Final cut D'nia Defrance Episode.MP3

Taranita Bell welcomes Denia DeFrance, a model and founder of S.E.X. They discuss Denia's journey of self-discovery and acceptance through art. Denia shares her struggles with speech and low self-esteem, and how art became her therapy. She talks about her interest in modeling and how it helped her explore different aspects of herself. Modeling became a way for her to express her art and tell stories. It allowed her to tap into different versions of herself and become more vulnerable. Creating art with others in the modeling industry has been a transformative experience for her. My name is Taranita Bell, and welcome to the Showroom Agency Podcast. Join us as we delve into the creative journeys of fashion business, marketing, and photography professionals. Get ready for insightful conversations and valuable insights that will inspire and empower your own creative endeavors. Today, we have Denia DeFrance, who is a model, artist, and founder of S.E.X., which is a self-love service for women. If you're interested in hearing more of her journey, stay tuned to the S.E.X. episode. So, let's get into it. You know, let the people know who you are as a person. Okay, well, my name is actually pronounced Denia. It's okay, Denia DeFrance, that's my middle name. It's so funny because it's easy for most people to just like, yes, this is who I am. But for me, I mean, I'm learning so much more about myself, and that's why this podcast is really interesting. It's happening on this day because I'm telling you, so much has changed since we spoke the first time. So, I'm going to start really, really fresh and new and honest. I'm learning a deeper version of who I am. I actually had to have a nice conversation with myself and God of like, who am I right now? I don't know how to say how easy or how hard it is to really, how can I say, I guess, accept myself for who I am right now. So, I've been learning how to speak on who I am at this stage, at this version of myself. But I mean, if I can just start with, I mean, anything, I am a Chicago native, from Chicago, born and raised, period, 90s baby, 94, so we're turning, this is our last year in our 20s. I always say a lady never tells her age, but I'm actually really excited to own up to this being my last year because it's so much that I've learned about myself and I'm just like, who am I resisting turning in this new decade of life, this new era. But I've been feeling good about this being my last year, my 20s. I've been really seeing and feeling a lot that I haven't felt before. So, yeah, I am always telling myself that I don't know who I would be if art didn't exist. So, I'm really a true embodiment of art. I call myself the art gallery. I don't really know how to tell anybody what it is that I do because I'm just, I'm a multi-hyphenate being. I do so many different things, but I don't know how to be myself if I'm not creating. I don't know how to really speak if art is not a part of it. Growing up, I've always had a challenging time with speaking or truly like connecting with like how, just how school is ran. Like, I just never was that student that was like, oh, I love school and I get it and I understand. It was just always like, I need a little bit more help. I need a little bit more of a better understanding of what y'all saying because I'm just not comprehending and me being a twin, so I am a twin, I'm a fraternal twin. And of course, I can't really say how my sister's full upbringing was for her, but from my perspective, I just felt like it was a little bit more easier for her in school or easier for her to just like communicate or talk and just like, you know, I don't know, just to understand for real. Everything ties into who you are. So like me being born left-handed, I use a different side of my brain than my sister. She's right-handed. And so like, I use that creative side of my brain naturally. So when it comes to starting words or when it comes to reading things or I just always had different, and it's very interesting too, different black men in my life growing up like teachers and mentors that really helped me in those areas. And so speaking for me was not easy. Like my mom had told me one time, and I was shocked, it was just so random, we was watching something and they were speaking on like someone having a speech pathologist and I said, what's that? And then she told me I had a speech pathologist, basically somebody just really helping you with your speech. And I'm like, what? I never, I've never, I never knew that. So just a simple fact of me having insecurities in how I spoke, it added to my low self-esteem growing up. I really didn't, I really didn't love myself for, I didn't really, because I didn't know how to accept who I was. I was always comparing myself to my sister and seeing what, you know, I guess was the right way to be, especially when you're a twin, you're always compared. So the world comparing you and then being fraternal twins, people don't understand what twins are if they don't look alike. I'm just, I was just always compared. So I always wanted to be perfect and I never knew how to just be myself. So when you don't think you're perfect, you just hate everything about yourself. So I had that stage for a very long time. So I had to figure out who I was. I had to, and art was the only way that I could express myself when I didn't have words. I didn't know how to speak. I just, I was scared to