Healing From Abusive Relationships

The speaker shares her experience of being in an abusive relationship and how God helped her heal. She discusses the red flags she ignored and the physical and emotional abuse she endured. She also talks about her struggle with smoking weed and seeking fulfillment in the wrong places. The relationship ended when her partner crashed her car while fleeing from the police. She then moves back to her mom's house and seeks guidance from her church sisters. Through prayer and being honest about her feelings, she begins to heal and let go of past pain. She emphasizes the importance of attacking the root of the problem and finding fulfillment in God rather than depending on broken people. Good night, love bugs, and welcome to Living Water Restoration Podcast. I am so excited to be here with you guys. I'm so excited that you guys decided to tune in. I'm grateful for everybody listening tonight. Our first episode is going to be on healing from abusive relationships. Tonight I'm going to share with you my abusive relationship experience. I'm going to share how God pulled me out and how he healed me, and I'm just going to share those tips with you. I'm also going to share what the Bible has to say about abusive relationships, so let's get right into it. I was in my first experience of being in a physically abusive relationship was in 2019. I was in that relationship for about to be three years, and I mean when I say abusive, I mean extremely physically abusive, I mean black eyes, bruises, being belittled, being called out of my name, being verbally attacked, physically attacked, I mean just like every form of attack that you can speak on, I definitely experienced it. It started off small. It started off as getting choked and like grabbed up, and then the chokes got worse. At one point, blood vessels were popped in my face. I had scars all over my neck. I had to literally put a tattoo over it just so people wouldn't ask about those scars on my neck, and there were definitely red flags from the very beginning of that relationship, and I definitely looked past every single red flag because I was so afraid of being alone, and I really just wanted to be with somebody. I really just wanted to have a person, and I was willing to stay in any kind of situation just so that I would still have a person or would have like my own personal person that I didn't have to share with anybody, literally searching for fulfillment in all the wrong places and did not even know that I was really searching to be fulfilled. I was definitely struggling with weed smoking. I had to smoke every day, and once you're in a space where you got to smoke every day, you're definitely trying to escape and run from something, and in my eyes, I felt like, oh, yes, I have a person to do this with, and I mean, you will never be lonely when you smoke weed because there's always somebody to smoke with, so that was also a really big battle for me, but yeah. I ended up leaving that relationship once I started going to church. However, once I started going to church, I ended up meeting another person who came to me and was like, oh, God told me that you're for me, and I was sent to help you, and that you've been on your feet for so long, and I had a dream, and every type of sweet, every kind of sweet I had a dream speech that you could receive from a man at that time. He gave every single one, and even at that point, I mean, there was definitely some red flags there with love bombing, like somebody wanted to spend all their time with you and talk to you all the time. We'd be looking at that like, oh, that's so cute. No, that's actually a red flag, and we need to stop ignoring red flags, so those are some of the red flags I dealt with, and then he also had a temper problem. He was never physical with me, but it was definitely more so verbally abusive and financially abusive to say the least, so that relationship ended because I let him use my car. He took me to work, and God is so good because he could have crashed the car like three times when we were, when he was taking me to work. When he was driving back to the apartment, he got into an accident, running from the police, and he got out the car, by the grace of God, because he's still alive, and I don't know how, because that car looks, I don't know how anybody could have made it out that car alive and alive enough to run from the police on top of that, so God is good, but yeah, that's what ended that relationship because he was like literally lying, telling me like he did not crash the car that he pulled over and he ran out, so I don't know, either something like mentally just was like off, or like he thought that was a good lie, I don't know, I don't know what he thought that was, however, yeah, however, that was the end of that relationship for me because I was like, yeah, like you really don't care about me, like everything I said the day before that, like you definitely proved that today, like you definitely don't care about me, so yeah, anyway, the following morning now, I woke up at my friend's house, not friend, like really my soul sister for real, for even, I woke up at her house, or I didn't even wake up because I was up the whole entire night, like heart aching, body shaking, I was super cold and just like, Lord, I don't want to feel like this no more, like that's what it felt like, like I was not trying to feel like this anymore, and