S3:E5 Into the Psych Ward with Joe

Hello, and welcome back to the President of the Week, presented by me, Tinky Winky, my two good friends, Gypsy and Lala, and this week's special guest star, Poe. I'd like to once again thank our sponsors, Visit Rwanda, and Nutmilk, for making this episode possible. And I must say, I have been drinking an increasing amount of nut milk. Well, my question is, when are we getting sent it? Well, we've actually got quite a lot of it from this sponsorship deal, and the amount I'm consuming is just getting to disgusting levels, because I really do just love the stuff, I just love fucking nut milk, man. So much nut milk in my mouth. I can smell it on you, and I like it, I like it a lot. Have you been putting lots of nut milk in your mouth too? Not just my mouth. It's an all-purpose product. Is that on the label? The direction. Applied to any orifice, that's what I do with it. Before we get into this week's discussion, it's only right that we fulfil our journalistic duty to keep you guys updated about the developments this week in the student union's spring election. Oh my god. Our special correspondent, Jamie, what can you tell us? So, we heard before about the antics the Ducks have been up to. It's getting scary. Like, you know, they were going around, they were killing other Ducks, it was brutal. And so, I was lucky enough to get invited to the Duck Party's official first annual party conference. What is happening? And so... Guys, it's crazy. It's fucked. What are they doing? So, it's official. We feared the worst, and it's true. They are running. They are running in the election. And they're very confident they're going to win, I'm telling you this. So, I just wanted to read you a few points from their manifesto. We have to hear them, we have to hear them. Firstly, they want Duck feeders all over campus. Because they're very concerned that they're restricted to their little lake and their forest. They want to... Yeah, because when they try and go out, there was actually an incident last week where a Duck tried to venture onto Central Campus, and he got so hungry he killed someone. And they're really concerned about how hungry he is. They're just killing. When they get hungry, they just can't help it. So, Duck feeders are you when you're hungry. Wait, so, you're saying that Ducks want more living space? Yeah. I don't sound them. They want to take over the whole campus, they want a permanent presence. Are the Duck feeders people or like machines? They're like little machines. They put little, like, twenty pence in. Oh, they're paying for it? Yeah, but it's going straight into their own bank account. It's basically free, but it's just so, like, other people don't die. They also, they want to rename the Dirty Duck. They're not happy at all, because rumours, a lot of people are talking about the Ducks, they've got a very bad reputation amongst the humans on campus. And the Ducks feel that it's because of the Dirty Duck. They feel it's derogatory. They feel it puts a bad image on them. Do they not know the historical connotation between Ducks being labelled as dirty? It's really not like in today's age. I just want to say for the podcast, Rishi Desai works in the Dirty Duck, so if you see him, jump him. He's a bigot. So they thought a much better name would be the Distinguished Democratic Duck. Because who doesn't love someone who's distinguished? It's really catchy. If it's not democratic in the name, it's usually really democratic as well. I was going to say, nothing says democracy like putting democratic in the name. CRC, North Korea, all very democratic places. That's what the Ducks want to perceive themselves to be. I want to end on this point as well. There was a certain section of their manifesto just titled Suffering. And it had all sorts of crazy, what they called revenge tactics on the humans. One of them was to replace all the toilet paper on campus with sandpaper. Just curses, essentially. But one that did strike my eye was they want to destroy WBS. And personally, I think that's actually quite a good idea. They want to just demolish the whole building, all the buildings that are owned by WBS. They won't answer the question specifically, but rumor has it they're turning it into a palace. Duckingham Palace, apparently. That's what I've been told. It's not confirmed. I support that. So what's Will Brewer doing about all this? They would be Will Brewer's successor. I don't think Will Brewer's running again. I think he's probably too old now that he's actually going to get arrested. I was really gutted he can't go to the top. Yeah, I'll say no more. I also just wanted to say that obviously they were murdering a lot of ducks last time we spoke. And they've actually stepped up their oppression of the other ducks. They stopped killing them, thank God, but they are constructing duck work camps by the lake. And guys, it's not a free flight, I'll tell you that. But I just want to end with this. I was lucky enough to receive, as press reported, to receive an early access of the poster, the official campaign poster. So I'll just show it to you now. Could you describe that to the listeners? For the audio listeners, it says, don't be a cuck, vote duck. And there's an illustration of two ducks fucking and a