Mental Health with Jodi Tate

Allie Hansen welcomes Jodi Tate back to the Overcome and Become podcast for part two of their series. They discuss Jodi's background and family, as well as their shared love for playing games. They then delve into the topic of mental health, with Jodi sharing her own experiences with anxiety, depression, and postpartum depression. Jodi emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapist and medication, and shares a turning point in her mental health journey when she sought inpatient treatment and realized she shouldn't feel ashamed. Hello, this is your host, Allie Hansen, and welcome back to the Overcome and Become podcast. Let's get motivated. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Overcome and Become. This is your host, Allie, and I am so excited to be here with part two of our Jodi Tate series. This episode, I personally think, is going to be even better than the last one, and you already know what it is based off of the title of this episode, but we're going to get right into it. I have Jodi sitting next to me. Hello, everybody. I'm just so excited. First off, let's start a little bit about yourself because some people heard the last episode, but I'm sure this is the first episode that people may be listening to you. Where are you from? How's your family? I'm from Las Vegas, but I live in Page, Arizona now. We've been here for, gosh, almost eight years, seven, eight years. My family is great. They're pretty good. You have a husband and two kids, correct? I do. I have a husband, Aaron, and Zoe and Cole. Zoe is almost 17. She's a senior in high school, and Cole is 14. He is a freshman in high school, so both high schoolers. They're just the best. They're actually the family that we've gotten really close with, and so now we like to go on lots of vacations together, and it's a good time because my parents, and then obviously Jodi and her husband are best friends, but then my best friend is her daughter. My younger brother's best friend is her son, so it just works out perfect that we all kind of have someone, and then we all get along really well together, so it's super, super fun, but let's move into Page because you've lived in a couple different places throughout your life, so what are some of your favorite things to do around Page because it really is a beautiful area, and there's so much to do. I love going to the lake, so from April to October when it's warm enough to be on the lake. I love being out on the lake. I love being out in the sunshine. This time of year, I love playing games. Right now, the girls are up, so I feel like I have a space to share that on the podcast if the girls are winning, so shout out to me and Brittany, but I love playing games and just getting together with our friends. Yeah, it's so cute, so Aaron and Jodi and my mom and dad play this game called Sequence, and they play it pretty often, and they even take it on vacation with them. They just went on a cruise. We took it to Peru. This is how dedicated they are, and there's always a little competition going on between the boys and the girls, and I think it's so funny hearing all of their updates. Yeah, and I'm actually working on making us a custom board so that those cards are a little bit bigger. Oh, that is so cool. We talked about it last night. Yeah, the girls are winning, so we're up. We like to hear that. We like to hear that, and there's definitely two different sides from what you hear from the boys and what you hear from the girls, but I believe it that the girls are up, okay? I would for sure believe that, but yeah. It's written down. Oh, you got it. It's written in the box, so there is no disputing that evidence. There is sign proof of this. There is. There's absolutely physical evidence of the superiority of Brittany and Jodi. Exactly. That's what we like to hear. Okay, so now we're going to get into mental health, and this is a very touchy subject for a lot of people, and I want to preface this episode by saying that Jodi nor I are doctors. We're not mental health professionals, so you can listen to our point of views. You can listen to our own struggles that we've had with mental health, but if you are someone struggling with mental health, we are not trained professionals on this, so definitely don't just take everything we have to heart and be like, all right, I'm going to do exactly what they did because that is not the case at all. We can give you ideas and set examples, but ultimately, I would recommend reaching out or doing more research from a professional, so I am super excited because with this being a touchy subject, I also feel like it's a very important subject, and with having my own mental health struggles, Jodi has really gone into mental health in her own life, and so what has mental health been like for you is where we're going to kind of start with this whole topic. So it's been kind of all over the place for me, ups and downs my whole life, but I didn't really have a name for it. You know, back in the 90s, I just was anxious or nervous. It wasn't – there wasn't really anything for me to call what I had. I used to get really bad stomach aches. I'd get like stomach pains. Now as an adult, I recognize that that was just a sign of me dealing with stress and anxiety and not anything because of my home life. It was just something that I was, you know, more predisposed to, that I'm more anxious and get depressed, so it kind of started that, you know, in high school, and as an adult, it has evolved. As a mother, I had postpartum depression really bad with both my kids. My son was the worst with him after having him, and then just throughout