1724284140384_0137556087_dc3c42cb

The speaker reflects on their personal journey of self-discovery and growth. They discuss how they confronted their own flaws and took responsibility for their actions. They also recount a moment when their partner had a change of heart about having another baby, which led to their pregnancy. However, tragedy struck as their partner passed away shortly after. The speaker emphasizes the importance of following their intuition and listening to their soul. They encourage others to give their all in relationships and to choose commitment over giving up. just occurred to me. I didn't really finish that story so much. And I thought, I want to do that for you. So what happened with me is I just continued to dig. I continued to dig more. I continued to look at myself inside. I continued to see him as the mirror into me and everything that made me cringe, everything that I resented was triggered by. I just continued to ask myself better questions, wealthier questions like, where is the lie in me that has to die? Where is my responsibility in this? And I just kept moving toward it and moving toward it and moving toward it. And finally, right at the beginning of about, well, it was about the end of 2007, beginning of 2008, I wanted another baby. He didn't. He was downstairs working. I don't know what he was doing. I call it sorting screws or something down in his workshop. You know, just doing some kind of monotonous type work. And he had an epiphany. I believe that Harlow, my youngest, our baby, came through to him and opened up the portal and told him I'm coming. And he came upstairs that day, ran upstairs and told me I had an epiphany. I'm ready for another baby. He didn't want another baby because he's like, two is enough. One for you, one for me. When we go to Disney World, each of us get one. If we have three, one of us is outnumbered. So it took me a minute to process that because I've been asking for it and asking for it. He wasn't ready and he wasn't ready and he wasn't ready. And then when he said yes, now my body was in resistance, like, oh, shit. He actually wants this, too. Oh, shit. I actually need to do this. It's not just talk anymore. It's actually doing it. So we got pregnant right away, like, literally right away. He was ecstatic. We got pregnant, found out we were pregnant in August. And he died in November. Did you just hear my dog whine at the perfect time? My point to you is that I was able to get to a point where I was able to love him in the way that I desired to love him at that point, my capacity at that point. There wasn't a me back then. And I remember the night before he died. And source came through me. The divine was speaking. Because I was mad. He had been in Vegas. He had been in Vegas on a work trip. And I was supposed to go with him. He asked me to go with him. And I was like the martyr, you know. No, I'll just stay here with the kid. Pregnant. What am I going to do in Vegas? Kind of feeling inside energy, you know. So obviously I still have a lot of work to do. But I was listening to the voice. I was listening to my soul. I was following what I was being told to do. And even to this day, I can remember the feeling of that very night. Like let it go, I hear. Let it go. Reach out and touch his hand. Snuggle up to him. I don't know what I'd feel today if I didn't follow that voice, Jennifer. The morning that he left. The morning that he left. It was 5, like 545 in November. It was dark still. And usually I would be like, don't bother me. I've got five more minutes to sleep. I'm going to sleep five more minutes. Don't even, don't even bother me. Don't kiss me. Like nothing. That morning, the voice came in. I was wide awake. And it was weird because it wasn't normal. And I heard the swish of his jacket getting ready to leave. And I grunted to like get him to stop, you know, like, mmm. He came over right away. Because that's the kind of man he was. He didn't have any hardened heart. He had nothing to work on. He had, he was such an open, intimate soul. And he came over and he gave me the last kiss. So when I tell you that it's worth it to give it your all before you bail, to decide that you're going to be ballers before you're bailers, there is no other choice. There's just no other choice.