janet Philbin Final cut

The Villages Florida podcast is a listener-supported show that features interviews with community leaders and interesting residents. The host asks for support through monthly contributions or by rating and reviewing the podcast. In this episode, the host interviews Janet Feldman, author of the book "Show Up for Yourself," which focuses on conscious parenting. Janet explains that conscious parenting involves parenting alongside the child, honoring their spirit, and providing guidance and boundaries. The book is not a typical self-help book, but rather a guide for self-growth and exploration. Janet also discusses the concept of the spiral of healing, which involves feeling, healing, growing, and loving oneself. She emphasizes that the spiral of healing is important for people of all ages, including older adults. Janet became a hypnotherapist after realizing that traditional talk therapy was not always effective in helping clients. Welcome to the open forum in the Villages Florida podcast. In this show we talk to leaders in the community, leaders of clubs and interesting folks who live here in the villages to get perspectives of what is happening here in the Villages Florida. We hope to add a new episode most Fridays at 9 a.m. We are a listener-supported podcast. There will be shout outs for supporters and episodes. As a supporter you will get a direct email link to Mike. In season 5 we are making significant improvements and changes on an ongoing basis. A note from the heart. Hello dear listeners. I'm thrilled to share our passion project with you. A podcast that brings joy, knowledge and inspiration. Creating it is a labor of love even though it demands more time than I can easily spare. But hey, time isn't something that we can buy back right? Now here's where you come in. The unsung hero. You can help us keep the podcast alive and thriving. How? By becoming a supporter. Three simple ways to support us. 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I'm here today to talk to book author Janet Feldman. Thanks for joining me Janet. It is so nice to be here. A couple of years ago, Janet wrote a book called Show Up for Yourself, a guide to inner awareness and growth. Janet, maybe you can tell our listeners a little bit about your background that brought you to the point of writing the book. Oh I'd love to. So my background is that I am a licensed clinical social worker and I have been for more than 30 years at this point and I have also been a certified hypnotherapist for about 20 years. I have been wanting to write a book for quite some time and it took about five years from the ideas that began to formulate for the book until I actually wrote the book. I had a lot of stuff happening but I didn't quite know what the book would be. Eventually, back in 2019, I became a certified conscious parenting coach and learning the philosophy and concepts of conscious parenting actually helped me to fuse all of my varying worlds and varying areas of expertise together and the book was born. Conscious parenting is not a phrase that many of our listeners may be familiar with. Can you give it a little bit of definition Janet? Oh I would love to. So conscious parenting is something that's been talked about I would say since the early 2000s. In 2010, Dr. Shefali Sabari wrote a book called The Conscious Parent and she actually was on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday and has been on Oprah about four or five more times since with her following books. A conscious parenting is a belief that there is no hierarchy, that we are not parenting over our child but instead parenting alongside of them. Not saying that the child is the one that's going to make the rules but saying that the parent is going to honor the spirit of the child they are raising and walk alongside of them to support them while providing the guidance and the boundaries that are needed so that children are seen as full and complete and that there's nothing to fix and there's nothing wrong with them and instead we support them in the person who they really are as opposed to molding them into what the parent thinks the child should be. So instead of being the parent you think your child needs you are actually the parent your child needs you to be and that's a big distinction. So you wrote the book about four years ago? 2020 April will be four years. Four years ago and is the book the first question people ask is the book just another self-help book? My answer is always no because I actually don't like self-help books as a clinician with a private practice yeah I don't like them at all actually. I've had a private practice for 24 years now and I actually never recommend self-help books to my clients because I don't think anyone knows what you need. So I really think my book is a book about self-growth and self-exploration. It is not a how-to book do this and do this and you're going to get that result. It is actually not that at all. It is a book that guides you through a journey into yourself by explanation understanding and journal prompts throughout the book so you can actually apply what you are learning and reading as you go and it brings you deeper into unraveling and deconstructing who you are so you can actually get to know yourself better and therefore make the changes in your life you've been wanting to make and heal the parts of you that have been in pain for a long time. Right and as I go through the book there's a concept