring this up, like, if it's about, let's say it's a 19-year-old granny, we're talking about her hobby of knitting, well, could there be anything more boring? Well, I would agree that would be super boring, but this is a human being on the planet, she doesn't want to hear a single thing I have to say, right, so why, I could talk to this granny all day about what, a marathon, she's not going to connect, she's not going to care, she might ask me questions, that would be a beautiful day, but I know the vast majority of people won't, so, as me as a leader, I will step in and ask her the questions, okay, so knitting, you love it, tell me more, what do you like to knit? Sweaters, interesting, is there different types of wool that you knit? So now I'm curious, now I just got married to knitting, what is the best quality of material that you could get? I don't know what that is. Such a great question, well, let me explain to you, three hours later. Yeah, she would light up, I'd want to know, I'd have to be genuinely curious, well, how much, this would very much interest me, I'm interested in the value of things, how much would that, like, llama wool from Tibet cost? Well, this ball of wool would cost $30. Oh, that's $30, that's interesting, okay, so, I thought it would have been more. So, you know, just all the questions, but you know what, her world will be completely different, but time, our time is up, like, if we're in an elevator, or on a bus somewhere, well, there's no buses in the States, but, wherever we are, we're in a waiting room at the doctor's office, by the time I'm done, and I've got to go see the doctor, she's got to go, that woman will not want to leave, she'll want to stay talking because no one is listening, right, it could be a 16-year-old talking about a skateboarding, like, trick that he's working on, okay, you're asking all the questions, follow-up questions, that kid will absolutely not want to leave your presence, because no one's asking those questions, right, so, you're building this, you're being curious, and you're in somebody else's world, and, to me, that's just a, it's a beautiful thing, right, and, again, when do you get to talk? Maybe you don't, maybe, maybe you just, like I said, you have to, you do get to talk at some point with the people that love you, but reserve it for them, because no one else is interested, right, you can't make anybody listen to you, and it's a lonely, sad world, and people, I see a lot of people walk around, like, they don't have good connections, because they're too busy talking. Yeah, what if you, somebody's listening to this, and they're like, okay, cool, right, and so, in their mind, if you don't do it genuinely, right, and you have an angle, or if there's an agenda, that's a different mentality, right? Yeah. So, in my mind, like, I'm sitting here thinking, like, asking questions to a little old lady, right, and so, in my mind, it's like, I'm doing this because, well, I want to make her day, or I want to make an impact on her life, or maybe she doesn't have somebody else that has the skill set, right, and so, for me, I try to tie it to a purpose, or a mission, so, it allows me to stay, remain in the pocket, and remain poised, and present, and in the moment, because if I have an agenda, and I'm not there, like, I'm just checked out, right, I'm just asking the questions, and going through the motion, but, you know, if you're struggling with this, and you're listening to this, like, ugh, like the little old lady, right, and so, for me, it helps when, if it's not you and or Sean talking about Level Up and Live, or something that we, you know, could talk hours and hours and hours on, it's something that you struggle with, for me, I tie it to, okay, well, for the next 30 minutes, for the next 15 minutes, I can sit here and designate this time to make an impact on this lady's life, because she's not guaranteed tomorrow, or maybe nobody else has done that, right, create that safe place, create those questions on top of questions, and so, just tie it to, like, okay, maybe, yeah, maybe, it's gonna make the biggest difference on her, right, and for me, am I doing it every day? Yeah, you do, you do. Yep. Yes. Yes. 100%. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Only you would know, right, because, yeah. Yeah. It's not sustainable. Yeah, if you're manipulating, it's not sustainable. Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Exactly. Why, why is that? Mm. Mm. Mm. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. Mm. Right. Yeah. And what I'm also hearing you say, too, is you're very self-aware, so even when you do talk about subjects that you really love, that you're really passionate about, even with me, right, and our mastermind group and the guys and coaching and stuff like that, you ask a question, you allow them to dive deep on, and then you're like, oh, man, it triggers you, and then you start talking, and then you catch yourself and find yourself going, oh, I need to drop, you know, I need to go back to, it's about them. And you're so, if anybody's, you're so good at it, right? Just the last, like, with the mastermind group and doing it in our guys, I see, like, you come alive, like, when you ask them the questions they dive deep on, you can dive deep on, and to me, that's how you build that deeper connection. And then when you build that deeper connection, and if you're listening to this, and whether you're a business owner or somebody, you know, just in daily life, right, whether it's your wife or spouse or kids or whoever, you ask the questions, then you're allowing them to open up and then find something. Be intentional and be self-aware about finding something that what they say, then dive deeper on, so it just allows you, because people like doing business, and people like people just in general who they know, like, and trust. Well, how do you do that? You have to master the communication, which is the second thing, which is, you know, complimenting people and allowing, empowering them, inspiring them to feel good as well. Yeah, I mean, what is wrong with making someone feel good? I mean, especially if it's true. I don't know why we don't do it more, like, just for the sake of stating that something's Like, we reserve that, right? Like, if someone's doing something awesome on social media, if someone does something awesome on wherever, why would we not be, like, phenomenal? Why don't we? Again, I think it's just that Why are we so selfish? Why do we just want to talk about ourselves? Because we're egocentric, right? Our nature is, number one, my life, I am God, right? In your own life, you are in control of it, and so it would be against your human nature to say, I suck at everything all the time. Even movies, like, you can just They say it themselves, you know, they still have something to say. Man, sometimes those people have the most to say, and that tells you something right there. Man, you know what? Something interesting about a lot of it. If you have to say something about yourself, that tells you something about yourself. First sign. Yeah, I try and, I'm coaching my kids, helping them realize, like, it's good to be confident, it's good to have pride in your work, and if something is true, if you're the best at something, you can