little cuckold in the corner as well. Who is also a duck. Yeah. A duck old. Yeah, a cuckold, if you will. It's about a tiny little duck, micro penis. Yeah. That's huge. That is actually just horrifying. Just to think about. You keep on looking into it. And like, I'll have some more things next episode. But it's truly horrifying. And like, Joe and I, we both are really into our animal rights. And it's really just quite scary to see how these ducks are infringing on the rights of the other ducks. But they've got a lot that you can get on board with. So I agree. It's quite a tough decision. I don't think the dirty duck thing is that bad. Is that not just like, if the distinguished democratic duck, you think that's an improvement? I think, yeah, I think it's quite catchy. Well, no, it's good. What are you saying? It should still be called a dirty duck? Is the dirty duck not be equivalent to ducks as like, the Washington Redskins is to Native Americans? Like, it's pretty fucked up now that I'm thinking about it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally agree. But the fascism is taking it a little bit too far. So the hot political take of the week, isn't it? The fascism is taking it too far. Yeah. Well, our episode today is on neurodivergence. What is neurodivergence? Neurodivergence is the divergence in mental or neurological functions from what is considered typical or normal and can perhaps be most clearly illustrated by our special guest this week. He is a man who is far from usual. Whether that be his adonis physique or his destruction of ringing fire alarms, it is safe to say that Joe is not like other girls. Can't avoid the fire alarm. So I want to open it up to you to let our listeners know who is Joe and how, in your words, is this subject relevant to you? Who is Joe? I think, shocking, feminist icon, borderline alcoholic, and just, like you said, different to other girls. I'm submissive and breedable, I'm a soyboy bait cook. Do you think that describes me well? It does. I think it sums you up quite perfectly. For the listeners, Matt's just got a visible erection. It came on very quickly. Mostly quite short. How is this subject relevant to me? I have a lot of neurodivergency. So I started off as a normal child, or so I thought. After just being a bit of a mongrel in school. When you say mongrel, what do you mean mongrel? For the record, I didn't use that awful language, which is not politically correct. I said, performing badly in school and handwriting being quite bad. I mean, horrendous. I went to go and get a dyspraxia diagnosis when I was 16, because I was just a bit clumsy. What is dyspraxia? Body dyslexia. That does not describe it. Basically, you have processing difficulties, you have... Oh, so like, if you look at a tight space, you might think that you'd be able to fit through it, but you can't fit through it. Is it like your No, no, no. It's like, oh, maybe. I don't know. You just kind of have bad coordination and motor skills. You process things really slow, and it's hard to get your words and thoughts out. And just like, yeah, I got that. And then I went to the doctors, and he was like, yeah, I mean, you've got dyspraxia. I think you should get an autism diagnosis as well. And I was like, ew. I ended up declining it, because I'm an idiot. When I was 16, I was like, yeah, that'll result in some discrimination. No, obviously it wouldn't. I just was an idiot for not getting it. And then more recently, I got a nice little ADD diagnosis. And my fucking diagnosis was hilarious, because they wrote down, like, drug use and stuff. So it said, Joe drinks sometimes, often in excess. It said, smokes cannabis occasionally, and cocaine used to, but now nil. Even though, because it said, like, yeah, I did it once or twice. Ridiculous. Did they give you, like, the big table that has the list of stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, no, no, no. It was a table of, like, qualities, and then it said, like, drug use is one of the tables. And I was like, oh, great. And then, what else did it say? It, like, psychoanalyzed me. It said, like, no evident signs of psychosis. Like, it was focused. It's always a good sign when you're not having psychosis, I think. Yeah, so I'm really racking up the disabilities, or the neurodivergences, if you will. And I know I'm also going through a dyslexia diagnosis at some point. I'm trying to collect them all. For me, they're just Pokemon. Yeah, yeah, it's Pokemon. Instead of Pokemon Go, it's Pokemon Neurodivergences, and you've got to get them all, and just ruin your life. Which one do you think is the worst one? The worst one. Like, the biggest inconvenience for my life. I can't comment on dyslexia, because I'm not sure I have it yet, and it's also a doctor. Dyspraxia is annoying, because you just are clumsy as shit, and you always break stuff. Are you bad at football? Yeah, I'm terrible. I mean, everyone says I'm good here, because I'm shit, but, like, no offence to anyone who is there. Like, I can run and kick a ball far, but I can't, like, process on the ball where to, like, pass it and shit. So I'm not very good. Maybe dyspraxia is the worst part. The autism, actually, is probably my favourite. Like, the best of the bunch, because it gives you little superpowers. Like, my