Non-Expert Pro Football Podcast Ep. 0

The hosts discuss the bottom five teams in the NFL. They mention the Carolina Panthers as the worst team and criticize their coach. They also mention the New York Giants, Denver Broncos, New England Patriots, and potentially the Chicago Bears as some of the worst teams. They talk about the struggles of these teams and their poor performances. They also briefly touch on the top five teams, with the San Francisco 49ers being mentioned as the best team. Good afternoon, everybody. I'm Doug Johnson. I'm Nick Moxley. We are two guys that think we know a whole lot about the NFL, that probably know less than most seven-year-olds with a computer. But what we're going to do is we're going to talk a little about the NFL and what we think. I would urge all of you to pay very little attention to the substance of what we're saying. Please don't use this to make any betting or major life decisions, but listen to it for fun because that's what it's supposed to be. Absolutely. We are armchair quarterbacking. We want to also say too that if we call any athletes trash, we acknowledge the fact that, well, my co-host is an athlete, but myself, if I went on to an NFL field, I would crumple into a pile of dust. So it's all relative to the other professional football players. I would add that I'm an out-of-bundies NFL athlete with a couple of varsity letters and a year of college baseball experience, so I am not an athlete in the same respect that NFL players are. Well, I was in theater, so. Okay. Well, here we go. So let's jump into this. Absolutely. Now, as bad as the NFL has been this year in some parts, and there is a huge Oreo cream of mediocrity in the middle of it. It's double stuffed. Absolutely. But how many winless teams do you think there are right now? Just off the top of your head. Don't look. Don't look at your phone. I already know that. There's one winless team. Right. A single one. Right. Which I would say is the worst team. So what we're going to do is we're going to start with our bottom five in the NFL. The seller. The seller of the NFL and the Carolina Panthers are right there next to the medicine kit, in case there's a tornado. It's bad. They're as bad as anybody. I'll tell you what, for me, that's kind of an indictment. Frank Reich's got about five games to turn this thing around, because if he's not on the hot seat, nobody is. He couldn't win in Indianapolis. He's not winning in Carolina. And I don't say, I wouldn't give that guy a long leash. No, I mean, in Carolina, you look too. I mean, the one solace when you're a team that is that bad is the fact that you have the opportunity to get high draft pick. They don't know their draft pick this year. So right now, they're looking at what looks to be the worst of the three rookie prospects, because Anthony Richardson, despite his injuries, is dominating. C.J. Stroud is out there slinging it, throwing for 300 yards a game. And Bryce Young looks like a little kid, you know, who just stumbled his way onto a field. I mean, he's got upside for sure, but it looks like they've got the worst of those three quarterbacks. And right now, it looks like they might get to Chicago Bears, the number one overall draft pick. So not only are they the worst team right now, but their future prospects are also not looking very good. So right behind them, we've got six 1-and-4 teams. We're through with the first quadrant in the NFL season. We've started the second. So of those six, we've got to pick four that are in the bottom five. Who's your next team in the bottom five? All right. I think you have to say, I mean, it's really tough. It's really tough, because there's a lot of bad. I mean, the New York Giants are up there. But I'm going to say the Denver Broncos have just been horrible. I mean, Sean Payton comes in here. He talks all this smack about how bad of a job Nathaniel Hackett did. And then they walk in there, and they're 1-and-4. And I mean, they are just, like, their games are kind of exciting, but they're just losing football games. And their defense let up 70 points to the Miami Dolphins. Okay. 70 points. All right, I'm going to say no, because I'm going to end my bottom five. But I'm going to go with the New England Patriots, who over the last two weeks have been outscored 72-3. And the latest beating was at home, a shutout to the New Orleans Saints. Now, you get to choose between McCorkle Jones and Bailey Zappi to try and right this ship. You know, that's a lot like having the dude who crashed the Exxon Valdez and your buddy that wrecks a pontoon boat into the pier trying to get you