Trust the Process

Lauren welcomes listeners to her podcast about faith and family from a dog trainer's perspective. She reflects on her goals for the new year, including building a community of dog lovers and giving herself grace. She shares a story about her husband being nominated for coach of the year and emphasizes the importance of trust in achieving success, whether in basketball, parenting, or dog training. She encourages finding a balance between respect and trust in leading others. Trusting the process, even in difficult times, can be powerful. Hey everybody and welcome to the podcast this is Lauren I'm your host this is the connection conversations about faith and of course family through the lens of a dog trainer. It is 2024 that's pretty just mind-boggling. A couple months ago when I was letting all of my daycare clients know that I was finishing up my daycare season going kind of into dormant for the winter and then being able to start back up in early spring I sent an email that said these are the last daycare spots available for 2024. Jumped the gun a bit jumped the gun but now I'm finally here it's happening and y'all happy new year. So do you guys ever have like goals that you want to set for the new year? I used to like never do that because it was stupid and I would always break them um but last year I kept it all year long because it wasn't like oh work out eat better get more sleep drink more water like it wasn't something like that it was a mindset goal. It was something that I wanted to like focus my attention on so last year my two big themes were community which praise the Lord we are able to start doing through the membership through rock kennel training. So rock solid family is where I'm just excited to build out a membership where dog lovers and pet owners and animal welfare folks can come together and we can become a family as we help the dogs in our lives become the best version of themselves. So that's super exciting to me and then the other one was grace just giving myself grace upon grace upon grace that I can't do it all I can't hold it all I need to just understand my humanness and know that I am NOT God and so that has been really helpful as we've walked through a road of grief for my mother-in-law who passed away in August and so it's just been great to have that as a theme this year just to have community yes and then just to give myself grace that I can't do all the things. So if you go back in our what do you call that archive our previous log of our podcast you will find my whole progression of walking through that of I got this everything's gonna be fine I'm gonna start this podcast literally like one month after one of the most significant people in my life passed away and going into the holiday season it's just everything's gonna be fine and then you literally get to hear my story as I vulnerably share like nope I got limitations and then I get I need to give myself grace so the podcast switch to every other Friday. Anyways all of that to say this those are my my mindset goals for 2023 and for 2024 I just thought I'd share something that popped in my head because I think we can all relate to it and it massively massively translates to dog training and any relationship we have the dog so obviously this is a connection that is the way that I view the world and I use my dog training and I form connections on how dog training applies to real life in the areas of faith and family usually parenting and a relationship with God and so I hope you can take this content today and turn it and curb it and tweak it to fit your need I don't know if you're a parent of little children like me or if you have grown children or if you have no children and you're a pet parent and you have doggos that you're taking care of like whatever works to fit your bill I hope this content is encouraging to you so my husband is a high school basketball coach which I've mentioned on here before but it's so fun that he is not in the room when I record these because I can just brag on him just go ahead and let it all loose and he has no idea he is the most humble human on the face of the planet he's confident don't get me wrong he's definitely confident but he's actually but he's also humble and I think that's such a beautiful thing when you can have both and so yeah he just he just is so great at what he does yet he never takes credit for it and he's always you know just praising other people and uplifting other people and he's not stomping on other people to try to climb the ladder higher he's building other people up like this man just you know sometimes I wake up and I'm like Lord why why did you choose me I'm not worthy so anyway my husband last year got nominated for the coach of the year for the district and so we got to go where did we go it was down south was it Peoria I probably should have got that information and it was amazing we got to have this really like cool fancy breakfast or was it lunch man I should have got all the details on this before I start telling the story and there's like hundreds of other coaches all across the state of Illinois there and it was just it was really really cool and there was these guest speakers and Underwood spoke who is the head coach of Illini Bascom Ball I-L-L-I-N-I Illini Illini so we are like huge sports people so it was just an awesome time and then we were sitting there and he's like I really hope I don't have to go off there sure enough yep they called through the names read the records said the coaches little bio and one by one every single coach got recognized and shook hands and took pictures up on the stage and he was like oh man but it was awesome that I got to just sit there in the stands and just beam over him and all of the accomplishments that he has been able to do in his now seven years as a head coach and so what does this have to do with anything it has to do with everything so when husband started his basketball program it's just like starting like a business or a family or whatever like it's all-consuming and you have to dig in and you have to be there and you have to show up and you have to really work to build those relationships and everything in the beginning when you're building your program everything has