S1 Ep3 A Conversation Between The Soul & The Ego (w/ Meditation)

In this episode of the Spiritual Healing Podcast, host Nicole shares a personal story about exploring her ego and the vision she had during meditation. She discusses the fear of abandonment stemming from being adopted and her father's sudden death. Nicole emphasizes the importance of understanding and embracing the ego, holding space for difficult emotions, and trusting the guidance of the soul. She encourages listeners to have deep conversations with themselves and offers a meditation to connect with their own egos and inner wisdom. Hello beautiful people on this planet, welcome back to the Spiritual Healing Podcast. I am your host Nicole and today we are going to, hmm what are we going to do today? Today we are going to get vulnerable, we are going to get very vulnerable, I am going to share with you a story about me tuning into my ego and the vision that came up for me in this meditation and at the very end we are going to be doing a meditation to allow you to connect with your ego and to allow you to bring the wisdom of your soul into your being and really, we are really going to be flies on the wall listening to the conversations that are going to be shared between the ego and the soul so I am very excited, this will bring you a deeper level of understanding as to why you are doing the things that you are doing, why certain things might not be falling into place for you at the moment which we all can relate to now and then, so let me start off by sharing my experience so that you can get to know me on a deeper level, so about a month ago I was channeling my many, many inner voices that I have and I was dissecting different parts of myself, I was separating these different parts which I talked about previously in my last episode but let me give you a bit more personal detail so that way when you go to do this and when you go in and separate the different parts of yourself and have these conversations with yourself you have an idea of where I was at and I want this to be an experience made just for you of course but I feel like shared experiences, they are a beautiful thing, so in my meditation my intention was to give my ego some voice and listen to her and see why there was a constant delay in making decisions towards my ultimate goal, so what I did was I closed my eyes, I tuned in and I gave my ego, I gave my flaws and my insecurities full permission to voice how they were feeling, I gave myself full permission to sit with this level of truth that I might not have wanted to admit to myself fully and in meditation a vision that came up for me was a little girl and she was really dirty, her hair was looking a little crazy and she was in a cave huddled by a small fire and I felt as though that fire was the source of my ego and she was huddled by that fire to keep warm, to survive and when she noticed I was there and when she noticed I was looking at her she turned and looked at me and her eyes just screamed please don't leave me and she looked very desperate that she wanted to cling on to me so badly because she felt like I was in the process of letting her go and she was so scared that she didn't want to be let go, she didn't want to be forgotten and yes she was in a cave and she was a little dirty, she was young but she wasn't afraid of the cave, she was afraid of abandonment, she was afraid that I would toss her to the side or even worse wipe her from existence, take away her home, take away her security which was me and she felt as though and I felt this as well looking into her eyes that we've been through so much together, we've seen so much together, she has been with me from the very beginning and she knows that I'm moving into a new phase of life and rightfully so she feels like I'm moving further and further away from her and that's scaring her so every time I'm trying to be big and take on new challenges and really shed an old part of myself she would give me such a fight, I know I would tell her I really wanted to step into this podcast space and she would say no like don't do that, that's a bad idea, you just never know what could happen, it's very unsafe, it could be harmful for us, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it and I found that really what she was saying was don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me and I felt that very deeply because I found that I do have abandonment issues, I was adopted at birth and it was always a little part of myself that wondered why wouldn't my mom want to keep me, why wouldn't the woman who allowed me to grow within her for nine months want to keep me and later on in life I found that she didn't track her pregnancy, they had no idea when I was going to be due and it was a closed adoption, the papers were signed before I was even in this world and I often wonder why I wasn't enough to be kept and I know that's kind of, it's no reflection on me, it's no reflection on my part, I certainly didn't do anything but I was a baby born out of rape and even though in my mind I understand her circumstances and I'm incredibly thankful that she chose to give me a new potentially better life with two amazing parents, I did often wonder that and then at nine years old my dad passed away of a heart attack and it was very unexpected and I feel like you hear people get heart attacks pretty often and a lot of people are able to have a heart attack and live or have a stroke and live but his, he was 45, very healthy, middle of the night, 3 a.m. we woke up, rushed to the hospital and they couldn't save him and that was also very traumatizing to me because I felt like why did he have to leave me so abruptly when I needed