into port. That is a dumpster fire. I don't feel bad for Bill Belichick at all, but I got them at number two. Number three. Number three. Oh, man. I mean, it very well might be the New England Patriots, but I think I'm going to go ahead and go with the New York Giants next. I mean, you just look at what they've done, a 40-0 loss to Dallas. They damn near got blown out by the Arizona Cardinals, then they got blown out by the 49ers, then they got blown out by the Seahawks, then they got blown out by the Dolphins. They're going to get blown out by the Bills next week. They look horrible. And poor Daniel Jones is getting bullied out there every single week. Daniel Jones, like I talked about, where I talked about how if I stepped on an NFL field, I'd turn to dust, that's what's happening to Daniel Jones right now. He's even been sacked like, what, 17 times in the last two games? Or on pace to be sacked somewhere in the low 90s. The NFL record for sacks is 72 in a single season. It's insane. And I mean, I've never seen a team that is so reliant on their running back as the Giants are on Saquon Barkley. And you take, I mean, even with Saquon Barkley week one, right, they get absolutely trounced. But I mean, their defense can't stop anybody. Their line can't block anybody. And they got, you know, Darren Waller's talented, but he's not your number one receiver. And then who else they got out there, a receiver. And they just gave this big contract to Daniel Jones. Giants are my next worst team. Well, I'll agree with that. So give me number four. Number four. All right. Well, we don't have to spend too much time on it because I do think, gosh, is it the Patriots or is it the Los Angeles Raiders? Might be the Raiders. They're bad. We'll know a little more tonight. We'll see if they can beat Mr. Love at home. They're not going to beat Mr. Love. You know, I'm going to go with the Minnesota Vikings. I think they're overrated. I think they're, I think the Bears are going to beat them this week. Where is that game? I think the Bears went two in a row. They beat the Vikings at home. They're two and four. The Vikings dropped to one and five. I'm going with Kirk Cousins, who we talked earlier today, hanging out, kind of, you know, he's the middle of the pack quarterback. He's the gatekeeper. He's absolutely the gatekeeper to greatness because you've got great-to-good quarterbacks right in front of him and then the mediocrity that he's been forever for an NFL quarterback. So I've got them at four. I would maybe say my next team would be the Chicago Bears, actually. I mean, and one thing about the Minnesota Vikings, they are second in the league in passing yards per game, and Kirk Cousins has thrown for nearly 1,500 yards. He's thrown 13 touchdown passes to four interceptions. Jordan Addison, he looks really talented. Hawkinson is really good, and obviously Justin Jefferson, probably the best wide receiver in the NFL right now. I mean, and they, you know, I know that they kind of flamed out and they had a weird season last year, but I think to put the Minnesota Vikings in the bottom five is just kind of ridiculous, and I do not think the Chicago Bears are going to get anywhere close to beating them next week. Lost to the Buccaneers at home. Brandon Staley, the gift that keeps on giving, tried to give you a game at home, and you couldn't beat the Chargers. No, this team is a walking L. Hey, luck has not bounced their way, but hey, they've been competitive in every single game this season. All right, so we're pretty much aligned on all that. I will tell you who I will not put in the bottom five, so that it's probably got to be Chicago, unless there's a two and three team somewhere I'm missing that's ... Okay, hold on. I'm going to drag a two and three team into this, the Washington Commanders. Yeah. Given up 40 points to Justin Fields and the Bears, you don't get much worse than that, so I'm going to round out my bottom five with a surprise two and three team. I think, I don't know, there's some stinkers in this league, but as much as we want to trash on the Commanders, I think the Arizona Cardinals ... I mean, I think the job that's been done there is phenomenal, but I still think it's hard to say that they are anywhere close to a good football team. I know they beat the Cowboys, I know they were competitive against the Giants and the Commanders, but I just think the Cardinals, I think as the season wears on, I think we've got a little bit of magic in the tank with Josh Dobbs, and I think as the season wears on, that team's winning three, four games max. I mean, I think the Arizona