Episode 4: How to Seek Help, Conversations with Family, and Advice

Hello and welcome back to the Mind Matters Podcast. My name is Grace and today we will be talking about how to get help if you are struggling and then how to also help a friend who may be struggling and how to have a difficult conversation with a family member or a loved one who may not quite understand, you know, mental health struggles. We will also be hearing advice for college students from each of our speakers in each of the podcast episodes in this series. To talk about the specific steps of how to first seek help, I'd like to invite Dr. Marlena Bragg from the Bellarmine University Counseling Center to discuss this topic. If you're a student and you notice that you're struggling, what would you say would be the first step in reaching out to get help? I think the first step would be talking to somebody you trust. It doesn't have to be your parents, it could be your parent, it could be your advisor, maybe it's your roommate, but finding somebody that you trust or maybe that you've made some contact with at the university that you're at, they can kind of help you find your way to the counseling center. I mean, I'll be realistic, it's usually not us that, you know, make that connection with the student, it's somebody referring them or encouraging them to reach out. So I think that's the best way to kind of get somebody who is struggling to get some help is first find that person that you trust to give you some support. Yeah. If you notice that someone is struggling, how would you go about having a conversation and maybe recommending that they get help? And if they didn't want to do that, then how would you respond to them? Sure. So we teach something called mental health first aid here. So I'm going to use mental health first aid training with that, but we open a conversation to somebody and it may just start out as like, hey, I'm noticing this thing going on. What's going on with that? Or just a simple, hey, how's it going? And then if they kind of close up, then pointing out, well, you seem a little withdrawn. Like every time I ask you to come out, you say that you're busy. And maybe you are, but I'm worried about you. And kind of just starting that conversation and kind of getting that person to open up the best you can. But you're right. Sometimes we will encourage people to open up to us or we'll even get to that point to be like, hey, maybe you should talk to somebody. That could be really helpful. And then they'd be like, no, no thanks. That's where we just kind of be a little bit persistent and like, yeah, I totally understand that. Do you mind if I check in with you later? And kind of leaving that door open. Certainly here at Bellarmine, if somebody's struggling and they are refusing help and we know that they need it, as a student, staff, faculty, whoever, you can get online to the student concern report form and put in like, hey, I'm really worried about Sarah. She's struggling. This is what's going on for her. And people can do that anonymously or they can put their name to it. If they put their name to it, people at Student Affairs, namely the Dean of Students Office who gets that report, can follow up and ask more questions. So that can be a way to go about that. I know some people are afraid to do that because that might hurt the rapport that that person has with their friend or the student. If a student was struggling and their family didn't really understand or was invalidating, how would you go about recommending that they start that conversation or have that conversation with their family? Or I guess it could be really anyone. Friends, guardians, whatever. Sure. I think I'd really work with the client on understanding their family dynamic a little bit more because in some cases, it's not safe necessarily for the student to approach their parents. But in a lot of cases, it's okay to do that. And so we might do some role playing in session. We might do some practicing on what they can say, you know, arming them with some communication tools and techniques. But we would absolutely explore, like, what's the barrier, the stigma maybe that the family member is buying into? Are there just cultural differences that could be a part of that? Maybe it's generational. I actually grew up in southern Ohio, and so my family doesn't believe in mental health, which is kind of funny, me being a psychologist. So I understand. And I think, you know, having that experience, I can relate that to people. Like, I understand it's frustrating that, you know, you love your family and they love you, but yet they don't understand this thing, whatever it is about you. Gosh, sometimes it's even like somebody's identity that they don't understand. And for some folks, they decide that it's not the right time or it's not safe for them to talk about those things. But other times, you know, over time, they can plant seeds, you know, and can kind of provide some resources for their family. Now, there's been a handful of occasions where I have invited the student to invite their parents or loved ones or friends to the session to help be that support person to kind of explain what's going on. It doesn't always change the person's perspective, but I hope it plants a seed. And sometimes over time, we get to see that seed blossom. A lot of times, we don't. It can be difficult and vulnerable to reach out for help yourself if you need help or to approach a friend who you might see as struggling or to try and have a conversation about mental health with your family. But ultimately, I think it's the most important thing and it's going to help you to have the best life at the end of the day. I think, you know, all of those things are definitely hard, but they're also, you know, definitely worth it. To wrap up this episode, we will hear a few words of wisdom from our speakers. I