Abundance of Choices

The speaker introduces Professor Karen Bergh, a life coach, and discusses the topic of an abundance of choices. They mention the concept of "lifequakes" and how they can disrupt and change a person's life. The speaker talks about choice overload and how it can lead to indecisiveness and unrealistic expectations. They introduce the ABCs of navigating through change: agency, belonging, and cause. They explain that agency refers to an individual's capacity to make choices and take responsibility for their life. Belonging is about feeling connected and accepted, and cause is what drives a person or something they can be loyal to. The speaker suggests an exercise using these ABCs. "That's right, a winner don't quit on themselves," Ms. Linda said, and we have the honor to have Professor Karen Bergh with us today, from cross country, all the way from Arkansas, the life coach, Karen Bergh, how are you doing, welcome in, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello to you, and it has been too long, I think a couple of months went by, yeah, yeah, yeah, something, you've been a busy, busy, busy, moving around out there person, I said wait a minute, we need to get some coaching here, we need to get some inspiration, some education, and a person on the let us know how to get this done, welcome in. --- Oh, you're so sweet, well, and you know, as I often do is I let some ideas or concepts sort of percolate, and then when you and I, excuse me, then when you and I do find some time on our calendar when we can, you know, set aside an hour and both sit down and really talk about it, I don't always prepare something very specific, but what I do is create like a framework for our discussion, and so you asked me for my topic and then kind of what we want to guide listeners through today, and it was this idea of an abundance of choices, and this topic came up because, you know, in the past we have talked about maybe through, you know, my life coaching practice and the people that I talk to, you know, coaches will provide questions and reflection and be a sounding board when, you know, something happens in your life or when you might feel stuck, and so in past podcasts we talked about the anxiety or dissatisfaction or regret that can come from this decision that you make, and today I really kind of want to hone in on and center on more of the idea of what about when you're not sure about the right and is there some magic that we can unpack or is there some way that we can look at, you know, the when you do have choices, is there a way that you can kind of get help to make a decision when you have numerous options or, you know, when you have a big life change to make. So one of my favorite authors we talked about in the past, Linda, and I don't know if you remember, but his name is Bruce Feiler and his first book was called Life is in the Transition and that was when we brought up this idea of earth, well not earth, sorry, I always say that wrong. They're like earthquakes, but they're earthquakes in your life, so they're called lifequakes. So Bruce Fowler is the author, the self-help author, sorry I've got a tick on my throat this morning. Bruce Feiler is the one who coined the phrase lifequakes and lifequakes are these events that are hugely disruptive to your life, to your human experience, and he talks about these big life changes, whether they happen to you or whether you go through them by choice. The way that people typically can navigate and learn from those lifequakes on you or when you make that choice yourself. So that's kind of what his first book was about, but the second one is called The Search and it's just more magic about how to help people move past their lifequakes and make decisions and of course, you know, I'm always analyzing and helping people look at these crossroads that when you get, you know, usually I work with people who feel kind of stuck, like you come to the end of the road and there's a T and you've got to go right or left and it's really hard because when you go right, you know, that's one whole set of decisions and outcomes and a path that is going to take you in a certain direction. If you go left, it's completely different and if you're standing at a crossroads like that in life, sometimes it can be very intimidating. So what happens if you have too many choices? So one of the things that we know is that some, like if you think of it as choice overload, choice overload can make you question the decisions you make before you even make them and what does that look like? What that looks like when you've got, oh, I could do this, I could do that, I could do that, you're going through your head, you're running all these scenarios through and what starts to happen is before you even make a decision, you're starting to look at these and you start to give them more importance. Looking at those that way can help set you up for unrealistically high expectations. If I take this route, this will be achieved or this will happen, right? Like it's a big thing and it looks like you're heading in a direction where you can make things happen. But by the same token, if you put these unrealistically high expectations on, say, you know, the outcome of making a set of decisions, you will also potentially blame yourself for any and all failures. So I made this big decision, it wasn't good and so I'm a failure. And so one of the problems with choice overload are these sort of, you know, scripts that we tell ourselves and the sort of human nature of looking at things as all or nothing or, you know, if it's a failure, if it's a success, I've got everything riding on it. If it's a failure, then it's all my fault and I crashed and burned kind of thing. So, you