him the most, I remember it was about two months before my 10th birthday and I remember just feeling so crushed that he didn't even make it to see me, um, he didn't even get to see me make it to double digits, like I was so excited that I was going to be 10 because I was going to be in a double digit zone and I was crushed that he couldn't see me do that and that he wouldn't be there to celebrate that birthday with me and it led me to a very scared place that you know if I made a very strong connection with someone there is a strong possibility that they might leave, they might just walk away, they might not want me or they might disappear forever and that really frightened me for a long time, it affected a lot of relationships I've had, it has affected a lot of friendships that I've had and even the relationship with myself so now looking at this little girl, my ego, being so afraid that I'm going to disappear from her life forever, I wasn't angry with her, I wasn't trying to you know throw her in the trash, I wasn't like ew, you're the ego, you're the one holding me back, I need to silence you, I need to shut you up, I need to lock you in a box and throw you away, all of that melted away, it changed from wanting to be as far away from her as possible to really understanding her and so I held her, I gave her a hug, I kissed her on the top of the head because I understood, I understood where this is coming from, I understood where this voice originated from and I held space for her to be completely honest with me, I thanked her for sharing this information with me because it helped me understand her and I feel like that level of understanding will benefit our relationship but when I was telling her my goals, what happened was the voice of my soul stepped in and started speaking to her for me, I was simply there to hold space and what my soul came in and said was hey, I understand this pain you're feeling and I understand this fear but I'm asking you right here and right now to trust me, please put your trust in me because I love you and I will not let anything happen to you that you are not 100% capable of handling, you're so strong and you have been so brave and so fearless when dealing with these dark moments of your past but for right now where we are headed, part of our destiny is to move forward, so my soul took her hands and said I am going to lead you, I'm going to lead you into happiness, a great feeling of comfort that you cannot even begin to imagine right now but again I ask you to trust me, let me be in the driver's seat and I promise I will not hurt you, I will not leave you, we will all be honored and we will all be at peace and as I was just observing and holding space for these two aspects of myself to have this conversation, it was absolutely beautiful and I cried a little bit, I was feeling very emotional and I was very open with letting those emotions flow through me which I strongly suggest you do when digging deep within yourself and bringing up these very hard experiences that you faced, very hard truths and how things in the past can trigger you and completely like control how you see life, let these emotions come up and feel them, cry, it is so good to cry, it is not a sign of weakness, it is not a sign of, it's not negative whatsoever really, it's a massive release and it's important that you hold space and respect for yourself to be able to release and let this wisdom and this love sink in, so I cried, I did and I shared this experience with those close to me and even when I sat with myself alone with that new level of understanding, I felt so much better and I no longer demonized that little girl, my ego, that feeling of judgment, that wanting to be accepted, that fear of being abandoned, fear of being kicked to the curb, I no longer saw that as villainous at all, I understood it and I approached all of those feelings with love and I reminded myself that I am held, I am being held, I am being loved, I'm being protected as I move forward and even if I feel these things, that's just a product of my past and that's totally normal and I forgive myself for feeling this way and I trust that my soul knows what it's doing, so thank you so much for holding space for me right now as I share that experience with you all, it really does mean a lot to me and I hope that me sharing my experience allows you to open yourself up and give yourself permission to have these deep conversations within yourself, so that way you don't hate yourself, that way you don't give yourself a hard time when you're struggling internally, you have been through so much, my poor soul, you have seen so much, you have hurt so much, so give yourself grace, give yourself time, forgive and move forward, so with that being said, I would love to end this off with a meditation and we're going to open up the conversation between our ego and our soul, so let's do that together, whenever you're ready, I want you to get into a comfortable position, if you are in a seated position, please allow your back to be upright, your head to be free and your feet to be firmly planted on the ground, if you are in a lying down or reclined position, please allow yourself to get comfortable, make any last minute adjustments, place your hands spread apart facing upwards to the sky and allow your legs to fall gently apart, when you're ready, close your eyes and tap into your breath, inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth, on this last inhale through the nose, we will exhale through the nose and truly settle the energy in our bodies, wiping away the stress from the day, letting go of the day, letting go of what we are facing in everyday life, as this time is just