in the book called spiritual healing or spark I'm sorry there's a concept in the book called spiral of healing. What is that and why is that important to people? Yeah so the spiral of healing is a concept that I came up with. It was something that came to me when I was away at a retreat and the spiral of healing has four components feel, heal, grow and love and the spiral is not something that we do just once. It is something that goes around and around and it is something that takes you in in order to lift you up and the four components are important because we revisit these four components anytime we're revisiting parts of ourselves that need attention so to feel something is actually being aware of the sensations that are in your body and that's that's very important because people don't really understand what feelings are so once we become aware of the sensations within our body we can then put our attention to helping the body begin to feel better. So that's the first the first part of it. To heal means that we are looking at ways to relieve that pain and come back into more of a homeostasis within ourselves and for ourselves. To grow means you're breaking free. What are you going to break free from? And then to love is all about self-love really. What are you going to do in your own self-care that is loving of yourself that is kind to yourself and for yourself? So anytime we look at an aspect of ourselves that's in pain that needs healing I believe we go through these four stages and not necessarily in order because they don't have to happen in order but when you write a book you have to put things in order because it needs to have some sort of sense made out of it but you don't necessarily go through the spiral in order however we revisit that spiral over and over again time and time again each time we have to look back at something in our life that has been painful or uncomfortable and is disturbing us in the present. So is the spiral of healing important to older or senior citizens? I think the spiral of healing is important to everyone but especially someone who's older who might identify as a senior citizen because everyone of every age and especially someone who's lived longer than other people are going to have upsetting events that might have happened in their life that still disturb them that maybe cause anxiety, depression, panic, isolation, loneliness and any other emotional struggle that someone might be sitting with. My oldest client that I've ever worked with to do this work that I do which is inner child healing was actually 83 years old and she went back and working with me we went back to memories when she was six years old and things that happened with her parents growing up that she always struggled with and how they actually these are family dynamics from her family of origin were still impacting her relationship with her 80 year old sister and the extended family. So there was no timeline to healing so anyone who's listening no matter what age you are it is never ever too late to begin to start to feel better. No one has to struggle. And before you got involved with the book you were a hypnotherapist. Why did you become a hypnotherapist? I became a hypnotherapist because when I was in my private practice my clients would come to me and they would say things to me like I feel so alone and or I feel so sad or lost and we would talk and talk and talk and I would do insight oriented psychotherapy with them talking and talking and talking and we really didn't get anywhere to be quite honest a little bit but like inches over months. The nailing came to my office at the time this was back in 2001 right email wasn't what it was the web wasn't what it was you still got snail mail and it was for a hypnotherapy training center not far from my office that I never heard of and I decided to take the class. Hypnosis was always something that intrigued me when I was in college I was one of those people that raised my hand and got up on the stage and was part of the hypnotherapists show and I do tell that story in the book and so I knew it worked from a stage perspective and after my training which is the four months training I started using these skills with my clients and my one client who was very stuck in her feeling of aloneness we were able to go back to the time when she was eight years old and how come she felt that alone and what was happening in her family of origin with her mother that left that feeling within her and we were able to help that inner child of hers heal and I still see this client from time to time now and it's been 24 years she comes back and forth to therapy for varying different reasons and that that feeling of aloneness has never returned. Good, good. Let's pause now Janet for a quick Alzheimer's tip from Dr. Craig Curtis. Dr. Curtis what can someone do if they know that they have Alzheimer's that runs in their family? So there's a lot that they can do so published actually in the Journal of the American Medical Association in February of 2024 so this month this was a study done primarily at Rush University in Chicago looking at those with brain amyloid so those people that already have amyloid can a healthy lifestyle protect them from developing dementia and the answer was yes by following these five healthy habits that were tracked and those were they did not smoke they did moderate exercise for at least 150 minutes a week they kept their alcohol consumption to a minimum approximately