epi 2

The speaker shares a personal experience of confessing feelings to someone and getting rejected. They reflect on the importance of personal experiences and learning from mistakes. They also talk about being ghosted by someone they confessed to and realizing they have had poor choices in men. The speaker then discusses rejection in different aspects of life, such as personal, professional, and social. They touch on the emotional impact of rejection within families and discrimination in the workplace based on race. They express hope for a more equal society. Welcome everyone to the second episode. So today I will be talking about rejection. So let me just share a little story, like background story of my personal experience. You know, what I come through, what I have to share with you. Listen up. So I'm just saying this as a warning. This is not me saying any shade to anyone, but it is just my personal experience and I want to share it. Because I think that personal experience is something that is valuable for everyone. Because it serves as a path experience to us. And it taught us, it helped us, it taught us better. Because we make that mistake before. If it is a mistake, if it wasn't a mistake, it is a good thing. However, if we make a mistake, that is a learning curve for us. We could, we will do better. We will do better in the future. So basically, it helped us to develop who we are. Be a better person, be proud of how you started. It is better for you. So let me get to the story, okay. So I did like the confession to a guy over like social media. I did like DM him. And then I said I liked him. And then, next thing I know, he asked me, why did I like him? I was like, I'm not sure. Because I don't know what's going on at that time. I was young, dumb, no clue what was going on. I just said, oh because you look cute. I couldn't say I liked him. I would not, if personally, if it would be me, I personally, personally, wouldn't say I liked him. Because you don't know that person well enough. That's what has taught me. Because like one of my friends told me about her experience. And that just brightened up my day to think about it. Like, okay, if that was me, like if it was me, someone else confessed to me, how would I feel if someone said I liked you? I'm like, okay, that does make sense. Because you don't know that person well enough. How would you say you like them, unless you stalk them? Which is not ideal when you say that. Because that makes it look suspicious. So, yeah, it quickly turned into a rejection. I was a bit sad, but not too much. It was fine afterwards. But then another one, like another story that's kind of connected to this one, the one guy that I confessed to and he rejected me, it's kind of connected-ish. But let me tell you, I got ghosted. Yeah, I think it's about like two or three weeks. Like, I think we're in like our talking stage. Okay, so basically, I think the second guy that I talked to asked for his friend opinion, which is the first guy friend. Like, they're friends, we're both friends, so obviously, they asked for each other opinion. How should I do or how should I go on about this matter? Obviously, the first guy told him about like what I said or like the confession or whatever. I don't know exactly what it was, but couldn't be bothered to find out either. But from what I know, the first guy told the second guy to ghost me, which, yeah, I didn't get ghosted. I had no clue what's going on. I was kind of sad because I was blaming myself. What the hell did I do wrong? Like, I was looking for explanations. What has gone wrong? I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, yeah. That quickly turned into like, you know, in denial myself. I can't be happening because I keep checking my DMs every day. Like, oh, has he said anything? Why hasn't he said anything? I keep, you know, texting him. But I got no response afterwards. I got ghosted. I'm just like, you know, I will let it be. It is what it is. And then after about two or three months after, well, that's when I let it all go and I said, yeah, it's time to move on. That's when I realised I did have a bad taste in men. I'm not saying it felt much better, but I don't have to like stress over this matter because I feel like relationship is such of effort. Like, it needs a lot of effort for you to maintain it. Because it's not just one side. It needs both sides to maintain a healthy and like, a happy relationship. So I'm not in that state of like, time that I can commit it to something like that. So I think the past experience is, it tells me that I need to do better for myself. Do not have poor choice in men, first of all. Second of all, like, I need to think properly. How do I feel about this guy? How do I feel about what would happen to me? I have a rough idea of what's going to happen. Because sometimes when you don't expect anything at all of what's going to happen, it's kind of sad in a way because you could get yourself in such a shit situation. Like, you have some expectation of what it's going to look like. Otherwise, you've got to shut your bands. So, now, let's get started on our definition to rejection. So what is rejection? In my opinion, rejection is like the opposite feelings of being expecting. It is quite