speak. I was just scared to raise my hand and ask questions. I was scared to use my voice because I didn't like the way I sound. I just didn't want the attention on me. And having a sketchbook or learning that I could draw, it was just another way for me to express and have an outlet and really have therapy at such a young age. Yeah. So I've learned how to express myself through drawing and through the way that I dress. Before I would open my mouth, I would introduce myself through my style. So I will always just tell people like, man, art and fashion is my thing. It's just, that's just who I am. It's just me. And before I could open my mouth, you just, you saw me, you know, I didn't want to be seen, but you saw me, like my clothes was my expression. It was that, but I also didn't like people to know that I drew because then I would have to explain. So it was literally my drawings, my sketchbooks was something sacred for me. It was, it was, it was really my, my, my therapy, it was my therapy. But yeah, so just, just growing up really was interesting for me because I had to really find out who I was or who I wanted to be. And I, and of course that's everybody's journey in life. You know, we all want to figure out who we are, but at the same time, I can only talk about my life. So it was just, it was just so much, it was so much, it was so much to even think about how to be more confident. And so, you know, slightly fast forward, I never, I feel like I've never really wanted to take modeling serious, but just growing up and even just watching, you know, America's Next Top Model and things like that, and just seeing magazines, you know, we grew up in Aero magazines, you know, that's about to be something that is really vintage, but looking at magazines and watching America's Next Top Model, it was just something where I was just so intrigued to look at. And back then it really was like, if you had this look of just being skinny or, or looking like this, everybody just said that you was a model. So I was always the, okay, that's the skinny twin and she should model and stuff like that. I'm like, I don't want a model, no, because I don't want everybody looking at me. I don't, I don't, I don't want that. I promise you, I wanted to do something that was like either a veterinarian, then I grew up and I'm like, I want to be a forensic scientist. Like I just want, yeah, like, wow, I just want to solve crimes in a way, because I love law and order. So it was just like, I wanted to be something totally outside of the arts. But deep down, I really wanted to do something artful in my life. And so, yeah, I know we're going to talk about it much, much, much more later, but I was, I pushed myself to model for real, just so I could see myself, but I remember having a conversation with my cousin and she just basically was just like, just do it. Like just, why not just, just allow yourself to just be in front of a camera, just try it out. And I'm like, but I'm scared because I don't know how other people will capture me. And I don't know what I will look like in their eyes. And so I was scared to see myself from other people's point of view, perspective, and also to see how I will look being captured and just having that photo forever, like out of my control. Not even me having that photo, but just a photo of me and photos of me from somebody else's possession to have, and I didn't like them. I'm just like, yeah, I just cannot. So I mean, once I got to college, I ended up really being pushed to model and it changed my life. Honestly, it changed my life because I found so much of who I am past the physical look. Like I was able to really see who I am, like see my spirit through this art of modeling. I don't consume modeling as just something to post or something to just look pretty in. It's another blank canvas for me. It's another way for me to really tell different stories of mine. It doesn't have to do much with like, oh, this is me on an every day, but this is literally just me in another dimension, or this is me when I'm in this element or this, this, this. It's so many different parts of us, you know, and don't tap into them. And I was scared to tap into them. So when I model, I'm creating this moment where another version of me is being brung out. So I was able to tap into just different, just literally different personalities that only probably came out when the camera shot and I was like, whoa, who is that? Who is that? I want to know who that is. And it allowed me to start becoming more vulnerable with my artistry, more vulnerable with myself. Yeah. And it felt, it just felt, it just feels good when I create, but that was such a push for me when it comes to modeling in general, because you're allowing yourself to really just be captured by, you're allowing yourself to create art with somebody else, right? Artists, you know, the makeup artist is an artist, a hairstylist is an artist, like we're all creating on this one canvas and creating this story, this vision, and to be able to capture something that you could feel, that you can just have so many different outlets of, of what you see from it. Somebody could look at a photo without, oh, tell me what this whole little thing is, not say anything about a thing, not say anything about inspo, and just capture a moment, capture a feeling, capture a story, and so many people can feel and see limitless things, infinite amount of things. I just love that story part, that community part of, ooh, I feel this when I see this, or this is amazing because of this, or I like how y'all did this, so it is a beautiful outlet for me, it's a beautiful, beautiful outlet for me, so I mean, who I am, I am an embodiment of art, that's who I am, and I'm learning more and more on how to express this art that is inside of me in human form, in spiritual form, in emotional form, like just different ways for this amount of color to be put out into the world, so that's who I am. Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful. Oh my goodness, like there's just so much, like there's just so much. Gosh, like where do I even begin? Oh, amazing, I mean, I was taking notes as you were talking, and I just find it so interesting because I think it's, I find it to be generally consistent that it's like when we see someone and we think that these are their strengths, and then it's like when you talk to people and then get to know them, and then it's usually like not the case, it was something that took a lot of time to be worked on and cultivated, so it's just like so interesting, like once again, someone who is just amazing, and like to me, like you know, an outside is just appearing confident in your light, but that's why you shine so bright though, because you've done the inner work, it's from the inside out, and you know, even when you were like, you said you capture, when you model, you capture something you could feel, like it's not just like 3D or 2D or whatever the case, it's something that comes out, and you can feel it in your heart and in your soul, like that's what art is truly about, and that is so beautiful, and that is not something that, you know, the best makeup team in the world could, you know, the best, you know, that's like that inside out, like that is just everything, and just going again, once again, it shows in your work, and I just find it so interesting in terms of your light, because I think it's so interesting, like our power, and the themes in our life, and those patterns, like, you know, the things that, you know, in our life that feels like obstacles or weaknesses, and that it feels like God is testing us, but essentially, he's really just building up a muscle to make us who we are, so that we can, you know, be who he wants us to be, and it's just like, like just, I don't know, I'm like, obviously, on the outside, and you know, but it's just like hearing your story about your upbringing, and the way that you grew up, it's just like, you know, it's just like totally preparing you for what modeling, you have to stand up, you know, you have to be in those situations, and castings, and be compared to people, and you have to know whether you're chosen or not, that you are still worthy, and that like, if the opportunity is for you, it's for you, you have to be confident, on like such a deep level, but it's like, you're going to go further, because it's not like something, like something little was going to stop you on your mission, you're going to be able to go the long, the long, you know, take the long haul, take the long way, to build your legacy, and your destiny, because it's just like, you know, you have what it takes, the stamina, and stuff, some people fall down, because they don't, they don't know who they are along the way, like, you know, dressing up, and you know, was enough to get them to a point, but then at a certain point, you gotta, you gotta know what's what, so it's just like, you know, even though there may have been times, where it's like, you know, it was like the journey, and there was some uncertainty, I can already tell, like it was so worth it, and like, your light is just so bright, and I just think it's just so crazy, that like, there was ever a time, that you didn't want to be seen, or didn't feel like you were worthy of being seen, like, that is just so crazy to me. I'm sorry. I shock myself every time I shoot still. What? Every time, you, and that's why, that's, that's why I'm getting more into a habit, when I, when I get back on social media, I'm getting more into a habit of posting things just more raw, so you can feel how it actually is to be on set, like, it's cool to create reels, you know, and, and have a nice video that's made from different captures on behind the scenes, and put the music to it. Cool. I love that. I really love actually editing videos. It's one of my, it's one of my, my talents too, but it's like, when it comes to just posting something with no, no edits, just straight raw, no cuts, no nothing, no music over it, it's like, okay, let me actually take in this art right now, right, and then you're seeing, and you're, you're just seeing how the actual artist creates, and when I'm on set, you're gonna hear so many, like, I'm looking at the photos, like, I'm in action, I'm confident in my, I'm confident in my artistry, so it's not like I'm like, whoa, what? I never, like, it's not like I'm not, it's not like I'm shocked in a way of, like, I get what you're saying, like, disbelief, but like, when I'm, the people that are work, that's working with me, that I work with, I'm always just like, hold on, what? This is, this is, I'm, it's, I am blown away all the time, and you know what, that's why I keep, that's why the excitement is still there, that's why it's still so new and youthful to me, and I've been doing this for 10 plus, so I'd say I've been taking it serious for probably, like, I don't know, let's