one to two drinks a day and they regularly stimulated their brain by reading going to museums etc and the final category was how well they followed the mind diet or a Mediterranean type diet and they used autopsies they actually used approximately 530 autopsies to prove that those that followed those healthy lifestyle habits or had those healthy lifestyle habits actually had less amyloid it correlated those had less amyloid in their brain. With over 20 years of experience studying brain health Dr. Curtis's goal is to educate the villages community on how to live a longer healthier life. To learn more visit his website CraigCurtisMD.com or call 352-500-5252 to attend a free seminar. Janet can you talk about healing being an inside-out process and share a little bit more about what you started earlier? Yeah so thank you for that question healing I believe is an inside out process it's always been how I've practiced in my work with my clients that we can't look to the outside to help us feel better on the inside because it just doesn't stick. I think we have lots of holes inside us H-O-L-E-S these are emotional wounds that are within us and we carry these holes around us our whole life so we look to things outside to make us happy. If I have that meal, if I watch that funny movie, if I watch a video on YouTube whatever it is everyone has different things that they like to do to make them feel happy. The problem is when that event is over when the movie ends when you finish the book when you're no longer with your friend the feeling of sad or aloneness comes back because you're trying to fill what's hurting inside with an external filler it just doesn't work there's no long-term ways to get it to stick. So what we have to do is we have to heal from the inside out and when we do that when we can heal those holes and fill them with self-love compassion, empathy, understanding, forgiveness then we can become a whole W-H-O-L-E and what we are taking from the outside the funny movie now has a place to stick a really great visit with that family member or friend that good feeling has a really nice place to stick inside and then it's ours to keep it doesn't slip through. So when we heal from the inside out we're actually reclaiming ourselves we're actually saying wow I am worth it, I deserve it. With people or alcoholics that are using alcohol to close that hole or fill that hole? Addictions happen because people are looking to fill holes and fill voids in themselves and so they start with a little bit of alcohol and they feel better but then that little bit of alcohol isn't enough because the pain comes back so they drink more and more and more. It goes for any kind of addiction whether someone's using food, alcohol, drugs or screen addiction it's even someone who's an exercise addict anything in excess it's in excess for a reason I think as a cover-up to not feel the pain that's actually inside. I know a few of the exercise-a-holics is what I call they have to hit the gym five days a week for at least an hour a day. I don't know if that I just want to clarify for your podcast for any of your listeners I don't think that going to the gym an hour a day five days a week is someone who's an exercise alcoholic I think that's actually quite healthy. Someone with an exercise addiction would be at the gym four or five hours a day seven days a week and actually would feel not well not able to function not good about themselves if they didn't exercise to that capacity in that way all the time. So that's really over the top four or five hours a day. Yeah okay what are some of the common myths about hypnosis and then we can talk about why hypnosis works to help people heal their emotional pain and traumas. Yeah that's great I think there are so many myths around hypnosis I think the first thing people think of when they hear hypnosis is they think someone's going to take out a pendulum and swing it in front of someone's eyes and they're just going to close their eyes and go unconscious. Now while I do own a pendulum I don't use it to hypnotize people. So one of the myths is people who are hypnotized will surrender and become powerless and lose self-control that's just simply not true. The truth is under hypnosis your awareness is heightened and when you're hypnotized you are actually in control of yourself. The hypnotist is never more in control of your mind than you are. Another popular myth reason why people are afraid to do hypnosis is that people are afraid they will share their secrets under hypnosis and once again under hypnosis you will not share anything that you do not want to share. You are in control and in fact something happens under hypnosis called the Svengali effect and this is the assumption that a person under hypnosis can be made to do something against their will. Again not true. Yeah. It's only in stage hypnosis that people will do things funny quote unquote but actually under hypnosis you will never do anything that is not ethically or morally comfortable for you. Right I've seen stage hypnosis many times and it's my impression that the hypnotist will bring 20 people up to the stage and attempt to induce hypnosis and the ones who are least susceptible he sends back to the audience and he narrows it down to maybe four or five that are most susceptible and they got up there because they wanted to be under hypnosis and maybe do something strange on stage like walk around like a chicken. You are a hundred percent correct because