How to Live a Life You Love pt two

The transcription is about finding direction and purpose in life, and taking control to create a life that is fulfilling and aligned with one's desires. It emphasizes the importance of knowing oneself, setting goals, and following through with actions to achieve them. It also highlights the need for self-accountability and not settling for less than what one truly wants. The speaker shares personal experiences and encourages listeners to embrace change and take steps towards their 2.0 version, focusing on one goal at a time. The richest place in the world is a graveyard filled with untapped potential. I fear living a life where I could have accomplished something, but I didn't. Be ashamed to die until you have scored some victory for yourself. You can decide to be a new character in your life at any second. So let's talk about how to do that in this episode of Coaching Your Inner Self. Welcome to Coaching Your Inner Self. I am Amy Mallory and I am your coach. Life is hard. Life is scary. Life is messy. Especially when you lack a sense of direction in where you want to go and who you want to be. I have good news though. You don't have to be lost. You don't have to feel empty. You don't ever have to settle. Everyone deserves the life they dream about. I can help you find it. I can help you find your path and embrace it with happiness and with gratitude. Let's go do the work guys. Okay. Thank you for joining me. Episode 6, How to Live a Life You Love, Part 2. The first part of this series is in the previous episode, number 5. So if you want to scroll back and listen to that one first, it gives you some good tips on how to decide what kind of life you want to live. And this episode is on how to do it. You know, the former version of you does not have to be the future version of you. The present version of you doesn't need to be the future version of you. What we decided last week is who and what you want to be. You need to know. You need to brainstorm on it. You need to feel it deep in your soul and you need to write it out. And then you need to make a plan. You have to be willing to design your dream life. You need to be able to say, I am in charge of my life. You need to be able to say, I am in charge of my life. My life is not just happening to me. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and do the work. Your dream life is not just going to show up for you. God, I spent so many years so unfulfilled and unhappy in my life, but it was almost like I was waiting for somebody else to rescue me. Not in the romantic sense, but like someone to give me some sort of direction. And while, yes, I did end up finding a life coach to help me along, it wasn't until I finally had something click in my brain that was like, okay, well, I'm either going to live this life that I don't really like and I'm not really excited about, or I'm going to decide on something better for myself. Because I know that there's a little piece of me that knows there's something better for me out there. Because this just can't be it. Like I said just now, the dream life that you want is not just going to show up for you. It's going to be developed and nurtured by somebody who truly gives a fuck. And that's you. Because, and I'm being completely honest here, and I'm saying this from a place of love, but besides your parents, and maybe sometimes not even your parents, nobody gives a shit about you. They care on like an external basis, but nobody gives a shit about you to the point that you can give a shit about you. People want to see you succeed. They want to see you happy. They want to see you flourish. But that only goes so far. The true person that gives a fuck about your life, and the success and happiness that you want to achieve is you. The golden ticket to the life that you want to live is your willingness, and your drive, and your focus. It's how bad you want to play the game. How bad you want to be better. I lived so much of my life small and unsatisfied, chasing men, chasing friendships, chasing everything that wasn't really what I wanted. But I didn't know at the time that I could have better, and that I deserved better. So I just, I played small. I played small through the majority of my 20s and my 30s. And now looking back, I wasted so much time, because I always wanted something better for myself, but I never thought about it in depth. I never felt it to my soul. I never thought what it might be like to achieve a life that I love, like that I literally am excited to get out of bed in the morning for. When you design something for yourself, when you decide on a goal, and you want to focus on it, you need to follow through. I have like zero follow through sometimes, and that was what held me hostage and frozen in my life, my mundane small life for so long, is that I really lacked the follow through. I started to process that something was better for me, but then I didn't know how to get there, and I couldn't achieve it, and I couldn't implement changes, and I couldn't follow through with anything. That's the hardest part. You know, we see all of these self-talk, motivation podcasts and videos and, you know, streams that say you have to go, go, go, go, go. You know, that to me is a little bit excessive. I think that you can, you know, follow through on your goals and show up for yourself without having to kill yourself while