I guess she must have felt my uncomfort and my anxiety, like literally beaming through the roof, so she prayed for me that morning, and I'm so grateful for her, yeah, but she prayed for me that morning, and then when she was done praying for me, I prayed, but my prayer was nothing personal or about my personal feelings about how I felt, I was like, God, I'm so, I'm just so hurt, and I just pray like the families that were involved, I hope they still get to enjoy their holidays, and whatever, and Raven called me into the bathroom, and she was like, are you hurt, not hurt, I'm sorry, she was like, are you angry with him, and I was like, no, like I'm more so like hurt, and she was like, go back in there and tell God how you really feel, and I went back in that room, and I was like, God, I am so hurt, like my heart is broken, my heart has never felt like this before, I don't ever want to feel like this anymore, I'm so tired of myself, I just really want to know who my person is, and I'm tired of searching, and boy, when I say God answers all prayers, boy, sometimes, sometimes you got to be careful what you ask for in prayers as well, which is how powerful prayer is, but yeah, fast forward, that was my prayer, and after that, like I went, I went to go cop some bud, and I was smoking, and it was not doing anything for me, so at that point, I was like, God, I don't even want to smoke no more, like, like I'm done smoking, like this is not even doing anything for me, like weed is really a lie, like this never solved any problems, because I still feel exactly how I felt, and I'm, and I'm like, and I'm still broke, like I'm $25 broken than I was before, so I was like, I ain't trying to smoke no more neither, so I ended up moving back to my mom's house, because ultimately God was like, leave everything, and move forward, leave the apartment, leave everything in there, leave the furniture, and carry on, and that's exactly what I did, so that's exactly what I did, so after that, I spoke with one of my other church sisters, and she directed me to her sister, and her sister, literally, but God used her in such a mighty way, because so many messages, like I received every single thing that God was telling me, for me to be able to heal, and move forward, so this is what God told me to do, and I'm going to share it with you guys, he one told me that I need to be honest about how I feel about every painful thing that I have experienced in life, and tell him how angry I was, tell him how sad I was, and then after that, just, you know, still thank God for being able to see him in those situations, and that's exactly what I did, so I wrote, and I was like, God, I am angry that I was molested, because like I felt like my childhood was taken away from me, and I wasn't able to really experience my childhood being myself, but as a traumatized child, like with stuff put on her, like I didn't even get to experience who I was as a child, and grew up into like this, this pain harboring adult, so I was really, really angry about that, because I felt like I lost my identity, but I've never really expressed that before, I was always just like, well, it happened, and I'm over it, because it's not like I'm crying about it, but I've never really gave it to God before, so like I also just continued to go in about all other kinds of stuff that hurt me, from the relationship with my mom, to just not feeling like anybody's favorite person, to insecurities, like just everything, and then after that step, I did all that in my prayer journal, by the way, and as I'm writing all these things, I'm like purging, like literally crying so hard, after that, God told me that I need to work on forgiveness, and anybody that I can think of that I feel some type of way about, forgive them and release them, so after I was done writing about that, I wrote down every single person that I felt like did me any kind of wrong, I mean the smallest kind of wrong too, but I really let it all go, and that's a really, really important factor, is one, being honest about your feelings, and two, letting it all go, because when you start to attack the root of the problem, that's when you start to end the pattern, because there is no ending a pattern if you do not attack the root, and the root is always coming from a place of pain, because we are searching to be fulfilled, and trying to be fulfilled in men by searching for things that they cannot even give you, because they are also not fulfilled, so we are just broken people, depending on broken people, trying to love harder, trying to find love in a hopeless place, and you don't have to do that, because God made you a partner, and that's that, like he made somebody for you, like we were never built to be here by ourselves, like when he made Adam, he looked at Adam and said, it's not good for man to be alone, and he gave Adam a helper, a companion, a wife, and he told him to be fruitful and multiply, and if God promised it to them, it definitely belongs to you too, so yeah, that was the first step, and a lot of prayer, like my healing process looked like a lot of being honest, a lot of snotty nose crying, a lot of sleepless nights, but it was all worth it in the end, because honey, I am so good, honey, so yes, that's that. Now, after discovering that I was truly searching for fulfillment and just looking for a companion, I really never felt more fulfilled until I threw myself into my