Cardinals are probably in that bottom five for me. We'll know a lot more after they go to the Rams this week, if they can somehow squeeze out of there, but look, they've gone one and two against what I think are three playoff teams, unless the Cowboys lose two or three more starters next week, so we'll see. All right, now we've got to go top five. Top five, okay. All right. I'll be honest with you, I kind of lost track of the five. I was just going back and forth, and I just completely ... That's what editing a podcast is for. Yeah, we're not going to edit these. And completely edit it. Oh, no, at some point we will. We'll reach a level of sophistication that deserves post-production. I think sophistication is a bold choice of words to use for us, though. That's a high hill, and we've not even reached the first incline. That's true. Okay, so let me go ahead and leave this in, because I think that the answer has to be obvious. Who's your number one football team in the NFL? We better not spend much time on this. It's the San Francisco 49ers, the most complete team at the NFL, beating down everybody they play, no injuries yet. Of course, once Christian McCaffrey bruises his shoulder in a week or two, and a couple of the receivers get dinged up, we'll see. But right now, I don't see anybody stopping him. They have a plus-99 point potential. Yeah, I mean, you don't need to spend a lot of time on these. Brock Purdy looked like he was possessed by Joe Montana last night. He picked apart the Cowboys. He was never under pressure. Look, Kyle Shanahan out-coached Mike McCarthy and Dan Quinn. I mean, anyway, a little shot. I'm trying to think of the equivalent there. It's kind of like, oh my god, Mike Tyson showed up last night and beat up my neighbor. I can't believe that happened. Yeah. So, okay. So, we've covered that. Number two. Kansas City Chiefs. They're a dynasty. I mean, they've already won two Super Bowls. They've been to a third. As long as Andy Reid's coaching and Patrick Holmes is quarterbacking that team, they are always a threat to go and win the Super Bowl. And I don't think anyone has proven themselves enough to supplant the Chiefs as the second-best team in football. I'm going with Phil Delphi-Eagles. He'll lose both coordinators. Jalen Hurts is a bona fide NFL quarterback. He's great. Dallas Goddard has turned into a beast. A.J. Brown looks like the second coming of Terrell Owens before Terrell Owens lost his mind, went haywire and nuts. You know, I don't see anybody stopping him. And to get DeAndre Swift and as dynamic a back as he is, I'm telling you, man, I don't see anybody. Somehow, I will say the Chiefs are right behind him as my third-best team in the NFL for all the reasons you said and others. But yeah, I mean, I'd probably have the Eagles at three right after that Chiefs team. They have supplemented my former number three team. So at number four, what do you got, though? Number four is hard because we're just doing this off the cuff. There was no preparation at all. But I will tell you, I think my number four is the Miami Dolphins right now. Wow. You know, not two days ago, I said the Miami Dolphins were the number five team in football. And you just about laughed me out of here because you said that the Dallas Cowboys putting behind the Miami Dolphins was a joke. So why don't you go ahead and explain this one for me? Well, quite simply, Miami took care of business this week. They certainly did their job, played very well. You know, beat a hapless Giants team. But they won. No, I just think they're incredibly complete. I think you said earlier today when we were chatting, you know, they're playing video game football. They got guys that are just out running people. They're out speeding people. Tua has gotten through, you know, five games. The first quadrant plus one, healthy, unknicked. Offensive line looks solid. They look solid. Outside of getting beat up in a hard place to play by a very good team in Buffalo, they've been good this week or this year. I got them at number four. I don't see anything slowing them down. Now, give me your four because we can get in some other stuff. Well, you did just mention them. And I know it's a little bold to keep them here because they just did lose. But the Buffalo Bills are still the fourth best team in football. I mean, you just get that with the Bills sometimes. The Bills still have the second best point difference on football, which is plus 79. I mean, because they lost a weird game to the Jets because Josh Allen decided that he wanted to give the Jets four early Christmas presents. And then they