20240725-FC7-Joe-O._-Erin-D.

There is an announcement about the phone list at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Participants are asked to check their name, make any necessary changes, and indicate if they are willing to sponsor or give a ride. The group emphasizes the importance of staying sober and helping others achieve sobriety. They also discuss the benefits of sponsorship and celebrate anniversaries of sobriety. Several attendees introduce themselves and share their sober days. We've got an announcement regarding the phone list. It's the second week phone list and very simple to do. We're going to pass it out. First thing to do, look for your name. If you've been coming to this meeting for a while, just have a checkmark. So, and then once something changes, change it on here. It's your name and your phone city and sobriety date if you want. Check if this is your home group willing to sponsor and willing to give a ride. That'd be all good information and I'm going to pass this around one more week and then update it. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Dave. Thank you, Dave. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve a common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. We are fully self, we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, nomination, politics, organization, or institution, does not wish to engage in any controversy, either endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. This is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are glad you are here, especially newcomers. In keeping with our singleness of purpose and our third tradition which states the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, we ask that all who participate be alcoholics. Our group endeavors to provide a safe meeting place for all attendees and encourages each person here to contribute to fostering a secure and welcoming environment in which our meetings can take place. As our traditions remind us, the formation and operation of an AA group resides with the group conscience. Therefore, we ask that group members and others refrain from any behavior that might compromise another person's safety. I have asked Matt to read the first two paragraphs of Chapter 7, Working with Others, as found on page 89 in the Big Book. Matt Alcoholic, Working with Others. Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. The works on other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholics. You can help when no one else can. You can secure the confidence when others fail. Remember, they are very ill. Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. Bright spot. We would like to extend a special welcome to any newcomers, any AA members from other groups, and to those visiting us from out of town, whether you are here with us or attending via Zoom. Would anyone who has less than 30 days sobriety and anyone visiting us for the first time or visiting from out of town, please stand, introduce yourself, let us know your name, where you're from, and how long you've been sober so that we can welcome you. We'll pass around the microphone so everyone here and online can hear you. For those attending online, please add your name to that, to the chat, and we will call on you right after that. Hi, my name is Ryan, I'm an alcoholic, I made some poor choices on a camping trip, and I have four days clean. I'm Annabelle, I'm an alcoholic, and it's my first time at this meeting. I'm Kenzie, I'm an alcoholic, I made some bad decisions on Saturday, and I have four days clean. I'm Zach, and I'm an alcoholic, I got 50 days, and I'm from Texas, this is my first time here, thank you. I'm Oscar, I'm an alcoholic, I got 51 days. I'm Jenna, I'm an alcoholic, this is my first time here, and I have nine months. Hey, I'm Nick, alcoholic, 51 days, first time at this meeting. I'm Ella, alcoholic, this is my first time here, I have two and a half years. Hello, my name's Jacqueline, it's my first time here, my home group's Prior Lake, I'm in correction, I'll quit Monday in Lakeville, and I have 37 years. My name's Ron, I'm an alcoholic, 19 days, first time at this meeting, thank you. Nicole, alcoholic, 19 days. Fred, alcoholic, two days. I'm from Summerfield, Florida, and my sobriety date's November 23rd, 1979. Hi, my name is Sam, this is my first time here, I have about two hours sober. Hi, my name is Duncan, I've been sober for a little over a year now, but it's not my first time, but I've been away for quite a while. Hi, James, alcoholic, five days sober, first time here. And online we have Mary W. Hi, I'm Mary, joining you from up north of Hibbing, and I have 31 years. First time to this meeting, though. And we have Joe online. Joe, alcoholic, rocking 10 days. Anyone who is an alcoholic may be a member of FOXHAWK Chapter 7 group. To be included in our membership roster, please sign your name, phone number, and sobriety date on the list found on the back table that Dave was talking about earlier. Please make changes on the same list whenever they occur. For those attending online, please email your name, phone number, and sobriety date to foxhawkchapter7 at gmail.com. If you have questions about membership, please feel free to ask me after the meeting. Sponsorship. Although it was not referred to as sponsorship, Alcoholics Anonymous began by one alcoholic working with another alcoholic. FOXHAWK Chapter 7 group strongly believes in the benefits of sponsorship. Sponsorship is one alcoholic sharing their experience on a continual, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to stay sober and AA. Will all members of Alcoholics Anonymous who are willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand. If any person does not have a sponsor, please feel free to ask any of these people for help, or you can see our sponsorship chair people. Joe S. or Tracy B. at the literature table during the break or after the meeting. If you are attending online and do not have a sponsor, please write your name in the chat so our online chairperson can reach out to you or send a message to anyone that's willing to sponsor in their screen name. Each week we celebrate the miracle of sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous by acknowledging 30 days, 3 months, 6 months, and 1 or more years of continuous sobriety. For anyone who has celebrated one of those AA anniversaries during the last week, please stand, introduce yourself, and give us your sobriety date. For those attending online, please add your name to the chat and we will call on you after that. Pat McVeary, alcoholic. Yesterday I celebrated 35 years of sobriety. My name is Kyla. I'm an alcoholic, and yesterday was 30 days. I'm Nancy. I'm an alcoholic, and I'm so grateful to AA. Yesterday I celebrated 36 years. I'm Lydia. I'm an alcoholic, and I just celebrated 6 months. Far away. I'm Lydia. I'm an alcoholic, and I just celebrated 6 months. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Hi, everyone. I'm Kurt Klotz, alcoholic, and on Monday I celebrated 31 years. Just hang on. So what it was like, you know, I'd have to say I've had and have apparently a really good life. I grew up on a fishing resort on Mille Lacs Lake, so central Minnesota. When I was growing up, it was one of the best walleye fishing lakes around, so we were always very busy as a family. We were family-oriented. I always compare us to farmers because when you get home off the school bus, it wasn't just going to play games and mess around. It was doing the chores, taking care of the business that needed to be done, and then you get to enjoy your time. And growing up, I didn't really like that because I wanted to go out and play and mess around. I wanted to have responsibilities and all those things. But as I grew up and got older, you know, as my parents would always tell me, you'll get it when you're older. I appreciated how I grew up, and so that's how I want to have with my family, is always be there as much as I can for my kiddos and my wife. So we grew up at the fishing resort, and it was a happy, normal life, always helping people out, you know, being in hospitality. I loved dealing with, you know, helping people, whether it was fishing or cleaning their boats or any of the little things that we did. I remember my first real instance with alcohol was I was probably like 10, right? And there were people staying in their camper, and they had kiddos, too, and we should have been drinking, but sky blue. Does anybody remember that malt beverage? Okay, so that was, like, cool. And I remember, you know, drinking a six-pack of that, and I remember sitting on the dock, and it all came out as well. And that was just a little blip in my mind, right, that I'd never really think about until years later that alcohol might have been a problem for me. Fast forward, you know, years later, we put a bar in the restaurant. And it's literally like the door and then the bar from my house. But there was really never – my folks didn't drink. My dad was born with a Wilms tumor, so he was born – he had half a kidney – or no, he had one kidney and half the liver. So he didn't partake in the drinking like his brother and two sisters did, which were, now I can say, heavily alcoholic. And then my mom's side also was very heavily alcoholic, but she didn't drink. So I was blessed with two parents who didn't use alcohol. And so it was never really a big issue when we built the bar that I have two teenage kids living in this bar with us. And it wasn't really an issue until, you know, a couple years down the road when I knew that I shouldn't take from the bar because I was stealing, and that was wrong. But if we bought it from somewhere and drank it in the bar when it was closed, that was fine. And so my parents woke up in the morning, and it was four, and they went out, and they were like – it was like three of my friends playing Monopoly, wasted. And they're like, what the hell is going on here? And I'm like, oh, bleh. Well, we had to sober up and then got the conversation that, you know, this is extremely irresponsible, not only because we shouldn't be drinking and it's dangerous for us, but because that's their business. And if anything were to happen, anything, it would be bad news. And so those were things that we didn't think about, right, as the young alcoholic mind. We were just having fun. And then about two years after that, I had a really great time with some of my brother's friends who were two years older than me, and I was a little younger brother. And we drank a bunch of Absolute Vodka in the fish houses in the middle of summer. And I don't remember how I got back to my bed or anything. And we were just in a small little rambler house. I don't know how. I didn't wake up anybody. But I woke up and there was puka all over my floor. And I was like, that was awesome. Because that night, that was where I had arrived, right? I was the cool younger brother that wasn't partying like my older brother. And I was unfortunately the guy that they just made do all the dumb shit. And I did it because it was cool. And then, you know, I'd graduate and go to college and I became a chef. And anybody who is in the hospitality business or culinary industry at all, drinking is an absolutely normal thing for us to do. And when COVID happened, it kind of put a little bit more pressure and stress on me as well. And so we got rid of a lot of the staff and I was the morning chef. So I was there by myself until 10 o'clock in the morning. And that's where things started to get out of control as I look back on it, right? I drank normally at home and that was fine. But I started to take shots in the morning when I get into work because, well, I felt like my boss owed it to me because he was a dick. And also, I knew I could get away with it. So it was like, cool, I'm still buzzed when I get out of bed in Becker. I drive to St. Michael and I got that giddy feeling. And then I get there and it's a shot of Crown and a shot of Jameson. And if I didn't puke, I was going to have a couple more. But there were some mornings where, I mean, I would literally take it and it would come right back up. And I would try it in 10 more minutes. I don't think normal people would do that because they'd just be like, all right, it's not going to work today, maybe we'll try it tomorrow. And it was not like that for me. I needed to. And I didn't really realize what was going on. I just thought I liked alcohol and how it made me feel. And so after I got out of the restaurant industry, I thought everything was being good and the alcoholism would be different. And it just wasn't. So I got into selling ice castles and that was fun, but that was another job where I could be inebriated and nobody would know except me and it was my secret. And my wife would start to notice when I would come home, like I would be acting different, right? Because even though we were not acting different in our minds, other people can see that there's something not right with us. And she knew that I would have one or two drinks, but she didn't know to the extent, right? Because I got to the point of hiding it because it wasn't normal. I would allow her to see how much I wanted her to see me drinking, but the rest was out in the garage. And that's where I would get to about 9 o'clock at night and I would start to brown out, as I call it, because I don't really remember everything. But I woke up more than once and it was like, what was into you last night? And all this stuff. And I was like, oh God, I don't even remember. I don't even remember what it was because 9 o'clock is when my tape ran out and I just couldn't remember anything. And so there was a couple of stints, right, where I would pour my heart out to her and