unpleasant and it may make us feel like unwanted, unworthy, or even like self-doubt. Everyone has self-doubt. This is something that we all live with every day, could be on like a daily basis or like sometimes during the weeks or sometimes during the month. So, you know, this is just not an abnormal thing. We face that every day. So, there are many like different types of rejections. It could be like personal, it could be professional, or it could be social. So, I'm going to describe these three things. So, when I say personal, I want you to focus on family or even romantically. This is because this is just based on your personal experiences and how you go on about your personal life. So, for personal, I first handed like first experience, like I have experienced personal experience about this because I see it in so many families. Like to get like love that they deserve and they should have get. It is just emotionally wrecking to me, but I guess different families have different opinions about life and how they should raise their children and all. But in my opinion, sometimes when I see like, you know, the first child getting like overlooked from their parents after they have like another little baby, like sisters or brothers, they get overlooked. This is just emotionally bad for me because regardless of what the parents are going through, I know it's tiring to have to get overlooked after another tiny human being. However, it is you that bring another tiny human being into the world. So, even with me, I would personally expect love regardless if I have like a younger sibling. I don't want myself to get overlooked. I feel lonely. I'm sure that every child feels lonely when they care more. Like their attention is so focused on the younger ones. So, it just makes me personally feel sad, yeah. And then sometimes the middle child, the middle child get ignored a lot. That is quite sad because what can you do? You're just born in the middle. And especially when you're like obedient and you listen to what your parents say, you do whatever they ask for, then basically they can treat you like an object. Because you're so good, you don't make any trouble. They don't know you even existed sometime, I think. It is quite shocking to how many people reacted when I asked, oh, how do you feel being like a middle child? They didn't say anything. They looked at me blankly. I'm like, oh, that's kind of sad-ish. Then, now, let's move on to the youngest one. The youngest one is in the between because they could be very loved or they could be very unloved. This is because for the loved one, because they are the last one, they're the youngest, I think that they're the naughtiest. That's true because I am the naughtiest, I think, in my family. But then if for other families that their younger child get ignored, I think it's because their parents don't want them anymore. It could be an accident. That's why I think it is such an emotional and training When you have children, you have the responsibility to look after them carefully, give them love that they deserve, give them the love that they need to grow properly. Because when you don't give enough love, it could traumatize their life and their adulthood. It could traumatize Because they don't know, like in the future, they don't know how to give love to other people, which is quite shocking because they want to be loved but they don't receive that so they don't know how to express themselves. So that's why I want everyone that thinks they are ready to have families or think they want a family, think of every situation or possibilities that your child could have faced and how you were raised and how you want to do better than or even do what you have now. If you were raised shitty, you want a better experience for your child, I'm sure of it. But if you were raised in a good way, I'm sure it could be harder to maintain for the expectations but it is always a try. And then another thing that I want to talk about is professional. God, so many drama in professional careers because sometimes people have favouritism. God, they have favouritism. It could be like, you know, you're doing the same work, you have the same title, same status, you have the same work hours, same salary, same everything. But, you know, you get rejected from a position because they like that person more. Or it could be because of race. It's unbelievable how many people are being discriminated against. Like their race, their in colour. This is from one of the articles that I read, which was from Harvard Business School in 2017, which stated that African American and Asian who didn't disclose their race on resume have like a better chance to get callbacks for job interviews. That is just shocking because I know we came from a tough time that white people are good, white people are the best. But I think we live in such a different generation now. So I really hope that the change, the thinking, the thought process can really change and make a better place for everyone, make it equal. Because some people don't deserve all of this. How could you control where you're born? How could you control your skin colour? How could you control that? Like it is just uncontrollable things that you can't really know. And you can't do anything