265 to 274

Infants, people, and the world cannot protect and care for us. Depending on others too much leads to disappointment. We need to trust and rely on God instead. We should be grateful for the lessons learned from past suffering and give thanks for present pain. We need to look deeper into our motives and character defects. We must not let other people's words and actions affect us. AA groups start with one leader but eventually become democratic. Recovery is not dependent on people, but on our relationship with God. Selfishness is the root of our troubles. Love for fellow members and principles unites AA. AA headquarters does not give orders, but shares experiences. Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. Seek guidance from others. 265. Neither dependence nor self-sufficiency When we insist that infants, that people protect and take care of us, and that the world owes us a living, then the result was unfortunate. The people we most loved often pushed us aside or perhaps deserted us entirely. Our disillusionment was hard to bear. We failed to see that, though adult in years, we were still behaving childishly, trying to turn everybody—friends, wives, husbands, even the world itself—into protective parents. We refuse to learn that over-dependence upon people is unsuccessful, because all people are fallible, and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands for attention become unreasonable. We are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our infinite self. Just to the extent that we do as we think, we would have us do, and humbly rely on Him. Does He enable us to match calamity with serenity? 1, 12, and 12, page 115. 2, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68. 266. Give thanks. Though I still find it difficult to accept today's pain and anxiety with any great degree of serenity, as those more advanced in the spiritual life seem to do, I can give thanks for present pain nevertheless. I find the willingness to do this by contemplating the lessons learned from past suffering, lessons which have led to the blessings I now enjoy. I can remember how the agonies of alcoholism, the pain of rebellion, and thwarted pride have often led me to God's grace, and so to a new freedom. Grapevine, March, 1962. 267. Behind Our Excuses As excuse-makers and rationalizers, we drunks are champions. It is the business of the psychiatrist to find the deeper cause of our conduct. Through uninstructed in psychiatry, we can, after a little time in AA, see that our motives have not been what we thought they were, and that we have been motivated by forces previously unknown to us. Therefore, we ought to look, with the deepest respect, interest, and profit upon the examples set by psychiatry. Personal growth through the practice of AA's 12 steps, plus the aid of a good sponsor, can usually reveal most of the deeper reasons for our character defects, at least to a degree that meets our practical needs. Nevertheless, we should be grateful that our friends in psychiatry have so strongly emphasized the necessity to search for false and often unconscious motives. When AA comes of age, page 236, two letter, page 1966, 268, Those Other People Just like you, I have often thought myself the victim of what other people say and do. Yet, every time I confessed the sins of such people, especially those whose sins did not correspond exactly with my own, I found that I only increased the total damage. My own resentment, my self-pity would often render me well-nigh useless to anybody. So nowadays, if anyone talks to me so as to hurt, I first ask myself if there is any truth at all in what they say. If there is none, I try to remember that I too have had my periods of speaking bitterly to others, that hurtful gossip is but a symptom of our remaining emotional illness, and consequently, that I must never be angry at the unreasonableness of sick people. Under very trying conditions, I have had again and again to forgive others, also myself. Have you recently tried this? Letter 1946, 269, When Infancy is Over You must remember that every AA group starts as it should, through the efforts of a single man and his friends, a founder and his hierarchy. There is no other way. But when infancy is over, the original leaders always have to make way for the democracy which springs up through the grassroots and will eventually sweep aside the self-chosen leadership of the past. Letter to Dr. Bob Everywhere the AA groups have taken their service affairs into their own hands, local founders and their friends are now on the sidelines. Why so many people forget that? When thinking of the future of our World Services, I shall never understand. The groups will eventually take over, and maybe they will squander their inheritance when they get it. It is probable, however, that they won't. Anyhow, they really have grown up. AA is still theirs. Let's give it to them. Letters 1950-1949 270 Honesty and Recovery In taking an inventory, a member might consider questions such as, How did my selfish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me? What people were hurt and how badly? Just how did I react at the time? Did I burn with guilt or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer and thus absolve myself? How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other people? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as a reason for promiscuity? Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has this family back. This just isn't so. His recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. However, he may define him. 112 and 12, page 50-51 Two Alcoholics Anonymous, page 99-100 271 AA in Two Words Talk 1965, printed in Grapevine, January 1966 272 Trouble of Our Own Making Selfishness, self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles, driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and their retaliates. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be self-centered. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They rise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run wild. Though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62 Compelling Love The life of each AA and of each group is built around our 12 steps and 12 traditions. We know that the penalty for extensive disobedience to these principles is death for the individual and dissolution for the group. But an even greater force for AA's unity is our compelling love for our fellow members and for our principles. You might think the people of AA's headquarters in New York would surely have to have some personal authority. But long ago, trustees and secretaries alike found they could do no more than make very mild suggestions to the AA groups. They even had a coin. A couple of sentences would still go into half the letters they write. Of course, you are at perfect liberty to handle this matter any way you please. But the majority experience in AA does seem to suggest. AA World Headquarters is not a giver of orders. It is instead our large transmitter of the lessons of experience. 112 Concepts, page 11. 2, 12, and 12, page 173 through 174. 274. Going it alone. Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How many times have you heard well-intentioned people claim the guidance of God when it was plain that they were mistaken? Lacking both practice and humility, they had dismuted themselves and so were able to justify the most errant nonsense on the grounds that this was what God had told them. People of very high spiritual development almost always insist on checking with friends and spiritual advisors the guidance they have received from God. Surely then a novice ought not lay himself open to the chance of making foolish, perhaps tragic blunders. While the commitment or advice of others may be infallible, it is likely to be far more specific than direct guidance we may receive while we were still inexperienced in establishing contact with a power greater than ourselves. 12 and 12, page 16.