really strong sense of smell, so I can smell that bussy from all the way over. Although, to be fair, you probably don't need a strong sense of smell for your mouth. That is outrageous. It, quite frankly, is noticeable. I don't know, ADD is annoying with uni, but, like, it gives you an advantage. How, like, how would it be annoying? How would it impact your typical day? Like, I don't know. Callum or Rishi come back in lectures, I'm just, like, doing random shit on my laptop. I'm a beyond Geo guesser, I'm going to be doing my Wordle. I'll focus for a bit and then bank on... And you've got ADHD, so you need more stimulation than normal. I love stimulation. So, like, yeah, so you've always got to be, like, doing shit, and you're just a bit jittery, so that's just fucking annoying, really. The autism's fine. I hate the autism. I really don't like when there's delays to my schedule, inconveniences with time, because I just get so anxious. Are you saying that because I was 20 minutes late? No, no, no, no, because that's fine. I mean, like, during the day, I'm specifically waiting for the bus. Genuinely, I get so anxious about wasting time that it, like, sometimes stops me going to campus because I'm so anxious about wasting time waiting for the bus. I definitely get that as well, because, like, when you don't have your whole little schedule sorted out, you get a bit... It's just not fun, is it? So, I feel you there, Matt. I really do. I do have a lot of sympathy for what is probably the most famous autism symptom, which is that they can't hold eye contact. I'm literally looking at your fucking teeth right now. I do think it is quite weird, eye contact. We've got two jellyballs in a jug, right, and we walk around sucking light into our jellyballs. And when we want to be polite, we look at someone else's jellyballs, and we suck the light off their jellyballs, and then they return the favour, like, turn it into a mutual jellyball-sucking bonanza. The thing that fucks me the most with it is, like, the amount of acceptable time, because obviously you can't indefinitely glare into someone's eyes, otherwise you either get psychotic or romantic, which can be good, but, you know... Yeah, I never know the right time, so I always go somewhere in between, like, psychotically staring into their eyes to go bang, bang, bang, and looking at them away, like I'm, like, checking if there's a fucking train coming or something. Yeah. That's a very good explanation, Matt, I like that. Have you ever had it where, like, you make direct eye contact with a lecturer, mid-lecture? Yeah, it's terrifying. I don't like that at all. Have you ever seen WandaVision? Yeah. For anyone who has, she, like, stares at the camera quite a few times to, like, show it to TV show, and it feels like that, it's like, this shouldn't be happening, I'm, like, invisible here, I'm a spectator. It's like you're watching a YouTube video, and the creator suddenly goes, like, I'm in your world, and, like, directly speaks to you, it's how it feels. I've definitely caught a good few glares from Jeremy Smith. Have you caught those before? Like, the thing is with Jeremy Smith is... He just stares at you because he thinks you're so beautiful. I mean, I'm sure he does, because he's, yeah, his LinkedIn profile is, you could replace it, you could put it on Grindr and it wouldn't look out of place, is all I'm going to say. Yeah, like, the thing is with Jeremy Smith's eye contact is, he maintains it, so, he's kind of like, yeah, oh god, yeah. If you're sitting in, what I've noticed is he favours when you're on the left and down in the hall. I don't know why, but his eyes always go there, so if you're sitting there, watch out, because you might catch Jeremy Smith's glare, and it's quite uncomfortable, to be honest. I feel like I might want to try it out, like, I might do it at Halloween. I might sit there on Halloween with a spirit. Honestly, try it. Bottom left is where he always looks. It's kind of sexy, but, you know. Do you feel your hidden disabilities... You can just say disabilities. ...have impacted how you feel about yourself? God, yeah. Yeah. With, like, ADD and shit, being, like, kind of jittery and fucking insane all the time kind of makes you think, oh, am I being jittery and insane to everyone around me? So that's, like, I don't know, something I've been through more recently, where I've been sort of a bit manic, and, like, especially, I don't know about you, because you find it hard with the filter, that there isn't one, with what you're saying. No, not really. I feel like you're better than me with that. I just be saying shit. Not, like, offensive, but I'll just say stuff that's very... I feel like a lot of the time I'll just, like, come out of the toilet, and I'll just be staring at myself in the mirror for three minutes, and then I'll come out and say, I'm the only man in the world that I was married. Nice. So that's an example of not having a filter and just being... Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I definitely have shit like that. I do the same, I just stare in the mirror sometimes. Especially in the gym, like, there's nothing better than psychologically staring in the mirror. No, I think going to the gym and looking at yourself in the mirror is just really weird. If I'm in between sets, and I've just dropped, like, some really heavy gorilla weight, I like just, like, sitting forward like this, headphones on, and just staring into myself. I can do a really good, like, psychotic stare, as anyone who's ever met me has unfortunately encountered. And, like, I'll just stare into the mirror sometimes, just because I've zoned out. So, yeah, that's fun. Yeah, image of myself, obviously the old autismo, it's sometimes a little bit weird to grasp being socially capable, and I just kind of overthink that. But, you know, in the end, I'm still... You feel like you have to compensate for... For my autism, yeah. Luckily, I do that with my large, large pork sword. Can you give us a podcast exclusive on how big autistic people's penises are? Oh, on average, they're actually 12 inches bigger than the already average. It's where we store the autism. Is that the beta coefficient on the regression of dick size on all the It is 12. No, actually, Jonas, I think you're a clever enough man to be able to answer that. Just try to imagine yourself as a consumer in the sphere of welfare economics. Just Joe is there. Do you feel that you're lost welfare from having a hidden disability as a net bad, which for our listeners is a good which inflicts a negative utility on the consumer is adequately compensated by your utility of any government personal independence payments and university support payments? Fucking God. I don't really get any money. That's the thing. They subsidized my laptop. So they paid 900 for that. And then I paid 200. So it should have been 1100. Yeah, so they it's an 1100 k 1100 k 11 pound laptop. And I paid 200 they paid 900. Oh, did they just pay like half as a rule? Because the cheap bastards only pay like 300? I don't know. I think they just kind of they just said like, Oh, yeah, we paid 900. Just send 200. We'll send it. Is that really the only thing you've ever had? Just like 900 pounds? Oh, I get disability support human as well. So speak to this woman called Rosa. I'll give a full address at the end of the podcast for those who are interested. I speak to LA every Monday when I remember the appointment or I'm not working. She's good. She's just like how you doing? That's stupid. Do this. It's kind of straightforward. It's good. And extra time as well. So I think that's worth it. Like, you know, once I'm out of uni, all the all the neurodivergences aren't. Do you think if you didn't have anything, you would complete your work closer to like better in the time than you do now? I don't know. Without ADD? Yeah, definitely. But autism obviously drives you to kind of like, picture up. And I think if I didn't have a little autistic interest, which made me feel more intelligent, like fucking learning spinach or just like, you know, watching some intelligent shit on YouTube, and that makes you feel clever, which can make you perform better. Yeah, probably wouldn't have done as well. So I'm gonna say ADD. Yeah, definitely. But autism? No, no, that's the goal. Autism is really the goal. This podcast is also sponsored by autism. One thing that I find interesting is that there is no evidence that depression is actually caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Ooh, okay. And that hypothesis is basically just big pharma media, so that they can sell antidepressants. Yeah. So basically, antidepressants are just low dose, fairly safe recreational drugs. Which begs the question, MDMA might make you feel down the whole day, right? But antidepressants gave me my worst ever manic episode. So, should those who are feeling down actually just use recreational drugs? That's what I'm doing. I guess that's a personal thing, innit? I'm glad you mentioned fucking manic, because I know you've got bipolar, but like, on antidepressants, Jesus Christ, you've got manic. When I went for my ADD diagnosis, I did actually go for ADHD, but the guy who made the connection was like, well no, because you've only been manic since you've done drugs, antidepressants, you idiot, you've just got ADD. I might try to get off the antidepressants to be less manic. It's a bit annoying. Yeah, but I feel like it is also just- Quite fun. It is also just quite fun. Oh yeah, it's- I mean, you have a blast, like, there's no way I wouldn't- But the only thing is, like, I genuinely just couldn't come. I genuinely just can't do it. I see for me, it's three seconds. To all our female listeners out there, hey. Do you think more generally, there's a relationship between your coming- between your divergence and the desire to do drugs? Oh, a hundred percent. Like, I don't know, I've thought of some things that said, like, autistic people might fixate on drugs because it makes them feel normal, or like, you know, it makes head voices less loud, which is for sure. And ADD as well, obviously, you know, you're searching for stimulation, and quite often, you know, a nice pint might fix that, so yeah, a hundred percent. I reckon it definitely pushes it. I'd be doing some shit because of that. And obviously, the more manic you are, the more- even more drugs is great. Do drugs, kids! Do you think UK drug policy should treat users and addicts? Do you think it needs to start treating them as a vulnerable group of people? Yeah, like Portugal. They