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Lance Essihos

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The episode discusses the concept of creating a new identity. It explains that identity is shaped by our beliefs, experiences, and connections to communities. People can feel stuck in their current identity, but they have the ability to change. This change starts with being aware of who they don't want to be and recognizing the habits and behaviors that hold them back. The process of creating a new identity involves being conscious of one's choices and making different decisions. It requires committing to new habits and actions that align with the desired identity. The episode compares life to a movie, where individuals can play different characters and create new identities. It emphasizes the importance of taking different actions to achieve different results. Change can be uncomfortable, and fear of the unknown can hold people back. However, if they want more out of life, they need to challenge themselves and be willing to break old habits and adopt new ones. Consistent actions over Hey, everybody. In today's episode, we are going to talk about how to create a new identity. It's really interesting, actually, when you think about what identity is. You know, like what makes us who we are and what do we actually perceive ourselves to be? I'm going to read out the definition that I asked ChatGPT to give us today about what identity is. Identity is the essence of who you are, encompassing your beliefs, experiences, and connections to communities, shaping your sense of self and belonging. So in simpler terms, basically the life that you've lived, the people you've been around, the experiences that you've gone through have shaped who you are today. And that's who you perceive yourself as, right? And your identity really comes down to what you do every day, how you behave, right? And what you believe in. And some people feel that they're going to be stuck in the same identity for the rest of their lives. And although that happens to a lot of people, you can make a change. You can change who you are. But it starts with being aware of who you don't want to be anymore, right? Thinking about, well first, it's about knowing that you want to change, right? Having awareness. Knowing that there's something else that you want to be, or you want to become, or that you know that you could be, or you're capable of. But you know that there's things holding you back, right? There's habits, there's things that are getting in the way of you being able to make changes and change your actions so that you can actually pursue that new identity that you want, right? That's why being aware of behaviors and habits that you don't like is important. Because as soon as you're conscious of them, you're able to be aware of them and choose something different. And I have found the way that it's helped me to become more conscious of this stuff is by doing the inner work, by doing meditation, breath work, journaling, all the stuff that I talk about. Because what it does is it actually buys you time when these decisions or these things pop up. It actually gives you a second to not just react and do it, but to be like, is this what I want? Is this the thing that I want to do? And then when you're conscious of that, you can make a different choice. But a lot of people don't have that freedom to have a second to decide to choose something different. And that is really the key. And if you want to create a new identity, you could start today. You could literally say, I want to create a new character in my life, okay? Now I like to use this analogy, I've used it for a while and I use it with my clients too when I help them get clear on what it is they actually want. But I think of life like a movie, okay? Your whole life. And you may have played different characters throughout the movie of your life, right? For me, for example, I grew up, I was a hockey player, that was one character. And then I became kind of in the middle, trying to figure out which character I wanted to become next. Tried a bunch of different things on, nothing felt right. And then I got into the bar and restaurant industry, right? So then I played the character of the bartender character for a long time. And then I decided to become an entrepreneur, a podcaster, an author, all these different things, right? But generally, if we want to just simplify it, it's the entrepreneur character, which has a bunch of different things in the makeup of what that means. So if I wanted to become an entrepreneur, which I did, I had to act differently. I had to think about what things am I doing now that aren't in alignment with what I want to be, like what I want to create, right? And it's just like being in a movie where, let's say you're playing Batman in a movie, and you're doing all the things that Batman does, like imagine you're getting ready for this role, to shoot this role, and you're studying the script, you're reviewing it, you're reviewing it like an actor, over and over, you're becoming it, so much that you embody it. Like some of these actors fully become this character, where they don't know the difference. And then they film the movie, and then that's it. They're not going, and then if they have another movie that they want to film, they're not going to take that character into the next one, right? They're going to realize that that character is finished, and if they want to create a new script and a new movie, well guess what? They're going to have to rehearse and learn how to become that new