mom

The speaker discusses the challenges of being a working mom and the societal pressure to choose between being a corporate mom or a stay-at-home mom. She shares her personal experience of wanting to have her own money and career while being a mom. She believes that balance is not possible, but harmony is achievable. She suggests focusing on five areas of life: family, finances, career, fun, and health, and finding a middle ground that works for each individual. She emphasizes that it's normal for the balance to shift during different seasons of life and that it's important to prioritize and make adjustments accordingly. She encourages listeners to explore what option C, a combination of both career and motherhood, looks like for them. Welcome to the Beauty Pro Elite Podcast. I'm your host Jeanne Ann Kenning and my mission is to help beauty business owners create a dynamic business they can be proud of with marketing, mindset, finance, and social health so you can start attracting those dream clients and building a brand you always wanted and deserve. If you are ready to explode your beauty biz then this is the place for you. It's time to get started. Hello and welcome to the Beauty Pro Elite Podcast. My name is Jeanne Ann Kenning and today we are going to talk about a hot topic. So I listened to a podcast last weekend on toxic mom culture and it really got me thinking a lot about being a working mom and living in the toxic mom culture for I've been a mother for 24 years and how that's affected me. So I thought I would discuss that with you today and see what you guys think about this very topic because I think it's important. So I can give you kind of a background. So I was raised in a traditional household with a mom and a dad. Both my parents were corporate executives for IBM. My mom was a very traditional corporate woman. She worked in our outside of our house my whole life. Most of my upbringing was takeout dinners and you know being on the fly and doing the working mom stuff, right? So for me that was normal. I didn't have a homemaker type of mother when I was growing up so I didn't know any different, right? And then my husband, same thing, typical upbringing, mom and a dad. Dad worked in the auto industry, mom was a homemaker. So very vast different expectations of women in society. So did we clash on that a little bit when we were first married? Definitely. But for me I was raised in a family where being a working mom and going after big audacious goals and making lots of money was normal. Like that to me was an everyday occurrence, right? But what we're taught in society is there's two sliding scales of women. There's you can be a working mom and you can't balance anything and you are, you know, letting down your kids and you're letting down your husband and you are, you know, doing those sorts of things and you're working full-time and it's just chaos, right? That's one spectrum. And on the other end of the spectrum is you're a homemaker and you stay at home and you put aside your dreams and you forget about it. And one of the things that I will say is I have a lot of experience in both areas. So when I started much, like very young, I had a get-up-and-go. When I was 16 I was the youngest manager of a restaurant in our area. When I was 20 I was the youngest innkeeper of a resort in our whole area. And then from there I became a wedding planner, became extremely successful doing that, and then I opened my businesses. So I've always had that innate desire to do more, be more in my blood, right? That I thought because that's what I was raised as being normal. But then I had my youngest friend Riley and all of a sudden the position shifted where I had the good fortune to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. And I think I did it for like 18 months and it was really hard. And I felt like a piece of me was missing a little bit, like that identity of making your own money. And I really didn't like asking for money from somebody else. That was a big issue for me. And I really knew that I needed to do something else. Like I needed to have money of my own, I needed to have an income of my own. And I loved being home but I wanted more, right? But I didn't know how to balance and get rid of the mommy guilt and still have the nourishing soul of having your own money and career, right? So that's the problem, right, is that we all think. But the unfortunate thing is we're raised in a society where you're a stay-at-home mom, you're amazing. And society is like, yes, that's great, but you left your dreams behind. Or you're a corporate mom or you're a working mom and, oh, it's for you because you have to leave your children in daycare, right? Like we're never taught to find our own way, right? And it's this toxicity that we believe that it's only these two ways to go through and that it's option A or B. But what about option C is my question. So that's what I wanted to talk to you about. So I listened to this podcast last week and it really shook me to the core because I realized I've done both. When Riley was about 18 months, I was like, yeah, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. It's really hard. I want to have my own money. That was the biggest thing. I hated asking for money. I hated asking my husband for, you know, just to buy anything. I just wanted that freedom. I was raised by a very strong independent female. So in my eyes, that's what you did. That's what was normal, right? So I started my businesses. And initially when I started doing all my beauty services training, I just wanted to make $500. Like I've said this a million times in my story, I wanted to just make $500. So if I wanted to get a pair of jeans, I could go buy a pair of jeans. If I wanted to go get a pair of nails done, I could go get my nails