5 Givens

In this episode of "Life Unfiltered with Danielle Knight," she discusses the five givens of life. The first given is that everything changes and comes to an end. She encourages listeners to let go of things that are not serving them and consider their own well-being. The second given is that things don't always go according to plan, and it's important to embrace the unexpected. The third given is that life isn't always fair, and it's important to move forward despite obstacles. The fourth given is that pain is a part of life, and Danielle shares personal experiences of pain and loss. She emphasizes that pain is a common experience and encourages listeners to find strength in overcoming it. Hi guys, how are you? Welcome back to another episode of Life Unfiltered with Danielle Knight. Alright, so we've been discussing in the last couple of podcasts a little bit about self-talk, things that are, you know, going to help you, you know, process information and get to where you need to be, meaning, you know, your gratitude list, what it is you do with the way that you talk to yourself, how that affects your patterns in life, etc. But what I want to talk to you guys about today is the five givens. And what that means is everything in life has five stages, you know, of how you consider things, how you look at things, how you respond to things, how you deal with failures, how you deal with seeing the story beneath the story, and what I mean by that is how you perceive it, right? So I'm going to start with number one. Everything changes and comes to an end. I'll let you sit on that one for a second and think about everything in your life that has changed or every season that has come to an end. I want you to really consider what's not serving you. It's very difficult to carve out time to think about, OK, is this person serving me? Do I feel good when I'm around this individual or am I second guessing myself or feeling poorly about myself because they make me feel a certain way? Well, guess what? Get out. Move on. You know, because everything comes to an end. Life is about a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those three things I think about a lot of the time. We just went to a funeral here lately. And you start to think about mortality. You start to think about things that are important in your life. You start to think about what people are important in your life. And you really think about your own mortality, like how you are going to live or you're not going to live or whatever that factor may be. You could be struggling with any sort of situation right now. But, you know, failure is not an option in my book. I've come way too far to fail today. And I just don't think that failure is in my repertoire of things that are going to pull out of my life. But I always remember this, that everything in life changes or comes to an end. So I really want you to consider is there something you've been holding on to because you've been friends with this person since you were five years old but they treat you so poorly and you feel bad about yourself when you're around them? Hmm? Sound familiar? Yeah, happens to me. I was friends with somebody for like 25 years that couldn't get sober and just kept drinking. And it was like, what am I doing here? Like I'm trying and trying to try and get you to see something that I have. But if people don't want it, you can't force people to do it. So I had to let go. And man, was that the hardest thing I've ever had to do? Because I think about the longevity of our relationship and what we had been through. 20 years of friendship. That's a long time. It's hard to let something go. It was like losing my other arm because she could finish my sentences. But I realized that everything comes to an end, you know, and I'm OK. If not, I'm actually better. You know, like I didn't I didn't, you know, die. I didn't go to hell because I decided I was going to better myself. I just knew that something had to give. And it was me. Not them. Me. So think about something that you can give up today in your life or that you can focus on that's going to be better for you. OK. Number two, things don't always go according to plan. Man, I struggle with that one right now. My plans are not being answered by the Lord and I'm in self-will run riot. I feel like it should be happening. I feel like I'm healthy. I'm this. I'm that. And I'm putting all these unrealistic expectations on Jesus Christ. OK, let's talk about that. My unrealistic expectations on the Lord. And he's laughing because when I make plans, he laughs. OK, so, you know, everything's not going to go according to plan and everything isn't going to go so smoothly. And each deal or each person or each family member, each season or each gym session or each meal isn't going to go perfect because that's not life. We have variety. We have things going on. We get to, you know, be of service. We get to eat whatever we want. We get to do all those things. Now, you can't overindulge your life and you can't make it toxic. OK, but you've got to remember that things don't go always according to plan. And I'm sure you've had some situations in your life that you can think about that didn't serve you and did not go according to plan. But when you think back on it, you're so grateful it did not go towards what you thought you wanted to be. And you maybe thought that was a failure. But in reality, it's really not a failure because when one door closes, another one opens. And that happens in my life all the time when I think, man, I really thought it was going to go this way. Sometimes there's a stark reminder of, hmm, well, maybe it didn't need to go this way. But it's very difficult to think that when I'm in that moment. So everything changes and comes to an end. And things don't always go according to plan. Now, I want you to think about those two things and see if you've had any areas in your life where you thought, man, if I just