character, create the new identity that aligns with that character. So what's important is knowing, well what does that character do, right? What are the things that that does, what does that character do, what do they believe in? Because in order to become that character, you have to embody those habits and actions that that character has, right? But it can be difficult to get into that new one, because you're so used to doing the old character, right? And so when you retire that character, you put that character, that costume that you've been wearing on the shelf, you have to fully commit to the new character that you're creating. But you really have to understand, well what's it going to take, and what do I need to do every day so that I become that, and it becomes my default? Because if you get used to one character for a while, that's your default. And it takes reprogramming what you do all the time to become that new character. And when it comes to real life, it's a little bit more complicated than being in a movie, obviously, because it's real life. But the principles are the same, because we operate out of familiarity, right? We operate out of what we did yesterday, we're going to do today. And if we continue to do that, generally we get the same results. That's why a lot of people, you ask them, well, what do you want to do? Well, I want to do this, blah, blah, blah, five, ten years later, they're in the same place. And then you look at their actions, they've been doing the exact same thing. So the reality is, if you want a different result, you have to take different actions. It seems like it's simple, but it's not for people. Like the concept is simple, but doing it is not, because it's uncomfortable doing different things that you aren't sure of, that you aren't in your routine, right? It takes conscious effort to understand, okay, for me to be this person, for me to create a new identity, that means I have to make different choices. Because let's say, for instance, you want to level up in your life. I'll use me an example. Everything that I've done to get to where I am today isn't going to get me to the next level. So I'm met with the next level of adversity and challenges and all the things, but I know from the past experience that I have everything that I need to get through this level to where I want to go. But my behaviors and actions and habits have to align, because if I continue doing what I did to get here, I'm just going to get the same results again. I'm not going to level up. So every time you want to level up, you have to reevaluate how you see yourself, what you do on a daily basis, and if this is going to get you to that next level in your life. And the reality is, it's not. It serves you, your identity of who you are serves you where you are today, and if you're happy with that, great. But if you want to create a new identity, you really have to be honest with yourself and say, first off, who do I want to be? What is that going to take? What did that study that person, that visual, it's important to visualize, it's important to understand and break down what that vision, what it's going to take on a daily basis. And then it's about how can I make this, how can I take those actions and habits and implement them into my life now? And so that while I'm doing these things, I'm in alignment with who I want to be, and guess what? When you do that over and over again, that becomes your new identity, because what you do on a daily basis consistently over and over and over time, that's who you are, and who you are is your identity. So it can change, but then you have to be willing to go through the discomfort of familiar patterns of the past, familiar habits, familiar addictions, things that you do that you may not even realize that are keeping you stuck. And it's about being really honest with yourself, looking at where you're at. Are you happy with where you're at? No? Okay. What am I doing that is draining my energy? What am I doing that is getting in the way of that person I want to be? And it's important, because those things matter. Those things compounded over time create the person who you are. So it's important to be conscious of what you don't want and swap in habits and behaviors that align with the person you do want. But change is uncomfortable, and a lot of people can't handle the change, because it does hurt. A lot of people fear the unknown, and they don't know the result or what's going to happen. They don't know that it's going to work, or they don't know that they can actually get out of whatever it is they're in. They don't know that they can create a new identity. So there's this sense of fear, right? So it's like, it's easier for me to just do what I've been doing and keep it safe. And you can live like that. But if you want more out of life, if you want to play a bigger game in life, then you're going to have to challenge yourself and really ask these questions. Who do I want to be? Who's the identity? What habits do I have to break, and which habits do I have to swap out so that that identity can be created? Because a lot of people think that it has to be this crazy revelation or this big miracle. And although those do happen where you have these profound in-body experiences and you just have rapid transformation, the reality is it comes down to what you do consistently over time is what shapes who you are. So you can have these big, profound revelations, but if you don't change your actions, you're still going to be the same person, right? So it's really about doing the simple things day in and day