Kissing your friend as a joke

The speaker is annoyed by their family's constant reminders about finding a partner. They come up with a plan to fake a relationship with their best friend to get their family off their back. They take a staged picture together and post it on social media. The plan backfires as the picture quickly gains attention and the speaker's family starts congratulating them. The speaker realizes they may have underestimated the consequences but is grateful to have their best friend by their side. Oh my god, how many times do I have to see pictures of my cousin and her new fiance before my brain explodes? Seriously, they're everywhere. Every single app I open, there's a new picture of them being all cute and in love. Ugh. I'm not exaggerating though, that's the problem. They're everywhere. Facebook, there's a picture of them on a date, Instagram, a picture of her dream wedding dress. Twitter, a post about how happy they are to have found each other. I could open like Candy Crush or something and they'd probably be there too. No, I don't mean it like that. She seems happy, and I'm happy for her, it's everyone else in our family that's getting on my nerves. They keep sending me links to her posts and pointing out that, oh your cousin's so happy with her relationship, they're so cute together, their wedding's gonna be so beautiful, why don't you have someone in your life like that? You need to go out more and meet someone. Ugh, it's so annoying, and it's been going on for months now, months. I swear, I'm on the brink of madness, complete and utter madness, you hear me? Hey, quit laughing at me, I'm being serious. I'm gonna be driven to despair from my family's demands to find a suitable partner, my life is turning into a historical drama, and I don't even get the fancy clothes or anything. Alright, fine, maybe that was a little overdramatic, but only a little. Really though, it's been almost non-stop, look at all these texts I've gotten. Exactly, I literally get at least three people a day texting me about it, and don't even get me started on the way they tag me in all my cousins' posts. She actually called me about it and asked why everyone in our family keeps doing it. She just laughed at me and said good luck. Yeah, I know, apparently before me, she was the one getting annoyed by our family about finding someone. She said it was especially bad because her older brother had gotten married right after her boyfriend broke up with her. I know, right? I'd feel bad for her, but she's the one getting married, and I'm the one who has to deal with my grandma asking about the cutie in the picture I just posted on the instabook. Yeah, she means Instagram, but every time we try to tell her that, she just forgets. So instabook it is. Huh? Oh, it was actually a picture of you and me. You remember when we went to the fair downtown and were messing around with those bubble machines? I posted the picture to Instagram, and now apparently my grandma thinks we're dating. Also my grandpa, but that's mainly because he doesn't have any social media, so he's just taking my grandma's word for it. Wait, that would actually be perfect. No, I mean if you and I were dating. Wait, listen, you gotta hear me out. Come on, this is a great idea. Think about it. I need my family to get off my back about dating someone, and some of them already think we're dating. So if I were to just be like, hey, surprise, I actually am dating him, then they'd finally leave me alone. It's perfect. What do you mean, what's in it for you? Helping out your best friend in the entire world, that's what. Isn't my gratitude enough for you? Fine, I guess. If I say we're dating, then I can bring you to my cousin's wedding, and you can have some of the cake. How's that sound? Okay, what if I tell you there's also gonna be a buffet? I knew that would get you. Let's shake on it. It's a done deal then. Now how should I tell them? Yeah, you think that'll work? Just a picture of us together? True, that would probably be the quickest way to do it, not to mention it would be some kind of poetic justice or whatever. Alright, then what kind of picture were you thinking? Like what's gonna make us look like a real couple? Because I don't think a picture of us just hanging out watching TV while we're on our phones is the best way to do it. Yeah? Just on the cheek, right? And I'll just take a selfie of us? Okay, then come over here. Get closer to me. We both need to be in the picture if we want this to work. Alright, now lean your face in closer so I can kiss your cheek. Hey, quit laughing. If we want to make this look convincing, then we have to look like we're in love. Whatever, just smile and let me kiss you. Got it. Oh, wait, I wasn't holding the camera right. Let me try again. There. Wait, no, that one's kind of blurry. Let's try that one more time. Perfect. That one actually looks really good. Aww, look at us. We look so cute together. We really do, don't we? Like, this picture looks so real. Hell, I'm convinced that we're together. You look so happy and your smile is so cute. It's impossible to think that we're not together after seeing this. Why, thank you. I think that I look rather adorable as well. Okay, now let me just post this real quick. And, done. Posted. Oh my god, this is going to be amazing. I can't wait to see what everyone says. Better yet, I can't wait to see everyone have to eat their words. They all keep talking about how I need to find my perfect other half, but the joke's on them. I've already got you right here next to me. Well, yeah, of course I do. You've always been my perfect match. I mean, we've practically been friends forever. Obviously we're each other's other half. We're like a dynamic duo or something. We complete each other. I mean, you know, not like that. But it's like, you know what I mean. Wait a second. Holy shit, look at this. I just posted the picture a minute ago. Look how many comments it has already. I know, that's crazy. Oh fuck, and now everyone's texting me. And grandma left me a voicemail. I feel like I may not have thought about the downsides of this plan before going through with it. I'm about to be completely and utterly drowned in calls and texts from my entire family. But hey, at least I have the best fake partner ever to go through with it. Oh hey, my cousin just texted. She says, congratulations and welcome to the family. I know, that's super sweet of her. Oh look, she also says that if one of us catches a bouquet, she'll give us both two pieces of cake. I mean, I'm game if you're game. Perfect. Then here's to us and our successful partnership. May it bring us much cake in the future.