The KittyCrinkle Show Ep. 7 Michelle's New Boyfriend (Boyfriend Wars Part 1)

Now it's my turn to kiss you. And now it's my turn to kiss you. And now it's my turn to throw up. Jordan, what are you doing here? Oh, well I'm... Awesome, awesome. Get out, get out. But I need to get my... Okay, you're going. Bye. ...kicked out of my own house. You know, I feel like I need to stop inviting Michelle to my house. You know, I feel like I need to stop inviting Michelle to my house. You know, I feel like I need to stop inviting Michelle to my house. You know, I feel like I need to stop inviting Michelle to my house. Geez, did you know that Michelle is dating this British guy? I mean, seriously, why would she date him and not take me back? Geez. Geez, man, I just wanted my ice cream. Oh, sorry, Sullivan. Kitty Crinkle, are you bothering this kind gentleman? No, sir, I'm just thinking about something serious. Look, Kitty Crinkle, I know you're trying to get over your celebrity hands, but you can't let it get in the way of serving this fine gentleman. First of all, leave me alone about my celebrity hands, you old bitch. Also, I'm dealing with some really serious issues right now. I don't care. You will serve this fine gentleman some ice cream. Hey, did you know, don't even with me. You know how people want you to spend more time enjoying nature and less time on your phone? Uh-huh. You know what I like to do? What? Go to the park and use my phone while I'm enjoying nature. Oh, my God, Jordan, look. What? It's our old childhood treehouse. Oh, my God, I remember when we were kids and we hung out there as best friends. I don't remember much, though I do have a vivid memory of watching Pornhub there. Should we go in and relive our childhood memories? Whatever. I don't have anything to do right now. Plus, that squirrel is giving me a dirty stare. Oh, come on. That was a year ago. Get over it. Hello, Kitty Crinkle. Hey. How was your day? Um, could you, like, not talk to me and stuff? Look, Kitty Crinkle, I know it's awkward that right now I'm dating Michelle and you were formerly with her for two weeks, but I would really like us to get along. Oh, so you're gonna dump her? Kitty Crinkle, I love Michelle, and I'm sorry you guys had to break up, but is there a good day that we can just hang out, you know? Um, yeah. How's Saturday? That's more than perfect. See you then. See you then at your grave. Oh, my God, my childhood plushies. Oh, my God, my childhood penis. That's a hot dog. Hey, they're both the same. Come on, dude. It's 2024. What do you think people will think? The president's gonna be a dumbass. But still, you gotta admit, it's nice reliving those 2000s childhood memories when we were in the treehouse just being best friends, watching the TV, listening to Radio Disney, and, well, just doing kid stuff. Damn it. The TV's not working. Dude, it's been, like, 2 decades. Of course the TV's not gonna work. Let's try the radio. Radio's not working. Nope. I think I hate this place now. Isn't this a wonderful day at the park, Kitty Crinkle? Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All the trees, animals, happy birds singing. To be honest, I really lament that stuff. Kitty Crinkle, I know I said this before, but I would really like us to get along. Yes, you said that about our crap. I dropped my quarter. Can you pick it up for me? Sure thing, pal. Um, Kitty Crinkle, I'm stuck in a trap. Yes, so you are. Are you gonna help me? No way. Dude, Michelle is mine. Uh-oh. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty. Okay, I get it. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Goddamn it, you've read that story to me, like, about 5 times. Just admit that this treehouse sucks ass now. No, it's still phenomenal. Remember that time we saved it from being cut down? Actually, we didn't save it. I just got my mom to bang the guy and he forgot all about cutting down the tree. Hmm, somehow I'd see it works with me, too. Well, it won't work on me. Ooh, you sexy boy. Come on, Jordan, there's lots of fun things up here. Look, my Barbie dolls. I hate Barbie. Well, what about your signed DVD copy of School of Rock? I have the signed Blu-ray version. Uh, Michelle, I have some sad news. Sad news? Oh, no, what happened? Well, your British boyfriend, well, he's dead. Oh, no, what happened? Well, we were taking a walk in the park and then this guy came up to us and tried to kill me. He tied me to a tree so I couldn't escape. He shot that bullet, but then your boyfriend jumped in front of me. He'd get