decriminalised all drugs and, you know, it was a better society. People didn't go to prison and, like, got help. A hundred percent, yeah. I think that the narrative at the moment, or the perception, is that drugs make people feel crazy. But if it's actually what we're saying, it's that there's going to be- you're more likely to do it in the first place. Yeah. If you've got neurodivergence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, a hundred percent. I think anyone who's, like, touched a substance ever has some immediate realisation that the general approach to drugs policy is just, fuck that, it's cool. But it's just not- I think we should take, like, the- I can't remember what it was, the ancient Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth of just killing all the people that don't fit your societal standard. So if anyone does any drug, if you have one puff of a drug, you're just beheaded. What is the drugs policy on drugs? Did they mention it? No, I'll have to look into that. Turning to other ways neurodiverse might seek out stimulation. Gay bum sex. Yeah. Have you got any thoughts? Any thoughts on gay bum sex? Are we speaking from a receiving or giving perspective? I think you're jumping the gun. I think we're talking about how your desires might have been affected by your neurodivergencies. I think the only time- I mean, it's hard to say. I'm sure even if I didn't have all the brain-loud thoughts thanks to neurodivergencies, I'd probably have pursued gay bum sex at some point anyway, just as a nature of my sexuality. But, you know, I might not have gone through with it, because it's terrifying. A man's bussy is something to be feared. For real, that shit might have a kraken in there. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I was a bit manic and felt like a bit of bum sex. The definition was, oh, it's on the antidepressant label. You may want gay bum sex. I mean, you'd describe it as horrendous sexual deviancy. Yeah, I'd definitely describe it as horrendous sexual deviancy. What's the most shameful incident? Most shameful incident of sexual deviancy? Yeah. He got me thinking, though. I'm not that much of a delinquent. I don't know. Me and an ex who shall not be named were in a auntie and uncle's house in London, and this was like some fucking mansion house. They filmed Killing Eve in there. Really? Yeah, they filmed Killing Eve in this house. It was fucking crazy. Huge, huge millionaire. Her auntie is the personal assistant to Ian McKellen. They just call him Ian. Ian was around, and I'm like, you want to talk about Magneto, right? You just call him fucking Ian. We tried to have sex in every single room. We didn't make it to the end because I'm nutted. We got, I don't know, halfway through. About how many rooms out of how many? To be fair, if you include all the little utility rooms that rich people have, I don't know, fucking 15 or something. We weren't trying to do it in all of those. It was just the ones that we were able to do. I think we only made it to four or something. But it's fine. It was one orgasm for her per room. It wasn't like in-out. Supposedly. Supposedly, yeah. I've never... You wanted it done with... Yeah, yeah. Come on, alright. I hate this man. Yeah, no. It wasn't just in-out, next room, in-out, next room. I feel like that would be quite monotonous. Minutes in each? Minutes in each. It was a long time ago. No, I don't... I think it was definitely like 120 minutes per room. No, not too many. So there you are, guys. You can grab your tissues. You can close your eyes and you can just have a moment with yourself. It might be a bit hard and feel quite bad about yourself. You're welcome, guys. You're welcome. That was fantastic journalism, that. Yeah, that was good. I really hope this goes viral, so that I can get pull-up listed from every company I apply for. I'll try and think if there's another one that pops up in my head, because that was fairly tame. I'm not doing that much disgusting shit, really. I used to keep... I can't write correctly, though. The ex-girlfriend's old, very, very used knickers. I'm sure if you lived in Roots, you were aware of this. One time, I had them in my... She wanted me to do this, by the way. I'm not, like, Joe from You. I am. She wasn't even my girlfriend. She'd do that and I'd just keep them and smell. What do you say? I don't know, but that's just because I'm a bit weird. Maybe that's a neurodivergent thing, because it's like a smell thing. Oh, yeah, you've got a super smell. Super smell, yeah. Extra mince juice. Yeah, surely that must be... I think there are more unpleasant smells in the world than pleasant smells. Do you not think? I don't know. I haven't reviewed the data. That you encounter day to day. Yeah, I feel like I very, very rarely go, Oh, that smells nice. I do. You literally said to me that I smell nice today. Yeah, because you do smell nice. But as I said, very, very rarely. You should be grateful. I'm very grateful. I go around Leamington asking people to smell me. See how quickly I got arrested. I don't know. I feel like I'm a bit of a smell appreciator. My heaven, my capitalist heaven, is an airport duty free. I've been to an airport duty free with Joe and it is... We need to spend 15 minutes in there. Yeah, exactly. And we