I'd be like, yeah, I'm drinking in the garage and it's so bad. And she's like, well, why don't you try an AA meeting? Because I have friends that are in recovery. And she's like, why don't you just try it? I don't need that. I just need to not buy more than one bottle, right? Rationalization. And I did. I drank Spirnoff vodka right out of the pints. You know, I didn't waste any time because I knew I didn't drink it for the taste. So it was just a quick snippet out there and a little bit of taste of bubbler afterwards and away I would go. And I would operate my days like that. I do storm restoration and I was on people's books with a point X amount of blood alcohol, right? Driving around company truck, all these things that I know are bad, but in my alcoholic mind, it's not going to happen to me. I'm not going to be the one to get in the accident. I'm not going to be. I'm not going to be. And that's the insanity, right? So after a few times of, you know, telling my wife I was done drinking, I wasn't going to do it anymore, and I would stop for a week, that insanity would come back and be like, hey, you can't drink. Just buy one bottle, man. And I would buy that one bottle, man. And by noon, that bottle was gone. But that morning, I wasn't going to buy any more than that bottle. I was absolutely convinced. And then I was driving to the liquor store drunk to get more alcohol. And it was just, it was insane. And so finally, one day after I got done with an adjuster meeting, and everything was great. Like, yeah, I'm going to go home at 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm just going to start drinking. And I said that out loud to myself. I said, dude, for what? Like, you did something good. You're excited. Why don't you continue to go do more good things instead of just stop and go drink? And so that was the day that I called my friend. I said, Kyle, man, I don't know why I can't stop drinking. It's as simple as that. I'm sick every morning. I'm puking. I'm all these things. I'm blacking out and all this stuff. But, like, as I'm in the garage hiding it from everybody, I'm going, why can't I stop? And so he said, I'm going to look you up a meeting. And so I lived right there in Becker, and it was, like, less than half a mile from my house. I was like, cool. I'm going to go get that bottle. I have until 8 o'clock at night for this meeting. I'm going to go. Because I was willing to go. And I went into that meeting, and that's where I had met my now sponsor. And he said that I had a lot to say for my first AA meeting. I wasn't fully all there, but I remember Peggy on the Zoom was having her 40th anniversary, and I had so much to tell her about how I was looking forward to my 40 years. And this was one of those meetings where, like, you're not supposed to cross talk, and I didn't know what cross talk was. So, like, one person says, oh, yeah, I get that, you know. And he's just kind of looking at his voice, and she's looking, and she's like, yeah, he's yours. And after the meeting, he stopped over, and he just asked me simple questions and things. And he had to have known I was drinking, right, because he's an alcoholic. And I didn't have him fooled, but I thought I had him fooled. So I was like, oh, yeah, you know, AA. I had a 24-hour coin in my pocket, didn't know what it meant. He gave me his number. He said, hey, do you want to go catch a meeting? We should do that. So I was like, okay, cool. Walked back home, finished my bottle because I don't quit like that. And I was going to start over the next day. That was going to be my day. And when I got up, I was like, I just don't think I'm going to stop today. But that was my spiritual awakening. I ended up again in the bathroom, this time in the bathtub because I was showering, and it just hit me in my stomach so bad. I was just sick. I was sicker than I had felt every day prior. And my boys were outside on the doorknockers. They could hear me retching. I was like, Dad, are you okay? And they've kind of seen me get sick in the mornings, and it's just, oh, yeah, I just ate too much cookies, you know, whatever, you liar. And that's where I literally I just said, okay, I'm on my knees puking. I'm like, okay, God, whatever, whatever it takes. AA, calling this guy, going to a meeting, I'm willing to try it, right, because I'm powerless, and I know that there's got to be something. There's got to be some way that I can get help. And so we went to a few meetings together, and I kind of saw what you guys were all about. It wasn't the old guys smoking and having coffee like you see in the movies, you know, and it was people that had this life about them. And when you got to the right group of people, I wanted that too. I was like, and they're happy. There's got to be something going on with these people, and it's got to be this cult, right, because they're all here, and it's the big book, and it's sponsor, and doing the next right thing and all these things. And so I gave it my all. It was our third meeting together, and he always mentioned sponsorship afterwards. Sponsorship? You mentioned sponsorship. I said, yeah, I'm sponsored. He's like, what's the deal, man? The third meeting I went to, he finally clicked and said, Joe, you need this guy to help you out. You cannot do it on your own. You think you can, and you can't. And so I said, well, it's our third date. I suppose it's time that I ask you if you want to be my sponsor. He says, well, do you want me to be your sponsor? I said, yeah, yeah, I think I do. And he said, perfect. So we started working through the book, and obviously, you know, it took some time, and I delayed a little bit on my fourth step because I wasn't exactly sure what it all entailed. You know, being thorough in searching is really important for those of you who are working on that step or redoing it because, for me, I felt like that's where my recovery was, was getting all that crap off the floor on the table and sorting it out, finding out what my wrongs were, what things I did to create these issues and to take ownership in it. And going through those steps was huge. It showed me, you know, that I'm a severe and ego-based person, and it will control my life. And I really needed to learn that God, if my understanding was in power, it wasn't me. As much as I tried to take control and have control, I didn't. I would lose it every time, and I could see that. And when I finally learned, when we were going through the book, we were talking about this alcoholism, and he said the words, you have a mental obsession coupled with a physical allergy to alcohol. Boom. I was like, whoa. That was the game changer for me. That was why when I was drinking by myself, no matter how sick I felt, how happy, how sad, that's why I couldn't stop because once it touched my body, I didn't have any power over it. It's something that went beyond my willpower