Apology Languages Episode 7 (0524023)

The podcast episode discusses the concept of apology languages, which are similar to love languages. The five apology languages are expressing regret, accepting responsibility, genuine repentance, making restitution, and requesting forgiveness. The host asks listeners which types of apologies are most meaningful to them in different scenarios. The three most significant apology languages discussed are expressing regret, requesting forgiveness, and making restitution. The host emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and feeling remorse for one's actions, asking for forgiveness, and making amends. The episode concludes by highlighting the significance of understanding and utilizing apology languages in relationships and society as a whole. Hello and welcome to Bridging Our Gaps, the podcast that talks about relationships, dynamics between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons and husbands and wives. This is your host Karen Penn and I want to thank you for joining on today. The podcast today will be about the Apology Languages, the Apology Languages. I'm sure you may be aware of the five love languages which are gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and quality time. But did you know that there are also five Apology Languages? The five Apology Languages are expressing regret, accepting responsibility, genuine repentance, making restitution and requesting forgiveness. Before I go into three of these Apology Languages, I want to ask some questions of my listeners. This question is, which is more meaningful to you when someone says, A, I know that I've inconvenienced you. What can I do for you that could help balance things out? Or B, I am unhappy with how I've hurt you. I'm enormously disappointed in myself. I would probably pick B, I'm unhappy with how I've hurt you. I'm enormously disappointed in myself. Let's go on to question number two. Which is more meaningful to you when you hear these words from someone? A, what can I do to make this situation right for you immediately? Or B, it may take some time to rebuild your trust in me. Meanwhile, I'll be working hard on changes to prove that I am trustworthy. I would probably pick A because of the word immediately. What can I do to make this situation right for you immediately? That's important to me. The next one. Which is more meaningful to you when someone says, A, I am confident that everything I've learned from this bad experience will prevent me from doing it again? Or B, I know what I did was inappropriate. No two ways about it. I'd probably pick B. I know what I did was inappropriate. No two ways about it. A sounds like a child where you did this bad thing and you're not going to do it again. And the last question. Which is more meaningful to you when you hear someone say, A, I deeply regret having embarrassed you like I did? Or B, can you possibly forgive me? I think I would choose A, I deeply regret having embarrassed you like I did. For me, I think the acknowledgement and feeling bad is more important than you just apologizing and say that you're going to do something or you ask me what should you do to turn it around. For me, it's important that you figure it out as far as whatever the situation was. Think about how would you like to be treated? But that's my thought. So the three apology languages that stood out to me the most were, number one, expressing regret. As I mentioned before, you need to sound like you acknowledge what you did and you sound like you don't feel so good about it. Number two, request forgiveness or to ask for forgiveness. So that I found interesting. And the last one was making restitution. So let's look closely at each of these briefly. Expressing regret, that's when the apology zeroes in on emotional hurt. It's an apology that admits the guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. We don't do that in this society. There is no need to explain or to do something to set things straight as long as the apology has truly come from the heart. Expressing regret gets right to the point. It doesn't make excuses or attempt to ricochet the blame. Expressing regret takes ownership of the wrong. It's a sincere commitment to repair and rebuild the relationship. Now I would hope that my listeners think about this not only in relationships with your mate, as couples, married or single, dating, but with your family. When it comes to something that makes us feel bad, we go as far away as we can and we usually do it quickly. Like don't point the finger at me, well what if you did something wrong, just fess up. And be sincere, that to me means you're acknowledging the other person's pain. We don't want to acknowledge anyone's pain, we just don't want to be wrong. The second apology language is request forgiveness or ask for forgiveness. It's assuring to hear that a mate recognizes the need for forgiveness. And they have to ask for it, they can't take it. Asking for forgiveness shows that they realize they've done something wrong. And that they're willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended person. Ooh, vulnerability there. Requesting forgiveness is truly not easy because it leaves the one that's asking for forgiveness vulnerable to rejection. No one likes rejection, everyone can relate to that fear. But the opportunity allows us to become healthier individuals and experience healthier relationships. Why wouldn't we want that benefit? Now there is a difference between asking for forgiveness and demanding forgiveness. You owe me. When we demand forgiveness, we're forgetting the nature of forgiveness. It's a choice. It's a choice that the offending party is supposed to make on their own. Demanding forgiveness takes away the sincerity in asking for it. So allow people to forgive, but sometimes we wait forever because people refuse to make that choice to ask to be forgiven. And no one should treat forgiveness lightly because it's something to be cherished and appreciate. If someone says, will you please forgive me? We then have a role to accept it or reject it. And if it's sincere, why would you reject it? Just to have a better hand over somebody or dangle, you know, what they did wrong before them forever. Forgiveness is a hard thing for both ends. For the person who's asking to be forgiven and for the person who should accept the forgiveness. That can be very challenging if you're talking about something like adultery in a relationship. That's very hard, even if the person is sincere to forgive. The last apology language that I wanted to look at is making restitution. Many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoings. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who's apologizing should justify their actions by doing something. Some mates may feel all should be forgotten with a bouquet of flowers. But that may not work for their mate. For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitution, no matter how often you say, I'm sorry, or I was wrong, that mate will never find the apology sincere. You have to do something. Every mate should uncover what their partner's main love language is. We can't get away from the love language. We have to use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way. Lastly, I want to say that I'm speaking to couples mostly, but I believe that apology languages can apply in our society as well. I believe that our society doesn't see nor do we get the benefits of people sincerely apologizing and asking for forgiveness. And because we lack this benefit, we have more health issues. We have more catastrophic happenings. We have more sickness and disease than ever before. And life sometimes looks hopeless these days, especially concerning relationships, let alone in our world. People are trusting one another less and less, and people are on a mission to deceive one another more and more. Where does it look like our world is headed to you? I'll wait. And if there are glimpses of apologies, they're academic award-winning, especially amongst the reality TV shows. They're just shows, as they state. They are entertainment. We love entertainment. More than the truth of reality, unfortunately. We all want life served to us simple and fast. It's simply easier to try and keep the ball rolling or even simply ignoring the things you don't want to feel or find no need to address in order to keep what we call peace in our world. So we live and die only engaging in shallow relationships that keep individuals from being accountable and from growing into healthy, full-fledged adults. I leave you with this question. Do you know the apology languages of your loved ones? Thank you for joining me on today's episode of Bridging Our Gaps. I'm your host, Karen Penn, and I'll be back with you soon. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. God bless you. God bless you.