Wisdom Workshop Episode 3

This transcription discusses the importance of wisdom in dealing with difficult people, focusing on the passage from James chapter 3, verses 13-18. It emphasizes the need for living wisely, humbly, and with good conduct, highlighting that actions speak louder than words. The message translation emphasizes the importance of maintaining a holy life, getting along with others, and showing mercy and blessings. It stresses the significance of forgiveness and long-suffering, and encourages responding to difficult people with love and wisdom. The passage underscores the need to watch our words, exercise restraint, and respond with meekness in challenging situations. Welcome to the Wisdom Workshop, the show that brings you timeless truth you need for everyday life. Join our host, Stephanie Oliver, for a fresh perspective from God's Word on the topics that matter. Whether you're facing cultural confusion, financial pressure, relationship challenges, or just trying to grow in your faith, you're in the right place. Proverbs 24 says, the wise are mightier than the strong, and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short. So grab your journal, your coffee, or just a quiet moment, because in a world full of noise, wisdom wins every time. Hello, my name is Stephanie Oliver. I'm an author, speaker, pastoral counselor, and your host for the Wisdom Workshop podcast. I'm so glad that you are joining me today. Today I want to dive into a topic that I believe affects us all, and that's how to deal with difficult people. One of my favorite wisdom passages in scripture, it's actually not found in Proverbs, but it's in James chapter 3, verses 13 through 18. I want to take time today to read this particular passage in a couple translations. I think it'll help us with understanding what God wants to speak to us today, and it'll let us dig into how God's wisdom really helps us deal with difficult people. So if you don't have your Bible already, go ahead and get it, and let's jump in. So I'm going to start with a New Living Translation, and it starts at James chapter 3, verse 13. It says, if you are wise and understand God's ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and listen to this, demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It's also peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. Now hang on for just a minute. Listen to this same passage from the message translation. I've been in the message all week and it just doesn't cut corners. Listen closely. We're starting with James chapter 3, verse 13 again. It says, do you want to be counted wise to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do. Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk that counts. Conspirative ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you're wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourself sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom. It's animal cunning, devilish plotting. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats. Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings. Not hot one day and cold the next. Not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other. With dignity and honor. Wow, the message translation really brings that home. I read this and sometimes it feels like the Lord is handing me a horse pill to swallow. And I don't know about you, but if you have ever dealt with a jealous, mean, spiteful, envious, or prideful, or even a narcissistic person, you can probably relate to me when I say it is hard. It is just hard to walk in heavenly, godly wisdom towards somebody that not only doesn't like you, but that's trying to hurt you and mistreat you. This is going to be a fun conversation today because I really believe that we have cultivated in our culture this idea that it's okay to ignore, dismiss, and get rid of all the difficult people in our life. But that's not God's way and that's not what I think he's called us to. Sometimes we have to remain in environments where the people are difficult. Maybe it's your work environment. Maybe it's home. Maybe it's a friend group and you like everybody but one person and you've got to decide how you're going to respond to the antagonist in your life. I don't think that it's always a good idea to cut people, to go no contact with people even when they hurt us. I think that it's time for us to cultivate a heart of forgiveness. Sometimes I think we treat forgiveness like it's an option but as believers, it's not. We can't afford to miss what God's saying to us through these passages. I believe that when we operate in forgiveness and we demonstrate this kind of wisdom that God's talking about in James chapter 3, it is miraculous. I think it is a miracle and we can learn to face difficult people with a pure heart and we can learn to love them according to God's word and not necessarily just according to their actions. Something my husband used to say and I laugh about it now but it's really true. He would say so often we judge other people by their actions and we judge ourselves by our motives. We are harsh when it comes to people that hurt us without really understanding where that's coming from or embracing God's wisdom for how to visit them. So don't get me wrong. I don't think God's telling us to be a doormat or to take abuse. I don't think he's asking us to suffer at the hand of someone else's neglect when we have an opportunity to come out of that. But I do think he's telling us and reminding us that long-suffering is the fruit of the spirit. And if we really want to practice the lifestyle that Jesus practiced, then we'll learn to walk in this kind of wisdom that James chapter 3 talks about. Now don't get me wrong. I think even with our antagonists, Jesus said it really well when he told them, you don't take my life, I'm laying it down. We need to remember as we dive into this, anything we do that is a result of our love for Christ and his love working in us, it's because we choose it. And the boundaries are ours to set. And those are based on God's work in our heart, not necessarily what other people do. So let's go ahead and break up this pill and see if we can actually swallow it and benefit from what God's giving us today, okay? The first thing out of this passage I want to talk about is the fact that our conduct speaks louder than our