asked all the speakers if they had advice for college students who wanted to improve their mental health or who were struggling with their mental health. And these were their responses. I would just encourage people to take care of themselves. And that doesn't have to mean coming to therapy. Just being mindful of how they're doing in all areas of wellness and knowing that if they do want to reach out to therapy, that there's space for them here. Always make space for people and that their problems are just as important as anybody else's. And it's not a burden to us to see them. For my folks who are college students who are struggling right now, I think the biggest thing is that recognize that this is, you know, a time in your life where you have a lot of change thrust upon you in a very short period of time. You went from being a high schooler with very limited autonomy to all of a sudden being expected to know everything about everything for the rest of your life. And make all these kind of grandiose decisions that definitely probably feel like they're going to dictate the rest of your life and what that's going to be. And being on the other side of it now, and I'll say it relatively recently, the struggles do get a little bit easier. You do have to do a little bit of the self-work, even if the struggles aren't your fault, even if it's stuff that's happening around you. Figuring out what in your life you can control does help. And I mean that in a positive way because sometimes it can get a little maladaptive, right? But figure out what you can control, what's going to benefit you, what's going to help you take care of yourself while you're going through these different struggles. Recognizing that no decisions that you're making in college right now have to dictate what the rest of your life looks like. I know so many people who what they studied in undergrad is not at all what they're doing now. Not even remotely close. And they are happy and they are successful and they are doing great. I literally have one of our friends, he studied communications in undergrad and he went and worked in the news for a little bit, doing some different stuff behind the scenes. And he literally quit a couple years ago and he's a truck driver now. And he is having the best time of his life and he's making literally three times more money. He's so happy and he has a super flexible schedule. He is living his best life. He talks about all the cool places he's been and he's like, yeah, I literally don't use my degrees. And he's like, and that's okay. And we talked to him about, he was like, that was really hard for him to accept. That he did undergrad and had a great time and then was miserable in the career that he thought he wanted. And reflecting on it, he was like, I only did that because I thought that's what I had to do. I thought I had to go down this certain path. And he's like, I'm happy I did undergrad. I'm happy I did that degree because he's like, honestly, I think, weirdly enough, it makes me a really good truck driver. He's like, everyone loves me. He's like, I get these really hard routes that no one else gets. It's fascinating. I love trucking culture. But he's like, it still serves me in some capacity. And he's like, and it helped me make friends. It helped me make connections in my life that I wouldn't have had otherwise. So there's still benefits to it. Try to not beat yourself up over the sheer amount of just crazy decisions that you have to make in your life coming up because they're not necessarily permanent. They can change. You do have a level of flexibility. And even when it feels like you don't, it will be OK. And don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. You already have pressure coming from professors and parents and coaches and all that good stuff. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Love yourself as much as you can because you're getting it from everyone else. I promise. Burnout does not heal by continuing to set it on fire. So yeah, show yourself some love. And get some sleep and eat your food. And drink water. For college students, I think it's important to seek help. I know that's a skill that a lot of people have a hard time doing. For a number of reasons. It could be different for each person. But it's OK to ask for help. That's why a lot of people are here to support them in whatever they need. And it doesn't make you a weaker person. If anything, it makes you stronger because then you can learn to develop those skills in the future to help you next time. But yeah, don't be afraid to ask for help. And there are so many different people, different options. It doesn't necessarily have to be professional if you're not at that point in time. It could be anybody. So I just wanted to make sure people knew about that. I'm sure that it's going to come up a different number of times. It's definitely really good to hear that from a lot of people. Especially people who are not students. Because even in the workplace, it is important. Prioritizing yourself and making sure that you're OK. So I think it's just really good to hear that positive reinforcement. As we come to a close, I just want to remind everyone that you do deserve rest. That you do deserve time to relax. And that you need it in order to function the way that you want to function. And the way that is going to be best for you. And so I hope that you feel like you can take that rest. And if you don't feel like that's something you can do, I hope that you challenge yourself to go out of your comfort zone and try that or that you seek support because you deserve to rest. If you or anyone that you know is struggling, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. You can DM me on Instagram. The Counseling Center or any resources at your school. There is also a list of resources in the description of this podcast.