my trestimony 815

Colleen McCoy shares her testimony on Testimony Cafe. She grew up in a seemingly perfect family but experienced abuse, addiction, and darkness behind closed doors. She turned to alcohol and drugs to numb her pain and struggled with depression and broken relationships. At the age of 13, she found faith in Jesus Christ and received the Holy Spirit. However, her addiction and brokenness continued until she hit rock bottom and surrendered her life to God. She sought help, went through rehab, and rediscovered the power of the Bible. Through her journey, she found healing, forgiveness, and the love of her Heavenly Father. Welcome to Testimony Cafe. Thank you so much for logging on today. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies, and we are here to testify of His goodness. My name is Colleen McCoy, and I am on here today to share my testimony. God is good. He's faithful. He put it in my heart about a year ago to start a podcast where we come together and share testimonies of His goodness, of the deliverance, the healing, the different things that we have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. He is so faithful, and so as the Lord put it on my heart, I didn't know where to start and just trusted His guidance and His timing, and so here we are today. Today's actually a very special day for me. It's August 15th, 2024. It's my birthday, and I'm so blessed for another year of life, and as I'm gathering guests to be on these episodes, the Lord showed me that He wanted me to come on here and share mine. So here I am, and I will start with, I'll just go straight into it. My name is Colleen, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I am redeemed. I am set free. I am called. I am chosen. I am His beloved, and He is mine. Psalm 107 says, Give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good, and His mercy endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy. I've been set free from the bondage of alcohol addiction, and who the Son sets free is free indeed, and I'm here to testify of His goodness. I don't bring up my past to glorify it, but to give God the glory through it. He turned my ashes into beauty, therefore all day long I praise Him. I'll start off from my childhood. I was born on August 15, 1980. I was raised here in Southern California. We grew up in a really nice home, or nice homes in the area, and by that I mean basically just nice areas. The houses that my parents bought were always brand new. We had a pool. We had cars, boats. We had quads, so things. We had a lot of things. So from the outside looking in, people admired our family and thought we had it all together. My parents were both good looking. Our family, you know, beautiful. My dad and mom were hard workers, but little did everyone know that on the inside was abuse, addiction, pain, suffering, depression, sadness, and darkness. We wore a smile, but underneath the mask was complete brokenness. I was raised Catholic, so I knew who the Lord was, but just didn't fully know Him yet. My dad struggled with addiction and also witnessed addiction and abuse as a child, so the cycle of generational curses just continued. The abuse and the addiction continued to get worse in our home as I hit my teens. At the young age of 12, I started drinking and smoking and doing pretty much any drug that made me not feel anything. I just wanted to black out my emotions and my reality. I was so depressed, broken, insecure, and lost. When I was 13 years old, my friends Jennifer and Janae Baltier and their mom Elaine invited me to church with them. It was in 1993 at a school building called Heritage Elementary in Fontana, California, and on that day I gave my heart to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I received the Holy Spirit, and from that day forward, I know that He walked with me. I know that He never left me or forsake me, and I know that, lo, He was with me always. My ears were open, but I was still not walking in His freedom. John 8, 36 says, Therefore, if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed. When I turned 14 years old, the abuse and the addiction got worse, and my mother decided to finally leave my dad, and my dad decided not to have anything to do with us at all. In fact, for years, we couldn't find him. This created abandonment issues, more insecurities, brokenness, and fear. I felt worthless. I felt shame. I felt lost. I felt depressed. At 15, I began drinking and partying every weekend. I became very promiscuous, and I went through quite a few destructive and toxic relationships. I got married and divorced and married and divorced. I was like the woman at the well, and every time these relationships fell, I would fall even deeper into the depression, deeper into my addiction. And every time my addiction got worse, I would always hit my knees and cry out to my Heavenly Father. I would always somehow, someway find my way to a church and would immediately feel His presence every time as He met me in worship. I think I did about 50 altar calls in my life, even though I was already saved. But each time I did an altar call, I know that I was completely broken, and each time I was sincerely coming to the cross. I look back and I realize I was running to the hem of my Savior, with a broken spirit and a contrite heart, and didn't even know it. Psalm 5117 says, My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit, a broken spirit and a contrite heart. You, God, will not despise. I felt