know, we've talked in past podcasts about it's important not to look at these life experiences as failures and honestly, I think you and I both talked about how we like to look at them or prefer to look at them as life experiences, period, without any kind of judgment, right? So, yeah, so what do you do if you're one of those people? And a lot of us are and a lot of us may not be this way all the time, but in facing a very serious set of life choices or that T in the road, we may make ourselves kind of miserable overthinking this. And it's funny because as I was thinking about this topic today, I was thinking, well, my dad had an expression for that and it's a word that actually the definition of the word does mean indecisiveness, but he used to, he'd say, he called it dithering and dithering is kind of an old-fashioned word, but, and it may be, I don't know if it's influences of using it or because he was from the South or he grew up in the South, but anyway, if he saw any of us kids, you know, being indecisive or just overthinking or worrying, he would call that dithering. And what dithering does is just keep you from making a decision and delays the decision. So from a life coaching perspective, I would say when you have choice overload, it's something you can learn. Why do I say that? Because making informed and timely decisions is an important life skill that impacts all aspects of your life. And it's an important skill for productivity, for leadership and success, both in your professional and personal and community-facing life, right? So how do people learn to make skilled and timely decisions when they have lots of options? And so as I was thinking about that question, I was listening to the Fowler book and this in his new book, The Search, he has what he calls the ABCs of navigating through change in order to make a significant transition or a significant decision. And I thought these were useful hooks, so I'm going to use them today. So if we're going to use the ABCs as Fowler defines them, let's go through and let me just define them first. In the ABCs of making tough life decisions or big life decisions, A stands for agency, okay? So anybody who likes to take notes, think of this as the lecture part. B stands for belonging, and we're going to add the definitions to these here in a minute. C stands for cause. Okay, so let's go through these definitions. So agency, really that word when we use it this way in a life coaching context, refers to an individual's capacity to make choices, to set goals, and to take actions to influence their own life and the outcomes they desire. When we hear, you know, in the social sciences, I mean, you know, I spent years in administration and higher ed in liberal arts colleges, and this word agency is used a lot because, especially for kids that are, you know, going through these four-year college degrees or as in your case, Linda, even that we met at a private liberal arts college where you were getting like a two-year master's degree. So when we say agency, you going back to get your master's degree, you know, midlife, is agency is you exercising that sense of control and empowerment over your life. So you exercise agency, that means that you are moving in a direction, but you also take responsibility for your decisions, actions, and the direction of your life. So agency is not just having the ability, it's also taking responsibility, right? Okay, so B is belonging. Belonging refers to a sense of connection and inclusion, and so that can be when we're talking about making these big life decisions, that can be the people you're bonded to in relationship, that can be personal, intimate, or social group, and that definition, by definition, that means that belonging encompasses the feeling of being accepted and valued, sort of acknowledged, which is a fundamental human need. So a lot of times when, you know, we look in coaching sessions, we'll look at belonging because it plays a crucial role in an individual's overall well-being and personal growth, right? So agency is what you do, the action you take, the sense of empowerment and responsibility you feel over the decisions you make in your life and the direction that you take it. Belonging is that connectedness and feeling accepted. And then C, cause, and, you know, I don't know if I've got this right the way that Fowler describes it, but I really, it's something like this where cause is really when you are, it can be related to a community, but it's what drives you or something bigger than you or people that need you and it's something or someone that you can be loyal to. So that's a little bit different than belonging, I hope. I hope I said that in a way where that sounded a little bit different. Yeah. So now let's go, okay. So, so any, any comments or reactions so far about the ABCs? And maybe we want to try an exercise with these. I don't know. Well, any comment or reflection? Reflection definitely on all of them, really the agency is what you do, but the connectedness and the belonging, you know, is very, very important because you want to associate with an arena that you are accepted, valued, and, you know, acknowledged. And as you stated, everyone needs that. But when you talk about cause, I have to go back, moving from, from belief system, if you have heard the word cause and effect, you know, for every cause you make, there's an effect from it, okay? Whether it's good or bad, all right? So when you put the word loyal there, that really struck a chord, because we have to make sure that as we travel through life, the causes that we make will bring about good effects. So that one's sort of like, I like the idea of that, because that is a two universal law, cause and