just say 11 years I've been taking it actually serious, and so for 11 years, I have not got to a point where I'm like, oh yeah, I got this in the bag, oh, those are the pictures, okay, cool, every time, it's just something new, because I'm pushing myself through a new confidence every time I'm doing something, I'm talking to myself differently every time I'm doing something in and out of a photo shoot, like, any event, any workshop, any, any place I have to step inside of a room, you're talking to yourself to be this confident person that you have worked to become, it's not like, just because, well, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, just because, well, I mean, I can't speak about Beyonce, I really don't know how she is, but let's just say, maybe even Beyonce, you know, have those moments where she's still, before she performs, she has to get into that mode of, like, all right, let's go, we're doing this, we got this, we got this, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be on the stage, like, all right, let's go, you know, she's taking a moment, she's sitting with it, she's just like, all right, thank you, God, okay, let's, let's go, so I always have those moments still where I'm just, I'm thankful for my gift, I'm thankful that I've, I'm able to speak light into myself to keep me going within confidence, because it's so many different things that, in a way, just hold me back or pull me back, I'm, I'm, okay, a part, a part of the story that I really, only my close people in, like, family really knows about my life is how often I'm, quote, unquote, not well, so I don't like calling myself sick, I've been really practicing the word choices that I choose within my life, and so just the amount of times that I'm not 100%, where I have, when I physically can't move, where my body is physically presenting something on my skin or a breakout or something, like, I, I experienced a lot of things that could hold me back from wanting to be seen, and wanting, being able to even get up, or it's been a lot of different times, me being on a shoot, where I'm like, let me really push through this because of this pain that's probably in my knees or in my stomach, I have a lot of different abdominal pains that I've been experiencing since I've been a little kid, and I have this different, different body, I don't want to call them conditions, but just different things I experienced randomly, where it really does add a toll to me, and so for me not to get discouraged on these things, I have to have that inner confidence, I have to have that patience as well, I also have to have a lot of resilience too, to just keep going, because especially when you're putting yourself in the camera, okay, or just in the spotlight often, people feel as if they have to be perfect, and so because we're, we all are in this human and spiritual experience, it's just like, you have to move past the human at times, but you also have to be okay existing on human, and that's what I've been learning how to do, but at the same time, it's like, there's moments where I can't get past that human point of like, okay, why is this happening to me right now, you know what I'm saying, or I'm being grateful that I was able to do this, and then the next day, something happens to me physically, it's just like, all right, so I have to keep that consistent, like, uplifting spirit within me, because I experienced so much that could hold me back, and that's why it goes hand in hand with this inner work, that's why step is so important, because it's not just, one is not just this organization that's like, okay, let's come in and do this, and you need to do this, you need to do this, this is actual steps that I have done, and these are actual steps that I continue to learn and do to keep me being my highest self, that continues to help me step in my highest, like, it's not just a place to go to just be seen, and just like, oh yeah, I heard about this, this is what I do to model, no, we're stepping more into our light, and that's a scary thing, when you have so much darkness around you, no one knows what anybody goes through, so it's a choice to continue to choose light, it's a choice to continue to seek light into yourself, to go for the things that you say you want, because just because you say you want something, that doesn't mean it's going to be easy, just because you say you want something, it definitely don't mean it's just going to be a breeze, and it's going to be fun all the time, you're going to go through some hardship, you're going to go through some stuff that's dirty and nasty, however, what you receive on the end of it is a part of the testimony, or the part of the, wow, I really did that, because that stuff, so it's so many backstories, for so many shoots that I've done, that I can tell the story of why I look at these photos, and I love them so much, it's because no one knows what I was going through on set physically, or emotionally, or any of these things, so yeah, I shock myself every time I shoot, every single time, every single time, every single time, I meet a new version of myself every time I shoot, and it's just, it's beautiful, it's dope, it's dope. I hope you're enjoying the episode so far, thank you so much for listening, make sure to check out the show notes, and visit www.showroomagency.co to learn more about our digital marketing services, we offer social media management, sales emails, e-commerce