and beyond all these things. And I changed my whole mind about how alcohol was going to be in my life. I used to think that I could quit for a little bit at a time and go back and drink like a normal person. That's what I did, like, six times. And I finally realized that I just couldn't. And my wife to this day says that's the most surprising thing that she's heard out of my mouth, is that I can't have another drink. I used to say, I'll get to the point where I can drink. But I've accepted the fact that I have this malady that can only be recovered by working with another alcoholic. And by doing these steps and following the tradition, I'm doing the next right thing. And so I did the work, and I have home group, and I try and stay in the middle of AA as much as I can. Because if I start to not, it's like the merry-go-round, you fly right on the outside, and I don't need to be out there anymore because it's not a good place for people like me that think that they can just do it all. So, you know, it was a good life, and then it got really dark because I didn't understand what was going on with me. Because I wasn't drinking because I was sad. I was just drinking because I was an alcoholic and I didn't know any other thing. And now it's brought me a life where I can be of service to people that are like me. I can be present for my three boys. My wife is pregnant with our fourth. And I drank so much with those other boys, right? Like, I would get mad at my wife when she was getting close to delivery time. She's like, hey, I don't want you to drink next week because I'm getting close to pregnancy, or I'm getting close and I don't want to have to, you know, be drunk and drive me to the hospital. And I'm just in my selfish mind, I'm thinking, got another week. I'll be fine drinking up to that day. Don't worry about it. I got this. But, like, how selfish, right? Like, now that I say it in retrospect, it's like, what kind of person does that? We do. We're a sick alcoholic who just doesn't know any different. And then, you know, so I was drunk with all the boys while they were in utero. And then, obviously, once they were born, that's where I got really good at manipulating my alcoholism by timing out, like, things. Like, we have a one-level house where my wife would sit and nurse the boys, watching the TV or whatever. Well, my bottle was here, and I needed to go out in the garage to get more or whatever. So I was so crazy. I would flush the toilet, and I knew how long it would take for the toilet to run and make the sound so that me going out the garage to unlock it and all that didn't make a sound. She couldn't hear it. I'd run out there really quick, run back in, breathe it out, lock the door, and the toilet would get done flushing. And then I'd wash my hands just to make it that much more convincing. And I didn't realize until I started talking to other alcoholics. It did the same crazy shit that you're like, you know that's part of the obsession and, like, this stuff. And I'm just like, wow, like, it's just insane the things that we would do. And the obsession was real, you guys. Like, I wouldn't even open my eyes in the morning, and I was thinking about that red top of my mouth, and the feeling of it hitting my gut at 7 in the morning or earlier, because I would get up before everybody else. We'd walk the boys to school because daycare wasn't far. And I would have, like, half a pint down by 8 o'clock in the morning sometimes. And I just loved it. I loved every bit about it until it just got to the point where it's like, I can't love this. I'm not loving me. People that love me, I'm letting them down, right? And that's truly the only thing that I can do now to let my wife down is if I started to drink again, because so many good things have come from me getting rid of that, that obviously she doesn't want to see me go back. And, you know, I'm able to be around it. You know, we just spent a week at a rock fest that we do every year. And that was where last year was my first year sober there. And I was kind of nervous. Like, oh, my God, all this alcohol. The obsession was gone, you guys. Like, gone. Didn't have it. Didn't even, like, people were like, don't you just want to at all? I said, no, because I know that I can't. I know that if I have that one drink, my progressive disease is either going to kill me or I'm going to be right back to where I started or worse. And I don't want to be there. I was taking charcoal pills my last bout because it would help absorb some of the alcohol and I wouldn't get a tummy ache as much. You have a problem when you're taking supplemental things to not get sick. Insane is the definition of insane. And so to new people, to people who've been doing this, you know, for me, getting a sponsor, doing the work, doing the honest work that it takes to look inward and take those defects and put them on a table and look at them and know that you have them and know they're not going to be gone forever, but know that you have a power that can help you and that, you know, you just, one day at a time, right? We don't have to be perfect. We just need to continue to do the best that we can. And having that sponsor, you know, go through those steps, that was what made it for me because it was another alcoholic who understood me. I mean, he was way worse than me. He had do-easy. He was almost always like, man, this guy. Hey, I'm doing good, right? But I'm not. I'm just doing my own worst. And that was something that I did before, too. I would look at, you know, my cousins and stuff. I'm like, well, he was in the hospital because he was drunk driving. I've never had any of those things. I've just hurt my wife, so that's okay. And it's not okay. And it took me going through the steps to go, hey, man, that was all not okay, but you can amend it and change it and continue to live a prosperous life of recovery and be the person that you know you can be and the person that your family wants and needs you to be. So keep coming to the rooms, on the Zooms, any of it, because it all helps. If you can't make the time to get in person, I know Terry says it's called AA Light. But it's something, right? It's getting involved with people that are the same as you because that's what we need. We need to support each other because we are really the only thing out there. And that's really all I got. So thank you guys for my sobriety. Thank you again for the invite. And God bless you all. This meeting is being audio recorded. Our ASL interpreter is being video recorded. If you would like to receive a weekly e-mail of the speakers, please e-mail foxhallchapter7 at gmail.com to be added to the e-mail list. Or you may see our e-mail administrator, Jim B. The designated smoking area is up the stairs and out the door where the sidewalk meets the parking lot. When smoking, please stay within the designated area