are smelling lovely. I was high then as well. That was fucking wonderful. So, it's got all the scents. It's got all the expensive ones and you can just try them. So, I'll go right to the Tom Ford aisle, dust that shit on me until I smell like a Turkish taxi driver. That sounds really racist. Dang it. I meant that as a good thing. Oh, please. And then, yeah, I just go around, try all the scents. It's wonderful. The combo is heaven. We were talking about mince juices. How did you get onto that? I think that you have convinced me that there are a few smells I can think of that are good smells. So, I've warmed your position. Yeah, good. Now, one thing that we both share is you're a vegan, I'm a vegetarian. We're basically married. So, it's your expression being a neurodivergent litard. Oh, yeah. I'm a huge, huge litard. You asked me who is Joe Atherton and I said feminist icon, which is true. Was your motivation to become vegan just solely animal welfare? No, no. So, when I went into the dark side, which was about four years ago around this time, praise me, please. I was with a girl who was vegan and I was like, alright, I'll try it out. Why not? Because I'm just such a people pleaser. And I ended up just kind of like thinking, oh, this is fine, I'll learn to cook. And I was really invested in the health side. I would say that was the main thing because I developed a minor eating disorder at the time. So, I was really, really into the health and then the environment. And then the ethics probably came last. Since then, the health is probably, yeah, it's a huge part of it. But it's probably what I think is the least, mainly in environmental. Do you feel healthier? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. I say with a vape in my hand and a drink on my side. Yeah, my cardio went up. I felt less stodgy. You don't really get heartburn if you're a vegan. I definitely felt healthier. I got really strong after I started to eat a lot. It's just a testament to the... How do you get your protein in? The amount of times I've been asked that question. Beans, just beans. No, I'm joking. Literally, bread, every grain, all the vegetables, fucking nut milks, soy milk included. So, thank you to the sponsor because nut milk gets me my protein. I do use protein powder, but I've only been doing that for the past year or so. So, it's not essential. I like it on a gym route. Yeah, and then your dad's Jack-ulip. That's probably like 20% of it. He cums so much, it's ridiculous. Are you technically vegan? No. No? I'm an animal that's been abused and that kind of thing. So, no, it isn't. But, I mean, on that topic, I ate mussels and oysters over Christmas because they're not actually sentient. They have a nervous system like a plant. Oysters made me really fucking sick. I literally passed out at work. Went home, threw up my guts out, was a bit ill, then I stayed in and I'm fine. My brother had the same thing. Mussels are fine. They're alright. I think that's an opinion I can get on board with. I didn't eat fish until I watched The Expiracy. Wait, what, you started eating fish after The Expiracy? No, no, no. I began pescetarian and then became vegetarian after watching The Expiracy. Oh, okay, nice. I never realised that. Because it was finding out that, like, the fish eat meat. All the fat fish are eating meat. So, you're basically just eating meat. Well, the way I went for mussels was just purely because they're not sentient. I was like, eh, why not? But what about the health reasons, Joe? I think they're not that bad. I don't think they've really got any, like, saturated fats or anything. So, don't quote me on that. I don't know. I've really not researched for this, but I've only done it, like, twice and it was fine. Now, I'm sure you're aware that, well, you've given quite a good defence there. Why you... Yeah. There are some people who say that that is all bollocks. Yeah. And that your veganism is actually a cover for your horrendous sexual escapades that may be, in fact, your inappropriate sexual relations with animals. Do you want to set the record straight? Um... Because we've had quite a lot of people, like, they were writing in there saying, look, do you know about the accusations against Joe? So, I just thought... I'm aware that there are many accusations from a number of different animal rights groups and animal owners and farm owners and Tesco. I did not have sexual relations with that pig, dog, sheep, cow, dolphin or manatee, for the longest time. Can I just say for the record, I did have sex with the sheep. The point is, we should always believe stereotypes. Yeah. A lesson from this podcast. Well, I think it's a good time to go to a quick break so that you guys can hear a message from our sponsor. Hello! My name is Jacob and we're all here to tell you about Jacob. Let me pass over to my colleague, Jacob, about this huge development. Oh my, thank you, Jacob. It's not just huge, this is large. We want you to remember the name, Jacob Syndicum. Proud sponsor of today's podcast. Welcome back. Now I'm back. That was a great round of sex, though. That was pretty hot, guys. Yeah, it was good. Not enough urinating for my liking. But it was fine. Yeah, that's fine, that's fine. It was fine. Colour of the week. Yeah, I think it should be colour of