Who is My Authentic Self (1)

The speaker reflects on their journey of self-discovery in various aspects of their life, such as relationships, spirituality, and physical well-being. They acknowledge past mistakes and emphasize the importance of authenticity and self-awareness. They discuss the transformative power of being fully present and connected with others. The speaker also mentions the need to understand oneself and make conscious choices in all areas of life. They express a desire to further explore their identity and career path while also considering the opportunity to live abroad. I wanted to just dig a little bit deep into the question of who I actually am, because I was just sort of thinking that, you know, we're all so different and I'm a very analytical person and I think I'm the first one, I've got to admit, that in my adulthood, I basically just was lost. And I think everybody is in their adulthood, that's what, that's certainly what your late teens and your twenties are about, is you don't know exactly who you are and you test things. But you know, I was really lost. I look at my love life and I just had the wrong attitude to girls, even though I loved them and had some extraordinary experiences. You know, I wasn't necessarily discerning in my friendships and sensitive to my, how people made me feel, you know, so I probably hung out with the wrong group. I think particularly the sort of Shane and Nick and Chris group, I probably just spent too much around these guys who were sort of full of ego and other friendship groups I had were beautiful. But there was the learning there about how I want to approach friendships and relationships with love and authenticity and understanding who you want to spend your time with and grow with. You know, at the same token, you lose some people from your life, just because you lose, you lose touch. But there was learning there. I look at my spiritual journey and you know, I went from not really having any beliefs to really battling and working with Christianity from probably about the age of 26, 27. And that's probably the one that's just leapt ahead, that's just had an absolute enlightenment in the last couple of weeks, where everything's just falling into place. It's just been that catalytic moment of change. So that's the sort of spiritual level and that's been a massive journey. I've just had an enormous leap forward on that. I look at how I've looked after my body and how I see my body and how that's evolved and how I've developed good habits around exercising and getting enough sleep and having an awareness of my body. You know, in work I've really, really struggled with, and to be honest, still until very recently, that's an area where I'm still exploring, probably the area where I'm furthest behind in being my authentic self. Relationships with family and how that's evolved and how my hobbies have. I've come to really know myself and what I enjoy and what I don't and how I like to spend my time and how passionate about reading and music and theatre and movies and how I love water and how I like yoga and that kind of thing. So I think there are some missing pieces of the puzzle. And of course there is that understanding of the self. And then I think my divorce with a long-winded separation and pending divorce has really been a catalyst. But I think this last week has put the pieces of the puzzle together, both in understanding myself and who I truly am and my spirituality. And I spot this, and I say, how do you want to be seen? What are you? And I think the best example you can give is that most people are still operating just on that level of energy, at the ego level. You can just see it in the street. Just the way people go about their daily lives, the concerns they have, the way they view themselves, the way they view other people. They're just operating at that level where their ego is so present, they're not mindful. And sometimes you just see that person. It's not arrogance at all, it's the opposite of that. It's in all humility, but they're just operating at another level. Their understanding of themselves, their reading of other people, their self-mastery, their mindfulness, the way they connect with other people. They're just operating on another level. And it's not that they're making more money, or they've got a bigger house, or they have lots of girlfriends, or they're extremely powerful. It's just them. We've all met those people. And that's what you want to be, irrespective of your position in the company, or your age, or what your girlfriend looks like, or how much power you have, or whatever other measure of success we have. You just want to be that person who's just fully present. And it's the most extraordinary power. You know, even when you walk into the local news agency, you just interact with the lady on the desk, and you see her, you interact with her, you ask her a question, you engage with her, you connect, and it's just extraordinary. It doesn't happen. People don't behave like that. So it's sort of being on that different spiritual level, understanding this great game of the authentic self versus the ego, and striving towards this connection, and giving and receiving the love that is life. But the other thing is, is it's growing into the self-authenticity of ourselves in all the aspects of our life, because really what we're saying is, right, this is who I am. So let's take the example of how we look after ourselves physically. So we have to say, well what's authentic? If I'm wanting to live the best life possible, what's authentic for me? And it's just like, well, you don't want to do four hours of exercise a day, because it's not that important to you. You don't want to build weights, and do weights, and have big muscles. And you want to be able to enjoy things sometimes, but you want to get up every morning and do your exercise, and build a habit around that. You want to sleep well, you want to eat well, you want to really consciously shop and eat well. And every now and then you want to be mindful and live in the moment, and enjoy food, and have a big night out. And that's conscious, self-authentic living, about saying, well this body is a gift. It's not who I am, but it is an integral part of me. And what do I want to do? This is self-authentic. So then by definition, any time I don't do that, any time I sleep in the morning and exercise, or I go and eat a potato chip, and it's not consciously done, I haven't made a conscious choice, I just say, you know what, I'm going to do it this time. If it's celebrating, if I feel like it lacks, then you're not, and that's where you go, and you're being inauthentic. And that's just the physical example. In every aspect of our lives, we need a clear understanding of what we want. And when we do that, when we make those decisions, that presence of mind to... In an authentic life, there's sometimes a fun and spontaneous life. We don't want to plan everything. You know, that's a big part of authenticity, is we've got this great gift. We have plans, and we have a vision for what we want, but we're also open to just being mindful, and to being inspired by others, and spontaneous. But, look, I think I'm going to talk more about who I really am and why I am in all these areas of my life. But I think my sense is that most areas have a very clear understanding for who I am and what I want to do. The areas that have the spiritual side of things, and how I see other people, and my purpose in life, my self-identity, have all been things which have been illuminated and enlightened in the last couple of weeks. So that's really helped. In many ways, in other areas, I have a really good understanding for where I'm at in life, and where I want to be, and probably the missing piece in the puzzle now is the sort of working life, and the productive life, and the earning of income, and what I want to do, what my options are, in that being authentic in that realm. And then, of course, the other thing that's interesting is the opportunity to live overseas. So there are a couple of things I want to think deeply about in the next few days, and sort of go from there.