my life, up and down, but just recognizing kind of, you know, what it is and what to call it has been something that's been more newer to me, kind of taking charge of my mental health and kind of owning my role and how I navigate that is something that I've kind of taken more ownership of as in my 30s than I did maybe in my 20s just because I have the tools and the vocabulary now to do that. Yeah, and thank you so much for sharing a little bit about your postpartum depression because I – if – obviously, if you were comfortable with sharing it, I did want to hear a personal experience because a lot of times, going to therapy can be a little bit scary. I remember I was in fifth grade, and I was really, really struggling, like really having a hard time, and I was just not getting through the day mentally, and I ended up going to see a therapist, and I was so ashamed. I was ashamed that I had to go do that. In fact, I missed a little bit of school to go see, and when I went back, everyone was like, what? Where were you? And I came up with these excuses, and I came up with these lies because I didn't want people to know where I was because I was embarrassed. So thank you so much for sharing that. With that said, do you see a therapist or someone of the sorts? Yes, I see a psychiatrist who also does therapy with me. It's called ACT Therapy. I don't remember what the acronym is, but it's kind of – you do certain things to take some accountability and some cognitive therapy as well. Right. Do you think – because I know that it's very different for a lot of people from my perspective and my experience with going to therapy and with mental health. It drastically changed my life, so I kind of want to know, do you believe that you have been benefited from going to see this person? Absolutely. Let me back it up a little bit. I have seen multiple therapists and psychiatrists before finding the ones I'm currently seeing, and never really found the right diagnosis or the right fit. And so the one I'm seeing currently has been such a blessing because he was able to diagnose me correctly with ADHD – or ADD, I don't have the H. Absence of D. I mean, it was life-changing for me. I remember leaving his office after the very first visit with him, and I went and picked up my medication. And it was literally day one I felt better, and anyone that deals with depression or anxiety, a lot of times you have to be on pills for six to eight weeks before you're even able to notice any type of changes. So having something that – you know, having a correct diagnosis was a miracle for me, and really trying to change the trajectory of my life. And again, that was in my 30s, and it kind of – I was able to take a little bit more ownership and take control of my mental health. And not only are you seeing a psychiatrist right now, but you mentioned that it kind of took a couple different people to figure out the right one for you. And I think that that is so, so important, is making sure that if you are struggling with mental health, you kind of find that right person that's going to help you. Because oftentimes, it's not going to be right off the bat that the first person you go to, it's like, bam, she or he worked for me, and this is perfect. But have you had any, like, big turning points in your mental health that you would say either from a high to a low, or maybe you were really struggling mentally, and something just really, really helped you, and you kind of turned it around a little bit? Yeah. So when my son was only about, gosh, less than a year old – he wasn't very – just a few months old – I actually ended up inpatient in a psychiatric facility for my depression due to postpartum depression. And it was a really vulnerable time for me. It was really difficult for me and my family. I think it's obviously scary for me and really scary for Aaron. But it was the first time in my life that I didn't feel any shame around my mental illness. I felt really – actually, when I went and saw a psychiatrist and told him how I was feeling that day, he immediately actually called the facility and had me go in. And I know some people might see that as a shameful thing, but for me, it signaled to me that my life was worth living and it mattered to this person who had only met me a handful of times. And it really empowered me to recognize that there was things that I could do, places I could go to seek help, and that it wasn't my fault that I was feeling this way. And I continued to struggle because I still didn't have a correct diagnosis at that time. I knew I had postpartum depression, but a lot of the anxiety and the additional triggers that I was having were associated more with my ADDs. I was not diagnosed with that at the time, and so I didn't have the proper tools or medication to manage that. But I do remember that being a moment where I felt no shame and no fear. I really was super grateful that there were people that could help me, and I recognized the need to have professional people that could help me. You said your life was worth living, and I think in and of itself is a very powerful message because I love that it's kind of hard because our world is very controversial, right? We have so many different sides to so many things, and a lot of times, it's very like teamed up. You're either on this side of something or you're on this side of something. And we have our whole side of the world that is really trying to almost bring out mental health in people, like really show the importance of it because some people are ashamed and some people aren't ashamed. And then you also have the people that will just tear you down and be like, oh, well, why