say, I am the best at this, because that would be a true statement, but you have to be very careful, you're not going to be arrogant about that, right? Because that turns people off. There's no one to be around that version. It's just excellent, right? It's telling you it's excellent. You want to be so good that you don't have to say it because other people will say it for you. Actions, right? Actions speak louder than words. It's the old saying, it's like, don't listen to what I say, watch what I do. Yeah, that's right. Being so humble, because what a magical combination, being the very best, and complimenting other people, that's the person I want to be around. I want to be around a person that's like, I've got it all, I know best, and they are the best, right? That's, okay, we get it, you know what I mean? And you do a phenomenal job at this, because you put in all the time, you're up there in the spotlight, you do so many amazing things, and I've never heard you say, I'm the best, ever. Well, and here's why I don't say I'm the best, right? Because one, I feel like I've surrounded myself with individuals like yourself, that pull, that allow me to level up, that also sharpens my iron, and it pulls that out of me. To me, that's a beautiful relationship, and if you have somebody like that in your life, that pulls you up, and that lifts you up, right? Because when you say pedestal, when you say podium, I'm like, well, it's because I have awesome friends like you. And that's the way I look at it, you ask me good questions, if you go back and listen to our last 40 plus episodes, Ewan's asking questions, Ewan's really like, hey, let's dive deeper on that, the way you just answered that, and you've done such a good job at that. And that's the person I want to be around, that's a shining example, and that's another reason to be around a mastermind group, people who can be vulnerable and compliment. That's it right there, complimenting someone else is someone being vulnerable, and when people are vulnerable, people love that, because it's real, and they let their guard down for a minute, and that's just wonderful, right? It takes practice. And outside of relationships like mine and yours, and our mastermind group, and people that we surround ourselves with, we've had to be intentional about that. Nobody compliments me, Sean, or, okay, well, you be the shining light, you be the one that starts that. And for me, it was Ewan in my life, 10 plus years ago, he's the one that started asking me questions and getting curious about me, because if it wasn't for him, I would just be this selfish human being, because I'm like, well, Ewan, my family loves Ewan, all my friends love Ewan, and he was from Scotland for several years. And I love it that way, too. I honestly, I don't wait for a tombstone, right? In my mind, I'm like, I'll be happy to come and go. If I do have anything on my tombstone, it'll probably be something funny, some kind of joke, that would be ideal. I'll be around, so I don't care. So, number three, asking people for help. This is a hard one for me, man. Oh, dude, I think it's hard. Man, it's so hard. You watch a kid, forget what I just said, it's not hard for kids, it's hard for everyone. Even if you know the answer, it's really powerful to let somebody tell you something, because you have brightened up their day, right? So, think about, when someone asks you to explain something to you, hey, could you help me out with this? I don't understand this, could you help me understand this? Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you asked. This person's asking me to help them out with my awesome knowledge on something. Even the most grumpy, that's honestly, if I'm talking to a grumpy customer or something, someone like that, I'm like, could you explain this to me? I don't get it. I know with your experience, you 100% might be the only person that can fill me in. You watch that grumpy person turn into a smile on their face, start talking about their kids, their family, and you can just go down, because once the guard is down, now they know your place to trust and they like you immediately, and so you can just, you can go anywhere with them. You will be their best friend in about 20 minutes. Because most people, okay, you have a grumpy person, I'm just using that term broadly, think about whatever kind of person, that kind of person will typically get the same response from all kinds of people. Other people would normally show up around a grumpy person negatively, right? They're going to get a finger in their face, oh yeah, you grumpy person, I'm up, right? If you're that one person that is interested in them, you watch that guard come down, you're so different than everybody else, they're not curious. Who is this person? Yeah. They actually want to be around me, I know I'm grumpy. Yes. And this person is willing to withstand it and ask the questions. Man, I don't know how and you could guide them wherever you want. Would you not have improved their life a little bit? Because maybe 100%. Yeah, maybe there's a glimmer of hope that they are no longer a grumpy person. So one of the things when I'm hearing you and say this, we talked about this on our run this morning, is there's a difference between inspiring and effectiveness, right? When you're communicating and when you're talking to people and you're mastering this art. And if anybody, like I've said it, Ewan is one of the best that I know in my network and the difference between me and Ewan is I am very inspirational, aspirational, right? People are like, oh, I want to do that, right? And I leave them feeling good. You, on the other hand, the reason you are so good at what you do as far as communicating and mastering that is you are effective at it, right? You allow them to, like you said, the grumpy man story, right? And so what happens is that I leave him feeling, okay, yeah, that guy's full of energy, charismatic, right? And I leave him feeling like, psychologically, right? Because of being able to dive deep with him and show up differently and it's effective and it shows up in his life like, well, maybe I can make this change. You know, what you said there is both, it imparts change. Someone sees you do that thing, they see hope, right? They see, maybe I could take a step towards that too because your story is I was here and I got here. So, in the same way or in a different way but with change revolving around it is having them think, man, I was grumpy, I was grumpy with most people. That person got me out of that mode. Maybe there's something, maybe there's another option, there's another possibility for me to not be the way I've always been and if I am X this way that I just was with that person, maybe I could be that more with other folks. So, it is more inspiration and internal conversation or something that's available for them. Same thing though, right? That's what Level Up and Live is about is that you're leveling yourself up. We're doing it constantly ourselves and trying to improve and have we got everything figured out? No, not at all. We are, if anybody, we are like the most unfigured out people here to access. Like, no, we're just starting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 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