The transcription is about a conversation between Rebecca O'Rourke, the host, and Jenny Chaffetz, a life coach. Jenny shares her journey of becoming a life coach and how she uses breathwork to help people make changes in their lives. She explains how she discovered life coaching during the pandemic and how it led her to explore breathwork. Jenny describes her experience with breathwork and how it has been a transformative tool for her. She also discusses the impact it has had on her relationships, particularly with her teenage son. The conversation touches on the similarities between breathwork and hypnosis, as well as other modalities like neurolinguistic programming (NLP).
work is like a tool in your tool belt isn't it? And it doesn't change the fact that life happens, it doesn't change the fact that people piss us off, and it doesn't change the fact that people don't do their job, and it doesn't change the fact, right? It doesn't change any of that, but what it changes is how long do you stay there? How much is that affecting your nervous system? How long, how far is that taking you? Are you using the tools in your tool belt or are you just allowing it to continue on and ruining your energy and your relationships? I was just on an airplane that was the most unpleasant ride and breathwork got me through it.
If I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble going back to sleep, I have breathwork to help me. It's, there's hardly a situation where I can't say breathwork isn't, isn't valuable. It's like having your finger on the pulse of your nervous system. Welcome to change. Community helpers affecting growth and education. Join us as experts and community helpers come together to share with you wisdom, tools, strategies, and ways that you can evolve into the best version of you.
I am your host Rebecca O'Rourke, behavioral expert and master hypnotist. I look forward to guiding you through all of these tools and strategies that will assist you to becoming the best version of you. Here we go, another episode of change and today we have Jenny Chaffetz and we are so excited to have her. She's going to talk to us about life coaching and how she uses breathwork to help people make change. So welcome Jenny. Thanks for having me on the show.
Yeah, thanks for being here. So tell us a little bit about how you became a life coach and and how you're using breathwork to help people. Awesome, yeah. It all started during the pandemic actually. I'm one of those people who found the silver lining there and I was just scrolling social media one night early on in the lockdown as we as we call it and I saw an ad just on my on my feed and I had never worked myself with a life coach.
I wasn't even all that familiar but there were there were just all these words that jumped out at me that sounded really intriguing and I had some personal issues that needed addressing we could say and I had done therapy throughout my life and I just hadn't hadn't really moved the needle with my stuff and so when I saw this ad it was it was a DIY program that interestingly enough was time-sensitive. It was it did have a start date yet it was DIY in the sense that you received emails for you to do things on your own but there were also sort of Zoom meetings if I'm remembering back so it was kind of a group program but there were there were things you did on your own.
There was a whole culture that was created during the pandemic of emails and Zoom calls. Yeah it was fascinating but it was very very low ticket so it was very easy for me to just say you know what I have tried so many things why not this I haven't tried this. So I clicked buy now and said let's go I think the program started the day before so I said all right I'm a day late but at this ticket price that's fine I'll catch up.
So I bought that and like a lot of programs especially now that I'm in the coaching world I am very familiar with this model. It was low ticket to get you in and then once you're there it was now let's let's introduce you to the bigger ticket item. And so I I really liked what I was what I was doing. I liked the group aspect. I liked these it was meditations it was journaling it was all these things that I hadn't done despite thinking that I had tried everything.
So when I got on a personal call and they told me about the bigger ticket item I said you know what let's just do it let's let's try it and I bought into that program and that led to another program and eventually I looked in the mirror and thought I really like life coaching. This is a really interesting field and I really liked who I was working with and and then you know as the breadcrumbs go she this coach that I was working with introduced some of us in the program to the coach that she learned from her mentor and it was just a really interesting you know connection of dots and stars aligning and all of that and I entered into a group certification program that taught me to be a coach.
It was just a weird situation it was it was like COVID presented me with this design and I said wow this is the path for me and that program that coach who certified in coaching also certified in breathwork and so during the coaching certification she kind of trickled in breathwork so I I saw what that was and and I always tell people I'm honest and and say that I wasn't blown away by breathwork right away I was intrigued I was definitely curious I had I had seen some benefits I didn't have some massive transformation right away but I was curious and I saw it more as well if I'm going to get certified in one why not get certified in and in both it was something that I could offer clients and of course as you do it more and more and more you reap the benefits.