do you go to a therapist? That doesn't even help. Why would you spend money on doing something like that? And so the purpose of this episode is to really help people feel more comfortable with things and help share experiences that ultimately have bettered ourselves because mental health is so important. Above all other health circumstances, above all other health areas, mental health is really where it starts. And so it's really important to be able to find your ground in that. And I remember, actually, my older brother, after I was diagnosed and after my little cousin had passed away and my sister had passed away, he was really struggling with mental health and also got admitted to a mental health hospital, and I remember how challenging that was for him, but also how beneficial. So thank you for mentioning that. Now, obviously, once again, we aren't doctors, but speaking from your own personal experiences, would you recommend someone struggling with mental health to go see a therapist or go see a psychiatrist? Absolutely. I mean, I think just like anything, like, you know, I'm not a professional, so seek doctors or a psychiatrist or a therapist, someone that can help you navigate, give you some tools. Not everyone's at the point where they need to have a consistent therapy. You know, I don't go consistently. I'm in a really great place, got a really great medication dosage, so that really isn't an issue for me at this point, but that wasn't always the case. I think another thing is to find someone that you can talk to. I think it's really important to be able to vocalize how you're feeling. Mental health, I would promise you that there are people in your life that you have no idea are struggling with their mental health. When I was put inpatient, I can't tell you how many people said, I had no idea. I would have never thought. You're always so happy. You're always so this. You're always so that. And we tend to be that way. When you struggle with mental health, you get really good at masking or creating like a facade for other people because you don't want them to know what is really going on because you don't feel like you're a good person or that you have any value. So I would say find someone to talk to. Let go of that guard to put down that mask. Yeah, I would say find someone to talk to. That's the first step. And then especially if you're a minor, talk to your parents or your guardians, and then take those next steps if you feel like you should get a therapist involved. There's lots of ways you can do that. It doesn't have to be in person. There's telehealth visits that you can do now, so if you're not comfortable even going in person, there's lots of options, which I think is really great for people. And hearing you talk about that kind of brings up another question that I have that I don't have written down, but do you think that your community and your environment around you has really helped you? Because you mentioned that you are in a really good place right now, and I feel like I can see that in you. Like you are so genuinely happy, and like I mean that as a genuine compliment, so do you think that the community that you've been able to build with where you're at in your life has helped you? Yeah. I think you surround yourself with people that love you for you, and that you are honest with them as well. You know, I've been, instead of hiding, you know, how I felt, I feel like I'm really pretty good about saying, hey, I just need a day, and I take a day. You know, I think rest and kind of that pause sometimes, I have no shame in taking those things. I think it's allowed me to navigate my mental health and the feelings that I have more authentically instead of feeling all those things and also pretending like I'm not feeling all those things, which causes you even more anxiety and even more depression because you're just constantly putting on this facade because you don't want anyone to know because you don't want to bother anybody. So I've been really fortunate that I have people that I don't think have any judgment for me. I don't question, you know, if I'm having a bad day, I just take a pause. And so I've been very fortunate that I have loved ones and friends and family that see that. And that's not always the case. There's people that don't support, aren't supportive, and there's people that think it's an excuse, but I've kind of freed myself of worrying about that. I no longer really care what other people think when it comes to my mental health because it's about me and it's about my journey. I've kind of let go of that obligation of it's not my business to worry what other people think about me. It's not my business. So that's helped a lot too. That is some boss woman power right there. She has figured out that she can take those days for herself knowing that there are going to be people that love her. There are going to be people that judge her, but don't please, like if you could take one message from this, don't let people's thoughts and feelings get to you because I promise if they're judging you, then they don't care about you as much as the people that are going to be right there and be like, yeah, you can take that rest day. And I've posted a lot of episodes on just like motivation and really pushing yourself to be the best that you can be. But with that comes these rest days. Like you have to take a step back sometimes. You have to take a day off from the gym. You have to take a day off from work. You have to take a day off from hanging out with all of your people and just really re-center yourself and re-ground yourself so that way the next day you can feel better