the week. Yeah. Am I awarding it? You're awarding it, James. It's your segment. It's your special little part. Thanks. I think colour of the week this week is green. Green. The drinks you guys have got in front of you, the wonderful concoctions. Yeah. I don't think I've seen a drink that colour in my life. I don't think I've seen anything that colour in my life. Oh, I've seen my own cum. Oh. It's just purely bacteria stuff. It looks like liquid grass. Yeah, it's so weird. But colour of the week, green. I'm green. I like green. I've never won it before, so. Well done, green. There's a very green vibe in this room as well, with the blue lighting. In celebration of colour of the week. Oh, yeah. The room is green. The room is now green. It is now time to find out something that all of our listeners want to know. Now, one thing that you share with Matt. Now, there's not much. If you look at the two of you, you might think, what could these two people possibly have in common? There is something quite big. Where are you from, guys? North West. The North West. Also from the North West. Who is the king of the North West? That is what we need to establish. Yeah, I think, if not a fight to the death, this is the way to do it. Well, the way to do it, I think, is a quickfire quiz. That works. So, how are we doing it? Is it first to say the answer, or do we do a little buzzer? No, just first to say the answer. Just alpha-mail it. Okay, yeah. Just alpha-mail it. Question number one is, what do we think of when we say the North? Well, I think of crime, right? Yeah. Which town in the North West has the highest crime rate? Warrington. You think where? Warrington. Warrington is actually one of the safest. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blackpool. Blackpool. Blackpool. Yeah, yeah, Blackpool's the most, it's got the highest crime rate. And I really like the idea that it's actually just the result of, like, Libby B, and Afghanistan, and Little T. They just keep doing crime. Yeah. Oh, my God. All of the violent crime statistics is just Little T. He does all of it, and every one gets recorded. That's one point for Joe. I didn't think anyone was going to get that, so you're already at a disadvantage here, Matt. Not looking good. Moving on to question number two. Another thing one might think of when you say the North is benefit scroungers. Oh, my God. Yeah. Amen. From 2015 to 2021, which city in the North West has a higher proportion of unemployment benefits claimant? Manchester or Liverpool? First answers only. Manchester. I think Liverpool. Matt gets a point, and he levels it up. He levels it up. All right, yeah, done. I really shouldn't have spoke down on that. Now, Northern Cuisine is, I guess one could say, infamous. From Yorkshire puddings to the extra MSG in Northern curry sauce, the flavours of the North are immediately recognisable. Perhaps none more than a chippy tea. But what is the typical extra added to fish and chips? Gravy. Which completes a plate of chippy tea in the North West? Maybe peas, or it's going to be curry sauce. I don't want to give you a mark for either, because I've got a perception from the South of what it actually is. I feel like we have mushy peas in the South. OK. I feel like gravy is possible, but it's not. We don't really do gravy in this form. It's not a North West thing. It's more like a Yorkshire thing. Yeah, we don't really do chips and gravy. So I think, all the times I've had fish and chips in the North West, it's a slice of plastic bread and butter. I have that all the time. I've never had that. So we can test the point. No one gets a point. OK. What? In Bootle? Yeah. Oh yeah, Bootle's a different world. But Blackpool, I distinctly remember it. I'd love to see the correlation between plastic bread on a chippy tea and crime statistics. They're probably quite correlated. Question number four. Our last king from the North West was Henry VI of Lancaster, who was defeated by Edward IV at the climax of the War of the Roses. But how much would it cost to climax in an Average Scouse Prostitute, according to the Liverpool Echo in 2017? It's 50 quid for a chew, usually, so I'm going to say 75 to 100. I'm low-balling it. I'm saying 30. How dare you? I'm giving that the mark. The Liverpool Echo in 2017 reported that some sex workers on Shield Road were selling sex for as little as £4. Are you serious? Shield Road's infamous for being a prostitute. Haven, Liverpool. Oh my God, that's a... A bargain. That's the cheapest age I'll ever get. I'm going home next weekend. You know, if my mania kicks in, I might want to... Is that where you were walking to that night? Yeah, actually, it's not far from the sound of it. Now, question five, the last question. It's 2-1 to Matt at the moment. Are we doing a tiebreaker if I get this one? No. You can just both get a blowjob off each other. If you can't. It's a northern 69. Now, it's only right that the King knows how many subjects he has. How many people live in the north-west of England? 4 million. You're saying 4 million. 