What this sort of reminds me of is kind of like a spark and a you know when you have a bonfire and it all starts with a spark and and it doesn't you know get hot right away it doesn't you know turn into a big bonfire right away that it starts with a spark and then you know you need to blow in a little air on it and then you know then you start to feel the heat then you start to take the the benefits and and run with it so that's that's really I think true for a lot of people that have created a new life for themselves or a new career or made change in their life in any way so amazing yeah so breathwork was really something that you ran with tell us a little more about that.
Yeah so you know as I said it the more I the more I did it in so in the in the certification program you are immersed in it I mean you are doing doing it daily all all the varieties of it all the lengths of sessions you're doing it with so many different facilitators you're leading sessions you're being led by different people and for the way breathwork typically works is with an intention with a specific intention not always but you know sometimes it's a very broad intention like just being energized feeling calm sometimes it's more specific like getting over or I should say getting over but working through the grief of a specific loss sometimes it's you know a very specific you just moved you know moved houses or moved jobs wanting to you know bring in more abundance into your life so they can be very specific intentions or like I said it could just feel feel more relaxed so all of these different sessions that I was doing had all of these different beautiful intentions so I got to experience all different varieties and through that it was just a very magical experience that entire coaching period that length of time of my life and it was very healing in a lot of ways there were things that the point of the certification was part of it was obviously to give us a tool to be able to use career-wise if we were going that that direction but also for self-growth so you did the work on yourself first before going into the world do it yeah yeah so it's it's like wow look inward and and see what what's going on Jenny and I had I had all these things I mean we're never done you know we're never done on the journey we're never done growing and healing and I ask what you think is the biggest thing that you changed or you feel has changed oh my oh my goodness I mean there were things that I worked on during that that coursework but I would say since then you know from then until now the most profound growth or the most profound healing change you know beautiful thing in my life is the relationship between me and my teenage son a couple years ago we could barely be in the same room together I mean the sound of my and yeah I mean he's done his own work so I mean I need to give credit where credit's due but the sound of my voice would make him want to get in the car and drive away me entering the room would make him want to leave and so that had to do with my energy whatever I was bringing into the the room the you know his bubble and and so I feel like the the growth journey this breathwork journey has taken me you know as my husband likes to say from a 10 down to a 5 or from a 10 down to a 2 it's it's like I my level is lower so it's really helping all your relationships your son and your husband and probably all the other people that you encounter in your life too yeah and I do you know I I do need to give the disclaimer not all the time I lose my cool plenty of times you know if you know if I you know if I'm somewhere else that you know I'm a vegan and if I'm in a restaurant and they don't have anything for me I want to barge into the kitchen and give them a lecture on how easy it is to have make you know make a baked potato or right give me give me a bowl of pasta with vegetables it's not that hard you know I I can relate with this pattern because I there was a time in my life when I used to run this pattern too and and it was really hurting me so you know I'm a I'm a hypnotist and I help people with hypnosis so there's part of what you do that intertwines and part of what I do right so and in lots of other scenarios or sorry lots of other guests that I've had on the podcast it's very interesting how a lot of the same modalities or different modalities they seem to intertwine in some way shape or form where you know like hypnosis is relaxation repetition and fixation and what you were just describing is you're fixating on an intention and you're using repetition and relaxation with breathwork right and so there's a form of self-hypnosis in that too yeah yeah a lot of it I repeat mantras you know throughout the session so definitely some similarity there yeah and part of what I do combines hypnosis with neurolinguistics programming have you ever heard of NLP yeah yeah yeah so one of the cool things that I get to do with NLP is very similar to you having your mentor and your mentor having a mentor well I also have a mentor and she has a mentor right because we all need feedback we all need feedback we all need sometimes people to help give us the the things that we're not always seeing or help see the patterns that are playing out in our life that you know people that don't have emotional attachments to those patterns so it's easier for them to just sort of see it and and hopefully in a loving way kind of share that with you yeah so you know