Episode 1: The Money Doctor & Masturbation

Welcome to the GirlMath Diaries. Welcome everybody. Episode 1. So, um, should we tell them why we started our podcast? Yes, we should. We were just bored one day. We were bored. Had a couple seconds between clients. Like, what do we do with all this time? No, I think the idea came when we've had clients that never want to leave our office. Because we're like, you guys are so fun. Yes, or if they're on speaker, we're like, okay, we'll call you back. No, let me hear you guys talk. You guys are so funny. And then we were like, we should tell people our war stories. Yes. And so we just came up with like just a bunch of ideas, a bunch of topics that we thought would be not only great for business owners, would be great for just people in life. And so I guess for those of you who don't know us, Carmen, our founder, tell us, Carmen, about you. So I've been an accountant for a long time. Give or take 20 years. Yes. I don't look that old. I look like I'm 25. Yes. Not a day over 16. But I love what I do. I love helping out businesses, helping out people, you know, when it comes to taxes, strategizing, especially people who don't know the ins and outs of bookkeeping when they're starting a business. Or even as small as somebody, you know, who comes in to do their simple little... Schedule thing. Schedule thing. You know, even if it's just a little touchy-too, then they don't know why it is, why they owe, or why they got a dollar back. You know? Right. I like doing that. So basically, this is why I started Leap, to help out people, businesses, and it goes from there. I love that. So I, Abby, met Carmen in corporate America, also, with two decades of accounting under my belt. I... Carmen loves accounting. She loves CFO stuff. She loves... She, like, gets a thrill. It's disgusting. She's a masochist. Is that the word? Masochist. I love the tax part. I always just gravitated to tax preparation, and then I got into corporate taxes, and, you know, all of that stuff. And I just think we came together, so we went our separate ways, and then we came back together and worked together on some people. And I think we complement each other beautifully. I think you fill my deficits and I fill yours, and we're able to bounce ideas off of each other. So we decided we wrote down a list of topics, right? So this is just not us shooting the show. So this should be a program for 18 and over. It shouldn't be salary. I mean, I don't know, because my kids, you know, when they were little, they liked to hear all the accounting and tax stories. And then I have, you know... Because they're funny. ...the younger one who likes to hear about... We should do, like, what is your best... What's your best tax story? Can I tell my best tax story? Oh, my gosh. There's so many, though. And then there's always a new one every time. No, but I have the best one. Okay. Okay. I was probably my second year of preparing taxes person to person, in person. So when I first started, I worked for a fee-paying firm, and I got to do all, like, the mail-ins for, like, non-client-facing taxes. So I would prepare them. But it was my second year, person to person, and the client would walk out with a tax return, which, like, made me sweat. Because it's like I have to, in 30 minutes, finish a tax return while someone's staring at me. And then it has to be right. Anyway, so I get... And I don't know. I don't have a relationship with any of these people because I'm new, right? Yeah. So I get this guy comes in, and I have a picture of me and my husband. And he's like, oh, your husband's cute, girl. If you got him alone... If I was alone in a room with him, he'd definitely be gone. And I chuckled because, you know, he's not gay. I was kind of like, okay, very confident, right? Yeah. So he's a truck driver. And I'm, like, trying to prepare a tax return and make small talk, which is an art, right? You, like, learn how to talk and work at the same time. It's an art that now I don't know how to work unless I'm, like... I can't just work and quiet. I need, like, chaos happening. Anyway, so I'm, like, oh, well, you know what? My husband's always falling asleep when he's driving. You have to tell me what's the secret to staying awake. Have I told you this story? No. No? This is not a family story. So I'm thinking he's going to be, like, oh, eat a bag of chips, roll down the window. You know? Right. Turn on the radio. He's, like, masturbating. Oh, my goodness. While they're preparing his taxes. And I have my door open to my office, and he was, like, one of those really flamboyant gay men whose voice echoes, right? Right. And likes to be heard. And likes to be heard. So, you know, we're in this small, quiet accounting office where you can hear a pin drop. And he yells, I masturbate. And he's, like, but the secret is you can't come. Because if you come, you fall asleep. So you just masturbate, and then before you're going to reach climax, you stop. And then so my boss walks by with a sign that says what the fuck. And he, like, walks past my office. The client can't see him because he's facing me. But I can see. He's, like, what the fuck? Like, what is going on? What is he talking about? What? So, of course, I go home and I tell him that I have the secret for you to stay awake because he was always falling asleep. You just masturbate. And he's, like, what? Like, where did you come up with this? A client told me. And then there's a problem with my husband. Like, why is your client comfortable? Yeah. Why? What are you talking about with people that they feel comfortable? I'm, like, I'm doing a tax return. I feel comfortable. It's kind of, like, and over the years, right, you'll speak to it, too, when people sit in front of you because you're doing something so personal. They're kind of, like, well, since you're going to see everything, like, financially, let me just tell you all my secrets. Yes. And you're, like, this is not pertinent to what we're doing today. Yeah. So. But is it a write-off? And he's, like, I get stuck. He's, like, this is really great to me. And he extends his hand to me. I don't want to shake his hand. And he had just told me he came off a lawn. Like, he came straight here. So he goes to shake my hand. And I was, like, we're past handshakes, honey. Give me a hug. Mark. I gave him a hug. I love it. He walks out. My boss is, like, I don't even want to know. I'm, like, but you've got to know. I know how to stay awake. So, guys, if you are ever find yourself drifting off, just know. All you got to do is, like. But the crazy thing is, what if they can't hold it? And now they're going to fall asleep in a crash. That's horrible. That's what you took away. From that story, that's what you took away. Oh, my God. Very good on the hug instead of the handshake. That's a good one. I always wonder about that guy, where he's at, what he's doing. If he knows that I. I don't know. I don't know his name. But, you know, it's been years. You know. Oh, my goodness. Do you want to jump into it? Do you have a story? Or should we jump into this? I think we should jump into this. And the next podcast, I'll give my crazy story. Okay. I love it. We'll get people coming. Okay. So, today, we're talking about Ponzi schemes. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent, promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money. So, it's like. Okay. So, I'm going to. For those of you who don't know, a Ponzi scheme is a fraudulent investing scam promising high rates of return with little risk to investors. And what they do is, they pay the early investors with the investors that they later get with their money.