for us to go inward, to go deeper and to listen to our deepest, deepest aspects of ourselves and to listen to our deepest, deepest aspects of ourselves, let's start relaxing the body, let's relax the legs, the feet, the thighs, allow them to get heavy and sink into the surface beneath you, allow them to soften allow them to really be held by the surface underneath you, tune into the lower back, the mid back, the abdomen area, the shoulders, the chest, the shoulders, the chest, that whole middle body and just relax it, allow it to settle, allow it to be heavy, allow it to be cradled by the surface beneath you and moving from the shoulders, releasing any tension you may feel, releasing any burden that you may be carrying with you, let that go, that does not have a place here and now, a place here and now, soften the neck, let the head fall and sink into a comfortable surface beneath you, relax the forehead, the eyebrows, the eyes, the cheeks, remove the tongue from the roof of your mouth and soften the jaw, let your face fall let your face just be effortlessly still and now let's stimulate our crown chakra, let's tune into the top of the head and let's establish a little alignment here, let us bring our awareness to the top of our head and let us envision a light, a beam of bright light shooting up into the sky and let us bring down the energy of the soul, of the collective consciousness, of spirit of spirit and allow that beam of light to move the energy and connect the energy between you and the soul and spirit, allow your third eye to light up the center of your forehead and give yourself the vision, give yourself the vision of the mind and now let's tune into the ego, let us set an intention, let us give us permission in this moment to fully hold space for the ego now visualize what appears when we are thinking about the ego whether it be a little boy or a little girl whether it be a memory bring this vision to life, allow this vision to take place what is going on, what do you see in your mind's eye so simply watch as this story unfolds and allow this vision to speak to you feel what is being said to you as you watch so embrace the idea of being a fly on the wall here, not being the main character but being the supporting character and continue to hold space for what needs to be expressed so so in the efforts to soothe or to facilitate a safe calming environment of reassurance allow yourself to continue being a fly on the wall and allow your soul to walk in to communicate so allow them to be the support that they need, allow them to be the medicine that each of them need as you hold space and simply listen, simply approach this interaction from a place of understanding and compassion and love so so allow yourself to feel and release and if that means cry, cry if that means smile, smile, if that means to hold your chest and simply embrace hug yourself, do that, feel this, know that you are safe, that you are all safe so whenever you feel like you are in a good place of understanding when you have reached a place of true compassion after holding space for your ego, after learning their story, learning how they deeply feel after your soul has come in and has not only reassured this part of yourself but has offered love and comfort to this part of yourself, whenever you feel like this interaction is complete I want you to smile, I want you to hold your heart and hug yourself if you're not already and I want you to forgive yourself, forgive the mistakes you've made, the energy you've once harnessed, forgive the experiences that you've been through, forgive and really understand that every experience has brought you here, every experience has shaped you in a way that you are now so beautiful, so wise, so loving and ambitious and strong and I want you to really tell yourself that you are safe, you are safe to follow your heart, you are safe in this world and no matter what stands in your way, there is nothing you can't do, there is nothing you can't overcome, your strength outweighs all obstacles, your patience, your grace and your past experiences although they do not define you, they have shaped you into this beautiful human being who this world is blessed to have let us give a quick thanks, a moment of gratitude for our ego, for our past experiences, for our soul and for this moment allowing us to tune in and as we come back to our physical form, as we slowly make the adjustments we need as we slowly blink open the eyes, I want you to look at your life in amazement and look at how far you've come and allow this conversation that took place today give yourself grace moving forward understand why it might be hard for you to do certain things and no longer beat yourself up about it, give yourself that love, you've been through a lot be proud of yourself and trust that your soul got you, you got you, I got you, we got you, the universe has you, you are okay, you are more than okay, you are fabulous so thank you so much for tuning in today, I hope this meditation has helped you if you feel called to do this at a different pace, at a different time please, please feel free to go back and listen to this or to make this into your own so that way you can, you can shape it to whatever way best serves you but whatever you do just provide space for your ego to speak and to tell its story because I promise you it is not an evil aspect of you, it is not your flaws, it is not your, your, your biggest, your largest flaw, no, no, it's just, it's a story of hurt that you might need to explore a little bit deeper and love and forgive and move forward from so I am proud of you, I love you and I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your day bye for now