about it. So I just want, like I really hope that people can change their way of thinking. I know it has changed quite a lot, but there's still some that make it harder for people with different skin colour, different race, like a fucking living hell. So yes, I really hope they can do better. And then, you know, the last one I want to say about the type of rejection is, this is quite trashy, but I just want to say, why are they getting outcasts? From another article I read, which was like ex-prisoners, like the way we treat ex-prisoners is unbelievable. Because I read, I do not quite believe that in some states in the United States, they kind of lose their privilege to vote. Like they're not eligible to vote after they've served their time, unless they like beg pardon for it. Like they beg for that. How are they going to live life after that? Because society doesn't fully accept who they are. That is not equal human rights. I think everyone has to vote. Because in Australia, that's not how people get to vote when they're 18. And when you don't vote, you get a fine. It's quite nuts. And for another study that I see that like, some people with disabilities, you know, their employment rate is lower. So this is another study from Smith Business Insights 2022, which states that the employment rate among disability, like the Canadian working age adult with disability, is 49% compared to the 79% of the normal workforce. Which is quite shocking. Because I think, regardless if you have disabilities or not, I think it is still something that you need to have a job. That is to pay for the basic necessities, such as housing, water, food, clothing. You need to pay for all of that. But then if you don't have a job, and you live on like government benefits, that is too much for like, for them. They're not special. They're just the same as normal human beings. They just had a little bit of exceptions. But they're still normal. They can work. Why should you make exceptions or exclude them from the workforce? This is not something that like, we would do as we have normal human rights. Why is that? I really hope it can be better. It can be changed. I really hope that. Because it's like, it's half age. Cost of living is rising. It's harder for even normal people to make ends meet. How about we think about disability people? How are they going to make ends meet when they don't even have a job? How are they going to make ends meet? How are they going to do good? How are they going to have a healthier life? Live a healthier life? A happier one? Do whatever they want. How are they going to do that? If we limited the way that they can do that, we limited the pathway that they can get there, which is quite challenging. I really hope it can change, you know? But these are just what I wanted to talk about like, about the different types of discrimination. Oh, another thing actually. I forgot about like, the romantically. But you know, what hurts the most is the personal one. Because sometimes when you don't get the love that you deserve from like, you know, a really close person, a really loved person, you don't get quite the love that you deserve. This is just heartbreaking. Because you are close to them. You know them. Why are you being rejected for the love that you deserve? Why are you not getting the love that you deserve? It's quite challenging for me sometimes to open up. So, you know, when I open up, and then I get rejected, it's quite bad. Because this can limit me to do another open up later in life. That could limit my chance, or like, the possibility of me to achieve happiness. It can be quite limited. This can quite hurt a lot. So, I really want to say that. Be kind to people. And when you reject anyone, just be direct. Do not destroy anyone's heart or emotions. Because this can crash. Like, they, their character can be crashed in like, a blink of a second. They are going to hide their emotions from you. Because you crashed their feelings, their emotions, their character. You crashed it. So, be kind when you reject someone. I know that like, it could be a different case that you don't like that person. You don't see like, their romantic lines or like, something. The chemistry doesn't match. Okay, I get that. But I really hope that everyone can be kind to everyone else. Because you don't know what they're going through. It could be like, such a hardship. It could be they're living a hard life at the moment. Everyone has their own difficulties, have their own hardships. So, yeah, be kind. Don't be a nasty little bitch that just humiliates someone that confesses their feelings to you. Don't do that. So, now let's move on to the practical tips and strategy for dealing with rejection. And I want to emphasise on the acknowledgement of rejection. This is important because when we acknowledge rejection, we don't ignore it. When we acknowledge it, we don't ignore it. But when we ignore it, the feelings build up. We keep getting hurt. We are not getting anywhere in life. When you get rejected, you keep feeling to yourself, you don't move on from where you are, and it sucks. So, rejection is important to be acknowledged. And another case is, I think rejection is unique to everyone. How they handle their emotions, how they express their