to do with trust trust trust trust as you're building something and growing something there's gonna be ups and downs it's gonna be tweaks there's gonna be things that you can't control there's gonna be you know all these things that pop up but in the words of my husband trust the process oh my goodness if I have not heard that 500 times and it's beautiful and it's such a good reminder for me as well in so many areas of my life but trust the process and so now as he's created this program and kind of set this expectation and now you know has this a new standard for the boys basketball team at his school and just it's just the record and last year being able to win a regional championship game at home with his mom still able to cheer and be in the stands and fully embrace that incredible accomplishment and then this year we were in a Christmas tournament and the boys were able to just advance to the winners bracket with a bunch of really big schools and like the first time that's happened in like 12 years and just just the records been great and it's just been really fun to see my husband reap the benefits of all that hard work but in order to get there he really had to communicate to his players year after year season after season game after game practice after practice open gym after open gym to trust the process so I read a little devotional thing which is just a churchy word that means a little book that talks about the Bible and talks about God and it's just like a little snippet that you read for every day and so for December 30th here is what it reads this devotional is read like as if God is talking directly to us so it says trust me with every fiber of your being what I can accomplish in and through you is proportional on how much you depend and trust in me I just I love that literally it was like the first line and I just shut the book and I was like yep I need to marinate on that I'm not gonna put any more words in my brain and you know that just makes me think of Seth and the basketball program of like our success is going to be dependent on how much the players buy in how much they trust how much they accept where Seth is leading them and they just trust they trust that he is the fearless leader and they buy in and I man oh man oh man can we apply that to parenting and to dog training so for a dog training y'all like I am I'm very passionate about the dog training techniques that I use and I stand by my word and we live in a world that is just increasingly turning the pendulum all the way to the other side when you know kids used to be seen and not heard now kids are only being heard at very high volumes with very large amounts of entitlement and there's no discipline or structure anymore and then in a world where dog training used to be really heavy-handed and there used to be a lot of compulsion and correction and you know like kind of beating up the dog and kind of bullying them into submission now we've swung the pendulum all the way to the other side of you know we need to validate our dogs emotions and we need to cater to their every need and we should never in any way ever put them under any site any type of circumstance that would ever cause them harm and so I think the most beautiful way to lead whether it is a basketball program or whether it's your children or your employees at work or your pets and your dogs is this beautiful balance of asking for respect no doubt but then also asking for trust for trust like the trust and the respect part but this year my focus is definitely on the trust and as I really kind of like dug into this I just got thinking about all the times when I have been training a dog and they've been in some sort of uncomfortable situation and I am just asking them trust me trust me trust me trust me and man I'm telling you that if we can trust the process even the ups and downs even the hard times that's powerful if we can trust the process in the bad times so for an example when we have dogs that have on leisure activity which means they see fluffy they see a squirrel they see a leaf they see a garbage truck they see a walking innocent bystander that it will cause no threat to them or some giant dog barking through the front window of a house when they see their trigger and they absolutely lose their freaking mind there's so many ways in which we can train them I'll just talk to specifically one dog in particular so we'll call this we'll call this dog Jean so I had a client dog named Jean and so so so reactive towards anything any and all things and so when we were working with Jean what I did was I built a relationship with the dog off of positive reinforcement and I said hey I'm gonna build this relationship I want you to trust me I want you to know that I'm a good source of you know great things all these things but then once our relationship was established I started to press in and I started to put some pressure on the dog I started to stretch them I started to build that obedience muscle I started to it's a really curb their behavior and sometimes it was uncomfortable and sometimes it was hard it was so hard just like breaking addiction is so hard at times we have to trust the process and so as we go through our training and I start making it more and more and more clear that there's pretty much a zero tolerance we can look at our distraction we can perk our ears at our distraction we can watch our distraction go by but when we start to escalate our behavior into that really bad place that's not good for anybody there will be consequences and if you turn to me and if you keep your eye contact on me there will be rewards and so I made it really black and white really really simple but you could tell as the dog went through the rehabilitation process and this dog really had not had any structure or any training prior to this point and so the fact of like oh we're gonna like just come on in here and start breaking some addiction that was challenging so that's why we had to kind of approach it a little bit more slowly and make sure that yes the dog still maintained you know a positive emotional response with our training sessions yet also pushing that boundary a little bit more each and every session of asking for more digging in a little bit deeper