done. I didn't have to answer to anybody. That was my motivation. But what happened was the fire got lit in me, right? So I'm here to tell you, you can do both, okay? So I've had this conversation a lot. I tend to, I think I have, I'm trying to think, one client, two clients, two clients that don't have children. So I tend to have a lot of moms in my world and in my programs and everything like that. And I have this conversation a lot because we're always grappling between, are you A, the corporate mom, or are you B, the homemaker mom? You can't be both, right? So corporate mom is driven and goal-oriented and makes all this money and, you know, chasing after what she wants to do. But she has a lot of mommy guilt. Her kids are in daycare. And stay at home mom is wishing that she had her own money, so to speak. So a lot of women come into my world and they say, I'm trying to balance it both. I'm trying to do both things. I'm trying to be a perfect mom and be a perfect worker and business owner and entrepreneur. I'm here to tell you it's not even possible. I wish with all my soul and human being that I could tell women that balance is not humanly possible. Now I'm not saying this for you to go and cry right now. I'm going to tell you what is humanly possible. Harmony, okay? Now we're looking at option C. So in the perfect world, I wish you could see me because I, you know, and I swear I've had this conversation like five times this week. So it's obviously weighing on people's minds. I think because it's summer too, so kids are home. So in a perfect world, we have five areas of our life. We have family, so that would be your spouse, your children. We have finances. We have career. We have fun and recreation. And we have health, okay? So those are the five areas of your life, okay? So in our mind, it should be balanced, right? It should be balanced at what would that be? About 20, yeah, 20% each area. But here's what I'm just telling you. So in our minds, we're taught in society that each of those areas should be 20%. We're working out every day for health. We go out and have fun times with our friends. We spend time with our spouse and our children. We have perfect finances and our, you know, and our career is perfect. It's not even humanly possible for that wheel to be perfectly round. And if you're doing it perfect like that, God bless you because I want to meet you. Please introduce yourself. Here's the thing that happens. If you are building a business, you're going to be putting in 40%, 50% of your time. So your wheel's going to be a little off-kilter, right? It's going to be unbalanced. And then what this happens to us, we are made to feel inadequate as a society, as a female, that we are not at, you know, the perfect 20, 20, 20, 20, all-around circle, okay? It's not possible. You can't grow a business and only work 20%. You're going to have seasons in your life where your business is going to be 40, 50, 60%, okay? And your time with your family is going to suffer or time with your spouse is going to suffer or maybe you just don't work out or maybe you don't have fun in recreation, right? And the first step in all of this is realizing that that vision of success in our minds of being a perfectly balanced woman is not realistic, okay? Did you know that in the 1950s when women were starting to work outside the home and that was becoming a normal thing, that it was done based on the premise that there was a full living nanny who cooked clean and took care of the children, okay? So keep that in mind. You do this, okay? So what's going to happen is you're going to have seasons of life where you're going to feel like, wow, I'm tired or I'm really putting in so much work into this area and I'm feeling a little guilty because I'm not spending time with my children. I'm here to tell you that off-balance does not last forever, okay? I've grown. So this week, I'm a numbers girl. I do a lot of, like, my figures. I do number percentages all the time and my business has grown 502% since January of 2023. So from January 2023 to, what are we in? I would say the end of May, I was definitely off-balance. I would say it was probably 50% career, 20% family. I don't even know what the rest. Like, maybe 10% for the rest? Maybe, right? So I was off-balance. But now, things are starting to shift a little bit. My business is doing really well. I can peddle back. I got help, right? So now, things are moving. So now, I'm like, okay, there are ways to be a little bit more around. So what I wanted to talk to you today is about being option C. What does that look like for you? Thought-provoking. You can journal on this later if you want to. But when you are option C and you're doing both, you're not 100% fully in on the career end where you're neglecting option A, you're kind of in the middle and you're doing both. So what does that look like to you? Okay? So are you working four days a week and then you spend three days with your family and your kids? Are you maybe only working for somebody else right now and opening up your own space in a few years when your kids are older? Like, what does that look like? But I'm also here to tell you that you can do both things. One of the greatest... I'm like super emotional about this topic. One of the greatest things, as I just took an eyelash off and dropped it in my eye, one of the greatest things that I am super proud about in this family is that there are two adults living in this house, my husband and I, who are both extremely determined to have very successful businesses. But our children, in my eyes, and hopefully my children feel this way, have never suffered. They've never been without. And when I say that, I mean time from us and getting that health and nurturing that they need. Now, I'm not going to paint you this shiny