Podcast ep 6

The transcription is about the Wisdom Workshop podcast, hosted by Stephanie Oliver, focusing on topics like feeling unworthy and not measuring up. Stephanie and guest Jordan Arnold discuss personal experiences of not feeling good enough, the impact of comparison, and finding reliance on God rather than personal abilities. They emphasize the importance of authenticity and avoiding the trap of performance-based living. Stephanie shares her journey as a mother and how relying on God's faithfulness helped her overcome feelings of inadequacy. The conversation delves into the struggles of feeling unworthy, the pressure of perfectionism, and the importance of avoiding comparison. The guests share personal anecdotes and insights on the topic. Welcome to the Wisdom Workshop, the show that brings you timeless truth you need for everyday life. Join our host, Stephanie Oliver, for a fresh perspective from God's Word on the topics that matter. Whether you're facing cultural confusion, financial pressure, relationship challenges, or just trying to grow in your faith, you're in the right place. Proverbs 24 says, The wise are mightier than the strong, and those with knowledge grow stronger and stronger. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short. So grab your journal, your coffee, or just a quiet moment, because in a world full of noise, wisdom wins every time. Hello, my name is Stephanie Oliver. I'm an author, speaker, pastoral counselor, and your host for the Wisdom Workshop podcast. I am so glad that you're joining us today. Today we're going to tackle a topic that affects so many of us, the feeling of not being good enough, so many of us struggle with feelings of unworthiness, and just simply not measuring up. Whether you're juggling a career and kids, or showing up at church feeling like a fraud, or just staring in the mirror wondering if you'll ever be enough, these lies can often steal our peace. But today we have good news. We're not going to stay there. God has incredible truth and incredible wisdom for us. So I want to start off today with a prayer, and then we'll jump into our episode. Father, I thank you for every woman listening right now. Meet us in our not enough places, and remind us who we really are in you. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. So today I'm super excited. We have a special guest with us. Her name is Jordan Arnold. She's an incredible member of our Wisdom Workshop team. She's a mother, wife, speaker, writer. She's what I call a Christian media wonder. But Jordan, why don't you introduce yourself to our listeners and tell them a little bit more about you. Yeah, well thank you so much for that introduction. Like Steph said, my name is Jordan. I'm a wife. I would still consider myself to be a newlywed. My husband and I just celebrated our two-year anniversary. I am a mom of a little girl, and she is our world. And then just a little bit of background on me, so I am a business and ministry consultant. So I have a background in marketing, project management, and of course ministry. But I'm so excited to be here today on this episode with you. I honestly can't believe that you asked me to sit beside you. I feel like this is going to be a little hard for me. I love... I'm just going to do a quick plug of this podcast. If you've not listened to Episode 4 on Mercy, it is one of my favorite, if not so far my favorite episode that Steph has done. But this is going to be a little hard for me because I feel like I heard a mentor of mine once say, when you're in the presence of somebody who's a deep well, you don't talk much, you just listen. And so the fact that you're going to ask me to talk on this, I'd rather be the one just listening to what you have to say. But I'll give it my best go. Oh, well, I don't think I'm the only deep well in the room. Too sweet. So we're going to just jump in with some questions that I think, Jordan, your perspective will bring a lot of hope and healing to people that are listening today. So the first question I have for you is, when you hear the phrase, good enough, what comes up for you? Yeah. I think sometimes it's hard to really attach words to feelings. And so I think a word specifically that comes up when I hear the phrase, good enough, I feel a little discouraged when I hear that, because I think immediately, it just doesn't feel like something that I can attain. I think that happens for a lot of us, that good enough is rooted in a lot of misalignment of who we really are, and we have a distorted perception of who we are and who we should be. And it creates this gap in our own experience where we feel like we're just never where we want to be or where we should be. And it robs us, I think, sometimes of a godly perspective of our lives. I do. I really do think it provokes discouragement. There were seasons in my own life where feeling not good enough or unworthy really made me sit in disappointment and discontentment. And yeah, it can become this downward spiral if you start to entertain this idea. Can you share a season when you really felt especially unworthy, like you weren't enough? And it can be in any area of your life. And then share a little bit of what the turning point was for that. Yeah, so I kind of laughed there for a second because immediately I thought back to this. It's kind of a funny story in middle school, so I'm going to share this and then I'm going to say something a little bit more serious. But one thing about me as well, if you've never met me in person, I'm a pretty tall, tall woman. I've always claimed to be 5'10". My husband would probably say I'm probably easy, 5'11", if not almost 6'0", but I'm in denial. All this to say, I remember I tried out for the basketball team. And I made the team, and I'm just going to be honest here, I'm not the most athletic person. I would fight with some of my best friends when they would say I wasn't