web design, and commercial photography for online fashion brands, you can simply consider us your all-in-one for your business, the showroom agency was created to help you every step of the way on your creative journey, now here's more of the episode. I love that, all of it, all of it, I love that, because that totally resonates, and once again, that's a true artist, like artist to artist, like you really do meet a new version of you, like that's that, if you worded it perfectly, like whenever you create, when you're a true artist at your core, every single time you create something in this earth that didn't exist prior, first of all, it is an amazing experience, because it's like, wow, like I created this thing on this earth that didn't exist before, yes, exactly, really cool, and then also, but you can feel it, and like you can feel when it's your destiny, you can feel when it's your assignment, you can feel when you're called, you can feel when it's the gift, because it always comes with more, and I actually like wrote a note while you were talking, because I've been like pondering this, even on my journey, our gifts that God gives us is like a part of our self-development, our mastery of our humanness on this planet, like this is a beautiful thing, like creating the art, which is what, that's why it's a gift, because you just have so much, once it's all said and done, but it's just like, and you, it's also a rewarding feeling to even be a vessel for it, it's just a win-win-win, but even aside from that, it's like the every days of it, once again, like staying strong, even on the days where we don't, you know, when we have to push ourselves, we have to see what, can I stretch myself, what is my limit, those moments where we're pursuing our mastery, but also like as a, just being a human, like a good human, because it's just like, that's the source of having a good business, of helping our community, of being the best we can to keep ourselves up, so it's just like, it's just like so beautiful, and then just, it just goes to show how much you're on the right path, and I'm like, I'm looking at your page now, it says the founder is God, and I really love that, and I can just tell in the way that you speak, and the way that, like just everything, and it's, it's so inspiring, and beautiful, and like, for me, one of my philosophies is authenticity, like being authentic throughout every step, and you are totally right in terms of, you were saying, like being in the spotlight, you know, we feel like you have to be perfect, but it's just like, when you're authentic, it's like a win-win, because you get to be a human, and I don't know, and a little bit perfect, because as long as you're being yourself, you are perfect, so it's just like, you know, it is possible to be in your full light, and to not be afraid of our weaknesses, or our humanness, because we are both, and it's okay, as long as we are being true in who we are at each moment. Yes, totally agree, you just hit it on the head. Yes, I did have a question, are there like, do you have any stories about any of the girls who have visited STEP, or have participated in a workshop, who like, you know, had an inspiring story about how it tells them? Oh, Ty, this is like my first time ever really being asked this question, so, yes, I have so many stories, however, some, if you've seen the page, even though I am transforming it in a way, but when it comes to the page, I don't, okay, boom, let me just break it down a little bit, so in STEP, we have two parts, and STEP, first of all, is a self-love service, right, I always tell people, I'm not really teaching you anything, I'm assisting you with evolving, right, we all have everything that we need inside of ourselves, we just need help, we just need assistance with pulling it out, so, STEP is a self-love service where we're bringing that awareness to our mental health, and to our self-confidence, I do that with tying in effective communication, so, the art of communication, and the art of modeling into one for us to do that within a workshop, or different events, because that's what I have done to help me, right, when it comes to how I even promote online, it's not the, it's, I don't want to say it's not the best, but it's so sacred that I don't know how to give social media what we do in our workshop spaces, right, when it comes to the art of modeling part of my workshop, it's easy to just showcase a video where we are helping you with your presence, so, we helping you, how do you walk into a room, right, and that ties into, all right, cool, let's act like this is a runway, however, your runways is your sidewalks, your runways is whatever street, or whatever room you're walking in, how are you walking inside of this room, so, we work on the presence of you, the presence of you, so, I teach that through runway, when it comes to your story, and when it comes to the communication part, I don't share that online, because those are the sacred stories of individuals that are getting through their lives, so, it's a safe space, it's a spiritually safe space, I don't share any stories, I don't share any stories, however, there has been a beautiful amount that has shared with me how coming to the workshops and how meeting me has shifted their life, and I'm honored to hear that every time, because just like you said, I'm just being genuine, I'm just being truthful, I'm just sharing my story, I'm just being