and please deposit your cigarette butts in the receptacle. Out of respect for the second speaker and our announcement coordinators, please be back in five minutes. If you are delayed in returning, please enter the meeting quietly. We will begin announcements in exactly five minutes at 8.08. And introduce the second speaker after that. Please see our announcement coordinators, Larry F. and Catherine S. See them before the meeting and let them know what your announcement is. Now we'll have this week's announcements. Hi, I'm Haley. I'm an alcoholic serving as this group's alternate secretary. Tonight is the last night of the six- and three-month job positions. So I'm passing around the binders. So if you're looking for a service opportunity, sign up. Next week we'll begin the new round of the three-month and six-month jobs. If you have any questions, you can see me after the meeting in the back. Thank you. Hi, I'm Catherine, an alcoholic. A couple announcements. First of all, fellowship. If you have fellowship before and after the meeting, before the meeting at 7 o'clock, you can come a little early and make some friends, meet some people. After the meeting, it's at Kona Grill in Eden Prairie. And, yeah, so come join us for fellowship. Every night right after the meeting is Kona Grill. Okay, a few more. There is a Better Way AA two-year anniversary speaker meeting and potluck. That's on July 29th. And it is 6 o'clock potluck, 7.20 share. And it's at St. Michael's Lutheran Church in Bloomington. The fire looks like this. Then we have a sixth annual open potluck anniversary meeting for basic 12 and 12. That's on July 30th. 6 p.m. potluck, 7 p.m. speaker. And that's at Redemption Hill Bible Church in Delano, Minnesota. It's like this. Grill 62 is having their 17th anniversary potluck September 18th. And it's at the Cavalier Club in Edina. Sorry, that was kind of chopped up. But Grill 62, 17th anniversary, September 18th in Edina. This is the fire. And that's it for today. Thank you. Thank you. There may be some of you who are not familiar with our traditions of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. Thus, we respectfully ask that AA speakers and AA members not be photographed, video reported, or identified by full name on audio recordings and in published or broadcast reports of our meetings, including those reports on other media technologies such as the Internet. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our efforts to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share our recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. Our second speaker tonight is Erin Dee from Happy Destiny. Erin, what's up? Guys, I'm Erin. I'm an alcoholic. My gosh, it's really good to see so many familiar faces. This meeting was actually the first meeting that I shared from the podium before. And I was 18 months sober. I'm a little nervous. Let me settle in a little bit. Hopefully, we'll get there. Guys, we'll come in and we'll get there. But I am so grateful to be here tonight and grateful to the fellowship and our program of Alcoholics Anonymous because it has saved my life and given me a life worth living. So, we'll do a little housecleaning. I have a home group. It's Happy Destiny. It's 730 on Tuesday nights near Malls America. We are high-press, so you can come online or come in person. It's a ticket call-out meeting. I have a sponsor. She's my sponsor, and I use her frequently. And I sponsor other women in the program. My sobriety date is June 13th of 2015, which means, by the grace of God, last month I got nine years. And that is a miracle because I was thrilled and could not stay sober for half an hour after leaving treatment. So, I'll tell you a little bit about what it was like, what happened, and how fabulous it is today. It's like really, it's really good today, like better than I deserve good. So, I was born to a single mom who had me through artificial insemination, when that was not really a popular thing. And I tell you that because she made the choice to have me as a single mom, and that was my very first retirement. And I carried that for a long time. Actually, I carried that until I did my first good step. And because she didn't have the means to take care of me, I lived in 12 different homes, or 12 different families, and went to 17 different schools before I was emancipated at 16 and decided to move out. And I don't tell you any of that because that's what made me an alcoholic, because it certainly isn't. I'm an alcoholic because I am allergic to alcohol. And when I put alcohol in my body, there is no telling what I'm going to do. I do tell you that because it helped me hone some of those character defects that I love so much. And it helped me work on that, if you had my life, you would drink too. And I used that for years. So at 16, I had not yet found my drink, but I had moved out. I was working two full-time jobs and, you know, living in a small apartment, and I was miserable, absolutely miserable, but I didn't know how to fix it. So I thought that, you know, I just needed a childhood, right? I needed to be with my peers. My bright idea was to move into the dorms at a local university and be a normal teenager, which would have been great if I wasn't a teenager, but I wasn't. So I moved into the dorms, and I picked a party school because I wanted those peers to teach me how to party. I was, you know, I just was craving socialization, and I just wanted friends, right? I had 40-year-old co-workers who at that time seemed really old, and now I'm over 40, so not really old, I hope. So I moved into the dorms, and that's where I found my first drink. My first drink was an entire bottle of Tanqueray, and I woke up in detox. Go big or go home, that's the motto of my life, right? That's what I do. And my reaction to that was, well, that only happened because I didn't know how to drink. I wasn't drinking in high school. I've got to learn how to drink. Let's get some more practice in. So I drank very alcoholically from the very beginning. My goal was to black out. That was my relief, and alcohol was my solution for a good three years there. I am very lucky that I was high-functioning, and I could still go to school, and I could still do what I needed to during the day. I was very good at making the outside world look really good. But I was drinking to black out any chance I could get. At the age of 21, I had moved back up here to the Twin Cities and bought my first house, and I got two DWIs within a week of each other. I mean, you go big or you go home, right? Like, that's what I do. So I had my second DWI before I'd even gone to court for my first one, and I was the girl who walked into kindergarten with a 10-year plan. Like, I had places I needed to be. I knew that I needed to be in control of things because your God was not doing anything for me. Your God had punished me and put