athletic, but I would also admit and be truthful in this moment, just between you and I, that I'm not the most athletic person. And actually, my nickname during basketball season ended up being the gentle giant, which it was because I was not aggressive at all, and I was so scared of accidentally hurting someone or stepping on somebody that I just would not do what you're supposed to do in basketball, which is be aggressive and go after the ball. I would be so conscious not to box people out because I didn't want to accidentally hurt somebody. So this was just a lot of pressure. I didn't feel good enough at playing basketball, and I really didn't have a clue as to what I should be doing. And I remember I ended up having an accident, and I was so thankful stuff. This girl tripped me, I fell, we fell together, I ended up breaking my finger. And I was so relieved that I was on the bench the rest of the season, and I had a legit reason as to why I couldn't play. So that kind of just takes me back of just a funny moment of when I wasn't enough, but also definitely didn't feel good enough. But on a more serious note, I don't know if it was like a big moment for me specifically, but I think it was actually more of a compilation of little moments that caused me to constantly feel like I wasn't enough. And I think that actually showed up and maybe showed up more prominent when I stepped into full-time ministry. I think prior to ministry, I was in a sales role, and although I had to make connections with people, when I stepped into a role in ministry, it just felt completely different. And I think in a lot of ways where that stemmed from is ministry was less about my ability, and it was more about just authenticity as to who I was as a person. And I think because it's more about who we are versus what we can do, like the shiny things, any time there was any kind of feedback or maybe somebody didn't quite understand me or they had a different perception of me, I felt it more personal. It felt like, oh gosh, I'm not good enough, and I'm not able to show up in the way that I need to. And I think any time you're dealing with people, it's really hard, but especially in ministry, it felt more of a direct reflection on me as a person, and that's where I really started feeling like I wasn't enough. That's good. I think one of the things that I think about is that for all of us, if you've lived any length of time, you experience some measure of that. I've talked with moms, my own journey as a mother, just walking through seasons where I felt like I wasn't good enough, and I wasn't doing enough, and they were going to be completely messed up because I'm just not yet. But as I reflect back on that, and I look at the faithfulness of God in it, I realize that truth, right? I didn't have to be perfect. He knew what He was doing when He gave me those kids, and He knew what they would need. I share that often, and I have to remind myself of that in things. This life that I have is one that God chose for me, and even the things I chose for myself, He was in it because I've surrendered my life to Him, and so it helped relieve that sense of pressure of performance, and I've got to get it right, it's got to be perfect. We talk about turning points where you realize, oh my goodness, I've partnered with a lie. It was by the time my third child was born, my husband traveled at the time, he was overseas a lot. That was hard, I'm sure. Yeah, I just felt on my own quite a bit, and I learned that I wasn't going to have what I needed in myself. I worried less about being good enough, and more about relying on God enough. I love what you just said right there, where you're like, I realized I wasn't going to have what I needed in myself, in that of myself. Yeah, that's so true. That right there is like gold. It's just learning that, I think, I don't know if it's our culture, but we're trained to feel like everything you need, you've got it within you. To a degree, that's true, but you only have it within you inasmuch as you allow the Creator to produce it. Yeah, to fill the gap. That's right. Yeah, that's an important thing to remember. There's something that I often say that I think also fuels this feeling of unworthiness, and not being good enough, and even our perfectionistic tendencies, and performance-based living. It's this temptation to get caught in this trap of comparison. Something I often have to say to myself, and consistently remind myself of over the years and throughout my life, is that I'm not going to compete with anybody but me. I'm not going to compare myself to anyone, and I'm not going to complain. The one that I think that jumps out to me out of those three things is this temptation to often compare. Sometimes we're not just comparing ourselves against other people, we're comparing ourselves against our past selves. I was just going to say that. We're comparing ourselves against our goals, and we're not really bringing ourselves to the present and allowing God to help us navigate where we are. One of the things I think is important that we all should ask ourselves is, how is comparison fueling this not-enough narrative? For you, Jordan, how does comparison fuel that, or how does it contribute to that feeling of not-enough? Yeah, that was so good. I loved what you said specifically about a lot of times it may not be us comparing ourselves to someone else, but comparing ourselves to even a past version of ourselves. I felt that a lot as a new mom and wife, just even in my relationship with the Lord, of just kind of being like, wow, I don't have the ... I mean, there were times as a single woman that I would just spend hours on my face before the Lord, and even just my quiet time with the Lord looks so different. It's hard for me, I think, sometimes to not compare where I'm at in my faith journey and in my relationship with the Lord today to what it was before I