finalproject

The speaker shares personal experiences with toxic masculinity, starting with being told not to cry as a child. They discuss societal expectations, participating in sports they didn't enjoy to please their family, and feeling pressure to hide emotions. They mention encountering toxic behavior in online gaming but also finding support and understanding from others who shared their experiences. Opening up to a close friend and family, the speaker found comfort and acceptance. They encourage others to recognize the problem of toxic masculinity and seek support rather than conforming to societal expectations. What you're about to hear is a clip from a streamer that goes by the name of iShowSpeed. This clip of him is being used as an example of my topic of toxic masculinity. I want to advise you, this clip is pretty extreme and may trigger you, but it is a good example of what I want to talk about later on. Here's the clip. You're probably wondering what even led up to this point. What you're seeing is a form of toxic masculinity and you're seeing it in the form of a streamer playing a video game. But let's dwell into how it might start or how toxic masculinity has affected me in the past. From the earliest memory that I can recall goes back to when I was a kid. I was enjoying going out on something sort of like a snow resort and I was having fun sledding like how any kid would. And what I remember from that trip was very vividly was getting hit in the head and it had really hurt and I had started crying. But I was mad with the response that I still remember to this day. My brother had thrown a sled at me unexpectedly and it had hit me straight in the head. I remember running over to my mom trying to find any bit of comfort to help with the pain I had just felt. But I was only told to stop crying because boys don't cry and how I shouldn't because I was out in public with everyone to see me. That was my first ever experience about how society perceives masculinity and how a boy should act. I was only just a boy looking for comfort after getting hurt but I was met with a lesson instead. Going back to another thing that I had experienced when I was growing up is whenever I would be sitting around with my grandparents, either helping them with something or just watching tv with them. That would sometimes bring up that I should always study hard, learn multiple sports, and be strong while I'm helping around the house. It's always something subtle but it always lingers around even when mentioned abruptly. It's a constant reminder that I had to face as a kid which kind of shaped me a bit because I did end up doing multiple sports. I had played years of badminton and participated in competitive swimming. I had always tried to be the best I can in those sports even sometimes being a bit selfish when it comes to getting opportunities in them. Even though I was trying to be the best in those sports, I didn't enjoy them. I did them because my family felt happier that I was getting into so many activities that a boy should do. I had always wondered if this would stop and I would get to do things I want to do and just be myself. Due to this constant pressure of wanting to be who my family wanted me to be, I tried to be strong. I did not want to let out any emotions other than me being happy. I would always keep my feelings to myself as a way to not look weak to them. Sometimes keeping all of this bottled up got to me and I would hide away from them to let it out in secret. I did not want them to see me as someone who they wouldn't want me to be. I had wondered if there were any other guys that were like me in this situation. I apologize for that. That is my dog coming upstairs but let's get back into what I was about to say. I felt the need to apply myself to this toxic masculinity of being strong and showing no emotion to appease my family. I felt like the right thing to do at the time as I was worried that they might perceive me in a negative way if I didn't. But going back to the clip in the beginning I had shown, I would see a lot of this in online games where there would always be some toxic person trying to take control or just lead the way of how things are going. I will admit, I used to be like this as well. When I was a kid playing video games, I knew nothing better and followed the footsteps of other people I would interact with. It's not just those types of people around though. There are other guys out there willing to share out their opinions about toxic masculinity. For example, I had met two other guys that are willing to share their ideas about it. We would talk on and on for about an hour relating to things and it was really refreshing to talk about my problems with others who shared theirs. It made me more confident in how we can deal with this problem of toxic masculinity by just talking about it with others and made me more aware and less drawn to it when I was able to open up to them about it. We had shared something in common and found strength in it to help each other deal with it together. I have also had someone who I was really close with where I would not really need to show this quote unquote masculine side of myself. I felt like I could be me, like I did not need to put up a show to try and mask who I really was. I remember getting advice whenever I would open up to them and they would also recommend me to open up to my family about the issue. I listened to them and I did that. I had broken down in front of my family from all the stress that I had dealt with and they only showed me comfort without adding none of that nonsense about being masculine. After that experience dealing with it and opening up to people, I felt more okay with myself. I didn't have to put on a face to appeal to others because I really did not care about it anymore if I had people that cared for me, for only just being not some act to look tougher but genuine me. I only hope for others to realize whether or not they have a problem with toxic masculinity and that they don't have to put up a certain mood or vibe to seem tough and they will always have someone out there waiting to listen to them for who they are instead of keeping it all to themselves and bottling it all up. I just want to say thank you for listening to me about my topic of toxic masculinity. It's a hard topic for me to talk about my experiences with it but I wanted it to be known that there are solutions out there for others experiencing it as well.