John Calvin #1 (Martian Response to Pastor Doug Wilson)

Due to extraordinary events over the weekend, the usual format of the podcast discussing classical authors has been interrupted. A transmission from a Martian spacecraft was received, criticizing the U.S. Constitution and promoting the importance of the Bible and covenant with the Creator. The Martian expressed disbelief in Earthlings' understanding of civil government and called for an apology and withdrawal of a book attacking the Creator's law. The Martian then mentioned a potential nuclear war between Earth colonies and decided to leave Earth for Pluto. Efforts to reconnect with the Martian ship were unsuccessful. Welcome again, everybody, to GreatBibleReset.com. This is Oliver Woods, and today, because of some extraordinary events that transpired over the weekend, we're going to be departing from our normal format as we continue our weekly approach of commenting on one new classical author every week. Now, normally we introduce our author this week, John Calvin, with the historical context in which he lived, followed by his teaching in response to that context, and then finally a biblical analysis of that teaching. But today, because of the extremely unusual circumstances over the weekend, we're going to push that schedule back a day, starting tomorrow, because of this breaking news. The events of the weekend were so unusual, so otherworldly, so literally mind-blowing that I hardly know where to begin. But I think we'll just start with the metaphor that Pastor Doug Wilson drew in a recent podcast interview, and in that interview, Pastor Wilson gave us a metaphor of a Martian who came to Earth as an impartial third party for the first time and made the observation, after reading the U.S. Constitution, of how thin the power was distributed under the United States Constitution. And the Martian was simply astounded by the grandeur, the simplicity, the division of powers that were built into the U.S. Constitution. Well, ladies and gentlemen, what happened next was so unusual, so ethereal, and so frankly unbelievable that I think what I'm going to have to do is simply lay out the transcript of the interaction as it occurred and let you simply decide for yourself, because no other explanation is possible. It's really beyond my powers of reasoning to convince you of anything, because no sooner had I launched into my weekend podcast under the direction of my technical advisor, John, who's with me at every podcast, I was interrupted by a loud crackling noise that drowned out the transmission. But let me just go ahead and read that transcript and let you make of it what you will. But it starts out with my usual introduction, you know, welcome everybody to the great Bible reset dot com, which embodies a return to the original intent of the law of God as it's summarized in Exodus 20 through 24. Loud crackling noise, interruption, John, John, what's going on? We're on the air. I thought you said we had a green light to proceed. What? What? You say you've got a transmission coming in, a transmission? OK, well, just copy it down and we'll deal with it after the show, OK? And then I continued, this kind of wholehearted commitment to the law of God is the only thing that will deliver us from the great economic reset of quash swab. And then I heard more crackling noise at that point, just drowning out the transmission. John, come on, man, you can't keep doing this. We're doing a show and I can't keep being interrupted like this, OK? So let's get back to it. Just focus on your job. Will you? OK. OK. You say what? Transmission? Transmission from some kind of an alien craft? John, come on, you've gone totally off your rocker. You say you're receiving a transmission from some kind of a Martian spacecraft. The Martian has a response to the Greybeard, Douglas Wilson. Come on, John. Yeah, I know it's in the news a lot lately, but this is ridiculous. I mean, you expect me and everybody else who's listening to this podcast right now to believe what you're saying? You say what? You've received a transmission from the Martian spacecraft. Come on, John. And you're sending it to me now. Yes. Yes. I see something coming in over the wire. OK. I've received the whole thing. So what do you expect me to do with it? We're on the air, John. You want me to read it? It's that important. It's really that important. John, we're dealing with John Calvin right now. OK. Let's ask our listeners. OK. Do you want me to read this alleged Martian communication? Please just give me a yes or no in the comments. Oh, good grief, are you people serious? Did I interrupt everything I was going to say about the reformer John Calvin? OK. OK. OK. I'll read it. I'll read it. Who knows what this is going to do to our credibility? OK. Here we go. The Martian starts out. Earthlings, as a Christian Martian, I decided to take up the talents of the gray-beard Wilson and obtained a copy of what he refers to as your national U.S. Constitution. As a Christian Martian, I read the U.S. Constitution, and the first thought that sprang to my mind was, this is heresy. On Mars, we start with the Word of God in Exodus 20 through 24, and we reason out from there, which explains why our civilization is so far advanced from Earth. On Mars, we would never think of making stuff up like this on a subject as important as civil government. There's nothing conservative about this document, with virtually every one of its paragraphs in violation of the Bible in some way. On Mars, we learned early to apply scientific natural law to the natural world in order to achieve our technological superiority over Earth. Over Earth, he says. But we would never dream of using so-called natural law to replace the Word of our Creator. Where do Earthlings come up with stuff like this, U.S. Constitution, anyway? We the people, indeed. Can't they see what an affront that is to the legal authority of our Creator, who always deals with us by sworn covenant oath? This is kindergarten-level civics on Mars. I'm shocked that this