relationship with God and was like, I want you to be my only companion, I want to hear you in ways I've never heard you before, I want to see you in ways that I've never seen you before, so yeah, so now fast forward, after I'm done writing in my prayer journal and releasing everything, the next morning, I only slept for one hour that night, but that was the most sleep that I had gotten in the last few days, that situation happened on a Thursday, this is Saturday, like Saturday is the first night that I slept for an hour, Friday night was the first time that I slept for one hour, or maybe it was Saturday night, but yeah, I wasn't getting no sleep, but the next day I woke up and I just felt like, I just could not stop crying, it was literally like a waterfall of tears like just pouring out, like pouring and pouring out, and I really could not stop crying, and I feel like, not feel like, but I know that all those tears were like built up tears that I had never released because I was so busy moving so quickly and never sitting and acknowledging things that hurt me, it was like, if it hurt me, it's like, alright, that's cool, next, I never sat down and dealt with anything that hurt, I always like breathed past it, and that's not healthy, because then you end up holding on to all these little things that make you a miserable person, and then you end up having children, and then now your children are healing from you because you never let go of all that small stuff, so I'm so grateful that I did do that, so now, as I'm purging the next day, I'm like praying and I'm like, God, I cannot do this today, I don't want to do this today, please be my strength because I have none in this moment, like I do not have it in me to be this strong right now, like send me a healing angel and surround me with protective angels because I cannot do today like this at all, I really need you, and then I asked God, I asked God and I ended up hitting up one of my other spirit sisters, Brianna, and she wrote me the day before, but I didn't get back to her because so many things was going on, so I FaceTimed her, and I looked like the hell that I was going through, I literally looked like the hell I was going through, and I'm just sharing with her everything that's happening, and my girls drove all the way from Long Island to Yonkers just to do my hair and to make sure that I ate, and she fellowshiped with me, and we prayed, and we listened to music, and like we just talked, and it just felt so good, and when I say God answers prayers now, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, honey, he will move mountains for you, and that is the truth because it was just a small prayer, and everything I asked for, God was giving it to me in that time because I was in a space where I wanted him to heal me, like yes, our hearts have been broken before, but if we allow God to touch our broken heart one more time, it's never going to feel like that again, like really allow God to be your healer, let him take the wheel in your situation because he is the author of your life anyway, but even though he is the author of your life, he is the sweetest gentleman ever because even though he is the one that created us, he still wants the invitation, he wants you to want him to be a part of your life, and that's awesome, so yeah, yeah, she came over, and all that great stuff happened, so yes, in the midst of all these great things happening now, I reached out to one of our other friends, CJ, and I was just like telling him everything that happened, and at the end of our conversation, he also prayed for me, and in that prayer, I definitely was delivered in my living room, like deliverance was starting to begin, and it started in my living room through CJ praying for me, through God working through CJ praying for me, and that was such a personal moment too, like that's where it began because I went over to church the next day, my pastor, Pastor Darryl, a true prophet of God, the sermon was on pain, and deliverance furthered after that, so it was a really deep and intimate experience, like spiritually with the Lord, like that healing experience, like it did not stop, I really saw God in all things on that weekend, like it was a lot, and it was so good, but yeah, so yeah, the deliverance started in my living room, and then further into church, and another important factor for you to be able to heal from abusive relationships is to have a support system, it will literally be impossible to pull yourself out of something so destructive without having a support system, and I know with being in abusive relationships, these partners, they call us away from our social lives, so sometimes by the time you're really ready to move on, like we don't even have the same support system that we had, I'm letting you know now that I am a part of your support system, it takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to heal an adult, I'll tell you that right now, and like I said, like God was very much involved in my healing process, and I'm so grateful for my church family, because it was definitely a lot of those prayers that really helped me make it through, so if you are also on a journey, and you are searching for a good church, the Tabernacle of Prayer Revival Center, aka Joy City, where the saints keep the joy in the city, is a wonderful church to come to, and if it's out the way, because we are in New York, you can, you can