Latin Podcast Revised

Hello again, everyone, and welcome back to 2000 Years Ago Today. I am your host, Lucas Johnson, and this is the only podcast with a private time machine. Now, unlike our other episodes, we have two very special guests here today, both a soldier from Scipio's side and a soldier from Hannibal's side. We pulled them out of the time stream just before their death, so we won't cause any paradoxes. Wait, what? We were about to die? What? No, you are fine. You set the contract, you idiot. I don't want to die. Okay, who's that? Hello? What the? Let me in. No, I am here on the set. You won't let me in. You will not let me in. Don't fire me. No. Who is this? Get him off the set. I am here on the set. I would like to be free. Okay, okay, okay. Who is this? I am here on the set. I would like to be free. I am here on the set. I would like to be free. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, before we get into our questions and deal with that, we have to start with our introductory segment with the historian. Hello there. Hello there, historian. All right, today I got two special questions for you to give some, I guess, background information for our audience. First one, can you give us a bit of information about Scipio Africanus? Well, you see, Mr. Lucas, Scipio was born as Publius Cornelius Scipio. That name changed after his conquest in Africa. Scipio joined his father in the campaign to stop Hannibal when he was a wee little lad. He supposedly saved his father's life in his first battle, but there's no real evidence to support this. After this, Scipio fought many battles, including that with Hannibal. Fun fact, only the Romans wrote history down, not the Carthaginians. So, we don't have a weird historian translator here, but hopefully everybody in the audience can get that. Now, can you give me a bit of information about Hannibal too? Well, Lucas, Hannibal was the son of Hannibal Barca. He had two brothers, Hadrubal and Mago. When he was a young lad, he swore to his father that he would never be afraid of Rome. When he was older, his brother Hadrubal was assassinated. Afterwards, he was proclaimed commander-in-chief by the army. Okay, good gracious, get off the set. Nobody even knows what you're saying. Alright, after that delightful segment with the historian, we now have a few interview questions for our two soldiers. First one, who were your generals fighting for? So, Hannibal, well, his father died. Poor guy. Sad. But, his father really hated Rome. Very, very much. Hated. A lot. You know? A lot. Well, his death wish was Rome. So, Hannibal was fighting for his father's death wish. I, um, okay, what about you? You served Scipio, didn't you? So, what was she saying? Scipio was fighting to protect the Roman territory from the evil Carthaginians that have been evil and terrorizing us for thousands of years. Evil? You took our land! Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna kill you! Um, okay, listen, y'all can kill each other to your heart's content after we're done with the podcast. Ew. Alright, um, onwards to the next question. So, how and why did Hannibal recruit Spain for his military? Well, Hannibal actually conquered the Spaniards and then recruited them. So, he pretty much turned them into slaves that were fighting for him. Uh, that sounded really wrong. Um, I thought you said, okay, uh, well, after that beautiful, um, I guess, interjection? What? Um, let's go on to the next question. Why was Scipio, or was Scipio, well-liked in Rome, actually? Well, not exactly. He wasn't exactly well-liked. He was kind of controversial. Not everybody liked him because he just made some interesting complaints. Now, I do have a very, very important question that has been debated by scholars for many years. What was the name of Hannibal's elephant? Well, actually, Hannibal's elephant was named Sourus. It was the only elephant that actually survived the war. Every other elephant was mercilessly slaughtered. But, Sourus was protected because that was Hannibal's elephant, of course, and he wanted it. It was his pet. Very gracious. Um, I wonder what his wife thought. All right. So, is there any funny stories about Scipio's birth? So, from what I heard, he kind of appeared in his mother's bed as like a serpent. It was like, yeah, a serpent in her bed. Um. Yeah, that's what I heard, too. I... Scipio's a serpent? Shut up. Okay. Um, I got a couple more questions, though. Another one. So, how did Scipio win the Battle of Zama and how did Hannibal lose the Battle of Zama? Uh, we don't talk about that battle. Oh, we talk about that battle. Yes. No, we don't. How? How did it happen? Scipio and his generals and, well, me, obviously, too, we were very smart and we snuck behind the stupid Carthaginian army and their cavalry and we stabbed them in the back and killed them. Oh. Oh. Well. Okay. Well, in that case, thank you for coming here, but before we all leave today, we have one final question for all of you. Both sides, actually. So, we've heard all sorts of revelations from each side, but one important factor still remains. Whose battle was the most honorable? Scipio. It was definitely Carthage. No, it was Scipio because Carthage, they just attacked us. 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