Unknown and Unspoken

The podcast episode discusses the difficult reality of losing a parent. The host shares her personal experience and interviews someone who went through a similar situation. They talk about the changes that occur in a family after such a loss, different coping styles, and the importance of support from friends and family. It is emphasized that everyone grieves differently and it's important to listen to the needs of the person going through it. Healthy coping strategies like physical activity are encouraged, while unhealthy coping strategies like substance abuse should be avoided. Opening up the conversation about loss and providing support is crucial. Hello everybody and welcome to the first ever episode of my podcast, which I like to call unknown and unspoken in this episode I am going to talk about the difficult reality for someone who had lost a parent Not only will I be talking about my personal experience But I also interviewed Peyton Baird who went through a similar situation as me and will also be sharing parts of her story on That note let's get on into it It was Labor Day of 2022 I was 18 and I just got back to my dorm from my second day of sorority rush I was tired and stressed and I still had one more house to go to that day and it was my favorite So I was really looking forward to it until I got a call from my mom though. This call was different I went and answered the phone expecting to hear my mom's voice, but that was not the case It was a good family friend of mine on the line. Mr. Prater It was a short-lived phone call because as soon as I answered he told me I needed to come home immediately I panicked because I knew it was about my dad I tried to ask him what was going on, but he wouldn't tell me All he said is it was better for me to find out in person Thankfully, I had a friend there with me and she helped me pack a duffel bag with as much stuff as I could fit because I had no idea how long I would have to be home for Luckily a good friend of mine Mason rushed over and drove me to the airport as fast as he could get me there It was a long long wait at the airport and on the plane But I finally landed at home in Chicago around midnight Another family friend picked me up from the airport with her son and drove me immediately to the hospital I was met by my mother where I was informed that we didn't know how long we had left with my dad As expected this information was very difficult for me to hear though I sat there surrounded by my entire family and everybody close to my dad all night long until the next day when Unfortunately, he passed away I know this story is hard to hear but it is so important to understand the emotions Somebody may go through in a situation like this As I mentioned before I did an interview with Peyton Baird and I'm going to allow her to introduce herself and explain briefly her story Okay, so now that you guys have heard a bit of what Peyton and I had gone through we can begin talking about what somebody may go through afterward I didn't realize how many things would change so quickly as soon as I returned home According to a Apellian and Nesterick professors at Monteclair State University The way these changes affect each family could widely vary though For example environment adjustment is one of the most important factors in a family's well-being According to Apellian and Nesterick professors at Monteclair State University The way these changes affect each family could widely vary though For example environment adjustments could include moving houses or schools routine adjustments could mean extra household chores and Responsibilities and lifestyle changes may include adolescents possibly needing a job or taking on a different role in the family dynamic These changes became very clear in my family very quickly For example, my brothers had to learn to do different types of handiwork around the house for my mom that my dad used to do Instead of my little brother getting picked up by my dad from school He now walks home and takes care of himself until my mom and brother greet him there To help manage these changes and the loss there are many different types of coping styles that one may go through Personally, I went through something called delayed coping and almost immediately from talking to Peyton It seemed to become a common theme. So let's hear some of what she had to say about this When it first happened, I kind of didn't really want to believe it happened So I kind of put it off to the side and like to surround myself with my friends and just stuff that would like make me happy and like not think about it And so I just continued, pushed it away, pushed it away, and then finally like a few months later it all just like hit me and everything like went crashing down But I just kept pushing it off, pushing it off This coping style can be described as when one avoids thinking about the death and instead Focuses on more positive things in their lives according to Mindy A. Herman Stable of Arizona Department of Health Services Due to this being so common is because it is highly effective Though one of the things somebody may do to distract their mind is going to friends and family and it is super important that the friends And family around them know what the best way is to respond In a study done by Fredez Favi-Tacker, Faculty of Education at Berdour-Mamet Akif Ersoy University There are a lot of stressors involved when losing a parent and having a good social relations with friends can allow for healthy grieving by providing emotional and tangible support Thankfully, in my situation, some of my closest friends came home from college to be there with me during this hard time For Payton, she was still in high school so her friends were there for her as much as they could be She talked to me about how they came over to be with her and distract her which she loved Though later in our interview, the topic came up of some things we wished our friends would have known that may have helped us some more Let's hear about what some of those things were Well for me, since I pushed everything away, people like thought I was like kind of okay after a while But I really wasn't. I just kept pushing away, pushing away and then when I like finally like Everything came crashing down it was bad and I just wish that like people like I didn't like I just didn't like getting overwhelmed with the I'm sorry, I'm here for you, I'm so so you know And like it was sweet honestly like I meant good by it but like getting flooded with those like Comments and people texting reaching out kind of made me feel overwhelmed and um like it just kept Bringing it up and reminding me and I just felt I mean obviously like that's what you do when something like that happens But for me like someone like the person I did talk to was like who I wanted to talk to was someone I Literally went through something so similar so like that's why like what is a similar right now like A parent passes away like I'm the first one I was like hey I totally know your mind because I feel Like it means more coming from someone who's like gone through because I remember like the hundreds Of comments I got the ones that meant the most for the dms by people saying hey I just went through This last year that's definitely like the most So yes we all understand that not everybody has been through what we were But what was important to grasp from this clip is when comforting somebody who is experiencing this It is always best to listen to their needs and not assume what you may think is best According to Fran Solomon founder of the heal grief journal the grieving process itself can be very Different from person to person and people can experience it very differently this means that Everybody will experience the grief in a different way and what may work for one to move forward may Not work for another person listening is key here another important thing to keep in mind is that There are unhealthy and healthy coping strategies and knowing these can be very beneficial as it's Something you can offer to someone who may need it as a good support system a nursing teacher and phd Student at the university of torah bergada punziano antonella chinzia stated that when coping it is Important that an individual allows themselves to feel and express their emotions about the situation And one way found to do that is through physical activity of any sort which allows for a controlled Way to channel their emotions and feel a sense of freedom and control physical activity is definitely Something I did to help clear my mind once I got back to Colorado I started going snowboarding more As it helps me focus my attention into something more positive though there are also unhealthy Coping strategies and being aware of these is important so that you can recognize it and offer Alternative resources Eleanor Haley a writer who has been working with grieving families mentioned That an example of unhealthy coping is called negative coping which can numb the pain temporarily Though often makes the emotional stress worse in the long run some behaviors of negative coping Could include substance abuse isolation avoidance and overeating this experience for anybody is Extremely difficult though opening up the conversation can be so beneficial as it reduces The stigma around talking about it and can aid in those who may need to support somebody experiencing On that note thank you for listening to my very first podcast and have a wonderful day