watch, you can watch church online, and it'd be good, but you're going to have to make the time to, you know, go to the house of the Lord, because great healing comes from you visiting, so yeah, it's very important for you to have a support system in that time of you being able to move forward from abusive relationships, that's very vital, and it's essential, and honestly, if I did not have it, I don't think I would have made it out the same way, so So yeah, that was what the healing process looked like for me, it was very, it was, it wasn't cute, okay, it was a lot of crying, it was a lot of self-reflection, it was a lot of honesty, and digging into things that I've never dug into before, but it's still worth doing, so that's how we end, I mean, that's how we start healing from abusive relationships, we have to be in the mindset of wanting to end the pattern, we want to, we got to be in the mindset of wanting to end the pattern, and when you're in the mindset of wanting to end the pattern, how you do that is by attacking the root, so you need to figure out what is your root, how do you keep ending up in these abusive situations, and I discovered, I mean, for me, my root was the fulfillment part, like, and you have to be honest with yourself, like, what is it that you're hunting for, what are you looking for, what are you chasing, and I was chasing companionship, I was chasing love, I was chasing belonging, I was chasing being understood, and I was chasing for it in all the wrong places, so you got to attack the root, and the way that you attack the root is by being honest with everything that has ever hurt you before, and releasing people that you're having a hard time forgiving, because you're not going to be able to attack the root if you're holding on to unforgiveness, like I said, I was in my prayer journal writing these things, it's very important for you to indulge yourself in your prayer life, and to be brutally honest, and prayer doesn't take, it, prayer don't take too much, prayer is communication between you and God, especially if you're just getting started, you better talk to him, like you, like, you want to know who he is, it says, seek the kingdom first, and all these things will be added to you, and companionship is definitely one of them, that's in, that's Matthew 6, verse 33, yeah, and if you want to seek the kingdom, just start looking for God in conversation, and he will show up, especially if you believe that he will, so yeah, you don't have to make prayer too complicated, you could definitely get a prayer journal, and just be honest about your feelings, and when you're being honest about your feelings, just start it off with, dear God, I'm trying to, I mean, if you're in a space where you've never really prayed before, if you just play, dear God, I want to know who you are, can you show me who you are, this is what I'm going through, and I just want to try to be vulnerable with you, like, try God, if you've never tried God before, try him now, so yeah, now, what does the Bible say about abusive relationships, well, let's just get all the way into it, so let's talk about the first relationship we even encounter in the Bible, which is Adam and Eve, and in the story of Adam and Eve, Eve is enticed by the devil to eat from the one tree that she's not supposed to eat from, mind you, Eve is a brand new creature, and she also wants to get to know what's going on, you know, the same way the devil comes and entices us with things, because we just want to know, so after Eve ate the apple, and now there is knowledge of good and evil, now the door to sin has been opened up, and the relationship between man and woman, so in Genesis 3, 16, God says, your desire will be to your husband, and he will rule over you, mind you, when God made Eve, and pulled Eve from Adam's ribs, he looked at Adam, and basically said, it's not good for man to be alone, so I'm going to give you a helper, it is in our DNA to help, to be nurturers, and to want to help our companion, to want to lead them, and to advise them, and bring them into better paths, like even if they are the leaders, we also have a leading role, it's just not the same leading role, but it's in our DNA to have that role, so it is so easy for us to end up in abusive relationships, because one, the door to sin is already opened up between man and woman, so if you're looking to be in a relationship, and it's not, you're not trying to be equally yoked, and you're not dating to be married, the sin is already within the relationship, now because us as women, it's in our DNA to want to be a helper, we end up helping the wrong man, and now we're being led into a whole different path, like it is in us to want to be submissive to somebody, and when we are in that space, we can, if we're not dating the right person, which most times we're not, if we're not dating the right person, we end up being, we can get sucked into a really a dark place, we can get sucked into a dark place, and not even understand that a lot of us, a lot of us are smoking weed in our relationships, and we hang out, and we're going outside, like not really trying to, I mean like literally in relationships with unfulfilled people, like I said, and like one hurt person with another hurt person, and now you're in a relationship just numbing each other's hurt, not even like dealing what, dealing with what hurt you guys in the first place, which is why it's so