THE CHILL SPOT EPISODE 4(LET'S TALK ABOUT DAD'S.... WITH ZIYANDA)

The speaker discusses the concept of fatherhood and the different types of fathers. They share personal experiences and reflect on the impact of absent or emotionally unavailable fathers. The speaker categorizes fathers into eight types, including the Disney dad, the hollow dad, the peekaboo dad, and the invincible dad. They also mention the challenges faced by children with absent fathers and emphasize the importance of active parenting. The speaker concludes by sharing their own experience with their father, whom they consider a Disney dad. Subhanallah wa alhamdulillah, wa la ilaha illallah, allahu akbar You could have slept for a thousand hours but in the mid of change You could have looked for a thousand days and you would have stayed the same It's only by the will of God that you're here today Just remember who you are before you walk away Stand on top of the mountains and take in the surroundings Think of all the blessings He gave, no point even counting Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh It's your girl Akilah Zianda Mubeh, coming to you live from Peter Maritzburg We have met yet again, it's your sister from another mister I wanted to do an introduction on today's show But at the same time, I thought of the power of redundancy And leaving it open-ended, you know, for a short span of time And I thought, why not practice it in today's show And I don't know, maybe, if not all of you, some of you can find this segment emotionally appealing and relatable And here it goes, listen intensively So my daughter is 7 years old And right now her favorite game is hide and seek The funny part is, she tells me where to hide She says, you go right there and I'll go count so I'll know where to find you And that's not how the game is played I'm supposed to find a good spot to hide Be it behind the door, you know, behind the couch or inside the closet I'm supposed to make her look and figure out where I am all around the house But I don't do any of that Because I know how it feels like to wonder where your father is Thinking, thinking, I know he has to be here somewhere I come from a long line of boys who have to pick up their own razors And teach themselves how to shave A lineage of men who throw footballs in the air And watch them land in the ground Each of us, we are echoes in the cave Trying to love the frequency of our own noise But have no idea where it comes from The first time I got an A on a test I whispered, I'm proud of you to myself Just so I can hear how it sounds like in a man's voice The first time I scored a touchdown My football coach hugged me and I said, thanks dad, on accident I copied and pasted my father into all my best moments And felt guilty for not appreciating him for showing up It's fascinating how the human mind would do backflips If you give it enough time to stretch To be honest, I thought this feeling was a pair of hand-me-down jeans Something too big for me right now But a garment that I would grow into and out of as I grow older But here I am, trying to be a father to my daughter and myself And this is usually the part where I tell you, I don't know who my father is I'll tell you, I can look at five different photos And still not know who is responsible for half of my DNA Did you know that distance and proximity can eat at the same dinner table? Did you know that a house can feel like an entire planet? And silence can turn two rooms into countries on opposite sides of the world Silence is my first language Loneliness is an accent that I still can't get rid of I was told my father left for Vietnam war And only his body came home I have no idea who he was before the PTSD grabbed him by his happiness My father was one of many rocks thrown by America at other countries But eventually the country decided to draw him back But everyday I watch the ghost who opened my front door and walk right through me without fringing My entire childhood was like RSVPs Once a friend said to me, at least your father didn't leave you And I replied to him, at least yours did it once They say an apple always falls close to the tree What they didn't tell you is that when someone picks it up, it will go as far as they go And luckily, it's my daughter's favourite fruit So when she says, let's play hide and seek, I say yes When she says, wait right there, I say yes Then she says, dad, you're so easy to find I say, yeah baby girl, I'm always right here And this poem is by the Ruby Francisco people And it's titled Hide and Seek You can search it up on the internet If you preferably listen to it live from him, check it up on YouTube Which brings me to the topic of discussion for today Fatherless, right? But, you know, most of you are thinking, but why fatherless? Why not absent fathers? I know, I pick the words people, you just have to bear with, right? Bear with it, you know, I'm in charge of the show, I pick the topics, I'm joking I just thought it would have more redundancy to it And yeah, why not? Fatherless is an interesting word, right? Because to me, everyone has a father But everyone has a different experience of their father And how that father relates to their children is also like a different story, you know? But what is a father, right? It's the ownership and responsibility by a male parent, right? They're responsible for the engaging, you know, the enlightening And, you know, the encouraging aspects of, you know, the child And equipment of the child, be it physical, you know, equipment Something tangible or emotional equipment, psychological, you know Those type of things, you know A father who failed to create a firm foundation in their children can put their kids at a disadvantage, right? And the kids who have absent fathers, they tend to look at, you know, life in a different format, right? And they overcome significant barriers, like after major difficulties, right? And it's a fact that kids with, you know, active parents, you know, meanwhile, are more inclined, you know Due to the clear boundaries and expectations, you know, the parents would have to, like, lay out for them And they are likely to be more prominent emotionally, educationally, socially, behaviorally, right? And there are different types of, you know, fathers out there And in my research, people, I came across these huge bombastic words And I thought, I want to make it a little bit more interesting and nail it down to my own version, right? So there are actually eight types of dads that I came