diamond picture that it was beautiful. I remember so many times where, you know, my husband would come and then I would be like, I have clients and he would take over, you know, kids when they were little and vice versa. And it never was this perfect picture. But in my eyes, it was perfect for us. And I think that teaching children that you as a female, you know, whether it be their wife or themselves as a wife in the future, can do all the things. And you don't have to be torn between both. You can make up what's best for you. Right. So even still today, we tag team children and driving and we have teenagers. So it's like drive here, drive there, pick up there, do this, do that. Right. And it's not a beautiful, shiny penny, but it works. And, you know, as my youngest child is going into high school in the fall, I've come to the realization that, damn, we did a pretty great job. We did the best that we could. And I think we did OK. And we raised children that are kind and empathetic. We got to travel lots as a family. We got to provide things to our children that hopefully they will appreciate when they're older. And I think that that's so important to to touch base on. I am not a cleaner. OK. I'm not organized. We have somebody that cleans our house. OK. I don't bake cookies. I don't even bake. I don't think I've baked anything from scratch ever. OK. I will cook. Basically, I'm not a cooker. Right. Like I am not a homemaker. I wasn't raised in that environment. It's not in my DNA and in my upbringing to know even how to do that. Right. But I gave my children the best that I could of me as what I need. The picture of being that perfect woman that I wanted to be. Right. And not what expectations were and putting that pressure on yourself. Like we put so much pressure on ourselves to be the perfect wife, to be the perfect, you know, homemaker, have the perfect clean house, to have the perfect meals, to do all that. And it's like, but what makes you happy? In option C, how is it that it works for your family? Right. Like I think back to growing up with my mom, we used to eat takeout like I'm pretty sure it was almost every night. That worked for her. Like I don't remember her ever being home before six or seven. That worked for her. And do I have a horrible memory of growing up? Not at all. And that's the thing that I wanted to debate is that if that's what works for you, there's nobody that should tell you different. It's what works best for you. So I'm going to give you some two tangible tips that I find in creating the perfect harmony between work and between family. Okay. And this is stuff that I practiced my very first coach I ever had right when Riley was born. So he's 14 now. So he taught me this and I am stuck with this like the whole 14 years. I still do this every week. I live and die by this. And I'm telling you, it will change your life. Okay. First things first. I wish this was on video, but just imagine in your head. Okay. So we always schedule our life around our work. And the first thing I want you to do is always schedule your work around your life. So at the beginning of each month, you're going to sit down with your spouse, your partner, and you're going to grab a white calendar, we use a whiteboard, and you're going to put in non-negotiable. Kids sports, our son's graduating public school in a couple of weeks. So that's obviously a non-negotiable. Father's Day is on Sunday, you know, people's birthdays, date night, non-negotiable, like this is non-negotiable for you. So you put those on the calendar first. Okay, then you're going to put in things like work around that, right? When does work fit in around those? The problem is, we're like, oh, I missed this because I had work. Or I missed this sport because I had work. No, it should be family, partner, like even if you're like really trying to get healthy, and you're trying to work out like right now, I'm trying to move my body every single day. That is a non-negotiable for me. So that goes on the calendar first, before kept client time, right? So then what I do is I figure out when I'm available to take clients, right? So when is the time period that I'm available to take clients? I love working at night. I'm very non-traditional person as that way. So I don't mind, you know, doing all my stuff like workout, groceries, all that stuff in the morning, my husband's self-employed, we can go for breakfast as a date, right? So making it work for what works for you is what I'm getting at. So then I would schedule my client times, I'll be like, I'm available this afternoon or this evening, right, around my life, because then I'm not missing anything, right? And then if you have space, and you're like, you have somebody that wants time with you, and it's like on a Saturday, and you have two extra hours, and it doesn't affect your family, by all means, okay? Next thing I do is probably the only reason why I have a business, like hands down, besides all the money I've invested in amazing coaches and leaders in my life, I will say doing this one simple task has made the biggest difference in my life, and that is how I plan my tasks. So part of being an entrepreneur is just taking that little 1% step every single day, and taking that little 1% step forward every single day will eventually compound into massive growth, right? The problem is people will leave things to the last minute or not do them, and there's no propelling forward, and you feel stuck, right? So this is the process. So on Sundays, I sit down and I will take a book, I have the same book, it's a yearly book. I brain dump everything that I possibly can think of that needs to be done. Personal, my husband, business, what emails have to go out, what text messages have to go out, social posts, if we're making landing pages, if