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This podcast episode features Aabiruchi and her childhood best friend, Shruti, discussing their friendship over the last two decades. They talk about how their friendship has evolved since they were 11 years old to now being in their 30s. Aabiruchi moved to Canada while Shruti lives in Germany. They discuss the challenges of maintaining their friendship despite the distance and time zone differences. Both emphasize the importance of putting effort into maintaining relationships and supporting each other. They also mention their shared desire to live abroad, which they are now fulfilling. Overall, they have a strong and secure friendship that has endured over the years. Okay. Hello, everyone. My name is Aabiruchi Dangwal, and welcome to my podcast, Andesi Edit. This podcast is about navigating life abroad as a Desi. And today, on today's episode, I have with me my childhood best friend, Shruti Palti, who lives in Germany. And today, we will be talking about how we navigated our friendship, like what our journey of the friendship has been in the last two decades, how has it changed, and what was it then when we were like 11 years old, and what is it now when we're in our 30s. So, hi, Shruti. Welcome to the podcast. Hi. Thank you for having me. Let's hear something about yourself. So, I'm Shruti. I, as you already know, I'm friends with Aabiruchi since grade five, back in India, Dharadun, that's our hometown. And I'm currently visiting her in Toronto, which is where we're recording this podcast. I live in Germany with my husband, and I own a business in the online marketing space. And, yeah, that's what kind of is a little bit of background on me. Yeah, that's exciting. When did you move to Germany, Shruti, just for the audience? So, I moved to Germany in October 2016. So, it's been about seven years now. So, it's been quite a while since I've been there. Initially, I moved to study because I wanted to take a career break, sort of just get away from the rat race in India. And that sort of led me to where I am now, which is, you know, having my own business after eliminating a lot of the different options that I went through. Perfect. Yeah. Now, we'll discuss that further in the podcast. It's like exciting, Shruti's exciting journey is what she has for career. Because we're talking about how our friendship panned out in the last two decades. So, we are both from the same hometown, Dehradun in Uttarakhand in India. And we went to the same school since grade five. So, we've known each other for really long. We've been in the same section, like the same class for the longest time. And then we moved to Delhi. Again, we were in Delhi University, different colleges. So, we were, of course, in the same city. Things were different. And it was in 2015 when I moved to Canada to pursue my postgrad. And Shruti was still in India. It was a different time in the life where I moved to a country where I knew no one, leaving all my friends and family behind. But, of course, I knew I have a lot of good friends in India. And just that was the time. It was a struggling time because you don't make friends in the first go. And I've had a lot of childhood friends. So, I've had great relationships. So, that was something that I struggled with. I'm somebody who makes friends quickly. But, you know, with childhood friends, how are your childhood friends? And so, I mean, there was a lot of support. Even when I was moving to Canada, there was a lot of support from Shruti herself. And then, yeah, what changed when I moved to Canada, Shruti? How was that different from living in the same city for our school and then our undergrad? And then, suddenly, when we started working and we're figuring out life, how did that change? I think having seen you, you know, because we went to the same university. So, having those years when we were both going to university, going through that period of life where you're just figuring out who you are, what you want to do. When you told me that you wanted to move to Canada and sort of, you know, pursue like a different career path, honestly, I was just super excited for you. Because I thought, wow, this is Abhi taking, you know, a really bold and major decision in life and kind of going after her dreams, which is something I admire. Because that's all something I wanted to do for a very long time. We've talked a lot about wanting to, you know, maybe study abroad, do all of those things. And I think my, I didn't have any concerns, per se, because I knew that our friendship was strong enough to, like, endure anything. But, of course, there are things that, you know, change when you have someone who you have, let's say, instant access to because you can just get on a call and be like, hey, what's up? That obviously changes a bit. But that's kind of also aligned with our own goals in life where we were sort of, you know, beginning that phase where we were trying to figure out what we want to do as individuals outside of our existing, like, comfort zones, outside of our existing social circles. So I think in that sense, I was just looking forward to seeing what chapter Canada brings to you. And I don't know if you've mentioned or spoken about this, but I've probably had conversations about this with other people as well. And I said that I know the Abhi that I've seen in India and I know the Abhi that I've seen in Canada. And I think this was the leap that you needed to really figure out who you are. And that kind of happened for me as well a few years later in Germany. So I followed in your footsteps after moving abroad as well. But I think, so I think in that sense, I'm really, really proud of you and happy that you moved and sort of, you know, went after what you felt was the right thing to do in your heart. Yeah, that's that's very sweet. I know we've discussed this and growing up, we used to watch a lot of American