and I try to be I try not to call my guests out on their patterns but if you're ever interested and we call it a read right so it's sort of like I can see how you know certain ways that you think or certain things that are that are hurting you and you know it's all a choice so we get to make those choices and what you're describing is breathwork is like a tool in your tool belt isn't it mm-hmm and it doesn't change the fact that life happens it doesn't change the fact that people piss us off and it doesn't change the fact that people don't do their job and it doesn't change the fact right it doesn't change any of that but what it changes is how long do you stay there how much is that affecting your nervous system how long how far is that taking you are you using the tools in your tool belt or are you just allowing it to continue on and ruining your energy and your relationships right so it's a really amazing tool and and I would love to hear more about some of the you know techniques that you're using so that my listeners could maybe walk away with you know a little tool that they could go start practicing for themselves no for sure and and what you said is so so significant because it tells me I often say to myself when I notice myself getting more triggered getting more bothered by things like like I mentioned you know a restaurant or something I will go home and say to myself I am NOT breathing as often I think I've gone a few days without doing a session I'm not doing it as often and that's my tell your read the tell that if I'm getting triggered more often I'm not using my tools I'm not journaling as much I'm not sitting in silence as much as stillness I'm not yeah I'm not walking in nature yeah an important sort of point where it needs to be a ritual or it needs to be a daily practice it needs to be something that's you know part of you and your life and who you are not just something you do once in a while right something I talk about right right it kind of reminds me of forgiveness right because forgiveness is something that has to happen every day I mean it's it's got to be a ritual that we just at the end of the day cut and cut ties that the things that are fueling us negative energy and let it go and forgive and and be at peace right and so if we if we think we can do that one but then more stuff happens we're going to keep doing it yeah so to me breathwork is also another way of forgiveness and letting go there's there's incorporations of breathwork in that whole piece of letting go so yeah so can you tell us a little bit more about that sure so as I mentioned a few moments ago breathwork in most cases is intention-based so it helps to think of what you're breathing into now we have our breath with us always which is which is a wonderful thing so you can use this tool anytime you choose it doesn't have to be done in the condition of lying down on a yoga mat in a dark calm place you could be in your car you could be in a grocery line you know you could be waiting for your child at pickup in this situation you're in what is the intention so let's let's imagine a scenario where you would want to be relaxed let's imagine traffic so your hands are on the steering wheel you need to be alert your eyes are open what you can do in that moment is release the tension in your body because chances are you're quite rigid so bring awareness to your body first okay release the tension in your face you know your brow your jaw your hands don't need to be in a death grip on the steering wheel your neck and shoulders even your belly your hips so soften your body first I know for a lot of men in particular and in this isn't always true but they will clench their buttocks in the car and and at the end they're not noticing until the end where they're then they have like this sort of sciatic kind of pain and and a lot of it comes from you know how we're thinking or or are we in stress while we're driving because driving is pretty you know you have to sit still the whole time and and clenched the teeth mm-hmm you know that clenched and the shoulders is a big one for females right so and that's not always true it's both can be true but there are common sort of factors where you know a lot of people tend to clench their butt and then they get sciatic pain they clench their shoulders and they get neck pain right and and so really like you said bringing awareness to where you're kind of holding that tension is a really good first step yeah so yeah please yeah yeah no I mean I have I have a high school friend who owns a yoga studio and I saw pictures of her studio on Facebook and in giant black paint on the wall of her studio it's painted relax your face so I just always I always think about that yeah yeah fix your face relax your face so so do that wherever you are I mean relax your face so you know when he's an RBF like just relax your face so relax your body and then you know maybe if you can't even just put your hands on the lower part of the steering wheel like you know you're in traffic your problem maybe you're not even moving so just relax relax your body relax the whole thing and then honestly breathwork can be as simple as mindfully intentionally inhaling through the nose exhaling through the mouth repetitively just doing that one to the next in-out in-out in-out cyclically in-out in-out with that intention it's intention based so if you are thinking of relaxing bringing in peace I am NOT forcing this I am