shot instead of me. Very noble indeed. Yes. I was eventually able to escape, but I couldn't help your boyfriend. I'm sorry. Oh, my God, I can't believe my boyfriend is dead. I understand, but hey, don't worry, I'm here for you. Thanks, pretty crinkle. You know, you're a really great friend. Hell, better than you were a great boyfriend. I know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Thank you. Oh, so I'm guessing Kitty Crinkle didn't tell you about what he did to me in the park. Sweetie, you're alive. Hell, yeah, I'm alive. And I'm guessing Kitty Crinkle didn't tell you about how he tried to kill me. Buddy, what are you talking about? I would never try to kill you. It's written all over your face, Kitty Crinkle. Actually, it's written all over your arm. With permanent marker. Kitty Crinkle, why would you do this? Because we were in love, and this guy's ruining it. Dude, you broke up with me. Please. Just leave us alone, Kitty Crinkle. Oh, honey, are you okay? Do you need a band-aid? Maybe I take you to the doctors. I don't feel bad. I may have left a little something in Michelle's bed. Hey, Sullivan, can we talk? Fine, but as long as it's not about Michelle. Great. Let's talk about Michelle. So basically, what's going on is that I love Michelle, but she already has another boyfriend. And annoying, posh talking. What advice do you have for me? I don't know. Just get another girlfriend to make her jealous. Jesus Christ, leave me alone. Hey, he's right. All I need to do is find a girl that will go out with me. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, I guess if Jordan doesn't want the treehouse, I guess I'm gonna use it all by myself. Oh, hey, Kitty, what's up? Dude, what the hell are you doing? I thought you didn't want the treehouse. Well, you see, it's a funny story. I lied. I wanted you not to go to the treehouse so that I could throw epic parties and invite all my friends. Gael, Gavin, Sully, all of them. Hey, Jordan. What's up, Chloe? Well, fine, but we're gonna share the treehouse. You understand? Yeah, yeah. Just get out of my party. You're not invited. Hey, Michelle. Hey, Brit bitch. I want to introduce you to my new girlfriend. Her name is Devil. Oh, did I mention that she's kind of an animal? Goddamn it, Kitty Crinkle. Enough already. Leave us alone. Come on, Michelle. As your friend, I just want you to get to know my girlfriend. Hey, Devil, you want some ribs? Aw, look at her. Look at her eating those ribs. Isn't it adorable? Kitty Crinkle, first of all, you're not in Family Guy. And second of all, I know you're doing all this just to make me jealous. Well, it's not working. What? No, I just want to move on. We broke up, and now me and Devil are together. Kiss me, Devil. Wait, no, please don't actually kiss me. Ugh, Kitty Crinkle, you're so selfish. Come on, Derek, let's go see Godzilla X-Con. His name's Derek? Damn, this just keeps getting worse and worse. Jordan, it's time for me to use the treehouse. Wait, can I finish masturbating first? Fine. All done. Aw, Jordan, now I gotta clean up in here. O.K., Katie, now it's my turn to use the treehouse. No way, Jordan. I just finished cleaning it. Plus the sheet says I have one more hour. Can I see? Jordan. It's mine. No, it's mine. It's mine. No, it's mine. Holy crap. What? It's all coming back to me when we were kids, hey. Goddamn it, Jordan, it's my turn. Get off the video game. Jordan, the treehouse is on fire. No, the treehouse burned down. Damn it, Katie, if you'd just have let me use the treehouse, none of this would've happened. Are you saying this is my fault? No. I'm implying it. Well, if maybe you'd have just let me use it for one more hour, the treehouse wouldn't have burned down. You know what, Katie? I don't need you. I'm gonna rebuild this treehouse by myself and keep you out of it. Well, I'm gonna rebuild the treehouse and keep you out of it. Good day, sir. You're not British. I know. Okay, Devil, Michelle and Derek are here. We're gonna go see a movie, too. That's not even being shown in theaters. Hey, Michelle. Kitty Crinkle, what the hell are you doing here? I just wanted to see a movie with my girlfriend. Nothing wrong with that, is there? Just stay out of our way, Kitty Crinkle. Michelle, don't you think we should try to get along great with Kitty Crinkle? Babe, he's just trying to play with my head. Come on, come see the movie. Hi, can I please have 2 tickets to Godzilla X-Kong? Hi, Michelle. Kitty Crinkle, what the hell are you doing here? What? I just wanted to see a