Brandon Held - Life Is Crazy - Episode 3

The speaker is Brandon Held, who is about to discuss his four years in the Air Force. He reflects on this time period as significant and crazy, unlike any other in his life. He explains that he wasn't a good student in school and had a low GPA. He decided to graduate high school early and join the Air Force. He took the ASVAB test and failed the first time but managed to pass the second time. He wanted to be a cop in the Air Force but was assigned the role of a security specialist. Leaving his younger brother behind, he embarked on his journey to San Antonio for boot camp. Upon arrival, he encountered a strict training instructor who yelled at them and ordered them to form a formation. Welcome back. This is episode 3. I'm Brandon Held, and life is crazy. And I'm just going to pick up where I left off to some degree. And the next segment of my life that I plan on going over will be my four years in the Air Force. And this could take multiple episodes, simply because looking back on this time period in my life, it was quite honestly one of the most significant and crazy time periods in my life. Almost unbelievable to the point to, you know, things happened to me from the age of 17 to 21 that, you know, I was just kind of rolling with until I got older and realized no other period of my life was like those four years in the Air Force. So let's talk about that. So let's start off with, you know, the fact that I wasn't a good student in school, right? I had already explained to you how school and grades were not prioritized. Basically being taught that just doing the minimum was good enough, right? Satisfactory. All you got to do is the minimum. Totally makes sense, doesn't it? My mom's doing the minimum to raise us, to take care of us. My stepdad is certainly doing the minimum. You know, we're not his kids. You know, he didn't show love for us. He obviously was paying bills and buying food. But outside of that, there was no love coming from this man. Not even close. So it was always clear we weren't his kids, not his obligation. And, you know, even more so when my brother, RJ, was born, who was his son. Totally different. Anyway, I apply to graduate high school a semester early with enough credits, with like a 1.5 GPA. And, you know, when you apply for that in my small town of about 8,000 people, you know, and about 100 kids each class in my high school, you know, one of the reasons they want to know is they ask why. Why do you want to graduate early? What are you going to do? Well, I want to join the Air Force. Okay. So it's clear I wasn't some valedictorian and my 1.5 GPA wasn't going to get any better and I wasn't trying to go to college. So, you know, my high school was like, all right, go ahead. You can graduate early, which I was super excited about. So in my journey, I took the ASVAB to join the military. And, you know, if anyone listening to this doesn't understand what the ASVAB is, it's just a military entrance exam. It's like a, you know, general exam where you cover many topics, math, science, reading, mechanical, inclination, you know, just multiple different things to see what you know and what you're good at. And so I took it the first time and, yeah, failed. Surprise, surprise. Didn't get high enough marks. You know, there's not really a fail, but they have minimum scores that are required to get into the Air Force. Oh, the Army and Marines were good. They were coming after me hot and heavy. You know, hey, we don't care about those low ASVAB scores. Join us. But I had made up my mind I wanted to go into the Air Force. So I focused up a little harder, didn't study in any way, didn't, you know, do anything to prepare, just believed in myself, just believed if I gave it a little bit more effort, I could do better. So I went back and took the ASVAB, and I did it. I got high enough scores just to squeak by to get into the Air Force and become a security specialist. Now, there's a whole different story even about that. You know, I went to the Air Force recruiter, and I wanted to be a cop, and I told him I want to be a cop. And at that time, you know, now the Air Force has security forces, which is just any cop across the board, you're in the security forces. But at that time, they had two types of cops. They had law enforcement, and they had security specialists. And so my recruiter was signing me up for a security specialist. He said, hey, we have a slot open here right after you graduate, two weeks after you graduate high school. We can get you into boot camp, get you going, off your career as being a cop. And I said, well, wait a minute. You know, this is called security specialist. I see there's one called law enforcement, and that's what I want to do. You know, what's the difference? Why are you putting me in the security specialist role versus law enforcement? Oh, you know, they're not really different, he says. They're just two different names they give those career paths, but