me in all these homes. Your God had, you know, done all of these horrible things in my mind. I remember very clearly the day that I turned my back on God, and I was four. And I didn't find my God again until I got into this room. And I'm so grateful for that today. Because my God today is just an ever-evolving relationship that I get to work on every day, and that is one of the miracles of this program. So at 21, I decided that I wasn't going to get white defense and go to law school and do all those things if I was drinking, so I stopped. I didn't know I was an alcoholic. I didn't know that there was a solution to be had. I just stopped drinking. And that means that my alcoholism came out in every other aspect of my life. I had more amends to make for that period of my life than I ever did in my drinking. So I stopped drinking from 21 to 28, and I got real controlling. I got controlling over my family. I got controlling over my job. I worked too much. My eating got out of control. I mean, you name it, I was miserable. But I was clinging on to everything that I could. During that time, my mom had decided to get into foster care, and she said she wasn't done being a mother, and I had a big problem with that. So I decided I was going to control that too, and I moved back to watch how she was going to interact with this foster child, who she then adopted, my brother Andrew. She ended up adopting six kids, and I adopted two when we did foster care for those first few years. And I was not drinking during that time, but I was definitely sick. I was crispy dry. So, I mean, like to the point, controlling to the point where I opened a charter school because the neighborhood schools were not good enough for my kids. I mean, it was bad. I mean, we had eight of them. Six of them were special needs, and if one failed, I would change all of them because they had to match and look perfect. Like, I was sick. I was very sick. And so was my mother. And so what happened was, this charter school, that I held the keys to the front door, and I had made myself out to be the facade of an awesome soccer mom and PTO leader and whatever else you could throw your hat in there. I was doing it. You name it. The whole nine. I was rewriting the curriculum so that it would work better for my special needs son. It's awesome, too. I'm telling you, I have some control issues. So, per se, it's progress. So, after a PTO meeting, we're going to go back to school. So, after a PTO meeting one night, I was 28. One of my friends said, hey, she was the vice PTO president at that time, and she said, hey, you want to go out for a glass of wine? Yeah, that sounds great. Why not? I'm clearly able to control my life now. I'm running a business. I've got eight kids I'm caring for. Absolutely, I think I deserve a drink now. Now I can do it. That one glass of wine turned into a bottle of vodka every single night within 30 days. My alcoholism is constantly doing push-ups and the person not waiting for me to loosen up and flip up and go back out. And when I go back out, I start exactly where I stopped. So, I was now 28, had a family of ten to take care of, eight kids, and my mom, who was not doing real well, and I'm drinking nightly to black out. And I still need to make it look beautiful on the outside. I was the – when you look at the guy behind the curtain on The Wizard of Oz, that was me. And I could make it all look fabulous, and I could justify my drinking as long as everything else looked okay. My kids looked perfect, and their grades looked perfect, and my business was taking off, and everything was going to be okay. And how dare you judge me for my drinking, because if you had my life, you'd drink too. So, I drank like that for a few years until I couldn't stop drinking, and I couldn't get as drunk as I wanted to get. And that was right around Thanksgiving time of 2014, and I knew that I needed some help. And my idea of help was the only people that knew I was drinking the way that I was was my mother and my oldest brother, who was 18 at the time. And we agreed that I needed to go to treatment, but I wanted to be home for Christmas, and this was Thanksgiving. So, yes, fine, I'll agree, but I want to be home for Christmas, so I'll go right after the New Year. We were home that Christmas, and all of us got sick with some flu bugs. My mom had a blood clotting disorder, and she threw a blood clot about a day after Christmas in her leg. And she told me she needed to go to the hospital, and we'd been through this song and dance before, and I absolutely had no sympathy for her. She was just taking more of my time and my drinking away, and I sent her to a hospital in a taxi so that I could stay home and take care of the kids. Really, I could stay home and drink. She called me from the ER that night and said they couldn't fix it that night. They were going to admit her for one night, but I bring her some things in the morning. Yeah, I can do that. Give me a list. That's great. I'll call you tomorrow. About 45 minutes later, I got a call from the head nurse in the ICU. She was on a lot of blood thinners, and she had a stroke. They were asking me if we wanted to take extreme measures to save her life. I was so drunk, I could not understand what they were asking of me. I had no idea what she would have wanted. We never had that conversation. I knew that I couldn't get to the hospital that night. So I said, yes, do whatever you can. Put her on life support. Save her. I need her to be alive. Then I hung up the phone, and I went on with my day. I didn't tell anybody for two days. She said on life support, and I didn't go down there. I stayed home because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with these kids. I didn't know what to do with the fact that I couldn't stop drinking. I didn't know how to handle life on life terms, and at that point, life was pretty crap. I finally got to the point where my kids and I went to a friend's house for a New Year's party, and now she's been in the hospital for two days, three days. We went over to the party like nothing was wrong. Somehow during that night, right after the ball dropped, I said to my closest girlfriend there, I said, by the way, my mom had a stroke, and she's on life support. She said, what the hell are you doing here? That's a normal response. Why are you here? How can we help? So she took care of the kids. I went down and I made arrangements. We did end up taking my mom off of life support, and she passed away within 24 hours. Telling the kids and getting through that funeral, probably the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life, except for when I had to leave them to go to treatment less than 30 days later. So we took her off of life support, and she passed on the 2nd of January. My son's birthday is the 3rd of January, and I do think that that was divine intervention, that