authentic, so, when you are being authentic, you naturally help heal the world, because you're telling your story that has helped or healed somebody else to also look into their lives and to heal their lives, so, the only thing that I do when it comes to expressing other people's stories is just, um, yeah, in that sacred space, but I have had so many people tell me the effect of it, and that's one of the main things that continue to keep me going, is because I see how it actually is working. Wow, that's amazing, and I totally respect the privacy of the stories of the people. Yeah, thank you for asking. It's my first time, but yeah, like even, even I'm thinking about giving, um, seeing if I could give out testimonials, like, you know, different people interested in sharing testimonials, and I could possibly post those, but as of now, yeah, it's definitely just like an in-house secret space, a spiritual space, where I just allow people to express their own stories and go from there. Okay, that's definitely the vibe I get to, so understood, and I definitely highly recommend testimonials. Yeah, I know those will be, like, amazing. Um, happy to answer that. Yes, I love all of this, and I just feel like I could just, like, unpack, like, just so much, and honestly, it does, like, just feel like you're a mirror, because it's just, like, everything, like, I get it, like, I get it, like, just even from just, like, growing up a certain way, like, I kind of grew up kind of similar, not exactly in that same way, like, I'm not a twin or anything, um, but I did grow up very, very shy, very, very soft-spoken, very, very, not very confident, um, very much so kind of, you know, stuck to myself, always tried to sit in the back, definitely avoided attention, definitely was not, was not worried. I liked fashion and stuff and modeling, but, um, after a while, I guess I wasn't tall enough, so it's just, like, I don't know, I guess I'll do business, like, I don't know, but it's just funny, because the older that I've gotten, and it was, it's just funny, because I've been reflecting about this fairly recently, about how much I've changed, and, like, because really, like, we're, like, cross the threshold, when you're in your 20s, you're crossing the threshold from girlhood to womanhood, like, even in your 20s, they say you're grown, but you're still a girl, like, it's a mindset. It's literally just a girl. It's a mindset, and it's two different, like, girlhood, having the mindset of a girl is just different than as a woman, it's just, like, two different vibes, and, uh, just, that's this, this entire journey of becoming, um, is part of that, and just, uh, like, you are on the right track. I feel like we're both on the right track, like, all of this, because this emotional intelligence is what breaks cycles. This is how you, like, you know, really, you know, just break ground, honestly, and just really are able to have those quantum leaps, where you're really able to just really take things to the next level as a generation for, for our people, um, by this, because it's, like, people who are, you know, 10, 20, 30, and it's not about age, it's not, like, it's nothing but a number, but it's just, like, you know, we're evolving, basically, as a people, we're very much so evolving, and, like, at the end of the day, we do have to be forgiving of ourselves, because, you know, our people, we're very unique people, and sometimes we're dealing with, I don't want to get too into it, because sticking to business and fashion, but we are, you know, dealing with our own, our past life karma, so sometimes we're dealing with stuff not even from consciously this lifetime, sometimes we're dealing with, like, you know, whole generational, you know, things, like, you know, there's just so many levels to this life, to the experience, to this energy, um, so it's just not all, like, we shouldn't just feel, like, bad about, you know, when life happens, and even the epigenetics, that's what I was going to mention, that's important, the biology, um, like, it's, like, we're genetically predisposed to kind of be in survival mode, we're kind of genetically predisposed to depression, we're genetically predisposed to anxiety, because these are what the women who came before us were experiencing as black women in the world that we exist in, so it's, like, yes, we do have to, you know, have extra, extra self-love, extra, extra self-care, extra, extra mindfulness, extra, extra positive vibes, we need, you know, extra, because it's just, like, there's just so much going on beyond, there's the literal parts of life that we got to deal with, but then there's all that extra stuff, um, from the spiritual aspect, so it's just, like, we are so worthy of the love and the gentleness, because, once again, we are still the light, you know, regardless, and that's what's so magnificent. Hmm, you know, it's actually really interesting that you just said all of that, because how I said in the beginning, like, the last time we spoke, I've changed completely, I've changed completely, when I say I, I have to really sit, me, okay, you already know how, like, you know, the, the spiritual realm and the physical realm, you know, they, they work hand in hand, so at times, if your body is forming a sickness, or it's physically not well, it's something also that's tied to that spiritual too, and because I was sat down, and I was so confused, I'm just, like, why, okay, why is all of this