they're not really different. If you're a security specialist, you're law enforcement. If you're law enforcement, you're a security specialist. Moot point doesn't matter. Just trust me. You get to go in the Air Force. You get to be a security specialist. You get to be a cop, and you get to live your career that you want to live. Because that is what I wanted to do. You know, at the time, 17 and younger, I thought, well, you can retire from the military in 20 years. Shoot, I'm going to join the Air Force at 17, and at 37 years old, I'm going to retire. And this is what I thought. This is what I had in my head. So I did leave, you know, with much concern for my little brother. You know, I was 17. He was 7. I felt a huge sense of responsibility for him, but also, you know, understanding that I had to go live my life. I had to go make a life for myself. I had to get out of that environment, that sick, unhealthy environment that I lived in, and I had to go make a life of my own. And I had to change the course and trajectory of my kids that will follow in my footsteps. You know, my kids weren't going to grow up in that environment. My kids weren't going to succumb to alcoholism and drug abuse and, you know, flat-out laziness. You know, no desire to work or do anything with yourself or just make a life, make a career. You know, I was going to change that trajectory in my bloodline. And that was the weight that was sitting on my shoulders at 17 years old. I remember thinking that way. I remember feeling that way and just how hard I wanted to make that happen. And so it's with some regret that I had to leave my little brother behind. And I leave, and I join the Air Force, and, you know, off to a world that I wasn't ready for. You know, I grew up in a small town, barely ever left. If I did leave, it was in a car, you know, just an hour or so away with my grandmother in the protection of an adult. So I didn't have to think. I didn't have to do anything. I just existed. And I remember getting on the bus to go to Cleveland to catch my first ever flight in my life. Never been on an airplane before, and I was so excited. Like, yes, I'm going to get on an airplane, and I'm going to fly to San Antonio, Texas, where I was also excited to go. Never been outside of the state of Ohio. I think maybe once when I was young I went to the state of Michigan, but that doesn't really count. Michigan doesn't count. You know, if you're a Buckeye, you know Michigan. It's not a state you count. So, anyway, super excited. Get on the bus, get on this Greyhound bus, head to Cleveland, get off the bus in Cleveland, and, like, right away it's a world I'm not used to. Right? People immediately approaching me trying to sell me sunglasses, you know, that they're holding up, gold chains, you know, just different things. Like, and putting real pressure on me. You know, I think I had, like, you know, $20 in my pocket or something, and they put real pressure on me to buy these things. And I didn't, you know, I was a 17-year-old kid used to wanting people to like me. I didn't know how to say no to people, but I knew I had to eat, and I knew the little bit of money I had was all that I was going to get by with. So, I remember this one guy specifically, happens to be a black guy. He's got all these gold chains, you know, connected to this piece of paper, newspaper that he's torn into, and he's got the chains hanging from there. And he's literally following me through the Greyhound bus station and just will not let me go. He's being relentless on me buying one of these gold chains. And I was feeling a little scared, a little nervous, a little worried. And this is, you know, my first hours of leaving home for the first time. And, you know, I managed to just finally, eventually let him know I don't have any money. You know, I was telling him that, but he didn't want to hear it. And I guess it reached enough of a point that he believed me, and, you know, I got away. So, I get to get off the bus, and I go to the Cleveland MEPS station, which is a military entrance processing station. And, you know, I go through all the things I have to go through there. I believe I had to do a physical and, you know, fill out paperwork and do all these things. And, you know, stay in the hotel. And then the next day I was flying out to San Antonio for the Air Force, to join the Air Force, which I was so excited about. You know, so excited. I had no idea, no idea what the military was. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I just knew I was leaving a life behind that I didn't want to be a part of. So, the next day I get up, fly to San Antonio. You know, it's a later flight, so I don't get to San Antonio until pretty late at night. But I'm enjoying the flight, first ever time on an airplane. Thinking life is good. I'm starting my life. You know, get off the airplane. There's a bus for us, you know, Air Force recruits to go to that we get on that's going to be driving us to Lackland Air Force Base to go to boot camp. You know, so I grab my luggage and my blissful ignorance and I get on the bus and, you know, talking to people, yucking it up, having a good time. And then we arrive at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio. And the bus driver pulls up. And all of a sudden, this T.I., which if you don't know, a T.I. training instructor is the same thing as a drill sergeant in other branches of the military. The guy with the hat that screams and yells. Yeah. That's who greeted us on the bus. Opens the door, comes up in the bus, starts screaming at us, calling us names, telling us to get our luggage and get out there in a formation. And immediately, I'm in shock. What is going on? What is happening right now? You know, I was not prepared for this at all. You'd think my three uncles would have prepared me for this. They did not. They just told me to join the Air Force. They told me nothing about the military, military life. Nothing. I don't know if they didn't want to scare me away, if they didn't want to invest the time. I have no idea. But they told me nothing. So, you know, I hurry up and get off the bus and, you know, try to line up. And, of course, at this point, we're young civilians, don't know anything. And we can't do anything right. We're getting screamed at for not getting in a formation quick enough, which we had no idea what that is. You know, we're being made to hold our luggage over our head because, you know, so-and-so is taking his time, so everyone else is going to get punished. And, you know, we're just getting screamed at and berated. And I was thinking, oh, my God, what did I do? What did I get myself into? And I was scared to death, you know. I was, later I would find out I was the youngest person there. And it was a culture shock for me, for sure. You know, we were kept up all night, wee hours in the morning. You know, we arrived to our barracks. I believe we were forced to shower, get in our underwear, which was standard issue, tighty-whities that we all had to wear. And I believe they made us, you know, do stuff in the barracks. You know, it's all fuzzy to me now. But, like, stay up late, late into the wee hours in the morning in our tighty-whities. We couldn't get dressed. We couldn't do anything. You know, it was a serious breaking down and embarrassment of your character and who you are as a person. And it was being driven home to the point that you're nothing now. You're nobody now. And that's done on purpose, you know. I didn't understand that at that time. But, anyway, we'd get to bed, like, 2, 3 o'clock in the morning. Thank God, finally get to get some sleep. And it's 5, 6 a.m. A new drill sergeant comes rolling in, kicking this metal trash can across the floor. Turn on the lights. Get up, get up. He's screaming at us, you know, calling us names. You pukes need to get up and get dressed and get ready, you know. And, yeah, that was the military. That was boot camp. And that's how it all started. And that's how I learned this isn't going to be as great as I thought it was going to be. So you succumb to that environment. You learn to adapt. You learn to adjust. And, you know, I went through and I got through Air Force boot camp and I survived. And I graduated with thoughts and memories that will never leave my mind and will stick with me forever. But also with a huge, immense sense of pride. Immense. Obviously the hardest thing I had ever done in my short life at 17 years old. And through the training and through the chow and the food and the consistent meals that I didn't have prior to that, you know, I went from being 6'1", 155 pounds to 6'1", 175 pounds. I had gained 20 pounds in Air Force boot camp. And it was 20 pounds of all muscle mass. And it was great. And, you know, I had pride. I was strong. And I was ready to go. So I left Air Force boot camp and you would go to your technical school, which mine just also happened to be at Lackland Air Force Base for security specialist school. So I didn't have to go far. Basically went from one part of the base to the other, and then that's where I went for technical school. And technical school was a little bit more intimidating in a different way. You had TIs there that kind of led you around and got you from training, from classes and chow and stuff like that. But you didn't do everything in a formation. You were able to, you know, go to the PX and buy things. You were, you know, there was just more freedom. But I had never really put a lot of effort into school. And now this was something I was serious about. This was my career. And not only did we have written tests that we had to prepare for and pass, we also had skills that we had to show that we had and skill sets that we showed that we could do. I don't even think about this. You're putting a gun in a 17-year-old's hands, that when he leaves that and he goes to his duty station, if he's in a situation that he deems necessary, that he needs to shoot someone, he