and you can get back into it with a better mindset and a better head space. And you have obviously gone through some postpartum depression, but other than that, mental health wise, have there been any other struggles and challenges in your life and in your time that have really affected your mental state? Yeah. Losing my dad was really difficult. Navigating that loss, there was a lot of guilt. Right before his death, we had booped a page about seven months before he died. And my dad was so sad about it and, you know, if you know my dad, he just wanted to keep all of us close. And it kind of created like, I don't want to call it a wedge because it wasn't. I still talk to my dad all the time and we had a great relationship, but it kind of made me a little bit frustrated. Like, I want to live my life, I'm 30 years old, I can do what I want, right? And then we lost him. And I struggled for a really long time feeling like I was a fraud because I, you know, I spoke at his funeral and I had all these wonderful things to say and I felt like I wasn't a wonderful daughter at the end. So I think, you know, I talked to a psychiatrist and I also talked to a church leader, our state president, and, you know, they gave me some ideas and I actually did a few different exercises that really helped me navigate from that grief. I wrote my dad a letter, you know, just apologizing and telling him how I felt and not that he needed that, but I needed to vocalize those words and then I burned the letter and was able to move forward. But so that's another time in my life where it was, you know, there was nothing that I could have done to really prevent feeling that way. Life kind of threw that at me. But fortunately, I was in a place where I had tools and the ability to know what to do about it. I knew that I couldn't sit in it forever and that I needed to take some actions and take some ownership of my mental health because I had the tools to do so. And so I didn't really have an excuse not to do something at that point. Yeah. And you know yourself better than anyone else knows you. So when you, and I don't mean this in a literal sense, but when you fall down, how do you help yourself get back up? And obviously, you know, you have people around you that help you, but how would you say that you really help yourself get back off the ground? So Erin and I have kind of a thing where I'll talk to them about how I'm feeling. Like we do kind of not, I wouldn't say we have regular check-ins, but I'll tell them like, you know, I had a really crappy time at work not too long ago. I just had some hard things that I had to do that I didn't love doing and it was hard for me. And so I remember sitting down with Erin that night, I'm like, I just need to tell you how I'm feeling and just went through all those things. And so I try and make sure that I make those that are around me aware of how I'm feeling, you know, that if I'm not having a good day or I'm struggling, it's going to affect my whole family. So I try to be very intentional about sharing where I'm at with Erin so that he knows how to best support me. But he also, you know, I also put some ownership on me to say I recognize that I'm feeling this way, so I'm going to do what I need to do to make sure that it doesn't affect our family to the extent that it possibly could. So I just, I really try to be intentional about using all of the tools I've learned in therapy and the things I've learned about myself, triggers that I recognize are certain triggers that cause me to feel certain ways. And so I really try to avoid those or minimize those as much as possible. And none of that would have been possible without therapy. I wouldn't be able to recognize those signs prior to going and seeing a therapist. That was amazing. And you said that you kind of struggled off and on in high school, like growing up a little bit, and then after you had kids, it kind of really triggered that postpartum depression. So after you had kids, was that when you really were like, all right, this mental health, something's got to change about it, like I've got to really take this more seriously? Yeah. I don't know that it was even that I had to take it more seriously. I recognized that the way that I felt was affecting everybody around me. I had a temper because, you know, with ADD, I didn't know this at the time, but it does cause, you know, you get so frustrated and you feel so amped up that I was having these episodes of being upset and having, I won't say rage, but kind of like rage. And I recognized that it was hurting my family. I remember Zoe, she's never going to remember this, but when she was little, she was probably only two. Cole wasn't even, and I remember she said, Mommy, stop yelling at me. And it broke my heart. It still breaks my heart. She's 17, and it still kills me that, you know, I didn't want to be that person. And so as much as I understood that the way I felt was not necessarily a product of anything that I was doing wrong, it was just part of my chemical makeup, I also knew that there were tools and there are people and there are things that I could have been doing that could help me navigate those feelings better, help me to better express those emotions, and that I had a responsibility to do something about it, because I didn't want to be that. I didn't want to be that person. You know, I had wonderful parents growing up who treated me so well, and I did not want my kids to be afraid of me. Funny story now, I am technically still the mean parent, but I don't feel like I'm mean. I'm a firm parent. I set firm boundaries, but I also think that I wish I would have had boundaries