go in the next three games, clobber the Raiders and the Commanders, and then clobber the Dolphins, beaten by 28 points. And then it was the Jaguars and London. But, you know, the Jaguars and home field advantage being the London Jaguars. And the Buffalo Bills are still, I mean, just phenomenal. Josh Allen, Stephon Diggs, that defense, they are still always a threat. I think they're the fourth best team in football, despite being three and two. I'm not going with the Bills as my fifth best team. All right, you got it. I'm going to tell you why. Sean McDermott always finds a way to lose. He's never made a deep run. He's made one deep run into the playoffs that I remember. I could be wrong. Again, I don't even know. This will get more sophisticated over time. I'm going to put the Detroit Lions and Jared Goff there. I think Jared Goff is a better quarterback than Josh Allen. Oh, my gosh. I think Goff is a better quarterback. You know what? Maybe we can't choose. I think Josh Allen is incredibly careless with the football in key times in the red zone. I think he's a superstar. But I think he does dumb things with the football sometimes that cost that team. He plays a little too much hero football in key situations. I do, too. I mean, a lot of risk, a lot of reward. But I think that's got to be a funnel as the season goes. That's a pyramid. You've got to take fewer risks unless your back's against the wall. In the second quarter, you don't need to try to do something heroic and turn the ball over at your 12-yard line. And I think he'll do that. He's not going to disappoint me. I think Jared Goff is managing games. Jared Goff's got a great defense. And I think that that team would literally storm a beach for Dan Campbell. I mean, they would. I'm going to put them at five. But I think that the team would storm the beach for Josh Allen, right? And can you literally tell me right now that you would rather take… Like, if you had a football team and you could have the choice between Jared Goff and Josh Allen, that you would choose Jared Goff to quarterback your football team? It all depends on what's around in the whole scheme. Absolutely. Let's remember, there's another 52 dudes on the active roster, and there's 10 other people around. And right now, I like what I'm seeing from the Lions. And the Lions… Now, I will say, the Lions are also playing a weaker schedule. They didn't feel strong last year. And I didn't look at competition. I didn't really… Again, this is all off the cuff. But right now, for me, it's the Lions. OK, so… I didn't say my fifth one. My fifth one will be the Dolphins. Jared Goff doesn't know. What's the team we didn't discuss that has a chance to get into the top five over the next two weeks? And who's the most likely team to fall out of the top five over the next couple weeks? And this may take some looking. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I can already tell you that I know exactly who I think would be in the top five. As far as who falls out of the top five, that might take a little bit of time. It might take a little bit more thought. But… So, I'm going to go ahead and say, to enter the top five, this team, really slow start to the season. Abysmal start to the season. But you watched this past week, they're back. Cincinnati Bengals. They were my pick to win the Super Bowl this season. And they had a horrible start with Joe Burrow and that injured calf. But Jamar Chase goes out there, catches nearly 200 yards, catches three touchdown passes. Joe Burrow slaying it, throwing for, what, 300 yards, three, four touchdowns. They're back. I mean, and they are the same team they were before. The only difference is they're two and three. But you, I mean, so maybe, maybe, right, they win the next two games, they go to four and three. Maybe that doesn't automatically break them into the top five. But as the season goes on, Cincinnati Bengals are once again going to be right in that playoff hunt and right in that hunt to become the AFC champions again. Because just like Joe Burrow, that team is unfazed by anything. So Cincinnati Bengals, as far as who has, is most likely to drop out, I think I have to say the Miami Dolphins. Nothing against them, just the fact that the Chiefs, the Bills, the Niners, and the Eagles have proven track records. And I, you know, like, because the Dolphins had that game against the Bills where they just got clobbered. Like, you know, the Dolphins are doing really fun things. But you, you look at the competition they've played against, three of those teams they played are teams that are in the bottom