effect, cause and effect, and it's strict, okay? So whatever your decisions are. So when you say the word loyalty, you have to be loyal to you, you have to be loyal to what you have decided to do, and you also must make sure that the cause that you make to reach whatever end is the one that's going to bring you the best effect. So yeah, they're all sticking out, but I live my life on cause and effect. So of course, that's going to ring a bell in my head. This is great, this is great, that's nice on this, I got a bullet number here, and I like it. Okay, that's, okay, that's, well, that's good. That's good, Ms. Leonard, because you're making me think about it in a different way, too, which is what always happens when we do this, because, well, and because what I want to do if I say, like, let's say I'm in a coaching session, and you tell me you've got to make a really big decision about your life, and you start to share that with me confidentially. I don't know if you want to talk about one today, but if you did want to talk about one today, we could kind of go through a pseudo session where we use these ABCs, and I could ask some questions that help you think about how each of these may prioritize or be, which is the bigger priority right now in making a decision. If you had an example, we could use one, but if you don't, I mean, if that makes, if that's like, oh, no, wait, then let's just maybe, I'll try to come up with one. So what do you think, do you have one, do you have, do you have a decision, kind of a big decision you need to make that we could put, run through the ABCs? I'm always out there doing, doing the decision that I need to think about it. Do you have one? I know that you're moving out there, Professor Byrd, and you Well, you know, you know me, I'm always questioning. I'm always questioning, and it drives people crazy in my life, because I feel like I am probably one of those people that runs through scenarios like this in my head all the time, and also because I do, I feel very strong, because I'm very motivated to be curious and also to be exploratory and live fully in my life. So I'm willing to be fluid and go through this kind of decision making quite a bit, because I welcome the change while I'm growing. But many people don't like this process at all, because it makes them very uncomfortable to go through a change and have to make big decisions and have to take actions that make them uncomfortable. So, you know, because most people are motivated by stability and staying the same, right? So the fact that I come in and I kind of shake things up in my life on purpose regularly, that may not be the way that somebody likes to live. But I'll give you an example of the ABC. Well, and the whole point that Fowler makes in his book is that if you use agency, belonging, and causes, weight, basically hooks through which you can examine the decision you have to make, you may feel more driven by one of these or two of these than the third, right? You can start to kind of feel like which one's taking the lead in making the decision. So let's say, I don't know, let's say, well, the cause, something that's bigger than you, something that drives you, something you can be loyal to, okay? And let's, okay, I'll give you an example. You know, my daughter is on the streets, has been for many years, and I think I've told you she had a baby, and the baby has been fostered, but then the foster parents are in the family of my daughter's boyfriend, and they're both on the street. But they had two babies, but the first baby is almost three, not a baby anymore, and my granddaughter, right, my biological granddaughter, but she's living with his younger brother, and, you know, I don't want to talk too much about it in case anybody hears this online, but anyway, the point is I've waited until, you know, they felt secure with fostering and going through the adoption process. I've waited to reach out, and I'm going to be in Southern California over Thanksgiving, and, you know, got in touch with them a couple weeks ago just to see if we could start, you know, if they were interested in letting me be in my granddaughter's, my biological granddaughter's life. Well, these are all big, big relationships, big choices, big things, you know, when you feel a connectedness to, you know, part of your family that you haven't had access to. Like, my daughter was sort of cut out of my life because of her life circumstances, and then I found myself sort of mourning the loss of her and all the things that could have been with my daughter, and then all of a sudden I'm presented with the finally, finally, after holding my breath and crying myself to sleep for eight years, you know, I feel like there's this little glimmer of hope that I can, you know, you know, reconnect to my family or the family I could have had had my daughter, you know, not gone through what she went through, that I get a chance. I get like this do-over, and so for me, that feels like a cause. Like in the ABC, that feels like a cause. Oh my gosh, I can actually be a grandmother, and all of a sudden I'm thinking, you know, something I realized that I didn't have any control over, so I was never really vocal about it. I just carried it around inside, right? But now that it's been, it's been unlocked, and the adoptive parents have actually embraced the idea of having me in her life, and so I'm like, oh my gosh, this just opens up a, so for me, I wouldn't call it quite a life quake, but I would definitely say I felt like I had been holding my breath, and so it feels like I can breathe again, and so I would, I would put that under the C cause, but also under belonging, because oh my gosh, does this mean I have an extended family that I didn't