did this, I would get this. And it didn't go that way. Well, you're not alone. Everybody in life knows what it feels like to not get their way. But maybe there's some areas in your life where you can think back and maybe brainstorm on how awesome it turned out because it didn't go that way. I can definitely say that's happened to me for sure. So we're going to move on to number three. And life isn't always fair. My goodness. When I was learning these from my coach, you know, we talk about this thing called the mood meter. My husband and I ask each other, like, what's your mood? Are you, you know, zero out of 10? What are you? And 95% of the time, Seth and I are usually hovering around a seven or an eight. And some days there's a three, you know, for me. And, you know, guys don't really have too many emotions. I mean, they do, but they really don't. So 95% of the time, he's an eight. And so when I'm a three, he's like, you know what, I got you. I'm going to I'm going to pick up the slack. I'm going to take you to dinner so you don't have to cook or whatever the fact may be that life isn't always fair. So when I've had a really terrible day and I think to myself, hmm, that really went south. I want you to think about what do you do? Do you, you know, loathe in the fact that, oh, my gosh, I cannot believe it did go my way. Or are you like, you know what, that really sucks, but it's cool. We're moving on. Because the harder you can get calloused over on the fact that you're not always going to get your way, the faster you will move towards happiness. And I think that's all really what we want. Joy, happiness, love, all those things. We need that. We crave that. So I want you to always remember life isn't always fair. And that's OK. As long as you get up, pull your bootstraps up and keep marching forward, something good will come your way. But number four, pain is a part of life. Man, if I could think about all the pain that has happened in my life growing up, it started very, very early when I lost my grandma when I was five. She was run over by an RTD bus, front and back wheels, in Manhattan Beach when I was five years old. My mom and I drove by the accident, but we didn't know what it was. It was just a lot of blood. And I just remember being like, oh, my goodness. And so then my mom came back maybe less than an hour later to pick me up from school. And I was like, what are we doing? My grandma was in the ICU and she died a couple of days before Thanksgiving. So my mom would put me in her T-shirt because I was such a small human. I was always a very, very tiny, petite person. So my mom would put me in her big oversized 80s, 90s sweaters is what we had. And so my mom would put me in her sweater and take me up the ICU elevator. So it just looked like she was pregnant. And then she dropped me out of her sweater and I'd sit next to my grandma's ICU bed and draw her pictures and stuff. The nurses let me in, obviously, because they knew that she was critical. But I say all that to say was that my pain started early. My pain started really early and life wasn't fair to me. So a little tidbit about myself. My mom, you've heard about this in my story, but my mom didn't know she was pregnant until she was like seven or eight months pregnant with me. My grandparents, being the good Mormon grandparents they are, made my mom marry my dad when they were dating. So they got married and nor did he want to get married because he loved cocaine and strippers. So that didn't work out very well, as you can imagine. But my grandmother always was my safety net because when my parents were getting a divorce when I was younger, it was just a whole battery that's crazy. And then my grandma died. And so, you know, it didn't go according to my plan when I was five, but she definitely kept me safe. So when she died, I felt like my safety list. And I never felt safe. I cried every single day until I was 15 years old. And she finally came to me in a dream and she said, honey, you've got to stop crying. She's like, I love you and I'm okay. I'm safe. Well, I woke up the next day and started smoking weed because I was like, surely she's alive. And she just came to me in my dream. And I mean, it felt so real. I was so scared. And I didn't know what else to do. But I realized early in life that pain. I did not know early in life that pain was a part of life. I thought life was supposed to be rainbows and sunshines. And I think a lot of people in general do as well. And that's not really what it's about. And I'm not telling you, oh, my gosh, you know, so sorry for me. I'm just saying that pain is a part of life. And I've had so much pain that sometimes it's easy for me to default there. And I'm just being a thousand percent honest because I've had so much of it, it's very familiar. What's been very successful for me is that I've changed that around and been like, okay, you know what, that five-year-old little Danielle outside is crying out for some sort of need, either love or connection. And that's where the fear comes from, the pain. But when I realized that it's okay, as an adult Danielle, and I do my gratitude list and I, you know, try to pet myself up or I talk to somebody who's uplifting, that kind of stuff, that pain usually ends quickly. So pain is a part of any stage of life. And I'm sure you've had some pain in your life. But get that level honest with yourself about what kind of pain you've had. And maybe that pain is still holding you there. Maybe it was a comment that was made to you when you were a kid, like, hey, you're a fat kid, or whatever the factor may be, you know, like you just don't know until you start writing, until you start figuring out where that pain comes from. So I did a lot of soul searching when I first got sober, and I still do today. But I did a lot of like, where is that level of gut pain coming from? And what's the story beneath my life? And realized that I drank for many reasons, but that