important to really just be patient, like really throw yourself into a relationship with God until he brings you your right person, because the same way God said it's not good for man to be alone, is the same way that the devil is aware of it, is the same way the devil is aware of the fact that there is somebody who was made for us, and the devil will bring you people that seem like your type, or not seem like, but is your type by flesh, he will send you these people and make it seem like, oh my God, like this is like my type, this type of person I would deal with, because that's your flesh, and he will wrap them up in a bow, and by the time you're done unraveling the person, you found out the devil sent you a whole demon, and now you, now you in a whole different kind of spiritual warfare, so it is really, really important for you to be patient, and to wait on the Lord by being in a relationship with him, and he will teach you what it means to be in a healthy relationship, I mean the other day I was driving, I thought this like maybe two weeks ago now, the other day I was driving to work, and God had put it on my spirit, like I just couldn't get the song My Love by The Dream and Mariah Carey out of my head, like literally could not get it out my head, and mind you it's like one of my favorite songs, but God was like play that song, and play that song before you listen to your regular, you know your regular worship music that you do in the morning, so I'm playing the song, and as I'm listening to the words, God is like that's how I feel about you, if you guys don't know that song, let me pull up the lyrics for you real quick, and he was like that is how I feel about you, when you are in a relationship with God, and he is actively speaking to you, girl like the things that he will tell you, when you need to hear it the most, he will do that, I'm telling you it's definitely worth you trying to be, you actively trying to be in a relationship with God, anyway here's the lyrics, he says the dream says now who's right there every time you cry, gonna sleep and wake up on your side, endless love I'll always provide, they hating on us and you should know why, but who's been loving you lately, who's willing to go half on the baby, who's trying to flag our shift, they're just trying to get the love you give, but baby tell me what they know about my love, when I say I could not stop crying as I was listening to that song, because I'm like really God, like I know you said you love me, but I know you love me like this, but I heard the song so much differently when he said this is how I feel about you, I am there every time, I'm there in the darkest hour even when you don't see me, I am there every time you're crying, and when you do go to sleep, and when you wake up, I am still there, I'm watching you, I'm on your side, and I will always provide endless love, the Bible says in Romans, I think it's Romans 8 28, it says I am convinced that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not principalities, demons, angels, there is life or death, nothing can separate us from the love of God, endless love, I will always provide with him confirming that, and they're hating on us, and you should know why not people, but literally the demons who don't want to see you be in a relationship with God, like that was deep, like I really felt that for me, and I feel that for somebody else too, so yeah that was my process of like entering and healing from abusive relationships, and it's definitely worth trying, I mean if you have tried moving on from one person to the next person, and that hasn't been working for you, they say that the definition of insanity is literally trying the same thing over, and over, and over again, and expecting something different, if you have never tried God before, this is a good time to try God, so that's it for tonight's episode, I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I am looking forward to seeing you, I mean hearing you, being with you, I'm looking forward for you joining us on the next episode, I'm really hoping that this really helps somebody, this is just opening up the door, conversation is always meant to be had, and this is the purpose, we are opening up communication, please reach out to me, like I said I am your support system now, so you don't have to be alone at all, I mean you're already not alone, because God is with you, but physically you definitely don't have to be alone, because I want to be here for you, and I want to help you to get through this part of your journey, because there is a way out, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you continue to hold on to faith, and hold on to the fact that God did promise you something better, that you were made for something better, you were made for something greater, and that this is just a storm, and it will pass, but you got to be willing to give it to the Lord, and I am going to help you pass it to Him, so I love you guys, I love you for free, and I love you on purpose, I love you because God made you, I hope you guys have a super blessed week, and I cannot wait to talk to you guys again next week, so thank you for joining Living Water Restoration Podcast, be prepared to be restored by drinking from the well that never runs out, child you will never be thirsty again, so in Jesus mighty name, I'm hoping that this did something for somebody, and I will see you guys next week.