you're implementing it. But the hardest part is, you know, holding yourself accountable and showing up. This is a good one that I found online the other day, and it kind of made me chuckle, and it still does apparently. Stop being a crap magnet in your own life. Don't settle for crap. Stop saying in the what-if portion of your life. This resonated with me, because I always dreamed of something better. Well, I guess I can't really say always, but once I matured enough to realize that, you know, there was something going on, something very unfulfilled within me, I realized that I was stuck in the what-if. What if this happens? What if I did this? You know, I can't do this, because stop saying in that portion of your life. Stop. I wasted so much time there, not trusting myself and having faith in myself to have the ability to change my life. I was a crap magnet, and I settled for crap, because I didn't think that I could get anything better than that. Set goals for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Like I said before, I don't think you need to kill yourself on a daily basis, but you need to work yourself on a daily basis. Never give yourself permission to fail. Hold yourself accountable for your goals. So if you look back at, you know, the process that I recommended you do in last week's episode, the 1.0U and the 2.0U, you know, think about that. What did you come up with? Did you write down a couple of things that, you know, you presently are or that you presently are dealing with, and then, you know, the future you that changes that? You know, for me with my 1.0, 2.0, the ones that really stuck out the most for me is the 1.0 version of myself, I am scared, and the 2.0 version of myself, I am adventurous. The 1.0 version of me was a people pleaser, and the 2.0 version of me has boundaries and doesn't give a fuck about anybody else's opinion. The 1.0 version of me lacks confidence, The 1.0 version of me lacks confidence, and the 2.0 knows that I can do anything I set my mind to. The 1.0 version of me hated being single, and the 2.0 version of me flourishes in my confidence and my freedom. So we're setting goals, we're looking towards the future to design the person that we want to be and the life that we want to be in order to be happier. So you have the list, right? This is the future version of yourself. You can decide this very fucking moment that there's a few things on that list that you are going to be today, starting now. For a long time, I was terrified of doing things on my own because I stayed small and I thought that I couldn't travel on my own and I wanted to see all these beautiful places but I was waiting for a guy to show up so that I didn't have to go by myself. I was stuck in that 1.0 version of myself being scared, lacking confidence and hating being single because I couldn't enjoy anything in my life because of it. My goals, the first ones that I set out to achieve were becoming adventurous and I booked a flight and I went on a trip by myself and it was the best thing that ever fucking happened to me. But I woke up and I decided on that day that I am no longer going to be scared and I'm no longer going to be small. That was the first thing that I wanted to change about myself and my life is I wanted to become adventurous and I wanted to become worldly and well-traveled and I wanted to see different places than this teeny tiny fucking island that I grew up on. And I did it. I focused, I planned my trip I convinced myself that I was ballsy enough and badass to go and then I went and that 2.0 version of me came out and man is she adventurous. She has gone everywhere now. I decided after that first trip that I wanted to see every national park in the country so I've been slowly checking them off of my list and I wouldn't have been able to do that had I not made the actual serious decision to change my life and crawl on my hands and knees towards that 2.0 version of myself. So what does your 2.0 version of yourself look like? What does your future self and your future life look like? If you have the list, 1.0 versus 2.0 you what is that 2.0 you saying? And what is the most important thing that you see out of that list that you want to change first? You don't have to do everything all at one time because that's ridiculous and overwhelming and honestly impossible to achieve but you check that list off one fucking thing at a time. The first thing I did was I became adventurous. The second thing I did was because I lacked confidence in my 1.0 version of myself I showed myself by traveling alone that I can do anything I set my mind to. So you're moving towards that 2.0 version of yourself by checking things off the list. How do you need to get to your 2.0 version? What inner work do you need to do to get to where you want to be and who you want to be? Research it. Developing confidence, that's a huge thing especially in women because a lot of the times we want to do things, we know we're capable of doing things but we don't have the confidence to actually step forward and do the process of them. What do you do to develop your confidence? That's your 2.0 version of yourself. She is a confident badass bitch. How do you get there? For me, I did research. I did a lot of research. I read all of the self-help books. I listened to podcasts. I read blogs. While I was listening to the podcast I was lucky enough to come across a she's a confidence coach I consider her my life coach but she's a confidence coach for the most part and she helped guide me. I knew something needed to change and I found somebody I still had to make the decisions and do the work myself but she guided me in the correct direction Do that. Find a life coach. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Talk to other women that aren't necessarily in your circle but that you see in your life that are badass Talk to them. How do they get there? How do they feel on a good day? How do they feel on a bad day and how do they get through it? It's time to demand excellence from yourself. It's time to hold yourself to a higher standard. Pick your goals one at a time and do them. Acknowledge your want to change and step towards your future life. Do whatever it is you have to do in order to move toward the 2.0 version of yourself. I'm a huge advocate of journaling. I journal every single day, most of the time twice a day. This is my goal and this is why I'm doing it. So write it out every morning. Get a notebook. It doesn't have to be anything pretty or frilly. Get a one subject notebook and start with the first day This is your goal and this is why you're doing it. Your goal is to gain more confidence so that you can go and travel the world and live your life and live your best self and see everything that the world has to offer. Your goal is you want to have $5,000 in your savings account. This is why you're doing it so you don't have to worry about your bills coming out at the end of the month every month so you can sleep through the night. So you can maybe buy yourself a mani-pedi without feeling absolutely guilty because you're spending your last couple of bucks. Journal every morning. This is what my current goal is and this is why I'm doing it. You have to have a why. Why do you deserve a better life for yourself? Why are you doing it? Why do you want to live a better life? There has to be a why. I want to be confident so that I can stand up for myself with my employer at work or with some asshole neighbor that is bothering me about the condition of my lawn. I don't know. You can't have a goal without a reason why behind it. The two are incredibly important. So journal, wake up every day, write it down. This week, this month, this year and this is why. This is why you deserve a better life for yourself. My why was for a while so basic as I'm a badass because I was born. I was literally born which is a miracle in and of itself and now I'm going to work for my fucking dream life. That was it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That can be your why because you're a badass and you were born and you deserve a better life. It can be as vague or specific. It doesn't matter but you have to have a why. Making lists. So I design my day, right? Designing your day is huge when you have goals. Design your day, your week, your month, even six months or a year if you have that much vision. This is what I'm going to do hour one of the day. I'm going to wake up an hour early in the morning and I'm going to read a book, a self-help book on how to make money, on how to do a side hustle, on how to work on my confidence. This is what I'm going to do hour two of the day. I'm going to go for a walk and when I'm going on that walk I'm going to listen to a podcast on how to love yourself or how to travel solo or how to stand up for yourself against some aggressive man or how to start a side hustle. This is what I'm going to do hour ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen after I get out of work. I'm going to spend an hour or two working towards my better self by doing this. Journaling again. Reading a little bit in a book. Watching a documentary on television about how to eat better or what goes into our food or how to become a business woman, an entrepreneur. You have to make a list. Design your day. It's called the Deliberate Daily Design. You structure your day exactly as how you want it and how it needs to go in order for you to start moving towards that goal. That 2.0 version of yourself. Stay focused. Hold yourself accountable and then track your wins. Another great part of my journaling process at night especially is I said that I was going to get up two hours early before I had to go to work and I was going to listen to a podcast and I was going to read a little bit of a self-help book and I did it. So I'm tracking my win for the day as little as it may seem. I spent 30 minutes on my lunch break reading this help book on how to be financially savvy. I did that and I'm proud of myself because I took that step toward improving my life and having a better life and being a better me. Tracking your wins as small as they may seem to you helps you feel like you're progressing because this is all internal work. It's not like you're starting a diet and you can see your body start to change. You can't watch your brain and your heart and your soul change. So tracking your wins this is how I showed up for myself today. This is how I showed up for myself today. That is your progression. That's your natural progression. That's your reward. Those are your wins. I did blank today to work towards my number one goal on my 2.0 self. We get what we look for in life. So holding yourself accountable is huge. A lot of the times we fall victim to self pity. Negative talk. You know, being on the pity pot. I