feelings, the sensitivity of each person, like emotions. Because everyone is different. Everyone is unique. They have their own values and their own beliefs. So, we will have different reactions when we get rejected. I was sad. In a sense, I was kind of relieved because in that time, I did not know how, I did not know what to expect in that situation. I did not know what to expect and I have no clue. I was young. I was dumb. So, if I get into that relationship, it could mean that I am not prioritising myself. I am not choosing me. I am choosing the other person. So, I want you to be relieved that You can express all your feelings out. It is the emotional impact after you get rejected. However, do not ignore it. Do not keep shame that you get rejected. Do not humiliate them. This is just a process. It's a learning curve. You will learn from it. Learn from the past experience. That makes you a better person. You are growing. Time is so important. It's a secret tool that everyone has. So, we better learn from our experience. Get up. Bounce from all the setbacks we have, all the rejections. Keep going. It could be failures, but keep going. I really hope that everyone can get out of the loop stages of the emotional impact. If you stay in the loop, you are going to get stuck. You need to get out of it. So, when you are in the stage, express yourself. When you are in the stage of denial, think why are you in that stage? How can you make a difference? You think that you could have done better. However, you did what you did. You did your best and you got the results you get. It's probably not even your mistake. It's not even you that lack anything. It's just couldn't be like the right fit for them. Capability. Lack of capability. Or even like it's just not you that's suitable for it. I know you dream of something bigger. I know that. However, it's just not you that's suitable for them. They are looking for something different. So, it's not your mistake. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself. And then you reach like a stage that where you look for explanation. So, this stage could be very exhausting because you keep thinking to yourself, okay, well I could have done that better. What happened? Why didn't he chose me? Am I lacking something? Am I the mistake? Am I the fault? And you will have those stages. You will have the crying stages. You will be having the angry stages. The venting stages. Or even like the self-doubt stage where you doubt yourself so much. You make yourself look so low. Your self-esteem drops to the ground. You think that you are a mistake. You think your idea is dumb. Your thought is dumb. But however, don't let that get into you because when the thoughts get into you, it's not healthy anymore. You keep repeating the thoughts again, over and over again. This is not something that I wanted to do. I'm not going to say that. Because after that two or three months, after I get ghosted, I really learned that it's not something about you. It's about them. You're not what they're looking for. They were not receiving the right advice. Their time could be that. Could be, you know, they don't want to put any effort into developing a relationship. Or they could be like, you know, overlooked. What can you do? It's not your mistake. Learn from it. Accept it. And learn from your past mistakes. Learn from the experience. Move on. Hold and be a better person. Be who you will be proud of. This is something that is hard. To get yourself off the ground. To get yourself started again from the failure. It is very hard. Whoever can do it is amazing. It truly is amazing. You know, I really hope that the best for them. I really hope that everything goes as they plan. Because they reach their failures. They learn from their mistakes. They bounce back. They keep bouncing back. So I really hope they get there to where they want it. I really hope they achieve the happiness in life. I hope they have a good life. They have a long future to live for. You know, those are just some wishful things that I want to say to anyone who face rejection. I want them. I want better for everyone. Everyone's equal. If no one's hurting anybody, they still have the right to be happy. They still have the rights to choose whoever they want. They have the right to choose whatever they desire. They have that right. And then I want to share some stories from famous individuals who face rejection that never came out. So Jack Ma, one of the guys who own Alibaba. This guy is amazing. Because from what I read from him, like his bibliography, so apparently he applied to 30 jobs in his hometown and got rejected by every one of them. He even applied to KFC. Got rejected from that too. How can you get rejected from KFC? Out of the 24 people that applied there, 23 got it. He got rejected. It's so strange. But he got up, faced the world again, get himself out there. Be a better self. Be who you want to be. And then, you know, even when like, when he went to venture capitalist to raise funds for his business, it failed. He didn't get any investor. It's not easy. But whenever you get up from your setbacks, from the challenge that you face, the failures, rejection, you got help from that. You can achieve your dream. It is a dream come true that you are