more and more exhausted, and the more shame and guilt came upon me every time I drank. But I still, every morning, I remember I would cry out to Him. I always turned to Him, no matter what. Every time I felt lost, I ran to Him. I embraced His love and drew near to Him. And in that broken place, He always met me. He continued to show me mercy and grace. Romans 5.20 says, Moreover, the law entered, that the offense might abound, but where sin abound, grace abound much more. By the age of 25, I had two beautiful daughters. I had a good job in advertising a nice car, a nice apartment, and cute clothes and things for me and my baby girls. So everyone from the outside looking in saw a beautiful family. They saw a single, independent mom handling her business. But little did they know, on the inside was drunkenness, depression, addiction, loneliness, brokenness, and two sad little girls who hated seeing their mom drunk and blacked out every night. They didn't see the tears, the hate, the self-hate, the suicidal thoughts, but God did. And He was there just waiting for me to become broken enough in my spirit that not only did I know Him as my Savior, but until I truly surrendered my life to Him as my Lord. And make Him Lord not just over some things, but over everything. I adored my babies, and I hated the alcohol and the pills and the addiction. I hated it, but I couldn't stop. Romans 7.15 says, I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. I completely understand what Paul meant. I was literally bound to generational strongholds and shackles of addiction were bound to my feet. I remember clearly one day crying out to the Lord and truly surrendering. Truly, truly surrendering. I told Him I could not do this anymore without Him, and I remember clearly surrendering my will to Him. And the thing that happened next seemed to be one of the hardest times of my life, but now I give God all the glory. There was a family party that ended up a family nightmare. That night people went to jail, there was a domestic violence situation, cop cars, helicopters, and of course it was all due to drunkenness. I woke up in the bed of my mother's house, not even remembering what happened. All I saw was the heartbreak in her eyes. I immediately asked her to take me to get help for my addiction, and I immediately went to detox and enrolled in Casa de las Amigas in Pasadena, a woman's residential facility. Child services got involved and temporarily took my daughters away, and that was the hardest thing I ever had to do or go through. They were and are my everything. I was so mad at myself, mad at DCFS, mad at my family for not understanding why I couldn't stop and blame the trauma in my life and everyone and everything, but most of all I blamed myself. I hated myself. I had so much unforgiveness in my heart towards myself, towards my dad, and all the men in my life. I had so much resentment and hurt in my heart. In the rehab, the first day I got there, they put me in my own room. I didn't have a roommate, and I remember I was so scared because I didn't know what was going to happen with my daughters. I didn't know anything about DCFS or how it all worked, and was thinking I would never be able to get my babies back. I was so broken. I remember sitting in that room alone that night and crying out to the Lord. That night was the first night I remember ever hearing that still small voice. He said, I'm doing this. I immediately felt comforted. I felt that peace that surpasses all understanding. He momentarily took my babies so that I could heal, and he could begin pulling back the layers of the hurt, layers of the pain, layers of the shame, layers of the guilt, layers of the lies that were spoken over me through people, but it was really the enemy. He just wanted to heal every part of me. The next morning at the rehab, they made an announcement that a pastor from the church down the street was going to start Bible studies. That very next day, in looking back, I realized that the Lord met me there. Once again, he was with me. For the first time, my eyes were open, and I could understand the scriptures. I was amazed at what was in there, amazed at what was in this book, this Bible that had been a decoration on every single table top in our home since childhood. But on that day, that book and decoration no longer was a book or a decoration, but it became the Word of God to me. It became alive. I went through AA and 12 steps, and I knew who my higher power was. His name is Jesus. I remember sitting on the steps at the rehab, reflecting and praying, and the Lord brought an overwhelming compassion and forgiveness to my heart towards my father. I now could understand by going through the hell myself what hell he was going through and realized it wasn't him that was to blame, but the enemy and the bondage and stronghold of the addiction that ran through our family for generations and generations. The Lord also showed me how he, my Lord, my God, he is the father to the fatherless, and he was the only father I ever needed. He is so faithful. He's my Abba. He's my provider, protector. He is everything. He is a good, good father, and I'm so blessed to know who he is. After 60 days of treatment during my discharge planning, my counselor tried to help me find housing because I was told by DCFS I couldn't go back to the place I was living and needed a safe, sober environment to bring my daughters back with me. My counselor and I looked and called over 20 places at least, but