comebacks. Actions are louder than words. Look at verse 13 in the message. It says, do you want to be counted wise? Do you want to build a reputation for wisdom? Well, here's what you do. Live well, live wisely, live humbly, knowing that it's the way you live, not the way you talk that counts. He says, mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you're wise isn't wisdom. And twisting the truth to make yourself sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom. It's animal cunning, devilish plotting. So here's the reality. It's so important for us to watch our mouth. I can remember so many times people would say things and I knew they meant harm in their words. And I was always the person that couldn't think of a good comeback in the moment. It was like hours later. And then I'd realize, I should have said this, or I should have done this. And it used to frustrate me. It used to frustrate me so much that I couldn't have a witty or a comeback that would shut down their foolishness. But I realize now that maybe God was actually helping me. He was helping me to walk in wisdom like James chapter 3 talks about. It always makes me feel like, oof, okay, I'll choose the good way. But honestly, I'm still that way. Sometimes people will say things and they'll do things and I'll see people just acting out, crashing out. And I want so bad to go in there and have like the perfect word to shut all the foolishness down. And I don't have it. Honestly, outside of the Holy Spirit intervening with a word of knowledge or a word of wisdom, I rarely can think of what to say in the moment. So my default is just to start praying for them. And again, even in praying for them, I think the Lord is keeping me in a place of wisdom and out of sin. I think saying too much when the best thing to do is just watch my words, it gets us in trouble. And when we're able to watch our words, we get this reputation, right, of somebody who actually is living according to the plan and the purpose of God in our lives. There's this proverb that talks about a person is wise like when they keep their mouth shut. And so I think it's just an admonition for us that it's better for us to pray for people that persecute us rather than pity or publicly shame them. And the Lord's reminding us about this in the first part of James 3, verses 13 and 14. And so many times, we've all seen videos of kids just crashing out, going to get somebody straight, acting like they're God's divine appointee to set the world in proper order. And this is for you if you're one of those. You know, when you're bent on keeping people straight and you want to publicly shame them, just allow the Lord to help you pray and have a wise response that might actually be you just keeping your mouth shut. I tell people all the time, just because I see it, doesn't mean I have to say something about it. So that's another thing that James reminds us is that good conduct and meekness is the way we deal with difficult people. When we exercise restraint, when we are calm in our responses, when we operate in a steady integrity, it speaks louder than any sharp words or any emotional tirade we can offer. We don't have to prove our intelligence or defend our worth. Wisdom shows itself through our constant gracious behavior. And that's what he's reminding us of. Okay, let's look at the second. So we swallowed the first one, good job. We're going to look at the second thing that this passage really tells us. And that is to be righteous is going to always be better for you than to be right. Let me say that again. To be righteous is always better than being right. He warns us that jealousy, selfish ambition, and rivalry, it all leads to disorder. Like every evil work comes out of that. And so when conflict comes up, we have to really pause and ask ourselves, what is driving my response? Peace or pride? Wisdom or wickedness? You know, difficult people are known to stir insecurity. Everybody knows the person that stirs the pot. The person that comes in the room and you already know before they open their mouth, they're going to say something, they're going to look a certain way, they're going to grunt a certain way, and it's going to be an effort to stir up insecurity, frustration, and conflict. But as wise women and people of wisdom, God invites us to respond from humility rather than the need to control what's wrong or win in an argument or to be right. So important that we take this part of the verse to heart. When we operate in any way contrary to that, we are partnering with the demonic. Now, I didn't quite put it that way. Scripture tells us these are demonic influences. And so we got to be aware. The message translation says when we're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, or things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats, how many times have you been in an environment and people are trying to one-up one another? If you've ever been in a conversation with someone, I used to have a friend like that. Always got to be one-up. Always got to be better. Always got to make sure what they have is better than what you have, or what they say is more heightened than what you say. It is annoying and exhausting when you try to get into that one-up conversation or environment. And so we're not even called to do that. We are called to respond with meekness. We're called to be merciful. We're called to yield to one another. If you want to be right, be right. I'm just going to sit here and try to be righteous. I can remember talking one time with a leadership coaching client, and she was facing an issue with a really difficult employee. And the employee was, first of all, dishonest and very divisive. And the truth is they had already communicated they were on their way out of the door. And so I guess this particular incident, they went over the pot one last time before they headed out. And the client just wanted to have a last meeting where she exposed this woman and was like ready to bring out all the receipts that exposed the lies that this person was walking in. And so we met about it and talked through it, and realized that it was more beneficial for her team to be the righteous one rather than prove she was right in front of everyone. I remember a passage in Psalm 73 where the guy is complaining to the Lord about the success of the wicked