across And the first dad I came across was the Disney dad, right? These types of dads are usually, like, inclusive, right? They are always, like, available, you know, supportive kind of dad, you know And then we have the Halo dad, right? Or should I say, hollow, right? They are always in the house, but emotionally unavailable, you know It's like a statue, basically I think some of you can relate, like, in most households, I think we have that male prominence You know, that presence that always is, I don't know, are they afraid? I think they are mostly afraid or they are mostly, like, taught that men are not supposed to show emotions So, yes, most of the time, you know, the hollowness is there and we have to live with it, you know But not all, though, but most dads And then we have the so-called, you know, stiff Austin dad They are physically, you know, abusive and emotionally abusive as well And I'll just skip, right? I think that one is obvious I'll just skip that one and head to number four, which is the peekaboo dad It's funny, you know, and I wanted to take the seriousness out of this conversation a little bit The peekaboo dad, you know, it's the now-you-see-me-now-you-don't type of dad You know, they're always in and out of their lives, you know I won't say whenever they please, but yes, they do it as they please So, yeah, that's the type of dad the peekaboo dad is You know, the hide-and-go-seek dad Those type of dads, they're not absent, you know, but they're not present prominently They are, I don't know, it's like they're hula-hooping, you know It's like their appearance in our lives are like a yo-yo, you know And you see him, like, this weekend, and then you're like, okay, you know I'll see you next week, and then they tell you we will come at a certain date And then they don't show up You know, they're unpredictable, first of all And in their unpredictability, you always leave yourself disappointed Because each time they show up, you always have that hope, you know And then they always appear also, like, unexpectedly So that's why I think I use the word, like, peekaboo Like, I see you, now you see me, now you don't type of thing, you know And we have the hoop-scotch dad, right The hoop-scotch dad, I think, you know when, I don't know for some There's a phase when, okay, should I say a period for some Where the parents divorce, right So the hoop-scotch dad, in my understanding They are offered by the court people, you know, to be in our lives When, you know, and how, basically For example, if the court decides for them, they could show up Once after a week, once after two weeks type of thing So that's the hoop-scotch dad And then you get the invincible dad, right And that's the dad, like, we never ever saw Like, he's present, I mean, he's not present I mean, he does exist, sorry for that He does exist, but he's not, like, actively, you know, involved Or there was no form of interaction whatsoever from the time, you know, our child is born, right And then we have issues of losing a father completely And I like to call those type of fathers the angel dads We tend to lose them, you know, throughout our lives Be it in the early stages of our childhood Even the middle, or even the later stages And it's not, you know, it's not a nice thing, you know, to lose a parent But I always think to myself, it's something that, you know, eventually we need to prepare ourselves for And that we are, you know, inclined, or should I say, declined to kind of face, you know And speaking of which, in all these eight categories, my father, interestingly enough I like to put my dad in a category where I see him as, like, the Disney dad Oh my god, I was a daddy's princess He hated my tears, and I knew that, and I always used that to his advantage, you know Something would happen to me, and I would put spices and make it seem more dramatic Because, of course, I was a female, or I am one, you know Sorry for that, you know, LGBTQ type of thing, I'm sorry Yes, but because I am a female, I used to, more especially as a child You know, add in some spices, and he would just get so, you know, outrageous and furious if anything happened to us You know, and I would enjoy it because, you know, in any situation that I had faced, I would say I can't wait for me to get home, you know, and let my old man, you know, get to know about this Which was rather fun, innocently doing it though, you know I think to have a father is an amazing experience, you know And I feel that they are so underrated, you know, they are very important in a child's development They are very important in any child's life, you know, at any stage I feel that if you are a father out there listening, and not knowing whether to come back into a child's life Or introduce yourself into a child's life, or make yourself known to them in any form It's never too late, it's never too late, it's not something that you should prolong anymore Do it, take the first step And I'm not saying it's the responsibilities of fathers alone But try to create a relationship, even if it means it's not a healthy one, but a civil one And I remember the drives, I used to enjoy the drives, the long drives We used to sit in the back seat, I have a twin So we sat, like, oppositely in the back seat And we kneeled on our seats, right, and hung onto You know that, where you bend your head, I don't know what's that called You know that, it's part of the seats, you know, but you put your head on it And when you lean on it, yeah, that thing, I don't know what it's called Someone educate me please what it's called Yes, so we would hang onto that with our hands So each time when the car turns, we won't fall off, or should I say roll over And we would pick cars with me and my sister And it wasn't something I experienced more with my mom Because my mom learned to drive at a later stage of her life So with my dad, it was always like a, you know, what's this word A tag, yes, a tag And each time I knew that he was going for a drive or for fishing, I wouldn't stay behind So, yeah, people, I love y'all immensely And I hope you enjoy the show And help me spread the love of fathers out there Peace As-salamu alaykum, it's your girl Akilah Ziandam We'll be signing to you live from Pittsburgh Remember, it's a sister from another mister Mister, get it? Allahu Akbar Subhanallah wa alhamdulillah Wa la ilaha illallah Allahu Akbar Subhanallah wa alhamdulillah Wa la ilaha illallah Allahu Akbar Subhanallah wa alhamdulillah Wa la ilaha illallah Allahu Akbar Al-Fatiha