Wilson greybeard has not yet grasped a principle so basic, so pathetically obvious. We're going to have to reassess our entire approach to the Earthlings now that we know that even their biblical leaders are still groping in near-total darkness. And who is this wolf guy, anyway? The author? The author of In Defense of Christian Nationalism. And why do they let him run around loose perverting the minds of their youth with this natural law gibberish? My advanced AI computer tells me that he's taking cues from an ancient Earthling named Thomas Aquinas, but that this Aquinas renounced all the foolishness he had written during the last few months of his life. So this explains why the Earthlings never finish any of the books they start reading. Let me check. Yes, my data indicates that 90% of Earthlings stop reading the Bible before they even get to Exodus 20-24, and they are thus clueless when it comes to the Christian nationalism. Does not this greybeard understand such simple truths from the Creator? He always deals with us on the basis of a sworn covenant to keep his law, especially in matters related to civil government. This U.S. Constitution is a mere humanistic, secular social contract, an Enlightenment document with no reference to the Creator whatsoever. My first thought had been that we should seek an audience with one of their Earthling leaders, alert him to the danger, but it appears that even their leaders are confused on issues that are obvious to even a failing third-grade Martian. In their juvenile arrogance, they make the laughable assumption that their fallen, feeble minds are superior to the Martian intellect and even to our Creator. Let us leave them to wallow in their simplicity. I am going to send a message back to Martian command that Earth is hopeless, recommend that we abandon our Earth mission and move on to Pluto. Wait, hold it, I just picked up word that one of their mid-latitude colonies is provoking the northern colony into a senseless nuclear war. Incredibly, the mid-latitude colony refers to itself as, can you believe it, exceptional? We must get out of here immediately or poured in later. On Mars, if we ever got this far off track, we would go immediately to the Lord. We would never rely on a guy like this wolf character to get us back on track, who frankly admits he has no understanding of the law of our Creator. And who is this canon press who would even give a theological derelict such a wide audience? I was going to recommend that they excommunicate, but it is clear to me now that even their greybeards would never listen to such sound advice. Prepare for takeoff. I will leave this parting advice to their greybeards in a time capsule before departure. Earthlings, if any of you are still alive, for the sake of peace in the solar system, we Martians strongly urge canon press to follow the example of the ancient Thomas Aquinas. We cannot give a platform to this outrageous attack on the law of our Creator. This sets back Earth-Martian relations by decades, if not centuries. Issue a public apology immediately. Withdraw it from distribution. Burn what is left over. Publish a commentary on the Book of the Covenant, such as that of Earthling James Jordan, or the one our censors have detected in a dust-covered bookstore at kingswayclassicalacademy.com. That chance, even your ancestral history, we doubt you will heed our dire warnings. But we must plead with you as fellow citizens of the same tiny solar system. In the providence of God, he has placed us here with you on his next-door neighbor, so to speak. How unscrutable are his ways! We understand completely the Earthling marketing mentality. When you've got a cash cow, you've got to ride it. Truth be damned. Farewell, Earthlings. We leave you to your own devices. We will plead with the Creator to give you the wisdom of James, but we know that most of you skip over James to get to your juvenile, ear-tickling interpretation of the Book of Revelation. Oh well. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. So that's it, ladies and gentlemen. The Martian was gone as abruptly as he had arrived. We tried to reconnect with the craft. All our efforts to recontact the Martian ship over the weekend were futile. They're apparently well on their way to Pluto, leaving us to wallow in our just desserts. What's this, John? Do we have time to take a call from Tucker Carlson? Okay. All right. Put him on. Yes, Tucker. It's true. It is true. Yeah. Well, let me summarize my observations, just a couple of three basic things are in order, I think. You know, for one thing, this lays to rest the age-old question of are we alone in the universe? Who would have guessed that with all our deep-state probes into the far reaches of the universe that the answer lays so close to home, right here in our sister planet of Mars? And second, we now have some inkling of how other civilizations view life on Earth and a deep concern over our nuclear capabilities. They seem to view us something like two-year-old children in a sandbox playing with loaded revolvers. I was amazed at the speed with which they departed once they learned of the childish Ukrainian war that we have provoked. And third, from a spiritual standpoint, it's heartening to realize that the Martians are a spiritually advanced civilization and that Christ died to redeem the entire known universe back to himself, not just the souls of totally depraved Earthlings like us. Yes, Tucker, you can run with that. So that's it for today, ladies and gentlemen. I leave it to you to make up your own mind. If any of you or your friends, you know, look at you like you're crazy when you report this to them, we will be posting a recording of this broadcast on our podcast portal at Great Bible Reset, GreatBibleReset.com. That should ease or erase any doubts your friends and family may have. So please do that to maintain peace with your friends and family and as word of this unusual Mount Martian encounter spreads, we are grateful for their final farewell. Peace on Earth. Goodwill toward men.