Recovering Pharisee

The speaker used to focus on good works as a way to feel loved by God. They realized that they were using works to cover up their shame and always needed to be right. At a conference, they learned about shame and how it was affecting their life. They decided to trust in Jesus and his grace instead of relying on their own works. The speaker found comfort in the song "Gospel Truth" by Brandon Heath, which reminded them that Jesus finished the work on the cross and took away their sins. I'd been a Christian for many years, but I focused a lot on good works. I had a head knowledge knowing that salvation is in Jesus Christ alone, but I still placed a heavy focus on works. I believe that the more good works that I did, the more God would love me, and that if I failed, he would love me less. I'm a recovering Pharisee, and by that I mean I used to use works in a way that made me feel better about myself, or feel like I was doing pretty well. Rewind about seven years ago, my spouse and I were at a conference that was working on praying through and breaking off sin habits. We were working through sin issues like pride and anger, and the issue of shame came up. I was like, I've got this in the basket, I don't have any issues with shame, I don't have any big sins in my past that created shame, but as they started explaining how shame acts, and what shame looks like, I started to see my pattern. I had pride mixed with my shame, so I could never be wrong. If I admitted failure, I would have to admit my shame, so in my marriage, I always had to be right. I tried to cover over my shame with good works, using the good works to hide the sin inside. That day, I came face to face with my Savior, and I told him I was tired of trying to stand on my own good works. I was tired of trying to cover myself with the proverbial fig leaves to cover my shame. I just wanted to completely rest on him. To trust that it was all Jesus, that it was all by grace. I love the song of Brandon Heath's Gospel Truth. His lyrics say, I wish I could be better, but he says that I'm enough, it's done, and there's nothing I can do. That's the gospel truth. When Jesus was on the cross and said it is finished, he did it. He took my sins and the payment was done. That's the gospel.