Soaring Over Stress, Episode Five ~ The Seriousness of Suicide

In this episode of Soaring Over Stress, host Amy Rae discusses the seriousness of suicide, focusing on the recent loss of Sinead O'Connor and her struggles with mental health. She emphasizes the importance of seeking help and provides emergency assistance hotlines. Amy also shares her own personal experiences with depression and PTSD, highlighting the need for support and understanding. She offers suggestions for coping with suicidal thoughts, such as reaching out to friends and finding a support network. Good morning, or afternoon, or whatever time of day it is for you, where you're at. I'm your host, Amy Rae, offering you another episode of Soaring Over Stress, an FOS for Navigating Stress and Anxiety in the Workplace and Beyond. This is episode five, and today we're going to be discussing the seriousness of suicide. I want to give a trigger warning, as today's episode may be hard for some of you. We'll be discussing the recent loss of Sinead O'Connor, other celebrities who've lost to suicide, as well as my own personal struggles with it. In fact, we're not going to necessarily get to all of that in this episode, and because I find this to be such an important topic, I think we're going to expand upon it in the weeks to come. Please remember, if you need help or are experiencing suicidal ideations or more, please dial 988 for emergency assistance, or text 741-741. There is help. People do care. You're not alone. Now, let's get to it. As many of you know, we recently lost singer and songwriter Sinead O'Connor at the age of 56 years old. An article published by Entertainment Tonight, written by Paige Gauldy, states the following, Sinead O'Connor has died. The singer's family confirmed her death on July 26, stating that her family and friends are devastated and have requested privacy at this very difficult time, end quote. Before she died, O'Connor, who was open about her mental health struggles, had been mourning her son Shane's 2022 death by suicide. In fact, the tragedy was the topic of Sinead O'Connor's final post on her Twitter after O'Connor herself died. Tributes poured in for the singer, with stars performing iconic covers of Nothing Compares to You, sharing stories about her and reflecting on the life that she led. O'Connor's death came a year and a half after her son Shane died by suicide at the age of 17. Days before she died, O'Connor took to Twitter to reflect on the grief she felt since her tragic loss. I've been living as an undead night creature since, she wrote. He was the love of my life, the lamp of my soul, she wrote of her late son. We were one soul, two halves. He was the only person who ever loved me unconditionally. Years prior, O'Connor revealed in an interview with People that she'd instructed her children, Jake, Rosian, Shane, and Yesua, what to do immediately after her death. I've always instructed my children since they were very small. If your mother drops dead tomorrow, before you call 911, call my accountant. Make sure the record companies don't start releasing my records and not telling you where the money is, she told the outlet in 2021. See, when the artists are dead, they're much more valuable than they are when they're alive. Tupac has released way more albums since he died than he ever did while alive. So, it's kind of gross what record companies do, end of quote. It was just nine days later that the news of O'Connor's death broke and her family confirmed the tragedy, end of article. Here's my issue. Where the hell was her family? Since Sinead O'Connor's passing, I saw her last TikTok where she says just 11 hours prior to her death that she needs help and pleads with her family, obviously to no avail. The TikTok was titled a cry for help. These are the words of Sinead O'Connor just hours before she passed. She is sobbing at this TikTok and she begins her words with this, why are we alone? What did we do? The people who suffer from mental illness are the most vulnerable people on earth. We can't take care of ourselves. And every day I've spent the past two years of my entire life revolving around just not dying and that's not living. Two years in solitary confinement is enough. Please, will somebody in my bloody family act like you give a shit? I'm now living in a travel motel in New Jersey. I'm going to find a kidney stone soon and all by myself. There's absolutely nobody in my life except my doctor, my psychiatrist, the absolutely sweetest man who says I'm his hero. And that's the only thing keeping me alive at this moment, that I'm his bloody hero. And that's kind of pathetic. Mental illness is a bit like drugs. It doesn't give a fuck who you are. And equally, you know what's worse is the stigma doesn't give a fuck who you are either. And all of a sudden, all the people who are supposed to be loving you, taking care of you are treating you like shit. And then when you're angry or hurt because of it, it's like a witch hunt. And they're pointing at you and they're going, see, see, this is why we don't want anything to do with you. And then it's like, oh, for me, if it was me, I'd be going straight away back to my mom. Because I have walked this earth alone for two years now as punishment for being mentally ill." It's a sobering statement, isn't it? A person in deep agony, reaching out for help. She just needed help and support. I find it ironic that she wanted to go home to her mom, especially given the fact that her mom was a huge source of her trauma and horrific abuse in Sinead's life. Her mother tormented her day and night. In an interview with Dr. Phil on November 7th, 2022, she stated how her mother made her lay naked on the floor and then would stomp on her stomach and kick her between the legs, attempting to destroy her reproductive organs so she could never have children. That was just one of the many torturous things her mother did. This happened day in and day out. Every day was the same repeat, she said. She mentioned how her mother would answer the phone with her foot on Sinead's stomach with the sweetest, hello, how are you? It disgusts me how some people abuse and torture their children, but they look like the light of life to others. Sinead later mentioned being raped as a child and other types of abuses she endured. I personally have walked this earth alone for quite some time myself. My journey started over 10 years ago when I first started spiraling into severe depression. I spent close to six hours a day sobbing nonstop. The grief and despair were beyond crushing. At the time, I didn't