have before, and we'll, we'll all love these grandchildren, and there's a grandson too, and so you know, and don't, don't know the full story about his, my ability to be in his life yet, but you see how this is like a big thing. Well, why is it a big thing? Well, because I live in another state now, and you know, if we're talking about agency, the A, the agency would be, I feel empowered to make a decision about my life, to be in my granddaughter, and potentially my granddaughter's, my grandson's life, but they live in Southern California, so how am I going to make that happen? So there's a life quake. How do I start making a decision using the ABCs to go through that? Okay, and so I need a life coach, right, because I need somebody who's hot too, but if you just, but if you just think about it, I mean, I know that I've always exercised agency. One of the things that's been missing is that sense of belonging in my life because I, you know, I moved to Arkansas to help my own mother through the pandemic and through the end of her life, and then this cause, again, family, is probably something that's kind of tugging me in both places right now, right? So, so if agency is what you do, that's what you said, and you summed it up really good. You said belonging allows you to be accepted in the arenas you want to be involved in and cause, whether it's cause and effect or whether it's just cause feeling driven to a purpose that's bigger than your own life, you know, it does, it's important to look at those and how they drive you and also what impacts are going to have on the people in your sphere, right? Okay, so I'm going to leave that here. Those are just, those are just, that's just a way to think about the ABCs, and I, again, sharing my own personal experience, for example, because it's probably just easier for me to do that, and, and, you know, maybe it will be helpful to some listeners, and I don't feel, you know, I don't feel ashamed about, you know, my life or the things that are happening in it, and, you know, I don't really have that many venues to be able to talk about it or express it so that other people can benefit from it, so this is where we do that. This podcast is a safe place to do that. Okay, so besides the ABCs, what about the who in your decision making? Okay, so in a, so if the ABCs are one set of tools in the toolkit to help you look at decision making, now let's just think about this particular section about the who, and you're looking at the who's, as WHO, looking at the who's in your decision making, so when you are in the process of making a decision, of course it's important to include the views of others. Now, not everybody likes to do this, not everybody likes to, but it's, many people do, and it's important to be able to, and why is that? Well, because we never completely, we never really make decisions completely in isolation. Okay, not really, I, and I agree, you know, with that assumption or that axiom. Okay, so I'm going to ask the question, this is for, not for you in particular, but just for anybody. If you're thinking about making a big decision, you might want to consider who are the people in your constellation or in your unique little solar system, who are the people and what are they trying to say to you about, about that, about that decision? Okay, for example, if your family is one of these critical components in your decision making, and let's say family values, let's say your particular family values are caring for others. Let's say that caring for others has been something that has just been, it's just been seeped into your family, your family tradition, and the values that your grandparents held, and your parents held, and you held, and you want your children to hold, and that sort of thing. Let's just say it's caring for others. Okay, if, if that's a part of you, I'm just using this as an example, if something like that is a part of you, and you're thinking about who are the who's in my decision making, you're thinking somewhat about the past, what's influenced your past, well, you know, it's deep in me that caring for others should be high on my priorities when I'm making one of these life decisions. Okay, that's one. The second part of this idea that you don't make decisions in isolation is who needs you? Okay, well, that's a big one for me. That's a big one for me, obviously, because I moved to Arkansas because I, during the pandemic, because I felt that my mother was going to need me at the, you know, the later years of her life, and so that was one of the big drivers, right, that made it possible for me to move. But now, here I am three years later being tugged, grandchildren on the west coast? Who needs me? Do they need me? Well, if they do need me, how am I going to make myself available to them? So see how I'm, the who needs you question can be big for some people. Okay, and then the, here's another, here's another question. Who inspires you? So that, so that could open up for people, you know, just like I just was talking about the who needs you, that could open up their own set of questions about exploring what their decisions should be. And then, similar to who needs you and who inspires you, another who question is who drives you? What does that, I want to ask you, what does that bring to mind for you? I'm going to make notes. Who drives you? Well, you know, I'm going to take it all the way back, you know, with the daughter situation. It's beautiful to reconnect with family, you know, and exciting to know that you are a grandmother. And going back to those family values, you know, caring for others, you know, we move out here, I'm going to speak on my own, you know, that's been embedded. It's all about the care. When