only one took women with children, and they had a one-child limit, and they had to be under five. Obviously, I had two daughters, and they were both over five, and that was not going to happen. I wasn't going to go somewhere without them or where I couldn't have visits with them or reunify with them. I was really upset, but little did I know that by that mishap, it planted a seed in my heart that the enemy wishes would have never been planted. I ended up returning to the place God removed me from and set up arrangements with my daughters' fathers to share custody. I didn't like not having both of them with me 24-7, but I was grateful my case was closed, and the Lord knew what he was doing. I wish I could say that when I left that place, I never drank again, but that would be a lie. What I did leave there was a weapon, and that weapon was a sword, which is the word of God. I left there with tools and wise counsel, but after a year, I relapsed, and the addiction came back stronger. The relapse lasted about a year, and I hated myself for it. I remember my oldest daughter, Mariah, started breaking bottles outside and crying and just so mad that I wouldn't stop, that I couldn't stop. Again, I couldn't stop even after rehab and the 12 steps and AA, until one day, one beautiful day, I was in my garage about to start downing my bottle, and I was crying out to the Lord, and I was begging him to take it from me. I said it three times, please take this from me, please take this from me, please take this from me. At that moment, I was prompted to go and get my Bible, my sword that I had not picked up since rehab, and when I opened it, it opened up to 2 Corinthians 12, 8-10, and it says, three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it from me, but he said, my grace is sufficient for you for now, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I boast in my weaknesses, because that's where Christ's strength abounds. I threw the bottle, I got up and began rejoicing and praising him. I remember I called my mom to testify, and I didn't know it then, but I was decreeing and declaring that he was taking it from me. I still felt the shackles on my feet and the chains on my hands, but the word he gave me was greater, and I knew that his grace was sufficient for now. On August 15, 2011, my birthday, I was at my mom's house standing outside smoking, because he hadn't delivered me from that yet. And I was really going through some hardships and depression, and the Lord said, be joyous. And I responded, how Lord? And at that moment, he said, I took it from you. Immediately, I realized that those chains that have been on me for generations and generations and generations were broken in the mighty name of Jesus. I ran upstairs to my mom, I was at my mom's house, I ran upstairs and I said, mom, he took it from me, and she knew what I was declaring was the truth. And we immediately started jumping up and dancing and praising right there in her loft. And from that day forward, my hands have stayed up in praise and nothing or no one can take them down. I met my deliverer, I met my healer, my redeemer, my Abba, my savior, my Lord, my redeemer. He allowed me to walk through the fire, but I did not get burned and lo, he was with me always. The next couple of years, he took me through a beautiful walk with him. I began to start going to church any day it was open, me and my daughters were there. We were at every woman's conference, every prayer night, we were at Celebrate Recovery, we were at overnight prayer night where we literally stayed the night at the altar. My daughters are writers. They hated it then, but they understand now, and they praise him now for it. He began a refining process in me. It was uncomfortable, but the most amazing time of my life. I got water baptized and baptized in the fire, I received the gift of tongues and prophecy, my walk with him was like walking in the cool of the day. I became so dependent on him and asked him daily to send me. I would have women's Bible studies every Friday night at my house in San Bernardino, and I did outreach ministry in downtown San Bernardino with my church. We used to go on the highways and the byways late at night, we saw so many healings and deliverances. So much salvation, for the first time, the Lord used my hands and anointed my hands to cast out demons in his name. I laid hands on the sick and they were healed in the mighty name of Jesus. We witnessed the power of God like no other. Man, those were some beautiful moments. During that time, the Lord also put an unction in me that he was calling me to work with women bound to addiction. And at the women's conference, prophetess Cindy Trim walked directly over to me in a filled room and confirmed and prophesied over me. She said, God has given you a deliverance ministry, God is going to use you to work with women and men and children bound to addiction. I received it and I knew something was stirring up and about to come forth, but I didn't know what. And then one night in 2016, he gave me a vision. He woke me up literally at like 3 a.m. and showed me all kinds of women and children and a multitude of houses and this big building, which I still to this day don't know what it is. And I couldn't see the faces except for a few, but I felt an overwhelming compassion and burden. And the Lord showed me the brokenness on them and I knew it was addiction. And then he brought out of my heart the seed that was sown back when I was in rehab. He