episode5 REUPLOADED AUDIO

Alright, so we're recording. Oh, put something on. Is everyone's audio good? Is it good? It's all, it's like really low. Oh boy, here we go again. No, because we, on the mixer, we shut it off all the way low. No, no, no, no. Hey, John. John, John. This part. Yeah. This part, this is all the way low, remember, because you want it balanced. There we go. Is that better? Lower, lower, lower, lower. I know, but shit. How low? Yeah, lower mine. It's way too loud. Is that better? Where do you guys want to watch? Can you hear me? No, lower on the, over there. No, over there, John. Oh my god, John. Yeah, lower that one just a little bit. Is that better? Can you go a little more on that? Holy shit. How about that? Can someone pass Eric his mic? He's very confused right now. Everything is. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you can hear the baby in the background. Mama! That's right. Let her be in the background. It's like we're running a daycare in this place. It's an illegal daycare. What a disaster this is. John, can you get the audio to work? Is it working? It's working. I feel like, can you guys hear me? I can hear you. I can barely hear myself. It's pushing buttons again. Wait, you're supposed to be able to hear yourself? How's that? Yeah. Better? You can hear yourself from your headphones. It's a little bit better. You have to hold the mic like this. Hold the microphone like this. Not a microphone like this. Is that better? You're talking to the sound. You're talking to the sound. What's with this bullshit? Yeah, you always had to talk into the sound. That's how you do it. What's the matter? I talk like this versus this. Sounds like you're so far away. Like this? Yeah, I talk like this. Who sounds far away? Dude, my headphones are so... Nah, we're good now. We're good now. Too loud? Yeah. This is fucking ridiculous. I think we need more structure in this podcast. I don't believe in structure. My middle name is structure. Everybody that I've talked to about feedback, including Valerie's friend, says the one with structure is better than the one with just talking. No way. No. I'm telling you, everybody that I've talked to that listens to it, I ask them, is it better without structure or with questions and direction? You need direction. No, I know you need some sort of direction, but... I feel like if we're just bullshitting every day... Like One Direction. Yeah. I'm with you, John. Of course. They're family. Yeah. Shocking. Thirteen followers. Don't break my couch. Nope. How many do we have now? Eleven? Subscribers? Thirteen. I honestly don't even know if I'm subscribed. That's kind of fucked up. Yeah, it's great. I'm just kidding. I don't know. Hey, you're up and talking. Where's my phone? I gotta find my phone. Oh, boy. Here we go. You guys okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, what's up? This guy's popping M&M's like they're Adderall. Love it. They're going out of style, bro. I need them. You need to talk into the mic. I'm talking into the mic! Hold on. Well, he's going to sound like he's thirty feet away. Hold on. Is that better? I had it backwards. See this part? Yeah, I realize it now. I saw you guys. Here's your sign. Talking into the opposite end of the microphone. Should we do a live? Not yet. Do whatever you want to talk. What do you want to talk? But no, you have to be talking. What do you want to do live? Just sit here? You can't do live and talk at the same time. Just on TikTok, because you're going to be focusing on TikTok. Are you on yours or on Beards & Banter? On mine, because you can't do it on Beards & Banter. Why not? Because you don't have a thousand followers. You don't have a Mustang. Really? That's like a thing? Jay-Z looked at it. He only has thirty-three. Nerd. I have a thousand followers? No, but I'm saying. Did that video I just uploaded? Yeah. How many followers did you get? About one. What's the most views on your video? I don't even have TikTok. Most views I've ever had on a video is like 1,300? 1,200? What about you, John? What about you, John? That's all you're in now. Oh, 1,000. 1,300. You're not even talking to the microphone. I've heard it fine, though. Yeah, but on the audio when you edit it. So I've got 1,200 views on one, 1,000 on another. 1,300 on another. One with community guideline violations. They've been there before. 1,300 is... I think that's the most views. What was the video about? One was about Hurricane Ida. Excuse me? Hurricane Ida. Driving on the Clearview when it all flooded out. The other one was men's mental health awareness. Oh, man. And then the other one was Spongebob and Homer Simpson cleaning my car. Unbelievable. It's so stupid. Even though we're talking literally like 10,000. It's unbelievable. Cleaning his car. He's got 1,300 views. I have 1,700 views on one. Yeah. Homer Simpson. What does that mean, John? Wait. Oh, dear Lord. Not with you guys. I have 1,690 views on a reel. On a reel? Yeah. On Instagram? Yeah. Which one? That one. The podcast one. Let me ask you a real question. But that's on TikTok, too, I think. That one? They put their clips on all three things. I don't know how to look at it. Can I ask you guys a question? Because you guys talk about your views and shit. Is now the new thing between men, the views that they get on their posts? Like back in the day, it was like, oh, I can kick your ass in wrestling. I can beat you in the sport. Now it's like I got 1,400 views on TikTok for Spongebob washing my car. Is that a thing now? I'll be honest with you. I feel good. Knowing that Spongebob is washing my car. I'm saying for that stupid video. The younger generation. Yo, hold on. What the fuck's bearded banter on? I've got it on TikTok. I have it on YouTube, Instagram. What else do I got to follow? Facebook. I don't have Facebook either. Give me a sec. I have Facebook. I got a million views on Facebook. You got a million views on Facebook? I deleted it. Oh, hold on. Wait. I'm following it. I'm following everything. Fuck meta. Shit. Hopefully they're on YouTube soon. YouTube's too big. All right. So are we doing structure? Because I'm going to cut all this out now. No. No structure. This is all cut. This is all cut. No structure. Cut. No structure. You can't do that. Cut. It's good you guys can't spell structure. Cut. Cut. I really thought about that for a second. And I