he doesn't have to share that anniversary with her, who was grandma's boy. We made it through the funeral, and it was close to time for the kids to go back to school. We're over winter break here. This was the year that the governor shut down schools for an extra two days, because it was too cold to send our kids to school. And that was the straw that broke my back. I was waiting for them to get on that school bus. I was waiting so I could have some alone time, so I could drink during the day, so I could do what I needed to do to feel some relief. And I couldn't do that with them home. My kids had never seen me drink. Yes, they dealt with hungover mom, they dealt with all of my mood swings and my shoving them into bed early so that I could go drink, making up committees at school so I could go out to the bar. I had a lot of committees I was not on. I mean, that's how I show up. That's how I show up when I'm left to my own devices. So the governor said, you can't send your kids to school, and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. And I went to the liquor store, and I started drinking at 10 o'clock in the morning. And by 6 o'clock that evening, my brother, who was 18, special needs, functions more about fourth grade, was scared. I couldn't cook dinner. I couldn't take care of the babies. He was scared, and he knew he couldn't do it himself. So he called in for my friend to help. I came out of that blackout through an intervention of 17 different family and friends that were school members. They were parents at my kids' school. That's how I woke up. That's not a great way to wake up. I was given an ultimatum. Either go to treatment, or we're going to get CPS involved. I had already planned on going to treatment. This was not news to me. I knew I needed help. I didn't want to leave the kids at that point, but I did. We made all of the arrangements. You know, there were eight of them. Two were out of the house with six kids. They had to make arrangements. So we put them in groups two and sent them to different homes, gave them all the money, the uniforms, whatever, said I'll be back in 30 days. I couldn't find a treatment bed. Now I'm white-knuckling it at a friend's house, and my kids are already counting down. It's been 10 days, and I still can't find a bed. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm miserable, and I want my kids back, and I want my life back. So I had a brilliant plan to get drunk and have somebody drop me off at Detox, because I knew that would work. That worked in the past, and it did. I got into Detox. They found me a bed in a treatment center in St. Paul. And I went in there, and 10 days after I went into the treatment center, a sheriff came and served me with papers saying that my kids had been dropped off at St. Joe's, and there was now an abandonment case open for them. And I wanted to leave and go get my kids. All of these kids had already come out of foster care, and now I just sent them back into foster care. And these were my babies. Like, this was my world. Somebody at the treatment center told me if I left that I would just have to start my count over, so I might as well stick it out and just go to court. So I did. I went to court, and I started fighting two separate CPS cases, one for my boys that I had adopted and one for my siblings, because I had not yet gained custody of them after Mom died. And she died without a will, so there was a whole lot of craziness there. So I did my 32 days in treatment. It was a Friday afternoon, and they said, you're good to go. We want you to do some after care on Monday. So it's Friday. They sent me home in a taxi. I walk into my living room, and I see the mural on the wall with all of my kids' faces, my mom's face that says, family is forever. I couldn't sit in that misery. My mom's belongings were there. My kids' belongings were there. I didn't know which way was up. I did not know about AA meetings. I did not know about the solution in the book. And it took me a half an hour to walk to the liquor store. Thankfully, I knew that I had to complete day treatment after that. So I drank for that weekend, and then I showed up to day treatment drunk. And at day treatment, they started talking about these AA meetings, and they started talking about getting a sponsor, and these weird little steps that we needed to take, and I didn't understand any of it. But I knew I needed my life back. And if they said jump, I was going to say how high. Every time, I needed my kids back. I certainly was not doing it in the beginning for myself, and that was a huge mistake. I relapsed for six months, in and out and in and out and in and out, and sitting in these rooms. They said do 90 and 90. Overachiever. Had to do 120 and 60. I mean, I was there. And that might have saved my butt, because every meeting I went to, a little seed of hope was planted. There was a little bit more of a door open that said maybe this is possible. Maybe life just isn't that bad. Maybe you can do this. And so eventually I grabbed a sponsor, and I was too afraid to ask my sponsor, my current sponsor, to be my sponsor, so I asked her to. And I used to only go to meetings in St. Paul, because I didn't want to run into anybody that I knew. So I was at a meeting, a big meeting in St. Paul, and the person who was sharing was my now sponsor, and she had brought one of her girlfriends. And so I was too afraid to ask my sponsor, but I knew that these people were from a church. Their meeting was at a church that was two blocks away from my house, so I thought that was a god sign. And I asked her to be my sponsor. And so I started working the steps, and I started to learn about the fellowship, and we started to do all sorts of after-meeting activities, and I'd meet more people at meetings. A lot of you that are here tonight were there the first couple of meetings that I went to, and it's so nice to be here tonight. It really is. My first sponsor decided she wasn't an alcoholic, and she went back out. I was in the middle of three different court cases at that point, and I didn't know what to do. But I was, you know, the whole world was about me, and I thought that I had broken that sponsor, so I had to be really careful about who I asked to be my next sponsor. I remember sitting at, so Three Legacies was the first meeting I went to after I found out that the sponsor went back out, and I was too afraid to go into that room and ask somebody to be my sponsor because they all knew who my sponsor was, and I would be outing her story if I asked for another sponsor. And I was sitting in the parking lot of Wendy's bawling my eyes out, and another woman who knew me from the room stopped and said, what are you doing? I was like, I really don't know. I don't know what I'm doing right now. And she's like, you're coming to the meeting with us. And that saved my butt. Eventually, a