making that self control stretch a little bit harder and it was so cool because although I was training this dog using zero English and all body language and all technique and all pressure and release and all body language and energy there was this understatement of Jean trust the process girl trust the process I know it's hard I know this doesn't make sense to you right now but trust the process and when you know after our training had been complete she's she's a frickin rock star she's a rock star and we kind of threw her through the gauntlet and did a bunch of super distracting triggers for her and she passed the flying colors looking at her owners going like mm-hmm okay this is hard but I'm gonna trust you with this and I think that can be a really special and powerful place to be but I think our culture and everyone around us sometimes it doesn't always affirm those and so going back to my husband and being a basketball coach we have a mentor who's been coaching high school basketball at a very elite level for like 40 years and we just look up to him and his wife so much and talk to them as much as we can and just glean wisdom from them and he had said that nowadays it's not so much you know teaching the boys is X and O's but you really have to dig in to that whole concept of teaching them you know the process and to buy into what you're doing and even when it's hard and even when you lose games and even when you know in the midst of building this thing things go haywire because that's just what things do every once in a while when you're growing it like there's growing pains and like people have to learn lessons and like they're just there has to be you know this culture that's being developed he's like it's more important now than ever to teach to lean in and to trust the process because our world says you know whether it's the voice of parents whether it's the voice of you know teachers or friends that well you don't need that coach well you don't need to be told what to do well you don't need that discipline well you well you're the best well you're this and you're that and it's like you know you're fighting so many voices and so I think my husband has done an awesome job of creating that culture of trust the process even when things get hard and even outside of like a dog training realm you know in the in the form of parenting golly it's like calm on every day I find myself telling my children can you just trust me yeah but no can you just trust me on this yeah but she said yeah but he pinched my finger and she did this and she took my CLI just can you just stop just trust me right are you a parent of small children where you just they don't see the whole picture they don't see what's on the other side they don't understand the benefits of what you're teaching them or what you're doing or what you're you know what structure you're putting in place and it's like just trust me I can remember so I have PE classes for my business which is positive experiences and in the winter we kind of go into a wall because holy cow it's cold outside but this past fall we were meeting at our local State Park which is beautiful and we were taking all of our dogs we're going for a walk and I usually always try to bring my kids with me one because I offer I want to offer the class free for my clients and if I have to pay childcare then I lose money so I throw my kids in the car but I like that though because I want to create like this very real environment where kids are running on the playset there's strollers there's you know snacks being thrown everywhere like I like that kind of like wildness feeling so that we can train our dogs and like you know real environments instead of me have my little trainer hat on anyway so there was this one PE class in specific and this is a super silly trivial example but um it just was so honestly just comical because it was it was pretty warm and my kids were just freaking rock stars and you know sometimes not so much but this particular Saturday morning they were just they had listening ears on they were helping me they were being distractions for the dogs and then coming back to me it was just it was awesome and so we left the park but then oh no my little Macy girl my little two-year-old she was like this girl don't want to leave the park it ain't happening and in that moment it was it was this test of okay but trust the process like I know this is not what you want I know this doesn't feel great I know there's ups and downs and hard times right now but please trust the process when have I ever led you astray where I put you in the car seat and then like terrible things have happened like no it's gonna be a good thing when you go into the car seat just trust me just trust me so I had in the back of my mind this whole time that I was going to get them ice cream at a local ice cream shop just on the way home and I was super excited to you know like not not reward them with this because that makes it seem like it's like transactional but I was just excited to just lavish my love as a mom and give good gifts because that's what God does to us so I was like yeah let's just have ice cream afterwards it was literally 10 o'clock in the morning I didn't care it was gonna be great but then we had our meltdown and as I'm strapping my child in the car seat with the flailing and the crying and the kicking and the pinching and the screaming and the snot and the chucking the Cheerios and you know flipping our water bottle upside down it's like okay I told I looked at Addison my oldest and I said I have a big surprise for you guys and I really just wish that Macy would trust me and I didn't say this as if to like rub it in Macy's face I'm like uh-huh I wish your sister would just trip no I did that because I just was trying to teach Addison like she's struggling so hard right now but if she would just trust me it's gonna be okay and so so Addison immediately like got the hint she's like oh yeah I know that when mom says to trust me really good things happen and so um she like turned and I grabbed Macy's hand and she's like Macy Macy mommy said to trust her and if she says that usually that means that like something really good is gonna happen okay so like it's okay like you