happening, I'm talking about, it went from zero to two hundred, and I'm just, like, what is going on, I had to reschedule so many different things, but it wasn't even, like, thinking about the work that I have to do, it was more so, like, why is my body, what's going on, but I realized I needed to really sit down, and to take myself in, and I took in so much, it was like a, even though it was scary for me, like, it was, it was such a, like, a, a deeper healing that I needed to do, and the fact that you bring it up, just, like, you know, it's not just us, it's not just your everyday life that's causing these feelings, or causing these thoughts, or causing whatever you are experiencing is generational, it's, it's from the, the past that you also have that's going on, that could be affecting you, and I'm just, like, oh my god, I feel so overwhelmed, like, right now, like, what am I, how am I supposed to be doing this, how, how am I supposed to get through this, and I'm telling you the experience I just got, well, I'll say I'm still in it in a way, but I'm out of it at the same time, but I'm, like, to know that you have the tools inside of you, but sometimes you don't even know how to use those tools anymore, that's what I experienced, and I just had to be, like, I just had to be, I had to, um, not say nothing, I had to sit and sit, just sit, I just had to sit, I had to just literally learn how to not do nothing, and allow my mind to just be my mind, allow my emotions to be my emotions, even though I wanted to cut off my emotions, like, I wanted to do so much, but I couldn't run away from what God was trying to tell me, what God wanted me to do, and what God wanted me to really see within myself, and it's, it just really ties in to of just giving ourselves that grace, because we're healing so much that is not just us, from so many different wounds, where it's, like, you're healing so much, and we, I don't, I still don't even know how, you know, genetics, and, and DNA, and, and just, like, the spiritual aspect of just being here really works, you can read so many books, you can learn so much, but I still don't understand how it works, so you telling me I can feel my great, great, great, great, great, and then this, this, this, and, and this tying into this, and this, and this, and this affects this, it's, like, so much, where I'm, like, okay, breathe, you don't have to have the answers, you don't, all you got to do is just make sure that you're breathing, and you are present, because it's still, honestly, that you're breathing, and you still, because in the, in stillness, you can receive your answers that you are looking for, so, yeah, I, I hear you on that, okay, I hear you. Breathing in stillness, that really is everything, and I actually, because we really live in a society that doesn't, that doesn't really match up with how humans should behave on a normal day-to-day, but that's a whole nother conversation, because that's what we're supposed to be doing, like, I heard somewhere, but it's just, like, God wants us to do one thing at a time, like, He gave us one set of eyes, like, we can only really focus on one thing at a time, there's a reason why we can be at one place at a time, because we can't be at a hundred, so you got to be present, you got to be wherever you at, fully, you got to be fully, oh, and so we live in a world that kind of counteracts that, and that kind of goes into the matrix, because you kind of got to be aware of the matrix to be able to dodge it, because that's a part of the, you know, the situation, so it's a hole you dig, but all of this has been, like, in general, all of this has been absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. To be honest, it's like, I mean, this is, like, my favorite part about doing this, this is why I love talking to people, because, like, honestly, you get to know people, just by asking questions and being curious, you get to know people in a way that, you know, you would have never known, and I just, I'm the type of person where it's just, like, I don't assume things, so my curiosity is just so genuine, because I don't know what is on the other side of my questions, so it's just, like, so beautiful, like, when I'm able to just, when, you know, a human shares themselves with me, it's just, like, so beautiful, so thank you so much for your vulnerability, and your authenticity, and your realness, and just your time, and your presence, and your energy, just thank you so much for being on this journey with me. Yes, thank you, and, you know, it actually, this is really perfect for you, just, you just literally share how this is perfect for you, just because you're curious, and you, you're, you're open to that wonder, is this gonna keep it going, like, this is really the beginning of something so major, because you're allowing your curiosity to really be, just to wonder free, and to ask, and so many people are scared of asking, or don't even know how to ask correctly, so the simple fact that you are who you are, in a way that you talk, in a way that you, you dig, I'll say, the way that you also dig into yourself, and to others for that curiosity, it's felt that you care about what you're asking, sometimes people just want to ask, because everybody is focused on this one thing of, or want to know about a person, but it's like, you are aligning with those that have interest in stories that can also reflect your own, in a way, that's about to