actually had somebody call me out God, I don't even know how many years ago this was for being on the pity pot because I couldn't get out of that negative self talk. I wasn't holding myself accountable. I wasn't allowing myself to think better and move toward who I wanted to be. I was on the pity pot and I was getting what I looked for because if you're looking for setbacks you will find them even if they aren't there. In retrospect, which it really honestly pisses me off thinking about it, I stayed on the pity pot for so long because I didn't have a job I liked. I didn't have a lot of money. I didn't have a lot of friends and I wasn't in a relationship and I let that be my life, but it wasn't. That wasn't the actual truth about my life. The truth about my life was I was in my late 20s, early 30s. I was fucking beautiful. I had my life at my fingertips. I had the potential to do anything and the freedom to do any of it and the intelligence to go anywhere and be anything but I was so focused on my negative self talk and being on the pity pot that that was what I looked for every day was another setback. That was the mentality that I allowed myself to stay in. Let me say it again. We get what we look for. If you are looking for setbacks or a small life you will find it even if it isn't there. So to have an extraordinary life you have to have extraordinary psychology. You have to have positive self talk. You have to motivate yourself. You have to track your wins and pat yourself on the back and give yourself a mental high five and remind yourself every morning and every night this is what I want out of my life. This is why I deserve it. This is why I want it and this is how I'm going to get it. You have to condition your nervous system to be at its very best. You're not going to get the rewards and the chemical endorphins and all of that stuff that pops off in your brain when you're doing internal work like this. You have to condition your nervous system to not look for those rewards because they're not coming. It's an internal job. You may get a chemical burst of excitement when you pass something or you see yourself succeed in something or you check that goal off of your list. Of course that's great but on the day to day you're going to have to talk yourself into working hard and chasing these goals and reminding yourself why. Why you're doing them. Why you deserve them. We live who we believe we are. So believe that you are deserving of better every single day. Tell yourself every single day. When you decide what is most important to you your brain goes after it. So while I spent a long time of my life being stuck on the pity pot because I was stuck in negative self-talk you can switch that. Your brain goes after what you feed it. So if you're constantly feeding it, I can do this. I deserve this. I deserve better. This is how I'm going to fight for it. This is how I'm going to achieve it. This is what I want. Your brain is going to continuously say that to you over and over again Look for the little ways in your day that you're getting there. Shoot for the fucking stars. Tell yourself every day that you are working toward a life that you love. A life that you don't have to dread. The price you pay for giving up is too extreme. I wasted a long time dreading getting up in the morning. I hated going to sleep. I would stay up for all hours of the night because I never wanted to close my eyes because I never wanted to wake up and have to go to work the next morning and deal with my shitty relationship the next morning. That was my rock bottom. I gave up. The price I paid for it was I lost a big chunk out of my life to being small and settling. People who settle in their lives lack confidence or faith in themselves. They lack the belief that they deserve better and the focus to accomplish more. Don't be that kind of person. You don't deserve it. Your life could be infinitely better if you write your mind and fight for your goals. Take responsibility of knowing you're not what you could be right now and do something about it. Let me say that again. Take responsibility of knowing you're not what you could be right now and do something about it. That was a lot. I get so worked up I can't express nearly enough with it nearly as much enthusiasm as I want to how important it is to stop wasting time fucking around and settling and being small. It's so easy to let time pass and then before you know it like myself, you wake up and you realize that you've wasted so much time. Don't be that kind of person. Set your sights on the life that you want to live and fucking live it. Chase your dreams. It's so bumper sticker-ish, but it's so true. So thanks for listening today. I hope you enjoyed this episode and this two part series. Please leave a review or shoot me an email. Leave a message on my website CoachingYourInnerSelf.com Just letting me know that there is somebody out there listening that even gets a blip of excitement or thrill or knowledge from these episodes. Listen in next week. I've got a really good episode I'm excited to put out next week, episode number seven. Stop being angry that you're single. A lot of the times I find myself pissed because I'm still single. That's not really a healthy way to look at things and that's not really a healthy way to be in your life. That's episode seven. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next week.