had a baby and before I was married. I love that you said that, because I feel like that ... Even my body, postpartum, that's hard. I have definitely been guilty of finding myself comparing myself to even physically what I was before I had a baby. I just love that you said that, because that's like a hidden trap of comparison is when we're so focused on the past. That's true. But to kind of answer your question, I think that any time that we measure ourselves or we measure ... Yeah, that we measure ourselves against others, we will always cultivate ... It will always cultivate feelings of inadequacy and feelings of not being enough. And then high-leveling that, it will always make you question your calling and your purpose. I think that's the point of the enemy, in suggesting these lies, if you can get us to partner with even a little bit of it, the ultimate goal is to get you to question anything God's called you to do. Yeah, and it takes us off track and it slows us down. I love specifically talking about how it can make you question your purpose and even your calling. In 2 Corinthians, it actually says it's foolish to compare yourself to someone else, because it can distract you from your own unique calling. And honestly, that scripture has been something that ... That was sort of a turning point for me, was really finding that revelation in that scripture of when I'm so focused on what everybody else is doing, it makes me question what I need to be doing, and it can so easily pull me off track into places and spaces that I never was supposed to be in, in the first place. That's so good. I think ... What are some things that have hit you really hard when it comes to comparison? I know ... So for me, I have often compared myself in appearance, productivity. I never really compared myself to others with parenting, because I felt like our story was so unique. Who am I going to compare it to? But I have made that mistake with appearance, with being productive, like accomplishments, and even sometimes in ministry. I've found myself saying, man, I wish I had that flow like they did, or I wish I ... Girl, you've got a flow. What are you talking about? But what are some areas maybe that have hit you hard in the past, or even if you're dealing with something now that you want to share? I think for me, kind of similar to what you just described, just the view of accomplishment, of when someone sees me, they're like, wow, she's done something. I think all throughout my life, especially my professional story, has been very unique. As I'm sure it is for everybody, but I tell everybody I'm kind of like that jack-of-all-trades. I've done so many different kinds of things, and for a long time, I became very frustrated with just my story in that arena, because I kind of just felt like I was giving away all my fruit. It's like I would walk through a season, and there were maybe internal things that happened, but I felt like I didn't necessarily have the degrees or the certifications that would qualify me more in a natural sense for the roles that I was pursuing. I do have a marketing degree and stuff like that, but it was like I didn't have a ministry. I wasn't officially ordained as a pastor or anything, and so in some ways, I felt inadequate in ministry because of that. I didn't go to Bible school, and then even kind of because of the duration of time I spent in ministry, I felt when I came out of full-time ministry and went into more of a blend of ministry and business, I felt almost like setback because I also didn't have all these certifications I could have had as a project manager because of the time I spent in ministry. I think in general, that's probably an area that even up until recently has been an area where I felt more insecure. I felt not good enough, and I was thinking about this specifically, and I remember riding in the car, and someone was pursuing me for a project manager role. I remember in an interview with them, I like flat-faced told them, I was like, you know, I just want you to know who you're hiring. I was like, I don't actually have my PMI, my actual certification. I'm like a makeshift project manager, so if you're good with that, then you'll probably be good with me. I remember getting in the car, and I was like, Lord, why didn't I say that? That's so embarrassing that I just outed my own insecurity of not feeling enough in this area, and I just spent some time sitting with him about that, and it was so cool what he, I believe, spoke to me in that moment. He was like, you know, Jordan, you've never actually been qualified for any of the roles that you have been in. You really haven't, but it never mattered about if you were qualified. It just mattered that you were called by me to that place, and it took me back to an exodus, like specifically, I think it's Exodus 3 and 4, the story about Moses. When God told him that he was going to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, he was completely insecure. He was like, no, not me, and I think it's so cool because God was more like, hey, it has less to do with your ability, and it's all about, all you need to know is that I'm with you. My presence is with you, and so that might be a long answer, but that's kind of an area specifically where I felt like that has been pretty prevalent, actually. Yeah. I think you landed in a good spot there when you talk about how it's less about you and more about his plan and his purpose for you. I think that's what feeds this. When we are so self-absorbed that it's all about us, and it's all about what we can do, it's all about what we see, or even the lack that we feel like we don't have, we are self-focused, and we're not focused on him. I think you don't get through it until you turn your attention away from all that you lack or all that you're responsible for, and you turn it to him, all that he's promised, all that he can do, all that