NOT hustling I am thinking of calm I am thinking of peace maybe you're looking forward to going home to your delicious dinner you're giggling toddler your bubble bath you know what is what are you headed toward maybe you're maybe you're going out to meet friends for dinner maybe you're headed to maybe you're on your way to a beach home what are you headed toward that you are looking forward to that you can be focused on and if it's okay I just want to add it is very important to keep that in the positive because yeah I'm based on the subconscious yeah yeah but you know your subconscious doesn't know the difference between you know if you say don't eat junk food all it hears is eat junk food yeah don't look at the purple elephant over there right right so thinking what am I looking toward that's joyful that's calming and if there's nothing that you are headed toward that is you know maybe you are going home to a mountain of work so then point your attention towards something that once was calming was there a vacation you went on that you can put in your mind's eye is there a memory of something that you can just set your focus on and if not then just think of the word peace just put that word in your intention or calm just focus on the word while you are intentionally breathing and it brings up a really really important point you know in my work and however in the hypnosis clinic we're always intentionally working towards an outcome and there's no work to be done if there's no outcome so you always have to know like you said what is the intention what is what do you want to get out of it because without knowing that there's there's no way of knowing what direction to go right so outcome is everything knowing where you want to go and and even in the hypnosis clinic like you said we can use previous experiences because we can access previous resource states there's been times and spaces in your life where you've been super resourceful and then we can take that that space where you have access to that resource and bring it over to somewhere that needs it more or needs to use it so it's really interesting how you know what you're doing and what lots of people are doing that it all kind of blends in as similar advice and I'm sure you you know from your work and what you probably tell people is it can be very yes there are a lot of resources out there available on the internet on YouTube which are well and good and it is also very supportive to work with someone you know I have I have a home gym it is calling to me daily saying Jenny have you forgotten about me because it is much more supportive to work with someone it's it's a coach a facilitator can be guiding and giving us that gentle nudge that a video can't offer.
If I can be really frank for a moment you know the feedback that I've gotten from my mentor wasn't always gentle and it didn't always feel good but it was always what I needed and there's a really important point there that sometimes feedback doesn't always feel good sometimes feedback in the way that we feel about it is just an anchor back to our childhood like our mom giving us trouble or you know a teenager that's rebelling a little bit right so how we interacted with feedback as a child has a huge impact with how we take feedback as an adult and you know to me the most loving kind thing that you can do is give somebody what they need not always the fluffy stuff that they want.
And the energetic connection that happens between two people you don't get that with a video. Absolutely no way. And so when I'm working with someone I can cue what I feel they need to hear which is obviously not what someone's going to get from a video on YouTube because the whole world can hear that same video. Not only that it's totally true and in NLP we learn a lot about how different people have different metaprograms and different profiles and patterns and things right so how people need to hear things is different for each person so some people are very visual some are audio some are kinesthetic and so how they receive or need to receive the information is very different and not only that but you know kinesthetic people they like to they're pretty slow so they speak slowly and you know they feel things so when you're talking really fast like a visual person talks really fast because a picture is worth a thousand words and so somebody who's kinesthetic is just going what did they just say oh my gosh right and then but somebody who's talking kinesthetically a visual person's going oh I'm so bored.
Okay so it's very important and it's one of the real true skills that I you know feel like is important with what I do and probably with what you do too is is being able to really see the person in front of us and gauge where they're at where they want to be and deliver it in the ways that they need to hear it because communication is what is received it's not what's intended. Yeah it's an amazing thing and it's what we love to do working with other humans.
Yeah and there's there's nothing quite like that connection when when two people are working towards a common goal and and really seeing the goal together in front of them right so yeah so that's it's it's kind of beautiful I think. Yeah I would love to share another another you know. I would love to hear it. Yeah just because it's you know I want to make sure your audience gets another another handy tool they can use. This is an anxiety reducing breath technique.
