Cardi B - 2

The speakers discuss the psychology of cheating and the importance of communication and commitment in relationships. They emphasize that cheating is defined by violating the agreed-upon boundaries in a relationship. They believe that monogamy is a choice and that being attracted to others is natural, but acting on it is a personal decision. They also discuss the idea of non-traditional relationships and the need for honesty and upfront communication. They conclude by saying that relationships should be built on honesty and clear expectations. And we're back right here on the Unemployment Line, Doc and Larry P. talking about Cardi B and Offset. So Larry was trying to get to a point before we went to break. And as we're diving deeper into the psychology of the cheater and how to avoid the point of no return, and the best way to avoid the point of no return as we sat on the couch, it was more about, hey, you have to make the decision that you're going to be the person that you say that you are, and the person that you've committed to be. Once you've made the decision to be in a relationship, you have communicated to your partner like, hey, it's me and you. And it's just going to be us. Or if you're in a more non traditional relationship, it's me, you and Susan. And it's just going to be the three of us. Let's bookmark on that one. Or whatever y'all have agreed to. Whatever you have agreed to as a couple, that's what you're going to stick to. Because my philosophy on cheating, people always question like, what is cheating? Is texting cheating? Or is sending inappropriate messages or pictures cheating? Is kissing cheating? Cheating is you violating whatever y'all have agreed to. Y'all can agree to whatever y'all want to agree to as a couple, because that's y'all business. And the reason why you can do that is, my core philosophy is, monogamy is a choice. Monogamy is a choice. I am not a believer that you are genetically or naturally predisposed to finding a person and deciding, now that I found my person, all my attraction to everyone else clicks off. All everybody else's attraction to me clicks off. You wake up every day. I wake up every day and decide, I am a married man, I have no interest in other women. No matter what they look like or no matter how they approach me, I'm committed to my relationship. The end. That is a choice. That is not something that just clicks off just because I'm married or clicks off just because I'm in a relationship. But for some people, they think that's the way that it works. They think like, oh, well, now that I got a girl, I won't be out here looking for other women no more. Or, now that I got a girl, people are going to respect that. Or, if I got a ring on my finger, they'll leave me alone. That's not the way that it works. If people are attracted to you, they are attracted to you. If you are attracted to other people, you are going to be attracted to them. It is your choice not to act on it. I'm going to put it like this, man. I be telling my girl all the time, look, the day that people are not attracted to you, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but you're doing something wrong. That is fair, but I'm going to say this, I'm going to say this, some people will look at two fairly unattractive people and think to themselves, I ain't talking about unattractive people. But I'm just, no, no, what I'm saying is they'll look at two people and they'll be like, dang, she with him or he with her. I don't care, like me personally, I don't care if a single soul finds my wife to be attractive. No, I'm going to tell you this. I find her to be attractive. That's what matters to me, but I also get your point. I'm going to tell you this, listen, I done seen a lot of men, not in that way, but I done seen, whoa, that's crazy, be professional, I done seen a lot of men and I done seen what a lot of men are attracted to. I'm convinced that no matter what your girl, what your wife or anybody's wife looks like, there's a man out there attracted to her. The day that I feel like nobody's attracted to my girl, I was like, there's something that's wrong here because you got to understand, in order for you, like Doc said, people are going to be attracted to your partner. In order for you to be attracted to them, you got to realize there's something that drew you to them. Whatever drew you to them, it's probably going to draw other people to them too. However, we're not talking about your attraction to them, we're talking about their attraction to everybody else, which is why I was like, let's bookmark when you was like, whatever the relationship is, it's either between you and him or you, him and Susan, because I feel like we talk about this every time we talk about monogamy and cheating. Every relationship ain't supposed to be built off the societal norms of what a relationship should be. Like, if you realize like, hey, I need to date two women at one time, then find you a woman that'll accept two women at one time, or find you a woman that'll say, hey, I don't like the date. You know, I talked to, um, I was talking to a woman and, um, she was like under the impression that, you know, when men are pursuing her, they should only be pursuing her, but she should be able to pursue other men. Okay. Well, you lost me there. You lost me too there as well. Yeah. But my thing about it is, my thing about it was, I was like, that ain't for me. But I was like, for the man that's going for you, if they can shut down everything and be your right pocket, your left pocket, your back pocket, and your back left pocket, back right, back left, then I mean, that's them, like you pick who you want to pick. But I was like, I'm not about to sit out here and we have no exclusivity to ourselves. And then be like, oh, well, you know, I want to be with her. So I'm going to cut off all my women and why she's still like dating other dudes and she's like, yeah, y'all should be able to compete for my love. And I'm like, huh? She thinks she's a bachelorette. That's what she thinks. Listen, man, life ain't, nevermind. I'm not even going to get into that because I feel like that's another topic for another show. But what I will, what I will get to in what you just said was there is this mindset generally from some people, specifically women, that the only way I'm going to know that you are serious about me is if you are singularly pursuing me. And so like women will often require a level of exclusivity prior to the relationship. Like, so even like, even if y'all are not in a relationship, it's like, if we talking, we dating, we going out, like you shouldn't be out here and you