no one can be hypnotized without wanting to be hypnotized because all hypnosis is self-hypnosis and the hypnotist does not have power over the client's mind. Another myth is that under hypnosis the client can be put to sleep. You are not asleep when you're in hypnosis. You are in a deep altered state of consciousness. Now have people fallen asleep on me during hypnosis? They have and you can tell because they snore or their breathing changes or they stop responding to questions and at this point when I was in person with people in my office I would have to like gently tap them on the shoulder and say their name and bring them out a little bit not awake quote-unquote but into a little more awareness so we could actually use the hypnosis because you can't help someone in hypnosis if they're sleeping. So I don't think those are like some of the most common myths that I always like to bust because I think people don't do hypnosis because they're so afraid that they're not going to be in control and in fact you're in more control when you're in hypnosis because your awareness is actually heightened not diminished. Okay, good. Janet when you were in private practice did you have a specialty for using hypnosis? Yes, initially I was using hypnosis with all of my clients but my practice at the time in the early 2000s was mostly focused on people going through infertility so I developed a hypnosis fertility treatment that I used with people when they were also in medical treatment and people were very successful in getting pregnant. Now I can't say come do hypnosis and you'll get pregnant but what I can tell people no matter what your medical condition is if you go do hypnosis you're going to get through your medical treatment emotionally more successfully because you will be able to reduce your stress levels. Nowadays I don't really do hypnotherapy for infertility anymore my practice has changed I work a lot with I only work with adults number one but I work with people who want to heal from their emotional pain and trauma. Do you work with only people in New York or can people any place in the country work with you? Not any place in the country I am licensed in ten states Florida being one of them and so I can work with people in any of those ten states. Something like a zoom telephone call? It would all be over video I have a compliant video platform. Okay, okay very good. So in reading your book Janet you got a lot of chapters in there it's a almost a 280 page book what is your favorite chapter? Oh no one has ever ever asked me that question before. Great question. I've been accused of asking great questions before. Well that would be a good thing. Wow I have to think about this a minute. Actually I'm sitting here with my book in front of me and I'm looking at all the chapters and I think the chapter I'm most proud of is chapter 10 the spiral of healing because that was something that was the thing that I knew needed to be in a book but I didn't know how the book would be ever written or what it would become or how it would become and I remember the day I finished writing that chapter and I took the PDF image of my drawing from my journal which is on page 151 of the spiral of healing how I drew it out that day and I'm not an artist but I remember seeing that go into the document that would become the book and I felt really proud of myself that day because I was like I am bringing something that was not in the form-based world into form and into reality into something that people can touch and see and read. That spiral was done in 2015. Yes it was. If someone wanted to buy your book how would they do that? It is available on Amazon and it is available anywhere you can get an e-book so it's on like Apple Books Barnes & Noble as digital book if you want a paperback you have to go to Amazon and I'm in the process of recording the audio book and my goal is to release the audio book in April on the four-year anniversary of the print edition so I'm working on that right now. Good. Our listeners might be interested in that. Yeah. So Janet after people read the book if they want to find out more about becoming a client how do they do that? All anyone needs to do is to go to my website JanetPhilbin.com P-H-I-L-B-I-N and there's actually a link on the website to book a complimentary 30-minute consultation and there's other information on the website too so people can learn all about me, read my articles and there's a couple of classes on there people can purchase and also links to the book and if you're not sure if you want to buy the book but you want to test it out you can actually download the first chapter for free right from my website. That's a good idea. So Janet is there anything else you want to add before we sign out? This has been a great conversation. Thank you so much for having me on your show. And thanks for being on the show Janet. You're welcome. Remember our next episode will be released next Friday at 9 a.m. Should you want to become a major supporter of the show or have questions please contact us at Mike at Rothvoice.com This is a shout out for supporters Tweet Coleman, Ed Williams and major supporter Dr. Craig Curtis at K2 in the Villages. We will be hearing more from Dr. Curtis with short Alzheimer's tips each week. If you know someone who should be on the show contact us at Mike at Rothvoice.com. We thank everyone for listening to the show. The content of the show is copyrighted by Rothvoice 2024 all rights reserved