TV. And so we are always a big fan of the first Australian show that we used to watch. And we always wanted to. I don't know if we wanted to live abroad at that time when we were in school, but we always wanted to be abroad, like we were very curious. And life in India is very different from what we used to see in like on American TV. So it was it used to always excite us and we wanted to like at least travel. And it is it is very surreal. Like when we're recording this podcast in Toronto today, like from being like those little 12 year olds, like, you know, I would say we sort of manifested it as well. Yeah, I like dreaming about it and being here, sitting here. Of course, there have been a lot of struggles. Like initially when I moved to Canada and we I knew that I like, you know, Shruti is my back and if I call her at any time of the day, you know, she's going to answer. It was the same for her. She called me any time of the day. But of course, when you are in like different time zones, it's different. So initially, like we were scheduling Skype calls, which is like a corporate meeting. It's so funny because, you know, growing up in the same city, we would just ride our scooters to each other's house and just be there like, you know, see you in five minutes to pick up the landline at the landline time. And like to become like, hey, are you free on Saturday at 10 a.m., which is mine, 8.30. Like it was that transition. But I feel what I feel and you can tell me about yourself as well, Shruti. It was like the number one thing is you have to put that effort. And, you know, it it came it came naturally to us because, of course, you know, we I'm very grateful for this friendship. And, you know, when you move abroad and you move to a place where you don't know anyone, you're all the more grateful because the access you had before versus now, there's definitely you know, there are times that you're so tired because when you moved, moved to a first world country to do everything on your own, which is a challenge for us when we move from back home because we've lived in a bubble and everything is taken care of. So like to make that time, sometimes you're just so tired after doing laundry. You're like, oh, I have a call. But like, I think you have to make that effort and it excites you. Like you look forward to telling about, you know, this has happened in this. So I feel definitely one thing that when people move abroad and I've met people who were not in touch with, you know, their friends back home because they're like, oh, we're in different time zones. And luckily, that wasn't the case for us because there was effort from and consideration from both the side, like considering each other's space and like where they're in their life right now, what their struggles could be to making an effort and always letting them know that, you know, we're there for you. Like what do you do? Yeah. But I think it really depends on the types of friendships as well. Like we both have friends that where let's say the effort hasn't been reciprocated. Right. And those friendships generally tend to not last that long. So I feel like because we came from such a secure sort of, you know, when we like childhood in the sense that we spent so much time bonding as children and also in university, that we kind of knew at the back of our head that we might not know every minute detail in each other's life. Like I might not know which, you know, what's the name of Abhi's gym. Yeah. You might not know which coffee place. But whenever we caught up, whether it was like once, you know, even sometimes once in six months, it could have been that we probably didn't catch up for a very long time. But when the base of your friendship is super secure, I feel like you can build on that. But at the same time, I agree that you need to put in the effort to make that person feel like you respect them. And you also admire them and want to have them in your life, because none of us want to really chase after people or friends or jobs that don't want it back. Right. Correct. That's just the feeling that you want. So I think I'm really happy that we kind of continue to maintain that. Besides maybe the one time that we had a fight, falling out in university. Almost broke up. Yeah. Do you want to share about that and what triggered that on? I honestly don't even remember what happened. Same. But besides that one time, I think we had a pretty, I would say, secure friendship. Yeah. I think we both are very vocal people and we're both are very opinionated people. And so I think we've always respected each other's space. We've always respected each other as a human being. And I think that's number one thing to keep any relationship going is you respect that person. So we've always had that respect, even though there are times that, you know, there are times where you don't have the same opinion. You probably, you know, are in different phases of your life and you're expecting, let's say if Shruti has a downtime and I'm expecting her to be like, you know, up and happy for me and like, you know, be there. That's something you have to consider as a friend. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, like, I also have to respect that. Okay, like this might be the time she might not be my loudest cheerleader. But that doesn't mean that all the times that she has supported me, that goes like, you know, sometimes as human beings, when we grow, you're like, oh, you weren't there that time. So we can't be friends if you start counting. So I think that was one thing between the both of us. We just are people, even though we're people who are very vocal and like opinionated and we respect space. So like the security that Shruti spoke about, I was always sure of that. So that is something I'm grateful for. And I'm sure, like, you know, a lot of people also have that in their life. And I think that is something that kept us going because we've had, as you mentioned, we don't remember why we fought, but it was like it was a time we didn't speak for, like, I think a few months. And, you know, that presence is missed. It's a tough time and it's hard. And it's not a nice time when, like, you know, like a best friend, you're not talking to them. Somebody you pick up the first person you want to tell everything to. And then you suddenly don't have that person. But again, we, I think we're opinionated, but we don't have very big egos. And I think, you know, we're not. That's the key. I mean, there are going to be times where, you know, I will mess up or you will mess up. And I think being able to say sorry and just being like, hey, you know, I think I messed up. Like, what can I do to fix that? I think that is like a huge sign of being able to value the relationship more than you value your ego. And I think we've always found ways to maintain that balance where we've had moments when we've not, let's say, loved each other's opinions or things that were going on in life. But we've always found a way to sort of figure out, like, what do we value more? Do we want to be right more or do we want to make sure that this relationship goes ahead? And I think it's the same for a lot of other relationships in life as well. Like maybe your partner or, you know, with your colleagues and all of that. So I think that was definitely instrumental. But another thing that came to mind when you were talking about it was the lack of judgment. I feel like no matter what choices you or I make, I mean, as said, we are quite opinionated. So we will definitely give you an honest opinion of what we think. And we'll call you out on it if it's a crappy thing that you're doing. But there's not been any judgment on either of our ends on me pursuing what she wanted to pursue or me pursuing what I wanted to pursue. You know, changing jobs, getting fired, firing lawsuits, all of these things. Like we've always tried to be in a supportive space rather than in a judgmental space. And I think that is super, super kind of key to maintaining a friendship, even though, you know, we live like an ocean apart. No, absolutely. I think that's a very, very valid and a good point. Like judgment. We've never, as I said, like, you know, we've been each other's biggest cheerleader. We've never judged. We've tried to understand, like, for instance, like about this podcast. And we were just talking and I'm like, Shruti, I've always wanted to do a podcast. And I've been thinking about it for two years. And she was like, why don't you go do it? And we spoke about it. And, you know, she is in the digital field and she runs her own business and is doing really well for herself. And she was there to, like, support me. She's like, when you have me and, you know, I'm there to help. And on top of that, she also bought me myself the first mic. So I'm being able to record this. I think it's more than judgment. It's like, where is it coming from? There's a lot of support. And then, of course, there are times that we're not on the same page. And that's fine. And that's how everybody in your life should be. Everybody in your life should have a head of their own, have their own opinions, have a say. And that's how conversations and that's how you know about the person. But, yeah, there's never been there's never been a judgment per se or like any sort of like comparison in life. We just know. And, you know, when you've known somebody for like over two decades, it's not even like I don't even consider her like my friend. It's like family at that point. You know, I've spent like majority, 65 percent or 70 percent of my time on this earth with her. So it's different. But definitely there are times, there are trial times, trial and testing times like you want. And there are also like emotional times, you know, when you want to be there for that person you want, you know, or you want that person to be next to you. But of course, thanks to technology that we can see each other and we know what we look like. And we're not waiting for three months for a letter and a picture or a podcast. And getting like letters. But there was a time when I moved to Canada and my PR situation got sorted and she was in Germany. And I had my tickets booked to go to Germany. We had like a whole two week trip plan. We had trips booked to Italy and like, you know, everything sorted. And it was like literally three weeks before I was leaving. And for some reason, the picture on my PR card wasn't, I don't know, it wasn't correct. And then they said, oh, you can't get your PR card. And it was like, it was like one of the toughest days. Why would I say that? We were looking forward to this. We were looking forward. Like this was like a dream that we'd seen as girls. Yeah, we'd seen really funny dreams. We had way too many dreams. And I remember like I spoke with the counsellor and they said, no, you won't be able to apply for the German visa. We need to see your card. And I've gone to getting my picture clicked, my PR picture re-clicked. And I have like tears rolling down. And this person's like worried. Like, you know, the first person who keeps clicking my picture. They're like, probably she had to go for some like big event. And like my picture and my PR card is like these swollen eyes, which is hilarious now. But it was like that time I was so upset. And I picked up the phone and I told her, oh my God, I can't make it. And I think that was something like, will we ever be able to see each other? Like that time I questioned, like moving to Canada, was that a right decision? Is this like my life? Like will I have to, like with this immigration process? Like, you know, when you, of course, move as a desi, you know, like visa formalities and everything. And I think that was really hard because we'd not seen each other since I moved to Canada, which was like 2015. I was visiting her in 2017, I