movie. Nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with getting out, so get out. Come on, Michelle. I just want to experience a cinematic masterpiece. Did you just shush me, Kitty Crinkle? Yes, I did. You think I'm not gonna wanna experience this masterpiece? There's a lot of people in the theater, so you need to shut up. We're like 2 of the 5 people in theaters. Shut up. Hey, Michelle. Leave me alone, Kitty Crinkle. Yo, Michelle. Shut up, Kitty Crinkle. Hey, hey, hey, Michelle. Leave me alone, Kitty Crinkle. I'm trying to enjoy the movie. Michelle, oh, Michelle. Fuck, I hate you, Kitty Crinkle. How about some popcorn, honey? No? Oh, okay. Okay. Jordan, what the hell are you doing here? Definitely not reading Will Smith fan fiction. I'm here to fix up the treehouse. No, I'm here to fix up the treehouse. When we were kids, I claimed it first. Damn it, Jordan. This is pointless. The chipmunk carving's over there? If yes, I would agree. No. Wait. Actually, yes. But I'm talking about all the arguing. I mean, come on. We're literally arguing over a dumb treehouse. I mean, come on. It's not dumb. It's our childhood. Our childhood represents something. Nostalgia. Childhood nostalgia. And that's what this treehouse is. Our nostalgia. So what do you say we fix it up together? I'd like that, Jordan. Hey, guys. How's your little date going? Kitty Crinkle, what the hell are you doing here? Um, I live here with Jordan, celebrity, forced to live a normal life. Remember? Anyway, my girlfriend Devil couldn't come today. Mind if I sit by you? Fine, but don't talk to us. So, Derek, what sports do you like to play? Football? Basketball? Lacrosse? Actually, I don't play a lot of sports. Aw, come on, dude. You'd be so good at it. Well, that's very kind of you, Kitty Crinkle, but... Oh, crap. My food. Oh, my God. I am so sorry. You did that on purpose, Kitty Crinkle. No, really. It was an accident. I'm sorry. Oh, it's quite all right, Kitty Crinkle. Yes, yes, yes. Hey, do you want to hear a story? No, not really. Let me tell you. So one day, I was at lunch, and I turned to Rebecca, and I started masturbating towards her. Great story, huh? Damn it, Kitty Crinkle. Enough already. Leave us alone. Come on, guys. You guys are such a happy couple, and I can't help feeling like a third wheel. Oh, come on, Kitty Crinkle. You're more than just a third wheel to us. Thank you for those words of encouragement. Kitty Crinkle, I will give you 5 more seconds to leave us alone. Fine. I'll leave. But just know, we're destined to be together. Wow. Kitty Crinkle wants you. Yeah. Look, I'm really sorry about that, but we're not gonna let it ruin the rest of the date. Do you want to watch a movie, babe? Hey, I want to watch a movie. Kitty Crinkle, get out of here. You're not invited. It's okay, babe. Kitty Crinkle should join us. 3 is better than 2, right? Hey, do you guys want to hear a funny story? So one day, I... Oh, crap. I'm sorry, Derek. I didn't mean to fart on your face. Okay, that's it. Michelle, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna have to split. Please, hon. I'm sorry about Kitty Crinkle. Michelle, you are an amazing girl. And I love all of the time we spend together, but it's very clear that Kitty Crinkle wants you, and I don't want to get in the way of that. I'm sorry. Oh, no, Michelle. Your boyfriend just broke up with you. I'm so sorry. Hey, maybe we can go out to eat. Hey, maybe we can go out for some grilled cheese sandwiches. Hey, maybe we can go sweet... Just stop. What? Just stop, okay? Michelle. You know, Kitty Crinkle, ever since I started dating Derek, you've been nothing but a jerk. You tried to kill my boyfriend. You dated a feral girl. You spilled food him and farted on his face. What the hell is wrong with you? Look, Michelle, I'm sorry. Can we be friends again? No, Kitty Crinkle. You're nothing but a selfish jerk. I don't want to talk to you ever again. God, I'm so crazy for ever being a fan of you. We're not friends anymore. Don't ever talk to me again. Awww. Maybe she'll forgive me if I clean up the thing I left in the toilet. Wow. The treehouse looks great now. And it's all thanks to teamwork. Yes, it does. Look, Jordan, I'm really sorry about all the times we argued about it. And now, maybe we can share it together. I'd like that. And plus, not like anything's ever gonna go wrong again. Jordan? Yeah? The treehouse just exploded. I see. Why? I may have set off a few bombs in there just in case that squirrel came back to wreak more havoc. To be continued... To be continued...