So this this is great for anyone who is maybe headed into an appointment or meeting conference that might be giving them the jitters a little bit so they're feeling like their their anxiety is high their emotions their sensations are up here like up up above and so when when they're up above and they want to come down what you want to feel into the ground when your sensations are up above us so you want to have your feet on the ground you know if I guess if you're in a situation where you can actually feel your feet feet on the ground not just your shoes but if you're maybe in a position to put your bare feet on the ground you can do that but otherwise your feet you could be doing this in actually in a doctor's office no one would know but you could do this in your car in a waiting room you would you know maybe start off with a couple of those mindful inhales exhales then you're going to take a deep breath in through the nose then you are going to exhale the breath completely and then hold the breath before taking another breath in so it's a full inhale slowly exhaling the whole breath and then stopping before taking another inhale and then when you use you're holding your breath at the bottom as opposed to when people normally think of holding your breath do you know the science behind this because I can tell you oh tell me I mean I've heard it before but tell your tell your listeners so you know when you breathe in you're activating one nervous system so we have a parasympathetic nervous system and a sympathetic nervous system as well as some other nervous systems so when you breathe in you're activating one and when you breathe out you're activating the other when you breathe in you're actually actually activating the one that triggers stress and then when you breathe out you're activating the relaxed nervous system so there it's supposed to balance each other out as you breathe in and breathe out and then it just becomes really neutral and balanced the idea is that you know we want to trigger the relaxed part of the nervous system longer which makes a really big difference yeah I mean in general if you're just trying to relax you can pay attention and just try to take a deep breath in and a longer exhale that's right yep just try to breathe out longer than you breathe in and you know I've practiced this and I've tried it and it's so much easier to do when you're sitting still but I've tried to do it like when I'm exercising or going up the stairs it's not as easy I'm like you know you get to like the fourth set of flight of stairs and you're like okay I need my body to calm down let's see if I could it actually it's a little tricky that way so keep your feet flat on the ground just like Jen suggested or Jenny suggested yeah and then after that go back to you know a cup like try not to take that first breath like you're gasping for air and try to go back back to it a normal breath but yeah I tried to I really wanted to create a walking breath work that'd be cool it was hard I'm still in the process because like you said as soon as I got into the second song of my I mean it's on my Spotify I have a playlist I have an open Spotify account for anyone who's interested gentle coaching but there is a playlist called walking breath work I don't have I don't actually have anything set up you know on my Instagram or on my website as to what patterns to do with it because I'm stuck I got a couple songs in and I said like you said about the steps I said this is hard this is I'm out of breath I can't I don't know what to tell people to do because maybe after this we can we can talk because they do teach people how to hypnotize themselves while they're walking so yeah so you know hypnosis it's not just about being in a deep trance state hypnosis is happening all the time and so like I said it's relaxation repetition of fixation and repetition of walking so you know and you know maybe I can just give you some ideas that make a spark or something we can talk I people have given me walking meditations I just as far as the breathwork patterns while walking you know I started doing like pulse breath and then I was like oh my god I feel like I'm choking I can't I surely can't it's a rhythm it's all about a rhythm somebody coach me through this well no no but it's the same in dancing it's same in life it's and you know we really we get sucked in when we're in the same rhythm and life as someone else we get sucked in with them right then we become hypnotized sort of by them so you know I love I love what you do you know your breath is your is incredible it's linked to your nervous system so you can get yourself even fired up we've talked a little bit about you know calming yourself down and relaxing yourself but there's also the other end of this where you can get yourself all pumped up and ready to go or you know there you can even take it as far as you know being sexy and and choosing how you breathe you know has an impact on how you feel so doing that intentionally is a really amazing tool in your tool belt and you know Jenny I love the name of dental coaching because I don't know listeners can't always see but you have j-e-n-t-l-e like your name and that's so clever so yeah so tell our listeners a little bit more about where they can find you or any other tools you want to give them or advice you'd like to share and shout out some of your websites or links.
Sure actually a couple things on my website which is gentle with a J gentle coaching on the offers page there actually is a free breathwork session that is energizing you spoke to the lift you up and give you energy there is a free breathwork session there that's an energizing one that has some really fun music for that so for anyone who's interested in that head to that page and get that. Gentle is an acronym that stands for joy, empowerment, nourishment, tribe, love and enough feeling enough so those are all the all the tenets of my my life and my coaching so.