month later, I did ask my now-sponsor to sponsor me. We did a lot of step work. It wasn't until I did my fifth step that my view of my life got flipped on its head. I realized that my mom had not done something malicious by having me, that I wasn't her test-tube baby, I wasn't a science experiment gone wrong, that God did have a part to do with why I was here on Earth, and that was the changing point for me. That was the light switch where I started to see color again. I started to see a reason for living. It's really hard to get my story into half an hour, you guys. I'm sorry. So I did a lot of step work. I had a little bit of a help with that because I was looking at some jail time. I had some felony fraud cases that were brought against me when I came in as part of my CCM cases because I worked as PCA for my brothers and sisters, and they could prove that over 12 by my Facebook post because, you know, everything had to look good on the outside. So I did it myself. My Facebook post got me 120 minutes over 12 years that they could prove that I wasn't with them, with the kids, or my time card said I was. And that's a federal offense. And every minute is a $1,000 fine and up to a year in prison. So I was looking at 10 years in prison and $164,000 in fines. So I needed to do my step work so I could get some relief. And my idea was let's hurry up and get the step work done because that means that I can do 6, 7, and 8 while I'm sitting there staring at a blank wall. And wouldn't that be great? Just be able to write all of your men while you have nothing else to do. That's awesome. Not quite how the program works. So I did have some help with the timeline and getting through my fifth step. And when I did my fifth step, I did feel like I finally came all the way into the room and I sat all the way down. And then I was home. And you guys were family. And I knew that I had found my purpose. And that is awesome. I get to work at Minneapolis Intergroups today. Like if you told me that 10 years ago, that I would get to make my living helping the next suffering alcoholic, no way. No way. I did lose custody of my sisters. And that was really hard to walk through. And I was really angry at God. But you guys walked me through that. And I know that nothing happens on God's earth by mistake. And I knew there had to have been a reason for it. About two years into my sobriety, my son was diagnosed with bipolar. He was already diagnosed at five to six, but he was very suicidal. And it became very clear to me why I couldn't take care of all eight kids on my own and stay sober. There was no way I could have done it. That's why God found another home for those girls. And I am lucky enough that a few years later, my older son graduated from high school last year. And we knew what home the girls were at. And three of my sisters came to his graduation party, and I got to reunite with them. And it wasn't picture perfect, and it wasn't amazing, but I know that they're safe and they're loved. And my kids are awesome. My kids are amazing. So my younger son just graduated from high school this year. And he's special needs, and both of them will be starting their college careers in the fall, which is amazing. And the way that this program has showed up for me and changed my life. My kids are at home waiting for me. They're 18 and 19, and we're going to a movie together tonight by their choice. That's unheard of, right? Like, they want to spend time with us. And that's only possible because you guys taught me how to. You guys taught me how to be a human, how to show up, how to be accountable, how to live my outside, how my insides were feeling. I didn't have to have a facade anymore. I could be honest when I walked into the room. And there were times when I was a little too honest when I walked into the room. Somebody said, how are you doing? And I was like, well, let me tell you, not great. Not great. Today, my life is awesome. And I will say, if you are new or if you're struggling, grab a sponsor, get into the book, do some chef work, earn your seat in a room, go to more meetings, have more seeds of hope to be planted. I am amazed at the friendship and the family that I have today. Today, my program looks like I go to at least three meetings a week. I do at least one call time with my sponsor once a week, 20 minutes. I do as much service work as I can. And when somebody asks if you want to speak, even when you don't want to speak, you say yes. I take meetings to detox, you name it. If AA asks, I'm going to be there because I wouldn't have a life without AA. Brian's coming to give me the hook. So I'm going to say, with that, I pass. We would like to thank Joe and Aaron for sharing their experience, strength, and hope with us tonight. Seventh tradition, we will now pass the basket so that we may continue to be self-supporting through our own community. Seventh tradition, we will now pass the basket so that we may continue to be self-supporting through our own contributions. While we are doing this, I've asked Jamie to read the 12 traditions as found on page 562 of our Big Book. Hi, my name is Jamie, I'm an alcoholic. The 12 traditions, one, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. Two, for our group purpose, there is but one ultimate authority. A loving God is to express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants they do not govern. Three, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Four, each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. Five, each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Six, an AA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise. Thus, problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Seven, every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Eight, Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Nine, AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Ten, Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on the use of alcohol. Ten, Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues. Hence, the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Eleven, our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and film. Twelve, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before persona. Thank you for being with us this evening, particularly those of you who are new, and we hope to see you next week. If you are new, please ask any one of us about other meetings. In the spirit of service, when the meeting closes, please take the chair you are sitting on and stack your chairs with those around you, eight chairs high. This will help our cleaning crew. If you wish to stay and assist with cleaning up after the meeting, you are welcome to. And now would you please join me in closing the meeting with the Serenity Prayer. God, help us grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot, and the persistence of the difference.