know why I was so sad. I would take my son to preschool, drop him off, and cry until I had to pick him up again. Then I'd put him down for a nap and cry some more. If I wasn't crying, I was sleeping. Eventually, I started counseling, which helped some, but didn't really get me the progress I had needed. My counselor, Karen, was kind and compassionate. She sent me to a psychiatrist just to get a better idea of what exactly we were dealing with. It was there I was diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD. I never knew non-military people could have PTSD. I soon learned that 50% of those who endured childhood abuse end up getting PTSD at some time in their lives. That's the truth in my case. You see, for so long, I didn't know I had endured abuse. I mean, I knew my stepfather was a piece of shit. He was evil and cruel, taking some sort of sadistic pleasure from tears of the innocent. But so much of what happened to me was in a vault in my mind, locked away from my consciousness. So much of my past, I couldn't remember. When I was in therapy and crying daily, wanting to end my life, my mother said to me at one point, I'm glad you're in therapy. I took you to ballet, tap, and jazz for years, and you have the audacity not to remember. How do you think that makes me feel? Glad to know my pain was about her, but everything was always about her. Due to her gaslighting, manipulation, triangulation, and narcissistic ways, I no longer have a relationship with her or any of my siblings, father or stepfather. It's just better that way. We'll get to more of that in another episode. In any event, what can you do when you're struggling with suicidal thoughts? Well, first off, I want you to know it's not your fault. You aren't weak or less than for struggling. If you struggle with pain, with trauma, with abuse, anxiety, or depression or more, you aren't less than, you are human. Hear that again, my friends. If you struggle with anxiety or depression, you aren't less than, you're just human. You are not a burden. Remember friends, I see you. You matter. Your story does count. No words have ever been more true than when I speak to you now if you're struggling with these emotions. I have nearly attempted at least a dozen times, if not more. Other times, I've reached out and sought support from friends. I remember one particular day, I was walking in the woods. You see, I had had enough at that particular time. I was done. I packed two full bottles of extra strength Tylenol and a bottle of water in a backpack and off I went into the woods. I was going to take my life far away from where my kids would ever find my body. But the more I walked, the more I recognized I just wanted help. So I called a friend and she didn't pick up. So then I called another and another and I kept calling until somebody picked up. Eventually, my friend Kathy did. On that day, Kathy saved my life. I want you to think about it as skipping rocks. You know how rocks bounce off the water a bunch of times. I want you to think of calling or reaching out for help until you find somebody like that rock bouncing off the surface of the water. Keep trying until somebody picks up, until you can rest like the rock finally reaches the bottom. Keep reaching out. Another idea is to get at least three friends who know how to remind you of what to do in times of crisis. I would say three to ten people actually. The more people who know how to help, the better. You see, when we're under extreme emotional turmoil, our amygdala gets hijacked. We lose connection to the prefrontal cortex in our brains. That is the region responsible for logic and reason. During these times, we need help. Let your friends be your prefrontal cortex for you. You see, I have this supplement called EASE. It's spelled E-S-E, and it works fabulously for me. Again, I am not a doctor or a nutritionist. I am just sharing what works for me. When I remember to take it, it's a game changer. That stuff literally reverses my depression and anxiety within 30 minutes or less. The problem is, I almost always forget to take it during times of crisis. It's only if friends remind me to that I do. Even my other supplements, such as magnesium or OLLI stress gummies, they don't help if I can't remember to take them. That's why my friends are so important. Other ideas. Maybe we could create something called your anti-suicide box. Maybe you'll call it something more positive, like the calm box or the center box. Fill it with things that calm, soothe, comfort, and relax. Perhaps your favorite scented lotion or some gum or cookies. If you can or feel comfortable, include crayons and paper so you can draw and scribble. When you draw or scribble or write poetry, when you're under extreme amounts of distress, when you're going through a hijacked amygdala situation, if you move your body while creating, it actually moves the trauma or the event from your amygdala to your prefrontal cortex so you can more easily work it out through logic and reason. That is known as a somatic exercise. Maybe include something soft that you can hold, a blanket, a stuffed animal, maybe even a feather if you feel more comfortable. There's also a list of songs that might be helpful to you. I'll include the web address in my description of the podcast today, but in case you can't find it for whatever reason, it's themighty.com forward slash topic forward slash suicide forward slash suicide dash suicidal dash songs. The list includes songs like Addict with a Pen by 21 Pilots, Breathe Me by Sia, and Why by Rascal Flatts. In closing, I want to remind you that there is help. I know personally the feelings never last. Oftentimes I can go to sleep and wake up with a new mindset. During my deepest depression, suicidal ideations, tendencies, and attempts followed me day and night for months on end. I think it was nearly a year that I was encapsulated in almost complete darkness. My saving grace was my children. I just knew I could not leave them behind no matter how much I hurt. I think this topic needs to be explored more on this podcast so I can offer as many healing modalities as possible, as well as my own story. I unfortunately have way too many near attempts that I can share with you. At least I can do that. At least I'm still here, still pushing through. I want to help you push through as well. Thank you for joining me on today's episode. Until next time, this is Aimee Ray saying, I see you, you matter, and your story counts. Hang in there. You deserve to find your beautiful life. I hope I can help you along the way. Take care.