The Porch Chronicles - 1

Hi, and welcome to Porch Talk. My name is Albert, and I'm sitting here in Hurley, New Mexico. Turtle Power, it's a cool 88 degrees out right now, at least that's what my phone says. It feels cooler because we have the sprinklers going. I'm sitting here tonight with Cindy Renee Provencio from the Third Commissioner's Quadrant. I'm just kidding. I don't know what I just said. We called it the Porch Chronicle. It kind of sounded right. Anyway, I'm sitting also here with Jesus Placencio, and welcome to Porch Chronicle Talk or whatever the fuck we are. Podcast. Podcast. Hi, Jesus. Hi. Traffic is looking very fine. Looking good. There's a slight backup on Highway 15. Please proceed with caution. Might want to take the back roads, you know. Turning the whole phone turned dirty. So, Jesus, tell us, what have you been doing lately? You know, since it's such nice weather, I've been outside pulling weeds. Pulling? Oh, you actually pulled them. Yeah, I pulled the weeds. You didn't? I tried that first, but I didn't like it. You pulled them? Yeah. I had gloves. Which gloves did you use? I have my own gloves. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay. In case you didn't hear that right there, that was a voice behind me. That's Cindy Renee Provencio. Hi, Cindy. It's Provencio. And it's not Cindy. It's Renee. So, Renee, how are you up to? What are you up to nowadays? Well, I actually have a radio show that doesn't have a name yet. Oh, cool, man. When is that airing? When is that airing? On Monday. Wow. Maybe we could send out a contest over the weekend here, and we want you guys to name it. All 13 people of you that listen to this on the user web, go ahead and submit it. Your guess is for her radio show. How are they going to submit it? I don't know. Like, I would assume that... Provencio. Do it again. I can't move my arms. All right. How about we just vote on two that I have. Okay. What are the two you have? All right. The Justice Hour, where the political is personal. The Justice Hour and the political is personal. I'm Batman. The Justice Hour. I think I like that one. You like that? You can fear me, but don't fear Justice. Okay. What's the second one? She told you the second one. Oh, did she? The Equity Hour, where the political is personal. The Equity Hour. Okay. Well, that's fair. I like the first one. Yeah, me too. It seems more... What if people just go where you went and don't even pay attention to my show, because they're like, the Justice Hour. Their whole ride home. Well, you know, one of the things they're going to be is going to be like, I want to know how to make justice equal. Oh, I just combined them both. Let's ignore that. Strike that, you guys. Yeah, they're going to probably focus on the Justice Hour. I like it. I do too. And then Superman's like, no, leave us alone. Are you going to be the voice for us? You're not a hero. You're a vigilante. I'm Batman. What? Am I going to what? Are you going to be the voice? I would love to. Welcome to 89.1. And then, welcome to the Justice Hour. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. The Jits is not fair. But it's just this hour. I don't think I can choose that one now. All you hear is the Batman voice. Also, you're not even going to select that? You did the opposite of persuading. Yeah. Whoops. I'm a terrible car salesman. What about the Social Equity Hour, where the political is personal? Well, to be politically correct, that personally offends me. Because I'm not sensitive to politics. No, I am. But it's a terrible joke. My bad. We'll edit this part out. I'd like to keep it in, please. Why? Because it's true. It's raw. Let's take a vote. Are we going to? Who wants to take it out? Edit it out? Me. Who wants to keep it in? Me. Me. Yes. You're outnumbered. Because it's raw, and I think that's what people like. If 13 people hear this, next time we do this, it'll be like 20. It won't even double. It'll just be like, I'm going to tell my second cousin. Wait, what are we talking about? How many people will listen to this? We're not publishing this. Why? It's great. Okay. I've only said a couple of bad words. You can't swear? Will it beep me out automatically? Well, if you're doing a podcast, you can do whatever you want. But on the radio, you can't. Oh, we're not on the radio. Yeah, we won't be on the radio. I mentioned a radio station, and they do not at all endorse this, so they can't sue us now. Is that legal? Is that fair? Um, what? I don't know. What radio station did you mention? Nothing. He said 101. I don't remember exactly what it was. What? 101 what? No, not even 101. It was like, nothing. Nothing. Either he made it up, or he chose his favorite one. And I don't know if they heard that jerk. I wonder if they hear the dogs. Chilling out. Oh, probably. That's all we hear is dogs. All the time. They're usually chill. Well, I don't know. We'll just be telling them to be quiet. That's if they're in the room. That's if... Well, no, literally, it's only been one. All right, so let's do something fun to end our lovely program