one of my grandmother passing away was a big, big, big catalyst of why I drink all the time. So I stopped blaming and shaming, and I started realizing that pain is a part of life. And number five, and this was a big one for me, because I just had kind of gone through this with a friend not being very loyal. And, you know, she went to the phone, and I went to the throne, and I did nothing. I seriously did nothing wrong. And I even checked my motives and looked at whatever, but I was dumbfounded and blinded by the insanity behind it. But I'm really grateful God showed me, because I retreat like from a flame, because I'm scared of that kind of stuff now. So I'm grateful that happened so I didn't get farther down the road with this person. But number five, people are not always loving and loyal to you all the time. You think that people, places and things are going to fill that love and loyalty for you? They're not. Unfortunately, people are going to disappoint you. They're going to fail. Their words are going to be cunning, baffling and powerful. They don't have loving responses. All of those things that you think that you should have from people, because that's the type of person you are, it's not going to happen, sister. It's just not. I'm just going to throw that out to you. I'm extremely loyal. I've, you know, been loyal since I was little, because even when I was drinking, if I told you I'd be there at 8 a.m., come hell or high water, if I had slept or not, I was there at 8 a.m. Helping you clean up your garage, move your house, whatever the factor may be. I was that loyal, even in my addiction. Now, I can't say I was always very loving, because I was manipulative and rude and condescending and all the things that, you know, you're mining for because you are in addiction. But, you know, I had to find a higher ground. And that's what I did this time around, right? I found a higher ground. I stick to my plan, which is always the gratitude and realize that, like, wow, for once I've done nothing wrong but taken the high road. And taking the high road isn't easy. It's not. Because my plan isn't going as I wanted it to be. And I want life to be fair. And it's not. And I want people to be loving and loyal. And guess what? They're not. And even your parents, like, everybody's flawed. You know, people say they'll do one thing, but then they do another. And those type of people you've got to be careful with. You've got to look at the situation and say, okay, is this person really on my side? Can I trust this person? Like, there are very few people I can trust in my life. And I'm okay with that today. Really okay with it. But I also don't tell a lot of people things about my life anymore, because everybody's always going to have an opinion. So, just be kind to yourself. But I wanted to give you some information to let you grow and understand that you can have patterns of recognition if you actually look at them. So, let's just start from the top real quick. And these are the five givens. Number one, everything comes and everything comes to an end. Excuse me, everything changes and comes to an end. Number two, things don't always go according to plan. Mm-hmm. Three, life is not always fair. Let me tell you. Four, pain is a part of life. Number five, people are not always loving and loyal to you all the time. And guess what? That's okay. You're going to be all right. And just know that you're not alone. We all struggle. And I think that that's the biggest thing is that if we don't communicate those things, and that's another reason why I do this podcast. I don't have to do this podcast, but I have been through so much in my life that I feel like it's necessary and God places it on my heart for me to experience life so I can experience it with you. But I want to make sure that you understand these patterns of recognition so that you can recognize those when you're coming from a place of, you know, the five givens. Like, if you understand that everything comes and everything comes to an end, like, everything changes and everything comes to an end, you're like, okay, well, I guess this is the end of the season. Right? And it's a lot easier for you to process and move faster. And a lot of high performers and achievers and entrepreneurs do this. Like, next, next. And I do that, too. Like, I used to do it to a default. When I was drinking and using, I just cut people out and I would just be like, I'm out of here, whatever. But I don't do that because I have a winning mindset of people around me today. I don't hang out with people who are not growing and are growth focused. And I don't hang out with people who don't have a plan. Because, unfortunately for me, I'm so scheduled that it's very difficult for me to stop to do what I'm doing. Because I schedule my clients. I schedule my life. And I schedule my communication with my people. Because without that, you really don't have anything. But I want you to understand that you can do anything and everything with God and or a higher power. I always say that because you never know who's listening to this. It could be somebody across the country. It could be somebody in a different state. You know, excuse me, different outlook on life or whatever that might be. And God, a higher power, whatever you want to call it that is for you, knows your heart and knows what your worth is and knows that you are worthy of living this life that you have created for yourself. So, go be kind to you. Go be kind to somebody else. And make sure that you just don't really care about what others are thinking about you. Because what you think about yourself and what you tell yourself is what you'll become. So, make sure you do good things for you, others and all around you. And I love you guys. And I hope this helps somebody somewhere. And if you guys have any questions or anything, please reach out in my social media outlets or DM me. And I'd love to talk to you. All right, guys. Thanks.