x-tianity

The speaker discusses their experience with Christianity in the UK. They mention being born a Catholic and having their first experience of the Eucharist. They also talk about exploring other religions like Buddhism but eventually returning to Christian mysticism. They mention practices like the Stations of the Cross and the Jesus prayer. The speaker briefly mentions a period of atheism before coming back to theistic beliefs. They acknowledge that aspects of the inner journey can be incomprehensible but still valuable. Hi everyone, I thought I'd talk a little today about my experience with Christianity in the UK. It's going to be very different for people in America, it's a very different situation there. When I was born a Catholic, I had the Confirmation, Baptism Confirmation, and my first sort of experience really was of the Eucharist, and people asked me how it was, well not people, my parents asked me, I was very young, you're very young when you have that, what did it feel like, or how did I feel about it, and I just felt, and I said holy, and I didn't understand what that was at that time or what it meant, but that's what it seemed like. And looking back on it, I thought well maybe it was the wine, you know, you had a sip of wine, maybe that had some sort of effect on you, but I'd been used to having small amounts of alcohol on a sugar cube, and also rum in milk as a sort of medicine, so I knew what that was like, this was something that was different, and I think that was to do maybe with the occasion, the ritual, or something else, I really can't say, but that was my first experience within any form of mysticism was with Christianity. And then later on, when I was older, I started reading about the Cathars and Albigensians, which were heretical movements in the southern areas of France, they I found very interesting. Later on I did retreats, one in a Benedictine monastery in Kent Castle for people who were thinking of taking, you know, becoming monks, and I realised it wasn't for me, really because I found out that the monks were being trained for joining, they were being trained as priests basically, and I had no interest in being a priest, so that was out for me. And then after I'd explored other religions, such as Buddhism, I came back to Christian mysticism and started looking at things, the sort of traditions, the inner traditions if you like, things like in Catholicism you have the Stations of the Cross, which is a series of ten images, or ten statues, or ten points at which you explore different aspects of Christ's journey to the cross, if you like, and it's a very profound experience because it draws out things from you, and it is a form of inner reflection. Another example, which is very difficult for people to understand who don't do it, is the Jesus prayer, you know, Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner, which seems, well what's that about, but it has a meaning, a deeper meaning, which eventually becomes clear if you do it long enough, you understand that those words are to do with something other than, oh look at me, I'm a terrible, please help me, that's just the initial thing. And then, you know, I was reading things like The Cloud of Unknowing, The Way of the Pilgrim, books just basically about the various forms of Christian mysticism, and again, if these systems have a use to people's inner journey, then they're useful, if they understand them in a way that people who haven't practiced them don't, or people who just have practiced them and completely reject them. There was a time when I completely rejected all forms of theism and became an atheist for a couple of years, and I found it very empty, and then went back to a theistic, well this is quite an interesting thing, because when you go back to theism from atheism, I mean I'm not talking about just being an atheist in terms of, oh well that's something I'll try, you actually have to accept and understand no God, that there is no God, and then eventually you come out of that and you realize that it is possible for something to be beyond existence and non-existence, so you can say that God exists and doesn't exist, and that is a more developed understanding and practically incomprehensible, because it's ridiculous, and many aspects of the inner journey, if you like, are completely incomprehensible and completely nonsensical, but they're there as experiences and understandings, which again are useful. OK, that's all from me for today, bye now.