really magnetize Chicago, like, it's got to really bring Chicago out, it's got to really bring Chicago out, so I thank you for sharing yourself with me, and for this platform, too, I really am, I'm excited to hear it, I'm excited, so congratulations again on your baby, thank you, this is awesome, thank you so much, I so appreciate it, that is so meaningful to me, I could keep going, because it's like, really, because like, really, like, the intent is like, even just this next journey is like, doing things that come natural, that are authentic, and I feel like one of my gifts is like, you know, my way with words, and my way of communicating with people, and just having those, just like, just being real, and like, even this, like, this was just us being real with each other, and that's gonna, like, it's gonna inspire so many people, like, so many people are going to just, they're gonna feel us, and it's just like, what a gift of something that comes so natural, and that's really the goal and the intent, I was like, right, we could just connect this, I'll send you the link, and we're gonna, you know, make magic, and that's really, like, the goal, like, you know, down the road, I do want to do the visual thing, and have a show and stuff, having a talk show is a dream of mine, because I love, I love talking to people, I love getting to know people, I wrote for a magazine back in college, and I got to interview people and stuff, and that's how when I really knew I really loved this, and I wanted this to be a part of my life, so I'm really glad I got to incorporate this aspect, and create in a new way, so once again, thank you so much, and then I'm going to ask you one last question before we sign off, okay, so what would you like to be remembered for, what would you like your legacy to be? I want to be known for the healing, yeah, I want my legacy to be healing, yeah, being known as a healer, adding that healing aspect, or awakening different healers up, and that they're continuing on that, that line, and that legacy of healing others, because that's, that's all we got, you know, we really do, we only got love out here, and love isn't everything, and that's literally what healing is, it's just when you're finding more love, and you are reflecting more love, and getting back more love, that's going to help you through the tough times to see those parts that's scary, or that you're, you close your eyes to, and that's going to open you up to be like, okay, let me heal these parts, let me, let me look into this, okay, what do I need to, not necessarily saying we got to fix ourselves, fix, fix, fix, but just like, really healing these things, you know, so yeah, I want my legacy to continue to just be a line of that healing aspect into this world, and that motivates and inspire other people to add that love and healing outwards. Yeah, I love it, I love it, you are good, you are amazing, my heart, I can feel like my heart chakra right now, like I just feel so just so amazed, so lucky to be in your presence digitally, like, just thank you so much, and I'm just so, I'm just so glad we crossed paths on our creative journey, and just, just thank you, thank you for your existence, thank you for your wisdom, you know, it's very clear that you have done the work, and are doing the work, and like, those are the people who win, like, in life, sometimes you got to slow down a little bit, you got to do this and that, but that's what happens when, you know, stuff isn't microwaved, sometimes you got to bake it, and it takes an hour, sometimes it takes two hours, three hours, you got to, you know, for real, let it, let it rest, and put it back in, like, you know, like, this ain't no microwave stuff, it's, this is the real deal, on the head, yes, so it's just like, you know, I feel you, you are felt, and it's just like, keep going, keep being great, and I just can't wait to see what Steph does in the future, and just all of it, like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, yes, okay, thank you, thank you, Todd, thank you so much for this, yes, okay, all right, well, shout out to the podcast, shout out to me being on it, this was awesome, this was amazing, I hope everybody that has been able to listen, I want you to drop it, that they receive us, you know, even if it's one word, even if it's one word, but yeah, they're gonna get more than a word, they're gonna get a paragraph, come on, they're gonna get a sermon, the sermon, come on, this church, this is soulful, this is a soulful episode, I think that's what I'm gonna name it, the soulful episode, and it's 255, but, oh, I like that, let me tell you something, okay, because you know, we've been talking for a long time, yes, my mom had created this meal, right, she was just cooking, she was just like, yeah, I don't know, I'm just about to cook, it's so good, it's so good, so my sister, she named it the soul bowl, and that's what we're about to make tonight, look at that, look how through, yes, oh yes, there you go, confirmation on the title, I love it, yeah, yeah, amazing, goddess thing, yes, well, this was amazing, per usual, and I hope you and your family enjoy the soul bowl, and yeah, I'm gonna send you the link to this afterwards, and yeah, I'll like, you know, give you the updates as we keep going, and thank you so much for your time once again, okay, perfect, all right, you have a wonderful rest of your day, thank you, you as well, okay, peace, love, peace.