five. Patriots, Broncos, Giants. And they're playing the Panthers next week. Yeah. So we'll see in two weeks when they play the Eagles in Philly. That's a fallout game. Well, I wanted to say it was the Cowboys that had a chance. But, you know, look, the reality is they lost by, well, I saw three starters leave the field last night. Yeah. Deron Bland left. Leighton Vander Esch left. One other cornerback got hurt last night. They've already lost Diggs for the season. You know, the Cowboys are, I will have to look over the week and see how badly those guys are hurt. But, you know, at some point they're going to be calling USFL guys to come out and do cornerback tryouts because they're thin. I mean, they, they are thin. So I think it is probably Joe Burrow in Cincinnati. It was very nice to see him throw in the ball to Jamar Chase yesterday. Apparently they reminded him he was on the team and he started throwing the ball. So that was good. All right. So this last little thing we'll do. Let's go with, you know, next week's overreactions. Give me two things that you think people are going to be saying. It could be about these teams we've just talked about. Next Monday morning, who's going to be losing their mind and overreacting to something? Okay, next one. Okay. So, so first thing I'll say is I think that you're going to be looking at two teams that we have both talked about as, as in the top five. I think people are going to be overhyping them a little bit too much. Um, so the Lions, they're playing the Buccaneers. They're in Tampa. I think the Lions win that game pretty convincingly. And I think because the Buccaneers are 3-1, Lions go to 5-1 and everyone is going to think that the Detroit Lions, that this is their year and that they're going to run through the NFC and they're going to go to the Super Bowl. And then I think that the Miami Dolphins. Well, they're going to run at least to the NFC championship. They might go to the divisional round. You got to think though. But remember who's waiting for them at the potential NFC championship. We spent all of 13 seconds talking about the best team in the NFL by leaps and bounds. Nobody's going to be anointing them Super Bowl. They, they would, they may be saying they're second to the Niners, but nobody's got to play until Sunday in February if they win. I'm thinking next week though, because what I'm going to think, here's my prediction is the Lions get a dominant win. And I think the Dolphins, I think they'd drop 40, 50 points on the Panthers. And I think that people anoint a Lions-Dolphins Super Bowl next week with the two teams of 5-1. So I think that that would be my first overreaction prediction. What is your overreaction prediction? People will be starting to talk about the Falcons and probably just Falcons fans and Atlanta broadcasters as if they should somehow be relevant this year. Now the Falcons, well, look, the reality of it is the Commanders come to town next week. And Riverboat Ron Rivera ought to be thinking about where he's going to retire and how he's going to spend time maybe starting in late November. He may not have a job by Thanksgiving, if things continue. Well, I will tell you, that's going to be one bonus overreaction. I've been hanging out with Redskins fans all week, despite the fact they live in the Pacific Northwest. I'm sorry, Commanders fans. I apologize for that lapse of political judgment for a second. You know, that'll be a big one. People are already talking about the fact that he should go. I've heard one conspiracy theory about Eric Bienvenu being hired as his heir apparent to fill the seat when he's gone. But I don't see them going down there and beating the Falcons, despite the fact the Falcons have literally, you know, they manhandled the Panthers in week one. They stole a game from the Falcons in week two. They got beat 20-6 by a, you know, good Lions team. They got beat by the Jaguars 23-7, and they somehow snuck past the Texans this week. So there'll be four and two, and all of a sudden people will be talking about them as a playoff team, and it ain't going to happen. You know, I think the Commander-in-Chief can beat them this coming week. Well, that screws up my overreaction. That's fair. I'll give you my—so you spoke about the Texans. I'll give you my second overreaction. I think that C.J. Stroud performs well against the New Orleans Saints, and I think that we will prematurely anoint C.J. Stroud as the guy of the future. I think that he will jump, you know, Trevor Lawrence and, you know, Justin Herbert, because I think Justin Herbert's losing on Monday night. I think that C.J. Stroud