know, you ain't serious about me. If you dating other people, like that's, that's some people's perspective on it, on the matter. And so where, what happens to a lot of guys is, all right, I want to show her I'm serious. I'm still exploring my options, but you know, I feel like this is a strong option. And so I am going to not pursue any other women except her just to show that, show her that I'm serious. And in the process of that, y'all start doing relationship stuff prior to being in the relationship. And then there starts to be relationship expectations prior to the relationship. And then you get into the relationship and then you realize, huh, I wasn't a hundred percent ready for this shit. I think relationships would be drawn up like contracts, right? Like with job contracts. It is. It's a verbal contract. Well, no, I think they need to be verbally drawn up like contracts. Like with job contracts, they say, Hey, we, we reserved the right to terminate you at blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This happens. If you do this, this can happen, right? I think a lot of these relationships happen without complete honesty. Like I feel like honesty is hard. I mean, honesty is hard, but I feel like a lot of relationship woes would be stopped if honesty was up front. But see, a lot of times it's difficult to be honest because you are fearful of losing out on your opportunity. If you tell the complete and honest truth. There's no opportunity if, if, if, if your honesty is going to ruin it in the end. Like if a dog is like, Hey, I want to be a cat, but I'm a, I'm a, I'm a lot of them and I'm not going to bark. But then the one moment that you bark, they be like, he ain't no cat, kick him out. Like, bruh, like honestly, like what would you, what would you expect him to happen? Like you're a dog. If a lie, if a lie will help you to achieve your goal, what's more important, your goal of the lie? Your goal. Okay. So a lie will, if the lie will help you to achieve your goal, you'll lie. But that's not, that's not moment. So like, for example, I will speak from personal experience when confronted with the question of, Hey, am I the only person that you're talking to in the moment, this 10 32 PM on a Saturday night and you hanging out, chilling, you know, you don't think I'm talking to you. So yeah. And so, but I'm, I was speaking from a perspective of, I'm going to leave some things out of that sentence. You're the only girl I'm talking to today. Well, that's, that's what we call, I think, well, there's a book as well talked about what is a lie and they have a definition of a white lie versus whatever realized. And that is, I would describe that as an omission of detail. That is a white lie, omission of detail, whatever you want to call it. But when it comes to your core being and you lying about your core being like, if you were a cheater, bro, let her know, I can't stay committed to one woman and that's her choice to choose. Or, or, or one of two things are going to happen. If you tell the truth, then you can either say, Hey, listen, I really want to be in a relationship at some point. However, as my man, Donnell Jones said, there's a lot of lust inside of me. And so I feel like, you know, I want to be with you. However, I also know that there's all these other women that I'm also interested in pursuing or be. And maybe once I get past that, I will be more in a position where I'm ready to be the man that you need me to be, or be, I have so much of that inside of me that the only way it's going to be quenched is I got to be seeing you in a couple of you got some of the, you got some of the all time greats, Richard Pryor, Ray Charles, that let them women know, Hey, listen, I can't, I can't be committed to this one woman. And they first wife will always be the most loyal woman to them, but they'll always be the first ex that they had. And here's the worry. And this goes back to my bookmark, where the dudes get worried and what prompts the liars. They know, like you said, that there's other dudes out there that are interested in that woman. And the fragility of the male ego prevents you from being comfortable with the idea of her seeing other people, even though you know, you want to see other people too. Does this boil down to a controlling factor at this point? It boils down to not, last week, Joe, not fully feeling a living in the idea that you are the prize. You don't want the competition. And so what's the way to, what is the best way to cut off the competition? Like old girl who was like, all right, I want men to pursue me, but I should be able to talk to other dudes. She is comfortable with the idea of y'all competing for me, but I don't want to compete for your attention. And a lot of men are comfortable with the idea of, you know, I don't want to compete for her attention, but I also am diverting my attention elsewhere. And that's not fair on either side. In no way is that fair. I feel, and that's my personal preference, and maybe, you know, y'all live y'all, y'all lives differently. But the way I look at it is either we together, or we can both see other people. I feel that's fair. You can't get, if the understanding that, hey, we're dating, we talking, but you know, we also can see other people, or is the understanding, hey, it's just the two of us. For me and the way my mind operates and the choices I want to make, those were the two choices that I was comfortable with. I'm comfortable with you seeing other people, as long as I'm seeing other people, too. What I'm not comfortable with is you seeing other people, and I'm just over here being loyal and on standby. And I think what men do is they take away the woman's right to choose, and I'm not trying to get into a whole, like, Supreme Court debate, but what they talk about is, hey, you didn't even give me the option to say if I'm okay with this or not. You just lied. You said, I'm the only person you're talking to, knowing you was out here with other people. And that's not fair. That's fundamentally unfair, fellas. So if you're going to be that dude, stand on it, believe you're the prize, and be that dude. If you're not going to be that dude, then leave her alone, because what's going to happen is if she is somebody that you truly wanted to pursue, you're going to push her to a point where she's just like, you know what? He's playing games. I can't do this no more. And then you'll be left with that dude that truly is the man for her, and he rearranging her insides. Speaking of which, when we come back, we're going to talk about what happens when your woman reaches the point of no return. It's down to Plymouth Live.