needs to be damn sure he's doing the right thing. He needs to be damn sure he had a right and a reason to pull that trigger, right? Because, A, if not, he's done injured or killed someone, that shouldn't have happened, right? Nobody wants that to happen. And, B, it could ruin that young man's life, a.k.a. me, if I was in a situation that I was unsure how to handle myself, unsure how I should respond, and I end up being too aggressive and shooting someone and hurting someone, and it ruins my life because they find I should not have done that in that situation. And let's be real. Let's be honest. There would be no protection for me if I made the wrong choice. I didn't know that then. I didn't realize the danger I was putting just myself in as a young man of needing to make potentially a difficult decision in a difficult situation and knowing if I made the wrong one, I would have been trapped. I would have been thrown to the wolves. Oh, you were trained. You were taught. You didn't respond the way you were taught and trained, so deal with it. Go to Fort Leavenworth for the rest of your life or whatever the case may be. So it was serious. It was heavy, and I took it that way, and I tried really hard. I found out from my grandmother during tech school that I had a cousin who was in the Air Force, and he was a lieutenant colonel, and he flew fighter jets, and he flew for the Thunderbirds, and if you know anything about the military or military ranking, when you're an airman basic, a lieutenant colonel is a pretty big deal, right? Not just a lieutenant colonel but a pilot lieutenant colonel, and so I got to meet him while I was in tech school and spend some time with him a weekend away and got to know him, and he got to know me, and I got to say that when I asked him, you know, pin my badge on when I graduate tech school and officially become a cop, and, you know, I don't think anyone in my family is coming from Ohio down to Texas, and I would be honored if you would pin my badge on for me, and he agreed to do it, and he did it, and I had so much pride. It was one of the proudest moments of my life when I graduated security police tech school, and he was there, and I had a lieutenant colonel pinning a badge onto my uniform. You know, he was the highest-ranking person there doing any such thing for anyone, and it just felt really good, and it felt vindicating that everything I had gone through in life up to that point, you know, the rough childhood, the scared to death trying just to get out of boot camp because they constantly were threatening to recycle you and make you go back and repeat time if you've made mistakes or screwed up or whatever. That constant threat was looming over you to getting to security police school where I was scared. I was scared I wouldn't be good enough. I was scared I wouldn't have the ability to do some of the things I needed to do to pass security police school because I was so timid, and in some situations, you needed to be take charge and aggressive, and that just wasn't who I was at 17 years old. Now, when I got through all that and my cousin was pinning, was putting my badge on as this lieutenant colonel, it was just an amazing feeling, an amazing feeling. And I will add this, that one of the things I joined the Air Force for was I hated cold weather, absolutely hate cold weather, hated it then, hate it now, and I was really hoping the Air Force would send me to some place like Florida or even I could stay in Texas or California. I really wanted to be somewhere warm, and I filled out what they call a drain sheet, and I put down my quote-unquote drain bases because I just put all warm areas, you know, Florida bases, Texas bases, California bases, because I just didn't want to be in the cold. And I learned towards the end of my training that I got stationed in Minot, North Dakota. And so I had no idea where Minot, North Dakota was. I didn't know where North Dakota was. I didn't know the U.S. map well at all. I knew it wasn't one of the places that I asked for. And, you know, this wasn't a time you could just, this was 1991. You couldn't just run up to a computer and look things up, and I didn't have access to a map or anything like that. I just remember calling my mom, saying, Mom, I got my orders today. I'm getting stationed in Minot, North Dakota. And my mom literally, with tears and her voice cracking, was like, I'm so sorry, Brandon, and starts crying. I didn't even know where I was going, but I knew now it wasn't going to be a good place. And so I learned right then and there by my mom telling me not only was I not going to a warm place, but I was going to a much colder place than Ohio. And so I would get to go on leave for 10 days before I headed off to Minot, and that's where I will pick up in Episode 3. I will pick up where I left off here, and that is taking my first 10 days of leave before I have to travel to Minot, and talk about that. So thank you for listening, and I'll talk to you later.