we talk about who needs you, Steve, people's needs are different. So when I'm sorting through all of that, do they really, really need, or is it only a need for them, or are they on their own agenda? Who inspires you? Now, I seek out inspirational people. I have persons that I go to that just inspire, bring it there, and drop it right on the table, just blunt, okay? And who drives you? When we come down to that driving force, that's kind of like a shaky thing, because I drive my own car, okay? I drive my own car, and I'm open, you know, to include the needs of others. But I have a problem standing in between of it, because I want to know, is that view that they're giving me sincerely about my endeavors, or is it about their endeavors, that therefore that trust comes in there? So you listen, and that's why I always use the statement, but that's because I move low and slow, okay? Very, very low key, and I take my time, because I'm going through observation. I'm listening. I'm listening to my inspirers. I'm listening to my encouragers. I'm listening, okay, well, is this something to throw me off my course, or is this really sincere here? So when we talk about the who, I keep going right back to me, you know, because you make it happen. How can I put it? That cause and effect, you know, you took the cause to go take care of your mom, you know, now because of that cause, the family bond is opening up. That's a good effect on the causes you made, so now the decision is there. Okay, I have a granddaughter and family, and I'm here in Arkansas. They're in California, but you know, when you make a move that helps you grow, that's for you. It all has to be, it's not a selfish way to think of it, but you really have to sit down and think about it. You know, first of all, that left side is going to tell you, well, where have they been, and when I needed this, this and that, so that shows up. That puts a choice there. Should I just pack up and go? Well, I'm pretty sure once the connection is made and you've gained that the families are welcoming and stuff so that everyone can be in the children's life, you get it. That's the reconnection part of it, because you connected. You made the cause to connect with your mom. Now the effect is coming back. Now everybody's trying to connect with you. I guess that's the best way I could put it. I know I'm talking in circles here, but it's all coupled together, the care, the need, the inspire, and who drives, but when we get to that drive, I have one more. What's what? Well, you did, well, and I thank you for weaving that all together, and I was following you, and I thought that you kind of, you did kind of help like reframe what the story I had just told, which is kind of interesting to me, because that gives me that picture back. It's like having mirror neurons is what they call them, but I had one more question. Okay, so we said, well, when we're faced with these big life quakes, whether we create them or they're forced on us, and we're looking at the who, we looked at the ABCs, and which one of those was the highest priority was pushing us most at this point or driving us the most, and we look at the who, and we realize that we never really can't, you know, make decisions completely in isolation, so we might want to consider the views of others or consider the needs of others or consider, you know, something that inspires us or someone who helps motivate us, and then the last one I have, the last one I have, I love this question, who brings you, who brings you closer to who you want to be? And that's worded that way on purpose. Who brings you closer to who you want to be? And that's a tough one. If you write that down, that's one I would encourage everybody to journal on. Okay, so now let's, I'm going to stop there. Okay, I have a list. You know, sometimes I do this list, and then this will kind of wrap it up because we do these for an hour alone. I don't even know if I have a full hour today, but I want to say what, what, if you, if you feel this paralysis of choices, like you have too many things or it feels like you have too many choices or you feel paralyzed about making a decision, and what I hear and what I see sometimes is people talking about like how heavy it feels to try to judge the differences between a good choice or a bad choice or is, meaning is it good for me or is like the wrong choice for me, or just feeling indecisive, like I, you know, constantly second-guessing yourself, and then therefore not making a decision because the fear of making the wrong decision is stronger than actually the desire to make a decision. So, okay, so let me talk a little bit right there about other things I've heard people say. When we talk about the emotions of making the wrong decision or having, making a decision that leads to these terrible feelings of regret, you know, people will say things like, well, well, if I make a choice that ends up being bad or hurts me, I'll just feel bad for a long time, and I'll just be stuck again, and or it's going to be, it's going to be a disaster, and they catastrophize the whole thing. So, what they do is they think, well, that just all sounds like a bunch of pain, so in order just to avoid that pain or that hurt altogether, I don't make a decision. I don't make the decision. Or they say, if I make a, let's say I make a choice and it feels bad or wrong for me, will I be able to undo it? Oh my God, then how big of a thing is that going to be? Am I going to have to, am I going to have to reverse everything? And if I just put everything to motion, A, B, C, D, da, da, da, and then I have to reverse it all and redo it again and go back, how awful is that going to be? So, what do they do? Don't make a decision. They