God has said. It's one of those things, it reminds me of Isaiah 26.3, he will keep in perfect peace those whose thoughts are fixed on him. That comparison and that not good enough, that is often when our thoughts are fixed on us. Yeah. Even when it's not the good parts of us, they're still fixed on us more than him. I think you brought up a really good point. I want to bring up just a couple of truths that I think really work to combat those lies, and I think the enemy is so subtle in how he does it, but God is so good in how he combats him. John 39, 13, and 14 says, for you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, and I love the last four words or five words, I know that full well. My confidence has to be in who he has created and not even what I have created. And so I think it's important, we have to remember, God doesn't mass produce people. He knits us together on purpose. No one is a mistake in any area of your life where you're feeling inadequate or you're feeling insecure. You have to start to trust God doesn't make mistakes. If he brought me to this, he's going to bring me through it. That's so good. There's a song I think we sing that says that, the worship song, but it's so true. So one more verse that I think is so important, it's Ephesians 2.10, and it says, for we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. That makes me want to shout and run around the room. And then it goes on to say, you are his masterpiece, handcrafted for a purpose. Your worth isn't based on your performance, it's based on his work in you. I think it's so important that we remember, we are his masterpiece. That's what it means when it says, we are God's handiwork. And he doesn't make mistakes. I always say, he gave me this curly hair on purpose. And it's beautiful. Thank you. He gave me these stubby fingers, no matter how much I wish they were long and beautiful, whatever they are. He did it on purpose though, is my point. He knew what he was doing when he created every part of us. And I think women especially, we start to feel not enough and insecure. A lot of times physically we feel that way, and in productivity, and it's this comparing. And I am just as guilty as the next. I wake up sometimes and I'm like, Lord, what were you thinking? What were you thinking? And I think so, that's a fair question to ask him. You just got to be willing to sit with him long enough to hear and accept his answer. There are so many times I have gone before the Lord and said, what were you thinking? And then he would answer me. Sometimes his sarcasm just surprises me, but I feel like the Lord would say, are you willing to sit down and actually hear what I was thinking? And I have to open my word and I go to Psalm 139. And I realized he was thinking good things. Yes. So I need to repent or change my own mind about it. He was thinking good things. One of the ways we combat the lies of the enemy is with God's truth. And I often recommend for people to start a truth journal. We at Wisdom Workshop, we actually created one. That's right. But every time the not enough thoughts hit, I practice this. I was just telling my daughter the other day, I literally still practice this. I write it down and I counter it with one of the verses. And then I speak it out loud to myself so I can rewire my brain over time to accept what God says is true, not this lie of the enemy that's led me down toward a path of discouragement and discontentment. We're going to go to our wisdom win of the day and we'll take a break and I will see you on the other side. If you cry out for insight and ask for understanding, if you search for it like silver, then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, Proverbs 2, 3 through 6. When life feels uncertain, we often want a full blueprint. God, show me the whole plan. But more often, he offers something better. Wisdom for the next step. Proverbs reminds us that wisdom isn't caught, it's pursued. It's found by those who seek it, ask for it, and value it. And here's the beautiful part. God is not hiding wisdom from you, he's inviting you into it. If you're feeling stuck or directionless, it may not be because God is silent. It may be because he's waiting for you to lean in, to pause, to ask, to listen. You don't need to have your whole life figured out today. You just need enough wisdom for today. One right step, one obedient decision, one moment of trust. So ask him, Lord, give me wisdom for this season. And trust that he will, because he promises to. All right, now let's get back to the episode. Well welcome back. I'm so glad that you have stuck it out with us. We are talking to Jordan Arnold today. Hello. We are taking on the lie of the enemy that says we're not enough, we're unworthy. We are confronting these insecurities with the truth of God's word. It's been a wonderful conversation so far. So I want to talk about the cost of agreeing with the enemy. When we accept these, I'm never going to be enough narrative, when we accept this narrative, what do you think it costs us when we live from that place of I'm not enough? Yeah. I feel like the first thing that comes to my mind is rest. I don't know about you or maybe anybody listening, but anytime I've been in a place of striving or trying to perform, it's exhausting. It's literally exhausting to do that. In Ecclesiastes chapter two, verses 22 and 23, it says, what do people get for all toil and anxious striving? All their days, their work is grief and pain. Even at night, their minds do not rest. And then I would say the second is joy, just genuinely any time that you're just feeling like not enough, like I'm not happy when I feel that way in any way, shape, or form. It steals the joy from every single blessing, every season that I'm in. If that is something that's just weighing on me, I do not have joy. And then I also think that it can be very, very mentally exhausting. So rest, like