said, remember, there wasn't any recovery houses for women and children. I need you to go do that. I was like, how am I supposed to do that, Lord? But I said, yes, Lord. I don't know how you're going to do it, but yes, Lord. And he said, and comforted me by saying, you're not doing it. I'm doing it through you. You are just a willing vessel. And by that, I felt comforted and said, yes, Lord, have your way. Do your thing. I received it. And the next day, while I was at a church service at the Way World Outreach Homeless Ministry, and they were feeding everyone. And there was a pastor who was actually a brother in Christ of mine, an amazing man of God. He was right there, and I had just shared with him the day before what the Lord had told me. And this woman, this beautiful woman of God, was standing there. And as we were like praying and worshiping, and she was just looking over at me. I could feel her presence. I could feel her looking at me. And at the end of the service, she just came up to me and just confirmed everything. Everything that God had just told me. She came up to me and she said that she saw me with all these women, and women with children, and men, and all these houses, and this big building. And that she saw me out on the highways and the byways snatching women up. And she was just shaking her head, and I was just bawling because I'm like, Lord, this is literally just like that supernatural stuff that I would hear about, like the different pastors on TV would talk about. And I'm like, man, this is so powerful. Like, Lord, you're really speaking to me. You're really calling me to do this. You really gave me a vision. I didn't know. I heard people have visions. I had never experienced it. And it was just like confirmation after confirmation. He's so faithful. Man, I remember I started preparing. And I started preparing the home, the beautiful home. It was a home that the Lord had led me to. And that's a whole other thing that I want to testify on. I'll do a whole other one on that in the name of Jesus. But he led me literally step by step to this home that I purchased with him. And it was in San Bernardino. And I was prepared in my heart to actually use that home and even started remodeling it for the women that he was bringing. I knew the house was his, and I was only just giving it back to him. I remember even being willing to move my daughters and I back into a one-bedroom apartment in order to prepare the home for the women and children that God was bringing forth. But instead, he had me sell it. And with the profits, Beloved Housing was born. The first day, back in 2000, it was like the end of 2017, early 2018, we opened the doors. God started sending women with DCFS cases. I hadn't even started advertising it yet, and I didn't even know where they were coming from, but I knew it was him. And within the first month, we were at full capacity. And we took more than one child. In fact, we took as many as we could. Every woman that came in through there gave their life to Jesus or rededicated their life to him. In the beginning, we went through so many trials, and the enemy wanted to shut us down, but we kept going. We opened over four women and children's homes, and at one point had transitional apartments, which became permanent housing for some of our beloved ladies. God has reunified over 400 families, and almost every woman and child that have come through our doors have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, or have given their heart back to him. Everyone is in a different process, and we meet everyone where they are, just like he showed us his grace and mercy, we give it back, too. When they leave, we know they have him, and that's all that matters. His promises are true. He said in his word that he is a finisher of what he started. His promises are yes and amen. Not only are the mamas saved, but the children are saved and set free for generations and generations to come. Amen. In 2021, the Lord prompted me and put in my heart to transition some of the homes to men's treatment facilities. He said full family restoration. Since 2022, we opened two men's residential facilities, and over 200 men have already been through those doors. Men of valor. Men being restored. We need the fathers and the husbands to rise to the call of God on their life to lead and protect and provide. Men are getting saved and baptized in Jesus' name. I'm so grateful to all those that have come, that the Lord has brought to walk beside me, with me. I'm not in front or behind. Jesus is, and he brings people to help me to fulfill what is his. I call it a ministry. It's people that are broken, generations of family bound to the bondage of addiction that he is healing and setting free. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much. I just thank him and I praise him as he continues to get the glory in my life, as he continues to remove the layers. Truly showing me who I am in him, day by day. I'm just so grateful for his miracles. I can't wait to share all the testimonies that are going to come forth. I'm just grateful that I'm here today to testify of his goodness. I love you guys so much. I just ask that if you're interested in hearing some more testimonies of God's goodness, his faithfulness, his mercy, and all that he's doing for the kingdom, I just ask that you follow us and that you share this if you'd like. We love you so much and we're so grateful. God bless you. May the Lord bless you and keep you. Amen.