willing to pursue your dream. It is so rare that people actually chase their after. Some people just live their life on autopilot. Those are never like people. Those are people who can't get out of their comfort zone. They live in a bubble. They built for themselves. They live in that bubble. So is the excitement. This is full of dullness in their bubble. What did they do? They lived their life on autopilot. They don't have happiness. They don't feel excitement. They don't feel challenged. They probably don't feel a sense of accomplishment. They don't feel that. Because life is on autopilot. You let it be. Let life take its course. But you want your own control of life. Because it's your own life and you got a chance to live it, live it to the fullest. Don't let any rejection stay on you. Setbacks take it from you. Let it be an experience that you can learn from it. Something that you can step on and be proud. You are who you are today because of that. Let it be something that you can share with other persons. It's so amazing that you can share it with your personal experiences. And then another person I wanted to share is JK Rowling. She is just amazing. She got denied from publishers that she wanted to publish a children's book. She got denial. But she kept going, keep working while living on government benefits. She keeps doing what she's doing. She believes in her own dream. She believes in the bigger picture. You don't let rejection take it away from her. I know it's hard. It's hard. When you face the reality that you got rejected, you don't get accepted. They don't want you. You feel the worthlessness in yourself, in your idea. You are who you are based on those past experiences, based on those rejections. So don't let them take that from you. Be who you want to be. Let go and pursue those dreams. Don't let it take away from you. You know, playing it safe doesn't make you anything. But get yourself out there. Pursue your dream. You're amazing. You're doing it. You're crushing it. Some people that has idea, they don't execute it. They don't let that outside. They just keep it in that bubble. How can people know about it? So get out of your comfort zone. Don't be scared of rejection. Because you face them on a daily basis, I'm sure of it. Okay, so for example, when your mum say no to what you wanted, what do you want? Like a toy. And then your mum say no. And then you want something else, or she goes, your mum say no. That is just rejection. How are you dealing with it? You made those tantrums, but how long can a tantrum last, basically? Not long. So that's, I think, it's also the same concept that can be applied to life. When you're on a go, it could be very, very stressful. You pursue something that you wanted and you face the facts. Don't let it take away from you. Don't give up. Some people gave up right before where they wanted to be. Right before. Up the length of I could ruin all the hard work that you put in. Don't give up. You're getting there. You're strong. And the last thing I want to say about that, don't let anyone tell you that your idea is dumb. It's not dumb. They are dumb. They are jealous of you. You have that idea. They don't. They don't know anything about your idea. You know the best. Act like you know the best. Make them feel dumb. Because you know yourself the best. Let yourself pursue the dreams that you always have. Let it be. Even failures. Let it be. Learn it up. Thorn up to your failures. Learn from it. Get to where you want. Because that's all life's about, isn't it? Say it. Say it. Go for it. Have some fun. What's the fun in life if you don't have the excitement, you don't have the challenges? You get whatever you wanted. That's kind of not fun when you get it easily. You want some challenges. Those are some fun stuff. When it's sad, failures are sad. But they're fun. You can look back and you can be proud of your own growth. You stand up to who you wanted to be. For your dream, you stand up. And I believe that that is so strong. Most people can't. They still live the way they don't want to. Their life is on autopilot. So in conclusion, I just want to say rejection is not something you should fear. Rejection is something that can lead you to better opportunities because you learn more about yourself. You learn about your mistakes. You learn from your past experience. You know what you did. How you could be improved. How could you do better? How can you plan out a little better? How can you do it? Sometimes a dream can still be a dream. Sometimes a dream can be executed into actual action and it could be a real thing. So please, take your action. Do not be afraid of rejection and failures. It could be hurtful, but those are just some amazing things that we face in life. And I think you have the best tool, everyone has the best tool in life, which is time. Let time take its course. You have time. It's never too late to start anything. But be aware that there are different challenges at different ages. So please enjoy life. Live it the way you want it. Have some fun. Get excited. Be fearless. Fulfill your dreams. Let it come true. Be who you want to be. Never too late. Love yourself. Prioritise yourself. Don't let anyone break you. You are you. You are strong. You can do it. Thank you.