when I was younger. I wish I would have set more firm boundaries for myself, because it probably would have saved me a lot of the anxiety that I had, because I was a yes woman to everybody, and I never gave myself the time that I needed. Yeah, and now you've recognized that, and you've talked about the recognition that you have found in yourself, but kind of to take a little bit of the pressure off, I got admitted to the hospital for 18 days quite a few years ago, and this was when I was still in the midst of treatment, and I got flu, and it hit me super hard, because my immune system was so weak, and my body could just not fight it off. So not only did I have the flu and was admitted to the hospital for 18 days, but I couldn't leave my room. I couldn't go in the hallway. I couldn't go out to this little kitchen area that we had, and if you know me, you know that I don't like to be in one place all the time. I need to be out, and I need to be doing something. Even the day after I had surgery, I was like, Mom, can I please go for a walk with Zoe, and she was like, No. You're staying right here on the couch, and I was like, Oh, my gosh. But anyways, fast forward. I was going stir crazy, and being in a room for so long just makes you think so deeply about everything, and I remember there was this big window seal that I would sit in, and I would just watch all the cars drive by, and it was almost like in movie scenes when you watch the sun rise, and then the moon come up, and it was this whole cycle, and I just sat in that window seal, and I remember that my older brother walked up to me, and of course, all he was doing was trying to love me and help, and he was like, Do you want to play some games with me or something? And I turned around, and I just yelled at him, and I was like, No. Why are you even here? And the next day, he got sick. Not super bad, but got sick and couldn't come in and see me, so I looked at him through a piece of glass, and forever I've looked back on that moment and have had a lot of regret, and that's kind of an experience like you had where I really wanted to be better, and I didn't want that to be me, and I knew it wasn't me, and I knew my emotions had just gotten away from me, and so that was kind of a turning point where I was like, All right. Something has to really change for me. So what is the importance of mental health awareness to you because I'm very passionate about childhood cancer awareness. I think it's really important, and this is a big struggle that you've had in your own personal life, so is it important to you to raise awareness and have more resources for this illness? Absolutely. There's, you know, so much so that to the point where, you know, I was part of helping to get a grant in our community that works specifically for mental awareness and helping teens that are struggling with mental health, $2 million that over the course of four years that will be pumped into the PAGE community because, to me, it was important that kids had the tools that they need. A lot of times when kids are acting out or they're being, you know, quote-unquote disruptive or bad kids, it's not that they're bad kids. They're struggling with really hard things and really hard emotions, some that I never would even, you know, things that I've never even faced as an adult. So I think it's really important that we as a community, not just here in PAGE but overall, that we recognize that life is different for everybody, and people go through some really difficult things, and it's important that we have the space and the resources for people to be able to express those feelings and to be given the tools that they need to navigate them. It's no different than somebody that has diabetes or someone that has heart disease or someone that has, you know, kidney issues. I mean, all those things affect your quality of life and affect your ability to be able to live your life to the best or to your fullest extent, and mental health is absolutely one of those things as well. When people are struggling, whether it's because, you know, their mental health is causing them behavioral issues or their mental health is causing them to recluse and kind of take themselves out of society, those are all losses to us as a community, and those are all losses for those kids and those adults even, and we need to make sure that we're doing a better job of validating that those are real feelings, that that's not something that they're just, you know, they're not just looking for attention or they're not just trying to, you know, act out, but we really are taking a hard pause and looking at the environment that we're creating, and are we contributing to an environment that enhances their mental health or are we just sweeping it under the rug? Because, like I said earlier, I promise you that you have someone that you know very closely, whether they've vocalized it or not, that is struggling with their mental health, and we need to make it a safe place and make it okay for them to be feeling that way and offering them the tools and the support to be able to help get the help that they need. What advice do you have for people who are struggling with mental health? What would you recommend that, I don't want to say what would you recommend that they do, because it's really hard coming from opinions, but what advice would you give to people from your experiences? Can I give this like a two-part advice? Yeah, sure. I'm going to give you the part of what to do if you're in that situation, but I also want to give some advice to the others, to everyone else. So if you're going through that, you know, everything that we've