can stop crying now because we know that like mommy's like got something good like everything's gonna be okay trust the process Macy trust the process and so she calms down and I lean back and I say okay now that everybody's calm thank you so much for being a good listener for my PE class you know what I want to show you how God gives really good gifts to us and I want to take you guys to get ice cream didn't that sound fun and Addison is like yeah I knew it and Macy looks at me but I don't want ice cream I want the park oh my god okay well I tried I literally tried so in that moment of teaching her to trust I think there's two folds to it I think oh did you guys hear that there's a huge bang that literally someone's on the other side of the door screaming wanting me but my husband's home so it's on him he said that I can have 30 minutes to myself and guess what I spent that time doing recording a podcast for you so I'm in the closet but my closet is kind of close to my bedroom door so if you literally hear crying in the background it's gonna be okay I promise they're not deprived my husband is out there and he will take care of them um but I think to like end this episode it just got me thinking like all right 2024 here we go let's do this so I don't know if it's in your dog training if you're so afraid to put your dog in an uncomfortable situation you know you're afraid to do e-collar training and get booked with me for the spring and save your spot you don't want to do e-collar training because you're just afraid that that's gonna you know putting in pressure on your dog is gonna break your relationship with them and it's gonna hurt their feelings no no no no yes in the process of e-collar training in order to get it in order to get their behavior to be completely reliable are there certain times where we have to put pressure on the dog to be like hey reminder reminder remember that that wasn't a really good decision come back to me and then when they come back then we release the button and lower the level and they're wagging and happy and super thrilled with us yeah like that's how e-collar training goes is we put pressure on but it's always in a positive reinforcement framework and it's always with that mindset of trust the process because once they work through some of those behaviors most triggers oh my gosh the dog thrives and the dog becomes the best version of themselves and then like Jean who was reactive and freaking out and their owners could not even take her for a single walk around the block without her losing her crap now they can go to the park they can go to the stores they can take her so many more places because they have she has that trust in them that that she's being held accountable and it's just it's a beautiful relationship now so I don't know if it's something with your dog I don't know if it's something with your kids where you're going through something and you're setting some boundaries or you're setting some structure and it's hard and they're fighting back and you just need to keep believing in the process keep trusting in the process that I know someday when my kids are older all of this hard work is going to be worth it I know that it's all going to be a huge payoff because I trusted the process I did the hard work I followed through I set my boundaries and I said I you know stood by my word or you know I invested in my kids in this way trust your parenting process and then of course because this is a place where we have conversations about faith we have been in such a hard place these last several months navigating the holiday season with grief in our heart and you know I hear God say over and over even though it's hard even though the pain is indescribable trust me trust me trust the process trust what I'm doing trust how I'm gonna somehow somehow take this pain and find purpose in it trust me that you just live in a world that's broken and there's pain but this is not the way that I intended it trust me that there's good up ahead that at the end of this life which this life will go by in a blink of an eye compared to what the life we have in front of us that when this life is over trust me that heaven is worth every bit of your pain and your struggle and everything that you've had to endure and go through trust me in the pain and trust me that it's going to be worth it it's like little Macy getting in the car seat we're not going to get we're not going to be in our car seat kicking and screaming then God's gonna say okay thank you for living this faithful life dedicated to me and you've loved me and you've trusted in me God's not gonna turn around and be like okay we're going to get ice cream now and then we will never have the response of Macy that says yeah I don't really like what you have to offer I'd rather stay at the playground no God says trust me because because a life of eternity with God where we experience his love in such an overwhelming powerful way that he knows every single thing about us yet he loves us unconditionally like we're all longing for that type of love and heaven's gonna be filled with that feeling any good any good thing on this life any hint whether it's a bite of a dessert that is amazing whether it's intimacy with your spouse whether it's holding a newborn baby or finding out that you're holding that pregnancy test for the first time and it's positive or just embracing family members that's been far away that you haven't been able to connect with whatever lights your heart on fire and goes oh that makes me feel so happy that is just a taste of what God has in store for us at the end of this life so trust the process y'all I know life can be hard and grueling and I just say that again hard and grueling but trust the process there's purpose in the pain that we go through and our reward is gonna be great all right thanks for listening to the connection conversations about faith and family through the lens of a doctor anything dog training hit me up at rock kennel training calm I hope this encourages you I hope it's food for thought and I hope you can find a goal for 2034 for me it's gonna be to trust I gotta lean in and I gotta trust the process and I gotta trust that there's so much good I've had what is it for you take care