Some of your intentions as you do your breathwork. Exactly all the things I want to bring into my life on a daily basis and that while I don't have an agenda for anyone else's life they are things I certainly encourage people to to you know to embody. So my website is gentlecoaching.com my Instagram and Facebook also gentle coaching and I have a podcast which is called sideline sisters and it is in the process of a shift a pivot it's a lot of things it incorporates a lot of things it's conversations with women who connect with and love sports who've been touched by sports have have some sort of connection to sports but also it's moms who are have been sitting on the sidelines and have opinions about life and want to share share them and it is women with inspiring stories who are also coming off the sidelines and jumping into life so it's a lot of a lot of kind of metaphors of sidelines and women.
Awesome and if I could relate for just a minute you know as a mom that took her kids through sports I needed some breathwork I needed all of this so much more back then right with the coaching and the wrestling and the contact sports right yeah so being on the sidelines as a parent can be stressful I have to relate. Yeah yeah and as yes my kids are involved in sports but also as a mom who is pretty obsessed with watching sports it is grueling to be invested in just watching my players watching my my favorite teams and I have had to breathe through a lot of a lot of you know decisive games and you know very you know last-minute or overtime moments that I'm not at all affected by in any you know monetary way but gales like it.
I had a daughter who played a goalie in hockey so you know that pressure of being a goalie and I love your kids so much you know we have transference and and you know we were I'm not going to get into what transference is but yes there's this look at all feels like you right and you're like sweating and going oh shit you know I don't want to miss it. I've said that I said that on my show before where I said I can't imagine what it's like to be the mother of the tennis players that I you know I'm watching Grand Slam tennis right now and I can't imagine what it's like to be these players mothers or wives because I am all in and I have nothing at stake they have everything at stake and I have nothing on the line I haven't even I haven't even you know fanned all these games and yet you know their livelihood is on the line.
Thank goodness for breath work. Right, right I mean my kids are like rec and high school teams and I'm I'm still getting knots in my belly so. Well it does get better I will tell you as they get older and you know eventually it just gets better and easier. But but yeah it's it is this tool is so valuable I mean when you're I was just on an airplane that was the most unpleasant ride and breath work got me through it.
Yes. You know if I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble going back to sleep I have breath work to help me. It's there's hardly a situation where I can't say breath work isn't is invaluable. It's like having your finger on the pulse of your nervous system. Yeah like I really like name me a difficult situation and I'll tell you yeah breath work can help with that. Maybe don't fix it but it can certainly help.
Right, right I'm not saying it's gonna do your taxes for you but it can help you through tax season. That's right. Right. That's right. Absolutely. Yes. So again thank you so much for all of your wisdom and for sharing with some tools with my audience. I'm sure that they can use that while they're driving you know while their feet are connected with their grab with the ground. I think that they've probably learned a little bit about the importance of you know using it as a tool not just expecting things to magically you know fix themselves.
That it is a choice right and I like to say to people like you wouldn't go buy a shovel and put it in the garage and expect to shovel the driveway would you? Right like you know it's kind of like without these tools it's kind of like I live in Canada so I'm going to use snow as an analogy but you can use digging a hole in the ground right but it's kind of like trying to kick the snow off the driveway with just your foot and it's so frustrating and it's going to take forever and and so you know I'm giving you a shovel but you still have to use the shovel.
Yeah, yeah I mean you can't put on sneakers and not actually lace them up. That's right. So it's a wonderful tool that helps you really connect with your body you know we are a mind-body connection so to really use your breath to be able to have that flow between is super important so again thank you so much Jenny and is there anything else that you would like to say to my audience? I would say at the very least just take a deep breath just take a deep breath but notice what that does we are so grateful that you joined us today tune in again next week where we have another amazing professional giving you tools and strategies for change I am your host Rebecca O'Rourke and you can find me at Coorsahypnosis.com