and how it looks like people who are wicked are getting all of the things. He even says to the Lord at one point in that passage, have I kept myself pure for nothing? And then he acknowledges, I'm not going to complain in front of the congregation because it's going to impact their relationship with the Lord and their perception. So he was wise enough not to do that. And it protected him. And by the time he ended up having a conversation with the Lord in the sanctuary, he realized I don't have to get in that fight. I don't have to get in that ring. God's going to take care of all that people are doing wrong and saying wrong. And the success of the wicked was not his concern. And so he was able to come out of that honoring the Lord and recognizing where God was going to fight on his behalf. He just needed to trust him. When we respond with gentle and loving words and we don't get engaged into this back and forth of proving we're the smartest, we're the one that's right, we know the most. When we exercise in wisdom, we honor the Lord and we protect our witness. That's what James is reminding us of. We don't have to be the one that's always recognized as right. We just want to maintain our reputation for righteousness. I want you to remember that the next time you get into it with somebody that you know is wrong. We used to say they are wrong as the day is long. I want you to remember that and I want you to offer them the grace that wisdom provides. And one more thing I want to say about that is that godly wisdom is peaceable. Remember it says it's peaceable, gentle, and open to reason. You can choose peace without being passive. It's not telling you that you have to tolerate disrespect or abandon your boundaries. It's just basically saying, look, I can be firm and I can be gracious. I can listen well, I can speak truth, but I can refuse to escalate the foolishness and the chaos. I think that peaceable strength is probably one of the most powerful demonstrations of the gospel that we can carry and I want you to remember that today. We're going to go into our wisdom win of the day and I'll see you on the other side. Hi, Carolyn with your wisdom win today. Proverbs 17.1, better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting and conflict. This verse is simply saying choose contentment and be a peacemaker. A dry crust reminds us we don't need everything to be ideal to be grateful. Comparison is the enemy of contentment. So the next time you find yourself feeling discontent and maybe even discouraged because you are enduring lack or feeling like your life is inadequate, ask the Lord to help you release comparisons. Lower the volume on expectations and choose peace as a response to lack. It is so important to remember your attitude of gratitude, that your pursuit of peace can become the gift that changes everything. It is our prayer that you as a carrier of the wisdom of God, learn to value peace more than performance. That you allow the word of God to fill your heart with contentment and empower you by his spirit to be a peacemaker in every conversation. Today, let's choose contentment and practice peace. Thanks for joining us for today's wisdom win. Now let's hop back into the episode. Alright, welcome back. My next point I think overlaps a bit with the last one. And it talks about this reward of righteousness. And that's what I want to emphasize. There is a reward to living this way and to loving people this way. Look at what it says in verse 17 and 18. It says real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It's gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. What's so interesting about the way that passage words everything, it does not say treat them with dignity and honor if they deserve it. It doesn't say that you will enjoy a healthy, robust community if you weed out all the people that you don't like, that you don't get along with, and that don't treat you the way you want to be treated. It says you can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other. And we get along with each other, I think this is important to emphasize, by being gracious, being gentle, being reasonable, overflowing with mercy. You know, mercy isn't given to people who deserve it. It's not mercy if they deserve it, they've earned it. Mercy and blessings are given to people who don't deserve it. They act up, and you have to be the voice of wisdom. You have to be the gracious one, the demonstration of the gospel in that situation. But when you choose to do that harder thing, you reap a reward of righteousness. You help to cultivate the kind of community you actually want. The New Living Translation ends that passage with saying, he who sows a seed of peace will reap a harvest of righteousness. I may have said it wrong, it said he who sows seeds of peace will reap a harvest of righteousness. I think about the relationship I have with my adult children now. Well, they're not children, that's kind of an oxymoron, adult children, but my young adults. When they were teenagers, you know, there were so many times I could have chosen the fight. But the future relationship I wanted with them wasn't worth it. Many times it's just better to choose peace. I have resolved that peace is going to be my baseline. So many times I can reflect back on conversations and things that I have been involved with interactions that were difficult and hard. And every time I chose peace, I win. And sometimes I choose peace and we all win. And so I want you to remember that wisdom is there to help you. God's not giving us this difficult passage and telling us to be nice to mean people because he wants to ruin our life. He's helping us demonstrate his love. He's helping us make room for the miraculous intervention of his Holy Spirit in the relationships that matter. So I want you to remember that today. I want you to know that God has wisdom for you, even when you're dealing with difficult people. And his wisdom always wins. God bless you. Have a great rest of your day. Thanks for joining us today on the Wisdom Workshop. Remember, as Proverbs 24 reminds us, victory comes through wise counsel and strength is found in wisdom. So whatever you're facing this week, seek God's insight, approach it with faith, and walk in truth. Until next time, stay grounded, stay growing, and never forget, wisdom wins every time.