think, the year you moved to New York University. And yeah, and at that time I'm like, oh my God, this is always going to happen. And I don't know if we're seeing each other, but that didn't last long. It will be more than made up for it. We've done two trips ever since. We were in Salzburg over Christmas, Nuremberg. And then last year was Paris. So that was awesome as well. I think it was the same story for me as well. Being really, really difficult because I was in the process of always having to extend my visa, not being able to leave. And apply for like a visa to visit Canada. So I think this is something that probably not a lot of people understand. Specifically, if you come from a stronger passport, it's a lot easier to just pick up the bag and be like, okay, let's just head there. But that wasn't the case for us. So I feel like whenever we tried to make the effort, it really counted a lot because we knew how difficult it was with the background and the context of having these visa extensions, applying for all of these things. And still kind of figuring out and making that happen. So I'm really grateful that we managed to actually do that in the last couple of years. But of course, the first, I would say like five years or so were difficult. It was a lot less frequent and a lot harder to plan anything. Also because like, you know, with finances and all of those things. Absolutely. You know, having to budget, figuring out your student life and all of that. Yeah. And budgeting is a very important part because for Shruti to have to come to North America at that time and for me to go to Europe, of course, it's expensive. You've just started your job. You're not making the big bucks. You're still figuring out, still, you know, struggling in your professional life. And so definitely budgeting was also a big part of like, you know, saving for those flight tickets and then traveling. And we're also, both of us have a tendency to go over budget. So having that contingency fund where we're like, oh, if we go crazy, we love retail therapy. So if you go crazy, so having those extra funds. No, ma'am, definitely. But I think we, the year after I visited her for Christmas and that's like one of, not one of my favorite, but my most favorite Christmas vacation, what I saw. And it was very surreal. It was more surreal to see her. I remember both of us crying at the airport. It was more surreal that, oh my God, we're here. It took us time for us to sink that feeling in where we're like, oh my God, we are here in Munich. And we're just, you know, more than just a beautiful city than Munich is. We were just very excited. And having celebrated each other, meeting each other, we saw a lot of, you know, changes in each other. Like we both become more patient again. Yeah. And fortunately for us, we're less impulsive, more patient. And yeah, and that was very exciting. It was, of course, we were seeing some really pretty parts of the world. And yeah, I mean, we were in the Alps for the Christmas, but just being there and like just, we were just sitting down, drinking wine and talking about how we were just talking about it. And then how you forget all the struggles, all the years, you know, that in between when we managed to do it, when you're doing it, you're just like, oh, it's happening. And then, yeah, since then, luckily we were, you know, doing well for ourselves. And then we would also plan India trips around the same time. So we would meet and catch up in India. And we usually went to catch up in India. And then, yeah, and then we grew up and there are other things that started happening. Shruti got married last year, which again, exciting, which is also, again, very exciting in my life. It's just like watching your childhood best friend, like walk, walk down the aisle. It's just like, what is happening? Like you're excited. I remember being excited and hungover. And the feeling that actually, you know, the hangover works. Otherwise I would be like, you know, watching you walk down the aisle. But like, it's also another like a big change. It's a milestone and a big change. And like, now she has this person in her life who better have a fantastic guy. I'm so happy for her to like, you know, I've never asked for anything more. But to like, of course, that's also like balancing act. Like she's here with me in Toronto for like, she made time like three weeks, leaving her husband behind there. Of course, like, you know, she has that very important relationship in her life and also keeping this. I feel it's a big step. Like, you know, this is a massive balancing on your part. Yeah. OK. You need to keep segwaying into questions. OK. Let's try to segway into other questions. So think of the next question. So like, how do you, so Shruti, like, how do you, how would you say like getting married and then being here, balancing friendships, giving, of course, you have a lot of close friends in Germany. Like, how have you, how is life for you now, basically? So I feel, to be honest, the last couple of years when I was sort of figuring out where my business is going to go, like setting up and all of those, you know, visa things, figuring out self-employment, you know, in Germany, which is not the friendliest place to be at as an immigrant entrepreneur. That came with a lot of challenges as well in terms of dealing with banks and bureaucracy, paperwork, etc. I feel personally that I did not pay as much attention to my friendships as I could have. So I was catching up with friends, but it was definitely less frequent than what I would have liked. I was trying to do at least one India trip every year and we did meet, you know, every now and then in India. But for me, I think I kind of wanted to make up for that this year, especially because last year was a little bit more about the wedding and, you know, personal stuff and managing. And I felt like, OK, finally, I have, you know, I mean, I'm grateful