said, reach out for help. Call 988 if you're in a mental health crisis and you are having suicidal ideation. Talk to a parent. Talk to a teacher or a guardian. But I would also, I know how it feels to be in that space, and so a lot of times, especially if you're younger, you're not going to reach out and you're not going to ask for the help, at least maybe not until it's a really critical moment. So this is for everybody else. Ask somebody how they're doing and do not take fine as an answer. Really, truly, you know, there's those gut feelings where you can tell that somebody's just gone through something and you ask them, like, how are you doing? What can I do to help you? Ask them, you know, don't just ask them closed questions. Ask them an open-ended question. What can I do to help support you? I think sometimes people are afraid to ask those questions. We think it's going to make them think about suicide more or it's going to make them think about, you know, harming themselves more or cause their depression to get worse, but studies actually show that that's not the case. Ask somebody and then do something about it. If you know somebody that is going through a hard time, if you know somebody that is, whether they have told you or you suspect that is harming themselves, reach out, talk to somebody, tell somebody, because they are crying out for help, but sometimes they just don't know how to ask for it. And so we need to do a better job of asking and then doing something with that information that we receive. I love, love, love that you put asking in there, because coming from a youth who struggled from mental health, I didn't really even know where to start with it. I didn't even really know what mental health was, if I was going to be honest, and I am very fortunate and very grateful for my incredible parents who were kind of the ones that were like, Allie, do you need help? And they were the ones that kind of got me into that, but before that, I didn't know where to start with that, so that's awesome that you gave that advice. And I don't know if you've asked yourself this question recently, or even if you've ever verbally asked yourself this question, but would you say where you're at in your life right now, are you truly happy? Do you feel like you're in a good head space? And obviously, every day is not going to be perfect, and every day is not just going to be sunshine and rainbows, but are you happy? Yeah, I mean, again, I think sometimes I'm not, and that's where I'm going to be honest. Sometimes I don't feel happy, but I also know that's my illness, and so I'm sorry, that probably isn't the answer that everyone wants to hear, but I've taken ownership of that. I've recognized that there are days and there are times that my mind tells me that I'm not good enough, or that I'm not working hard enough, or that I'm not performing at the level that I want to be, and I get overwhelmed by my thoughts and by my anxiety of perfectionism and getting things done. But I know that, and so am I happy? Yes. I love my family. I love my husband. I love my friends. I love my community. I also know that I struggle sometimes, and I've given myself permission to do that. I've recognized that it's okay, and it doesn't make me less than. It doesn't make me sick. It doesn't make me X, Y, or Z. It just means that some days are harder than others, but I'm happy. I'm absolutely happy, and I'm okay when there's moments or days where I feel maybe a little less than that. And you're right. That's absolutely okay, because life, it goes up and down. If you look at a line chart, it's going to be up and down and up and down. It's never going to be a straight line, because I like to almost compare it to a heartbeat. In order to have a heartbeat, it has to be up and down. If you have a straight line, you're not alive, right? So if your life was just perfect, that straight line all the time, what would be the purpose, right? And so, you know, going through those hard days, it strengthens you. Sometimes it brings you back a little bit, but then on those upper days, you get to have your husband, you get to have your family, and it's a good time. And can I just say, with you saying that, I would not trade this for anything in the world. It has given me so much empathy and compassion that cannot be taught any other way. I feel like I truly see people beyond their physical. I am grateful. I don't have a ton of talents, but I do absolutely believe that one of my talents is to be able to see people, and I can see beyond the physical, what they are presenting, and I can see hurt, and I can tell when somebody is feeling those things. And so it has given me a window into other people that has allowed me to serve as a helper. You know, I've had people reach out to me that have struggled with mental health. I've had many moms that have reached out to me with postpartum depression because it is a very hard thing to talk about when you're a new mom, and I was very open about it. And I am so grateful for what my mental health journey has taught me. It is invaluable. I would not be the person I am today without the hard times. I would not have the joy that I have today in my current state if I didn't remember where I started. And I fought for where I'm at. I worked very hard to stay where I'm at, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It has taught me so much. And that is Jodi Tate for you, everyone. She is amazing, and I just am absolutely speechless over her. But I hope you all loved this episode so much, and I cannot wait to talk to you guys next week for another very exciting one. Overcome and become the extraordinary. Bye. Bye.