physical rest of striving, but also I think too, like mind traffic. I don't know if that's a great term. That's kind of maybe what I've grown up with, but just consistently hearing that or thinking that I feel mentally taxed and just like my emotional capacity is way low. It's very, like I'm very drained, where I would use the term or use the phrase, like I just don't have emotional capacity for that right now. I think you use some great words to describe. I would say things like it costs peace and it pushes us to chaos. So we're always reacting. We're never able to be proactive about who we are because we're always chasing the lie. I got to be enough. It's got to be, and it creates anxiety. I think that's part of it. Our peace is just robbed. But I think it's important that we acknowledge that it does cost us rest. It costs us joy and it costs us peace, and none of those are ever going to be worth it. Those three things sustain us. They help us to live the life we're called to live, and I think we have to get aggressive about protecting and guarding and pursuing God's plan of peace and rest and joy. We find that in Christ. Jesus said, come to me, all you who are weary laden, I will give you rest. You find that in Christ. You don't find that in yourself. You find that in him. You've got to go to him. He's bigger, he's better at everything, and he can accomplish what you can't. I love the scripture that talks about in our weakness, he is strong. We're simply human. So I have a son who has a peanut allergy, and one thing my daughter used to tease him and say, dude, if a peanut can take you out, what in the world? But what it reminds us all of how fragile we are as humans and how we really are reliant on the goodness and the favor and the grace of God just to sustain us, because some of us, I have a banana allergy. Seriously. I didn't know that. Yes, it's a banana, you know. I didn't know you could be allergic to banana. Neither did I, but you learned something. That or even like mold. I live in Middle Tennessee. My doctor said the mold you're allergic to are all prevalent here in Middle Tennessee. Well, thank you, Lord. I'm surviving. In my weakness, he is strong, you know. It's like, don't go outside and breathe. But God is faithful. And I think if we focus on that and not all of the things the enemy tries to bring, then we can reclaim rest and we can reclaim joy and we can reclaim peace. I think it's important that we move to help people understand what it means to actually be enough. I think once before you were sharing with me, there's something God's given you that like, what does it actually mean to be good enough? Can you just share that a little bit? Yeah, I feel like the scripture specifically, there's a scripture that comes to mind that I feel like is how I would answer that. So in 2 Corinthians, chapter 12, verses 9 and 10, it says, But the Lord said to me, my grace is enough for you. When you are weak, then my power is made perfect in you. And so I think, what does it actually mean to be good enough? It means that you're called. It means that you're chosen. And it means that you're loved. And all three of those things come from the Father. Again, it's sort of like dethroning us and putting God back on the throne. And that's, I think, what it looks like and what it means to be good enough. It's repositioning the Father where he needs to be in our life. So good. Well, I think it's important that everyone listening remember you are enough. And that God's not measuring you by how well you're doing. He doesn't care how clean your kitchen is. He doesn't care if your hair is perfect. He desires to know you. He created you for his purposes. And I think we need to all learn to sit in Ephesians 2.10 on a daily basis and remember, even as messed up as this life feels, it's a masterpiece. And somewhere God is tweaking and turning it into something that not just I can see his goodness in, but other people can too. I love something that is a thought share that you're not behind, you're not forgotten, and you're not disappointing God. I think you had shared that at some point. And I just want people to remember that before we close out today. Any other thoughts that you want to share before we leave? Yeah, I feel like a thought specifically is for if you're listening to this, and maybe this is something that hits you every day, or maybe it's just more prevalent or more magnified in this season. Maybe you are, maybe you're a single woman, you're believing to find a husband and get married. And that naturally is making you feel like you're not enough as a woman. Or maybe you just got married, and you're understanding that all the work you did before you met your husband feels like you're redoing it as a person, and you definitely don't feel enough in that season. Or maybe you are starting a family, and everything about that season can make you feel like you're not enough. I just want to encourage you that God is near to you, that he's still writing your story. And it's a good story, like Steph had said. And I kind of want to go back to a thread of the idea of putting God back on the throne. I think it's so easy for us as women to listen to lies and to begin to come into agreement with them. And so maybe if you are listening in this moment, and you are experiencing almost like a drop in your stomach, I just want to speak to you right now, that we just take authority over the lies of the enemy. That you are seen, you are known, and you are enough. And it has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with God within you. So good. Well, thank you so much, Jordan, for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, you're so welcome. Thanks for coming on and just sharing a little bit of your story and encouraging our listeners. Well, that's all we have for today. Thank you for joining us. And remember that wisdom wins every time. Every time.