70 million. More than the population of the UK. What is the population of the UK? You don't know the population of the UK, Matt? No. Well, I mean, I do now. I do now. 70 million north-western people. Are we including... I thought we meant the whole north. Merseyside, Cheshire, Greater Manchester, Lancashire. Yeah, I'm going to say 3-4 million. Well, by default, I feel like Matt doesn't get this question. It's at least 15 mil, I reckon. Yeah, it is probably higher than Merseyside. Merseyside's a million, Greater Manchester's... It must be at least 30-40% of... You think 30-40% of the UK live in the north-west? I was thinking of England, but yeah. Yeah, final answer, I'm going to say 5 million. Matt? No, I think I'll say 10. But I'm still thinking north-west. I'm so glad Joe got this, because he did not deserve to get it, when he thought that there were 17 million. It's 7.3, so he got it. I'll give him 10. Yeah, that's bigger than a lot of countries. 17 million. I think that's more people than Spain. That's insane, wow. Alright, so we both give each other blowjobs then. Yeah, that's what's happening after the show. Nice. Donate money if you want to see Podcast Extra. Please don't donate money. Because I have contractual obligations, and I don't want to fulfil them. Oh my God. Oh my God, that's my ringtone! It must be, it must be that time of the show. Hello Paul, hello Paul. Paul, we loved the last episode. Thank you, thank you. So what about this M23 malicious? I'm leaving a trail of war crimes against civilians in northern Congo. No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, look, I'm sorry. There's no need to... Okay, okay, okay, okay. No, yes, you're right, you're the one planning to ask the question. No, I love you, Paul. Joe, do you accept that liberal values entrenched in Western society have increased disorder, neurodivergence and sexual deviancy, and should the West take on board some more authoritarian positions to help remove the scourge of self-expression, which has diminished the sense of national identity and enabled the societal tolerance of idleness and incompetence? That's, I mean, he's... That was really well thought out. He's a bright man, he knows what he's talking about. I think it's an interesting question. And I always think, Britain for the British. No ideas, I hate people with pink hair. I think we all just need to man up, personally. Yeah, like, I mean, don't be sad it's so stupid. I mean, what colour's their Bugatti, realistically? Exactly. Yeah, I think big Paul is really on to something there. Down with Western liberal values and the liberal media and the globalists. You like him? Oh, he's happy. Damn, alright, good. I thought he might be. Oh, Paul's got a question for Minimap. Oh, really? Yeah. OK. What on earth? Oh, Paul. Yeah, yeah, no, it's Matt. No, the other one. Sorry, what was your question? No. No. No. In fact, Paul, I think I have a question for you, if you don't mind. Is there? Yeah, OK, no, no, I'll go then. Yeah, sorry. Basically, I was just wondering, like, if it was right that your government tacitly supported, and in several cases helped perpetrate, the revenge killing of Hutus immediately post-genocide in 1996? Oh, shit, for real? Oh, right. Oh, fairs, then. Yeah, no, no, no, my bad, like. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, that was all for me, anyway, really. But, yeah, I'll pass you back over to Matt. Cheers, Paul. Right. Oh, he's gone. Oh, he's gone. He's got a country to run, hasn't he? Yeah, very busy. Well, I love that he phones in. Oh, yeah. We love that he phones in. He's thoughtful. He's a thoughtful king. Like, as soon as he gave us, like, the visit with random money, he really wanted, like, the podcast to go in. It was good, yeah. Again, thanks for the sponsor. Yeah. We owe you everything, Paul. We love you. Now, having just spoken about a president who is God among men, like, let's make no bones about it. This man is just truly fantastic. He really is. Now, it's got me thinking about all the different characters he's led their people over the course of human history. And so, Joe, it's only right that I get to ask you the hallowed question. Who is your president of the week? See, it's always been a tough question to ask when I think myself. I think myself every week. Who's my president of the week? Obviously, there's all the great boys, like President Garfield. Real person, look him up. Reagan. But I think it's Barack Obama. I think that's my president of the week. Yeah. Do you know why that is? Why? Can I tell the story, Joe? Because he's the only man to have a nature documentary and be responsible for war crimes in the Middle East. That is quite an accomplishment. As far as I'm aware, I don't know what David Attenborough's been up to. He might have killed a few unarmed combatants at some point. I wouldn't put it past him. But as far as I'm aware, he's the only man to do it, and for that reason, he's the GOAT and the POW. He's just a big boy. He's a POW. I'm the president of the week. Right. For Obama. For Obama. I think you deserve it. You enjoy your retirement guilt-free. Well, I think that's all we've got time for this week. It has been a pleasure. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. I've experienced a lot of sensations, some sexual, some not, painful. What's next to come in Podcast Extra? That's only for... Subscribe to Patreon. Now. Subscribe to Patreon and you'll get that content. Yeah. You do not want to miss it. It is fluid everywhere. And not just a normal one.