don't do it. So, those are just, those are just a couple of examples of the kinds of ways that people think about these things. And so, on that same topic, here's some questions. Here's my list of questions that you might be able to use. If you're facing a decision about which you are uncertain or you fear may be the wrong one or the bad one for you. Okay, question number one. How do you personally feel about the potential consequences of this decision on your life and well-being? Somebody started thinking about it. And if, let's say it's in my case and I'm thinking about the consequences of a decision about whether or not I should move back to Southern California, right, because I have came, because I do, you know, I might be able to be in my grandchildren's house. Question, how do you personally feel about the potential consequences of this decision on your life and well-being? And you can think of your own situation, right? Okay, number two, what are the main reasons you're considering this decision, this decision, despite your reservation? What are the main reasons you're considering it? Okay, number three, how do you envision this decision affecting your long-term goals and happiness? That's number three. And number four, have you sought advice or opinions from trusted friends or family members about this decision? And if so, what were their perspectives? That's because a lot of us just don't make decisions in isolation. Okay, so that's number four. Have you sought advice or opinions? And if so, what were they? Number five, what fears or concerns do you have about not making this decision? I love that question. What fears or concerns do you have about not making this decision? Just put a twist in things. And then number six, can you describe the emotional or physical sensations you experienced when thinking about this decision? Like, this is for people who can know what's going on in their body while they're thinking about these things. Like, what is it stirring up for you physically? Okay, number seven, what values or priorities in your life might be compromised by making this choice? That's a tough one. Two things at the opposite end. I mean, so that's like an all or nothing kind of thing. That's a tough question. What values or priorities in your life might be compromised by making this other choice, in other words, you see? That's like pitting the things that have gotten you to where you are because their values are, that's like pitting those against this other life-changing thing that could upset all that. Oh my God, that's deep for me. Okay, number eight, are there any alternative options or compromises that could better align with your overall well-being? Are there any alternative options or compromises that could align better, better? So we hadn't made the, we hadn't completely made the decision yet. We're still just weighing it. We're not saying it's happened yet. We're just asking these questions as filters while considering the range of, you know, of outcomes. So what, finally, this is number nine, what steps can you take to give, well, I mean, to give yourself or to gain more clarity and confidence in your decision-making process? What steps, oh, this is a tough one. What steps can you take to gain more clarity and confidence in your decision-making process? Which is not something we've asked before, but that I'm adding at the end. Okay, so I'm going to run through these real quick, and I'm going to run through them again, and then you tell me if you want to stop on any of them. Okay, so these are, again, this is the list if you're from the coaching suite that if you're, if you're facing a decision that you're not certain about or you fear may be the wrong one. Number one, how do you personally feel about the potential consequences of this decision on your life and well-being? Number two, what are the main reasons you're considering this decision despite your reservations? Number three, how do you envision this decision affecting your long-term goals and happiness? Number four, have you sought advice or opinions from trusted friends or family members about this decision? And if so, what were their perspectives? This is actually not laden with any judgment or, factually not laden with any judgment or, or coercion or influence or anything like that. No feelings associated, that's just factual. Have you sought that advice or opinion and what, what were those opinions without any weight or judgment? Now, and then number five, what fears or concerns do you have about not making this decision? Number six, can you describe the emotional or physical sensations you experience when thinking about this decision? Number seven, what values or priorities in your life might be compromised by making this choice? Number eight, are there any alternative options or compromises that could align better with your overall well-being? And number nine, what steps can you take to gain more clarity and confidence in your decision-making process? Okay, that was it. Those are some, phew, those questions, those questions, those questions. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, it, it, it, at the end, steps to gain clarity and confidence in your decision-making. You know, I'm looking at all these nine questions here, all of them. And what, the first thing that comes to my mind is stay focused, stay focused. Okay. Stay focused. Once you have, you're trying to make a decision, you know, what are the reasons for it? And of course you're going to have input and advice and opinions from everyone, but you have to learn how to decipher, you know, and it's open. It's good to be open and listen. I like to teach and I like to be taught. You know, each one teaches one, you know, that's my motto over here. But sometimes, you know, when you pay close attention, a lot of persons give you advice that it's only for their agenda to make it work better for them. And that's okay, because that's just human nature here. But then when you talk about the emotional and physical, see, your body will tell you what's going on. And you have to pay attention to it. So when we talk about that rocked up feeling or getting those headaches and something, something is off balance there. That's why the balance and focus is very, very important. And alternatives are always there. You're in Arkansas. Your daughter and the grandkids are in California. You come from California. There's always options. People like to travel in, visit here, visit there, because you've packed up and changed your life. And now coming back in, then this is something that's very important to you. That's very important to you. So, uh-oh, what am I going to do? Well, you don't want to make another move and move back and find out that you stepped off into something that didn't quite work out. That's going to take you out. That's not a good thing. So the alternatives have to be there, the visiting, the whatever. I just say, check the temperature. You know, family is what it is. And, you know, I am a family person. My family, you know, and when there's situations that happen in the South, I really have to get on the phone and talk and straighten it out, because they, everybody has an opinion there. And all the opinions are different, right? So, like me not being there, I have to listen to the stories real closely and assess, what am I, how do I work this? Do I hop on the plane and go back to the rescue? No, I'm not going to do that, because there's 17 of them versus one me here. Okay, that don't make sense to me. If you, yeah, so if you have the support, the support is there for the grandkids. They're open. Yes, you are the grandmother, but there's exceptions. There's exceptions. You know, they're open and willing and everybody has to be included. I think, well, you've got me thinking in another direction too now, Linda. I think you and I have talked about this before, that we were, you and I each were the only ones that left our families of origin to go to the West Coast and make our lives there. And so, it's funny to hear you say 17, and then your family back in Texas or whatever, 21 out in California. Well, and I have the same thing here, because all of mine are in, and I've even told my sister, I said, what if I can work remotely? And, and, and then that meant I could keep a place in, you know, near my grandchild, my son is also getting married. You know, I could keep a place close, close to my kids and grandkids in California, but I could also keep my house in Arkansas and come here and still have my friends and loved ones and circle, you know, things to do here. And I could just move back and forth between the two places and, you know, working a hundred percent. And it's not a crazy thing to think about, because by the way, that's how I got here. I was working completely remotely before the pandemic hit, and then I chose to move and move, just put what I could put in my, the trunk of my car. So, it cost me gas and a deposit on a place to live when I got here, you know, so I mean, it's possible to do this. It doesn't have to be like a whole big thing. No. So, where was I going with that? Was that, I think each person has, when they come to a crossroads or they have to figure out how to make a big decision, it's hard, it's worse to be paralyzed and not able to make a decision at all than it probably would be to make a decision, even if you're not perfectly confident in it, and you, and the consequences are things that you just have to live through. Okay. So, I think, I don't know what I'm saying, but I guess, I guess, I guess what I'm saying is I never feel like it should be so hard for us change as human beings, because the truth is that, you know, there's no way to avoid it. And so, you might as well learn the skills that help you get through it, because you're always going to have these life quakes, whether they, you know, get thrown at you or whether you choose them, like whether it's a death or a divorce or a job loss, you know, or, you know, me, the loss of my daughter through this lifestyle that I can never really be part of my life again. You know, big things happen sometimes in our lives, and they kind of force us to look at the quality of our life and the decisions we want to make and what we want our future to look like. So, that is just the point, you know, I'm coming back full circle, that the topic today is abundance of choices, and I happen to think, because of my particular worldview and life experience, that I believe that we do have an abundance of choices, but it doesn't have to be paralyzing. And I hope that our discussion today helped some people. And that, you know, that, you know, as Carl, my dad used to say, that it would help them stop dithering and make a decision to move through it. Whatever it is, you've got this. So, having an abundance of choices shouldn't be a bad thing. It should be a life-affirming thing, and that's really the whole purpose of life coaching, it's why we talk about all these things, because, you know, it really is about consciously, you know, participating in your own life. Yeah, you have to focus in on your own life, and that's why affirmations are so good. And when you were talking about the choices we make, I scream every day, I'm learning to make better choices. Okay, you talk to yourself, you have to, because it all begins and ends with you, no matter what it is, how it's coming. And if you allow yourself to get paralyzed, you're not going to move.