out, and then when you look back six months, that's your identity, right? If you want to become a writer, well, you don't have to write a novel. You just need to write every day. You write every day for 60 days, 30 days. You're a writer. That's your identity. That's what you do. It's what you do consistently, right? And if you want to be more spiritual, well, practice more spiritual concepts, connecting more, right? If you want to become better in business, well, what do you need to do? What are the habits? What are the actions? You see what I'm saying? There's not just one day someone's like, I'm going to become this new person, and a lot of people claim that. They're like, oh, I'm going to be this new person. Okay, great. I encourage everybody to want to do that, but what is it going to take? How do you get granule with it? How do you break it down to the actual daily steps that it's going to take to get there? That's it, because really what we're doing is when we create a vision, we're creating a new identity, and we have to become the person that can hold that identity, right? We don't just become that, but by holding that vision, by holding the new identity of who we want to be, it gives us something to work towards. It makes our mind think like, oh, okay, if this is what I really want, then I have to think differently. I have to think bigger, and that comes down to, well, how am I spending my time? If you're wasting your time, well, then it's not in alignment with that, so you have to reevaluate, you see? But your identity can be created. It can start right now. You just have to be honest with what you've done up to this point, what are you doing today, and what are you committed to doing for a long period of time, right? When you have consistent habits day in and day out, you start to build the integrity, you get confidence, and when you get confidence, you start to believe that you're worthy of it because you've built a reputation with yourself, and I've talked about this before. Your belief system goes up the more you build integrity and you keep the promises with yourself, right? And then, all of a sudden, your identity becomes a person that does what they say they're going to do because it starts with us. It starts with you doing what you need to do, and if you have a feeling that you don't like your identity, you don't like how you see yourself, well, then how are you going to like how other people see you? It's a really interesting situation sometimes, too, how we perceive others to think of us, but it's actually completely different. Everybody is going to have their own perspective of us no matter what, and we have to be okay with that. No matter how good you do in the world, there's going to be people that perceive you as something that you don't look at yourself as. They're going to look at you negatively, and that's okay, but then there's going to be people that really look at you like you're so great at what you do and they admire you, yet you don't believe that in yourself, right? That's just the way it is, but the better, the more conscious you can become of what you do daily, what you don't want in your life anymore, the more conscious you can become at creating the person you want to be, and real change happens when we change our identity. And our identity comes down to what we do every day most often, right? Who are you? Who am I? What do I do consistently? I would say I'm a podcaster. I've been doing it for six years now, five and a half years. I'm an author. I wrote a bestselling book. I'm an entrepreneur. I've been working as an entrepreneur for years now, six years, seven, six and a half years. That's who I am, but that's what I do. I wouldn't say that's who I am. It's not like that's what I would call myself as the big thing, but those are the things I've decided to take on in life. Do you see what I'm saying? Sometimes we claim these names like I'm this, I'm that, and these are just things that I do, but I know that my soul and my power and everything else is, we're a lot bigger than the titles that we give ourselves. You know what I'm saying? I hope I'm not confusing you on that point, but our identities in these realities shape who we are. Sometimes we can think that that's what we're limited to. That's what I was getting at here. Because I say that I'm this or I'm that, sometimes it can feel limiting, like that's it. But no, there's more to this life if you believe there is. When we believe, we get more belief from doing the things that we're doing now over and over again, getting better at them, more confident, then it becomes easier to see the next level and what is possible. But it has to start now. You have to build small steps. You have to take small steps. You've got to master right now. Right now, do something consecutively for 30 days, right? This is why doing like 30 days or 90 day challenges, they're good because they instill these habits. Because when you look back, you're like, oh, I'm a person that does that now. I wasn't before. And then the next thing and the next thing. So think about that today. Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Are you happy where you are? That's great. Do you want to be more successful in life? Do you want to have happier relationships? Do you want to be a better parent? Do you want to be more spiritually connected? That's kind of where I'm at right now is like, I feel really deeply called to deepen my spiritual connection, even though I've done all the things, breathwork, meditation, and doing breathwork now into my coaching and stuff like that. I felt really called to go deeper into that. So then I have to ask myself, what do I need to do daily to really show up at a deeper level? So I have to add more practices. I have to add more commitments. I have to be more intentional with extra ways to connect, like really not just doing the bare minimum. It's like, if that's my goal of becoming more spiritually connected, deeper connection to God, to my higher self, well, then it's going to take an extra level of commitment to that rather than doing what I've done up until now, which is serve me. But the deeper the layer we want to go, the higher we want to get to within whatever it is, we have to change the commitments. We have to change the habits. We have to be willing to let go, let the old self die in order to create the new self. And that's like the big picture here, is that how willing are you to let go and have those old habits that have served you up until this point die? Yes, die. How committed are you to be the new person, the new character, the new identity? How committed are you to let the old one die? Because that's what needs to happen. We need to have death and rebirth. It's happening all the time in our lives. You have to be okay with the death because that death will create a rebirth. But if you play in the middle, if you don't fully commit, if you don't let things pass, if you don't let things die, if you don't let the old out, you're not going to let in the new. You have to make space for the new. And making space for the new means getting rid of the old. And it hurts sometimes because our addictions and things that got us here served a purpose. But if we really are honest, we really want to create this new identity, we really want to get somewhere else, part of us has to die. Part of us has to be retired. It has to be okay. It's not like we can't talk about it and know that we learned from it and it served us, but that character can't play in this movie no more. It can't play both characters. You have to fully commit to the new character and you have to deal with the discomfort of that old character being put away so that you can allow the new feelings, the new things to come in and to be open and receptive to new possibilities. Because if you're stuck in the old story, the old programming, the old character, you're going to cloud your perception of the new stuff that's on the way because you're so hung up on that old self and that feeling. So the day you commit, the day you commit to letting that go and stepping into the new, things will unfold. And I know it. I've done it multiple times in my life. Like I said, there's times in my life where I've been stuck, where I'm like, oh, that's going to hurt to let that go, those stories, that thing. But how committed am I to the next level? This is where I have to get honest with myself, right? I'm no different than you guys. I go through all this too. I'm just really self-aware and I'm really, my mission is to help you guys become more self-aware, help you realize that we're all going through this shit. We're all going through adversity. We're all going through our own personal leveling up in life and we have to confront things. We have to confront how we show up because if we aren't happy, we got to fucking change. We got to fucking change the program. We got to change the movie. Create that new character, figure it out, whatever we need to do to become that and let go of the old one, right? Really, really important. So if this resonates with you, if you're somebody that wants to level up in your life, which character do you want to be? What is that new identity you want to create? What are you willing to let go of and die, let go of in your life and what are you committed to adding into your life to build that new character? It takes commitment. It takes effort and it takes courage, but you got this. Much love everybody. If you aren't subscribed yet to the podcast, please do so wherever you listen to this and if you got value, I would love if you would leave us a review wherever you listen to this and I really, really appreciate it. So, a little bit of a plug, if you haven't read my book or got my book yet, Mastering Adversity, I go into all of this stuff in the book, well, not all of it, but most of it in a different way, but I talk about my own journey and I talk about the things that I've used to really get through adversity in my life and it's interesting because I know I'm going to write another one as soon as I finish that one, I feel like I could write another, but that's really it. It's to help give you guys the awareness, it's to help you guys understand that what you're going through, we all go through, but here's the tools that work for me to get me out and create this new life. I never thought what I created today would be possible 10 years ago. I envisioned it, but I never thought, right? And I look back, I'm like, wow. So now, like I wasn't capable to be where I'm at now 10 years ago. I didn't have the tools. It's taken me years and years to get to where I am now, but now I look back, I'm like, wow, that part that I used to struggle with is easy now. And that's the point, that's growth, it's wisdom, right? And that's why I really wrote the book, just to like have a relatable book for all of you to just dive into and just relatable stories, podcast episodes that can help you with trauma, with all things transformation and different self-awareness tools as well. So grab that book, it's on Amazon. I really appreciate you guys and yeah, we will catch you next time, my friends.

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