tonight. How long has it been? Wait, we're going to... I forgot we were recording. Has it only been 8 minutes? Yeah, 8 minutes? I thought it was going to be like 15. I thought it was going to be like 20. I'm like, we're going to pick up people that want to sponsor this. Believe it or not, there's podcasts that go for hours. And this podcast brought to you by, then, a sponsor. And then we get paid for that. That'd be awesome. And if you guys want to do that, you guys can. Tell them what you like. We don't mind. I don't think someone's going to be like, let me advertise my business and pay to do that on your podcast that no one listens to. It's about confidence. Yeah. It's about bringing it to fruition, right? Oh, you want me to speak it to fruition? It's going to happen. Manifest it? Yeah. Manifest it. That was a big word. Fruition is pretty big, too. Brought to you by the letter M. And M's, the official candy sponsor of this podcast. And I am just kidding. M&M's. You do not sponsor us, but if you want to. Why M&M's? I like peanut M&M's. I like the peanut butter M&M's. Okay, so we all like M&M's. But it's like you could have done something that you actually get, like, daily. M&M's sponsors, like, football. Like, what do we want? Sneakers is football. Sneakers sponsor, like, WrestleMania. And football. I don't remember football. I've never seen football. I know M&M's. What? What are we even talking about now? Our future sponsor. Our future sponsor. You know what? Like, Seth Meyers and all that, they do podcasts, and they encourage this. This is an art form. Yeah, because it's always speaking. If we can get, like, a couple of, like, Dude, we reached two people. That's impressive. With what message are we reaching? Oh, it's just foolishness. It could be fun. You could talk about politics. Yeah. That's why I said usually they'll write down either things that they might want to talk about or, you know, or look into. Like, they talk about conspiracies. I would have liked not to discuss conspiracies because they make me angry. Conspiracies. And you don't want to see me when I'm angry. I thought you were Batman. Oh, that's right. That was two hero references brought to you by Snickers. But now it's Snickers. Doritos. Oh. Cheez-Its. In case you're, oh. Ooh. Yes, please. See? You can do something you like. I wonder if it would hear the crunch if I was crunching on some Cheez-Its. I bet you it would. It might, yeah. And then, oh, yeah. We had to pass it out. That's, like, free advertisement for Cheez-Its. Extra cheesy crackers, which are so good. Only 150 calories per serving. Anyway. They probably would hear the crunch. And they would probably even smell the cheese. My dear, it's like grandpa's feet. Ew. Yeah. My grandpa's feet smell like Fritos. Ew. Why are you smelling his feet? Okay, so I was, we're. Eh. Eh. That was a good follow-up question. Okay. So. I was staying at my Uncle Bobby's house. And I went to Albuquerque with my grandma and grandpa. And it was, like, a two-bedroom house that he had. Two bedroom, two bath, in Albuquerque. Where they built the Cottonwood Mall, actually. I mean, there was nothing out there when he moved out there. Anyway, so I was. I had to sleep on a floor mat at the foot of the bed. And my head was towards my grandpa's feet versus my grandma's feet. That was a lesson that I quickly learned. Like. I was like, alright. So my head's gonna face south. Fuck it. Or be next to grandma's feet. To my grandma's feet. Yeah. I know. Grandma. Grandma Disco. Yeah. And grandpa's feet kinda smell like corn nuts. Or like Fritos. Corn chips. How does that make you feel? Hungry? Yeah. For today's sponsor, Fritos. Why wait? Grab the Snickers. Oh, wait. Or Fritos. Or Doritos. Or Doritos. So I was in, like, attitude, like. Oh. At Fritos. At Fritos. Oh, grandma. Three chips. Because I don't smell anything. Why is it hairy? What? What? Why is what hairy? Whoa. If somebody just dialed in, that sounds awful. Dialed in? On a podcast, you can't. Well, you can't. You can choose where you want to start. But usually we'll start from the beginning and go to the end. Oh. That's not like a radio words. I mean, you could do a live thing, but. It'd be funny. If we kept this under 15 minutes, and then, like, we got nominated for some award and won it, I would quickly email Seth Meyers and be like, hey, you know, Corrections have been trying to win this Emmy forever. We won an award, and we don't even know what the hell we're talking about. I don't think that would ever happen. That would never happen. How do you know? Unless you. You have to be doing this, like, almost every day, but. For our first time, I think we did pretty goddamn good. Are we going to do this on the regular? If you want to. It'd be funny. Yeah. All right. Well, we're signing off. We're going at 15 minutes. We're going to keep it right at 15 minutes. It's a short podcast. It's like an ad break or something. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully people listen. All right. That's a wrap. Take care. Good night. Thanks for listening. Thank you.