wrecked my kids. Cut. John, spell structure. You can't spell strut without structure. Don't do it. I'm not even going to try to cut this. You know what? Talking about structure is the bridge in Baltimore. What a great structure that was. And that's what we call a segue into business. I want to know. Those guys on the bridge had five minutes to get off. How did they not get off? I don't think they saw a car. They knew. It was an SOS call. They could have shut the bridge down before it hit. That's why only five people were on the ocean. Yeah. Maybe they were walking across the bridge. They were workers. They were working on the bridge. And they said that they told them five minutes prior to get off the bridge. And they couldn't. I don't know. It's not big of a bridge. That's why only seven people were on the water. They shut the bridge down because the guy made it and said, hey, shut this bridge down. We might hit it. Really? Yeah. I didn't read that. Yeah. They lost us here. I didn't know you could read. I can't really. I just listen. Yeah. Audio books. Audio books. Yeah. I follow all the audio books. When was the last time you read a real book? Like pages. High school. Yeah. For sure. Like a book? Nah. Before the baby was born. Not including Playboy. That doesn't count anyway. Cookbooks don't count anyway. Cookbooks definitely count. But the last book I actually read was something for the baby before she came. What was it about? It was like prepping for the baby. Oh. Like how to wipe? I'm sure that was part of it. I did not retain any of it. Great. It just comes natural. Yeah. Back to front. You old enough to wipe your ass? You're going to pay me, right? I wipe my own ass. He's in New York. Who is? J-Bone. Yeah, I know him. What the fuck's he doing in New York? Not telling anybody. The Islanders. Yeah. The Islanders game. Does he tell anybody he's up here? Yeah. He didn't tell you? He tells you when he's looking for some health insurance stuff. He actually texted me. Like, I think I'm going to the Islanders game. Thanks. I didn't get any texts. I didn't buy any insurance. I'm off the list. The guy didn't even come to my wedding. I didn't buy insurance either. Mark didn't go to your wedding either. Yeah, he had an excuse though. I had a newborn baby. Yeah. I went to the church though. I did the right thing. You did. I was nice of you to show up. James up here like every other weekend. And I loved it because John's bow tie was all fucked up and he couldn't fix it. No. Who had the fuck up? Was it Chris or you? Chris. It wasn't even Chris' fault. Like, he... Oh, yeah. Men's Wearhouse. His suit. Right? No. They gave away his suit to somebody else. And like, oh, well, the only other... We can piece together a suit for you, but you're going to have like a gray top and black bottoms. Perfect. Just so you know, nobody on the podcast is going to hear what he just said because his microphone is 30 feet from his fucking mouth. So, I had to call fucking Men's Wearhouse four different ones to get this fucking piece together. I'm still facing this way, god damn it. You've got to keep it close. How much closer? Just like that. This is exactly where it was. No, it wasn't. No. It was like a Costco glizzy. That's how far away it was. Football. John, you're 36 years old. Enough with the fucking glizzy. Jim may not know. Are we going to... Are we going to... What do you call it? May 11th? That game? Is it May 11th? May 11th. No. May 11th. It's a break. Saturday. Saturday, 4 o'clock. John said he couldn't go because he has to... I don't think I'm going to be able to go. He's going to be at Disney. Jay? May 11th? 4 o'clock? No. City Field? No. All right. I don't do baseball. You know that. All right. Bubba Mice. Bubba Mice. Fuck all y'all. Sick. I don't care. How about Dan Yankees? John is the epitome of... Yeah, I can make it. Juan Soto. Oh, shit. I can't make it that day. Juan Soto. Okay. Juan Soto. Because I won't come. Juan Soto. Then why don't you come? What do you have to do? Please tell me what you have to do May 11th. He doesn't fuck. I really don't know. Then how do you know you can't... It's unbelievable, this guy. The pessimist. Unbelievable. This is why Joe has to wash his car again for me. I'm honest. I'm probably free. I just don't give a shit about baseball. And if I want a drink, I'm going to drink from my own fucking place. All right. You're not invited anymore. Thank you for not inviting me. I ain't going to know until May 12th. Wait. They'll tell you May 12th. How does that work? How does that work? I would... Please tell me... It's all processed. Here's the one I got. I want to go. It's at 1 o'clock. 4 o'clock. I want to go. I just... I thought I had something to do. That's what you thought. But you don't. I thought wrong. You don't have something to do. I'm playing golf on Sunday. I'm playing 10 a.m. Sunday. 10 a.m. You're the one that wanted to go in the first place. You said, I want to go to a group of... No, I do. I do. Wasn't me and you that went that one time in the rain? Yeah, me and you. No, me and you. We're the only people that went. Yeah. And it didn't even rain. No, it rained. But it didn't rain. They were fucking forecasting like it's going to rain. Yeah. We had to wear the margaritas. No, we were up at the bar. What's his name? You played football with him. Rubino. Rubino. Yep. No, we... No, didn't we? It was raining. Nobody else wanted to go. No, we went in. Me and you went in. Is that when you played with the hot girl under that? What? What? Didn't you guys? Weren't you like in a foursome? Was it you and Eric and some girl? We were in the hot chick school. Oh. Whoops. Never mind. I was like, this is awful. Oh, no. You're so horrible. And that's how you talk to somebody correctly. It's something about sixth grade. What? Didn't you talk to a girl? You can't do that. You can't say that. You can't. I can't believe we got off the topic of the bridge already. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't do that. 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Jay, on a podcast, you had to talk. I had to peel over. And it's the wrong way. And it's the wrong way. It's the right way. The icon's facing me. You have to speak in... I'm speaking into the fucking thing. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. Diane. 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