will be prematurely anointed as the greatest quarterback to come into this league since Joe Shiesty. I think that that is—I think that that is the overreaction, because, I don't know, you know, I just—like, this team, they're playing really well. I know the Saints are coming to town, riding high off that shutout win, but I think just the fact that the Saints had the shutout last week, I think C.J. Stroud has a good game, you know, 250 to 300 yards, two to three touchdowns, maybe only one interception. And I think people will say that C.J. Stroud is—he is the next guy, and I think they'll just anoint him maybe just a little bit too quickly. I think that's my second overreaction prediction. My second and final one is, after the Raiders beat the Patriots at home, people will start to say that all of their success over the past two decades have been organization, front office, and Tom Brady. People will start to tell you that Bill Belichick's not the coach that we've literally before our eyes seen him be for 20 years, and they will start to second-guess that this guy rode the coattails of the Kraft family, all the GMs that have been there over that time, and Tom Brady. And, you know, I don't know if it's true or not, but I don't think I'd say that, but I think there will be people saying that. That is a good one. Each passing year, Tom Brady somehow looks better and better and better. It's fascinating. And with the Patriots being one and four, he looks phenomenal right now. Yep. So, upset next week. We'll close it with this. Find me an upset next week. Upset next week. I mean, you did say you think that the—what are the commands? Two and three. I want to find it. I mean, you already spoke about the Bears beating the Vikings. That in itself would be an upset. I—a lot of close games next week, and all the ones that are not super close, I don't know if I would go with the upset. So I guess I could just—I could throw one out as a potential. Yeah, a lot of close games this week. Because I think—I mean, Chiefs are going to beat the Broncos, I think. Ravens shouldn't beat the Titans. I feel like saying the Texans are going to beat the Saints is a little bit of an upset. I mean, it's only one and a half points, but. I mean, I just—what upset are you—I mean, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. What upset are you—what upset are you seeing? I think the Jets could shock the Eagles. I don't think so. I think the Jets could shock the Eagles. You're really high on Zach Wilson right now, and I just— Look, look, they're coming back from the West Coast. They just played the—you know, they just beat the Rams on the West Coast. They've got to come back and play another away game. I mean, look, it's a bus-slash-train game from Philadelphia to New York, but they're on the road a second time. And they're looking ahead to a home game against a very good Dolphins team. And maybe not taking the Jets as seriously as they should, and the defense could keep them in the game, and those Zach Wilsons look better and better. OK, and I understand that when you start as poorly as he did last year, and do not endear yourself to your teammates, and have that huge hill to climb, and you take a couple steps up it, maybe you're not there yet, but I could see that defense, given the Eagles' fits, and maybe win a steal and win in New York. I think with that, Jets 26.2% third-down efficiency, worse than the NFL. Philadelphia Eagles 50.7%, second-best in the NFL, and they are number one in time of possession. I do not think that the Jets will have the football enough. And when they do, Zach Wilson's probably giving it away. At least I chose—at least I selected an actual— OK, you know what? Here, I'll go with one, then. I'll go with one. All right, I'll go with an actual one. But give me the Indianapolis Colts with Gardner Minshew, a Gardner Minshew revenge game in Jacksonville. They're four-and-a-half-point dogs. I think they could take that against Jacksonville. Gardner Minshew might be a better option than Anthony Richardson right now. Well, Gardner Minshew is a real NFL backup. He's probably the best NFL backup. Maybe we need a segment on that next time. Yeah, I think that's going to be a wrap for today. I had a great time. I don't think anybody gained any knowledge from this, nor should they. Remember, we told you, do not make any decisions on this. Yeah, you're looking for that place. There are a lot better places than this. This is empty calories. So yeah, this is the candy bar of pro football podcasts. Thanks for listening. I'm Doug Johnson. I'm Nick Mosley. See you next week.