for having, you know, a partner who's also always given me a lot of space to grow and is super fond of Avi as well. So he was like, if it was anyone else, I would not be happy that you were going away for three weeks. But for Avi, it's fine. So, yeah, I'm really appreciative of that. And also, I think I had to consciously make that decision that this year I'm going to spend more time sort of reconnecting, spending more time bonding with my friends. Because I think in the, you know, hustle and bustle of daily life, it's really important to prioritize who the most important people in your life are. Absolutely. Because time is the only luxury we have. Right. I mean, you can make back the money that you lost or whatever, but you can't really ever, you know, bring back that time. So I think whatever memories we have made on this trip, these are going to be things that we will look forward to 10 years from now. Right. So I think that really is important to do. And I think even if you are struggling and even if you are, you know, even if you can't afford to fly across the continent like we could, there's still ways with technology to pick up the phone and just be like, hey, you know, like, what's up? What's up? Yeah. And like share like the biggest moments of your life. Changes. Changes. And those moments can also be like I'm not talking about only happiness. Like I could also be at my low and be like, oh, I'm confused. And let's talk about it and having that person talk. Definitely. And I think one thing also works in our favor and I was just thinking about it also because we're very impulsive people. So like if we're like, yeah, like last year she was getting married and I'd never thought that we'd not do like a bachelorette trip like that. So as little kids, just for a little context, we've never spoken about like, hey, one day we'll get married and we'll do this. We've spoken about things like, hey, we travel together and something. And I'm like, big milestone in life. Oh, let's do something. And because I had a Canadian passport by then, so I could fly to Europe like without the visa requirement. And we were speaking on the phone and we booked tickets to Paris three weeks from when we were talking, like while we were talking on the phone. And I think that also helps. Being impulsive can be a good thing. Like sometimes I think, guys, we're not promoting being impulsive here, but it can be a good thing. And I think that's one of my most favorite trips of ours. Yeah, it was awesome. We're like these grown people who enjoy it. A huge part of it was blurred, but yeah. A huge part of it is only remembered by Uber drivers in Paris who were dropping us back to our hotel. But yeah, I think in our case, some of our characteristics match too much. And I think that's kind of works in our favor. Yeah. Paula should be more spontaneous than I am, I think. Yeah, just a little bit more. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay. So if you're done with the thing, then we can try to find a way to wrap it up. Yeah. So if we stop the recording, it's going to happen, right? So now I'm thinking we've spoken a lot, right? So now you can just say that, okay, so what is our takeaway from this? You can just ask what are some key things or whatever you would like to ask. Like something, let's say, do you have any advice or something like that. Yeah, that's like the final thing. And then I'll just leave you and I'm like, thank you for listening. And you'll be like, thank you, Shruti, for being here. And yeah, that's it. Yeah, let's make more memories. Yeah, something like that. Okay, perfect. All right, yeah. Should I say like, just when I'm wrapping up, I'll be like, okay, Shruti, so what are some of the key points that you would have for us? You can also say, Shruti, I just have one last question for you, you know, and then people will know that you're coming up. Okay, yeah. And you can say, thank you for being here and thank you for listening to us. And we'll see you in the next podcast. Perfect. Okay, so Shruti, I have one last question for you, for everybody who's listening. First of all, thank you for doing this with me. It's my first podcast. Thank you for all the support until now and recording it with me, taking time out to do that. What do you think would be some of your key points, like some takeaways for our listener from what we discussed today? I think I love that we discussed the lack of judgment, which I think speaks in a lot when we are comparing ourselves to our friends who may be having different achievements or different milestones in life before or after. So keeping that out of your friendship. I mean, at the end of the day, we are human. It's normal to feel envious, normal to feel jealous, normal to feel, you know, certain things. But I think keeping the good of friendship in your mind and having that as a goal where you do not, you know, you try to basically value your relationship over and above your ego. I think that has been a huge, it doesn't also mean that you just get stepped on and let them do anything you want. It doesn't mean that you need to be a pushover, but at the same time allowing each other to grow in the spaces that they can, you know, best perform in and best go through. So that was one of my key takeaways. And I think the second thing is just prioritizing the most important relationships because I think time's all we have. So that's literally the biggest luxury. We could wake up tomorrow and not have, you know, not have this gift of life that we have at the moment. So I think being grateful for that and just making the most of what we have. So in that sense, I think being impulsive is okay. Yeah, that's my key takeaways. Perfect. Thank you so much once again for being here. And yeah, thank you for having me. Perfect. Okay, guys, I'll see you at the next episode. And until then, keep making memories with your best friends. Cheers. Bye. Okay.