I need to do banking, if I need to call the accountant, if the dog needs to go to the vet, this kid needs to go to the dentist, whatever it may be, make a nail appointment, whatever it is, I will literally brain dump it all onto one paper. Now here's where people go wrong. They will assume that they will hold that piece of paper, and they will just do a running to-do list. The problem with that is we want to get to the reward. So we'll go to the to-do list, we'll do the easiest thing first, and then we'll leave the difficult things, and then they never get done, and the next thing you know, you saw them created that landing page, and it's three weeks from now. So then what you're going to do is you're going to take an old-school day planner. You can do it in your phone. I love me an old-school day planner. I like me a beautiful pink day planner. I spend the money on them, and I love it. It's one of the joys I have in my life. So you'll take your day planner, and you will take those tasks, and you will divide them up over the whole week, okay? So Monday we'll have five tasks, Tuesday we'll have five tasks, Wednesday we'll have five tasks. Now if you are doing this in your phone, what you can do is block the time and put the tasks in the time. I highly suggest that if you are a busy mom with young children, to look at your schedule and go, when can I do this that I can be focused, okay? Try to do social media. Shout out to my amazing breathwork coach, Lauren. We were just talking about this today. She was saying, man, it's so hard to do stuff when she has a two-year-old and a newborn. Do social media, post it to your mom. I'm like, yeah, you can't. It's so hard because you start to do something, then somebody wants to go to the potty, or somebody wants to popsicle, or somebody needs to be breastfed, or whatever. You just can't. And the problem is when you do that is you're not giving your, anybody your best attention. Your children feel it, and your business feels it. So when can you commit to an hour, let's say, every day of focused work time? Most people be like, I don't have time for that. That's what they say to me. I'm like, okay, so when your children go to bed at 730 or 8, what time do you go to bed? 10. Okay, what are you doing? Oh, I watch TV. How important is the Netflix and chill versus your business? Right? So you're going to make a priority that you are going to have one hour focused on. Right now, my New Year's resolution since January was three hours of focused work time, y'all. Three hours for the amount of money I make is bananas, of focused work time every single day. That's it. And to tell you the amount of mountains that I've moved in my business because I do that every single day, Monday through Friday is insane. Okay, so here's the thing, the next thing. So you schedule the time, you know the tasks. These are non-negotiable. Okay? Obviously, emergencies come up or, you know, a kid's sick or whatever. It is what it is. You just slide the tasks into another day. But if you are like, I don't know, you like TikTok or you want to watch a show on Netflix and you're like, that's your way to decompress, that's your reward. So you do the tasks that are on your list, then your reward is your Netflix and chill. It's not, I'm going to watch an episode and then go to do the work because you ain't going to do it. You're going to sit down and you're going to be like, I'll just watch one more episode. Right? So that's my system. I live and die by that. I've done it for almost 15 years. It's definitely made me more productive. It's made me more focused for sure. And it's also made me more successful because I'm actually getting things done that are of benefit to my business. Right? So in conclusion, I just want to leave you with this insight. You are doing amazing. You are phenomenal. You are doing such amazing things by running a business and being a mom and being a spouse or partner and running a household and doing all those things. Nobody in the shiny universe is here to tell you that you are going to be doing something wrong. You have to determine what your normal is. You have to determine what makes you happy. Okay? Stop looking at social media. Stop comparing to other moms. You know, we all compare. Comparison is the thief of all joy. It's my favorite quote of all times. I sometimes wished when my kids were younger that I could sew and make the beautiful costumes and bake. That's just not who I am. And so you have to make up your option C. You have to make up what works for your family and what that's going to look like. And I promise you, when you get to the age where your kids are older, you're going to be like, dang, man, I did that. And you're going to be personally fulfilled. Your children are going to feel nourished and loved. Your husband's going to feel loved. And everything will work to the best of your ability. So remember, we are creating harmony. We are not creating balance. It doesn't even exist. That word should not be in the vocabulary. Okay? You're doing an amazing job. I'll see you next week. We have a special guest. Thank you so much for tuning in to the beauty for our lead podcast. And I invite you to go and create your option C. I'll see you soon. Hey, thanks so much for tuning in today. It means everything to me to have your support. My mission is to help thousands of beauty business owners grow as big as they possibly can. So if you found today's episode valuable, the best way to share the love is to screenshot this episode, share to your socials, or even better, share with another business owner. Perhaps you could leave me a review. However, you're listening to this podcast. And if you are looking for additional support, please reach out to me at beauty defined coach on Instagram. Can't wait to see you next week.