2024-07-17 Waiting to die

Before you were you, or before you were here as Susan, you existed in a formless shape described as an orb. I don't know in what form an orb actually can be described as, but it wasn't physical. And yet you were conscious of yourself. You were aware that you were aware. So, one could say you were alive. So if you were alive before you were in a physical body, you will still be alive when you've finished with it. When you no longer need this body, there will be a transition, and if it's simply back into the orb state, you are still you, just in a different form. Many people say there is no death. There cannot be death. They describe it from a physical, scientific perspective. Energy can neither be destroyed nor created. So therefore, one could say, you, as an energy being, must continue because energy cannot be destroyed. You, particularly, know that you are able to experience yourself as yourself, even if the ego structure of a physical human being isn't present. You still are you. You remember being you. You remember being aware of yourself. You might not have been thinking in the way that one does now, but you were certainly aware that you were where you were and what you were experiencing. So, that suggests that you will return to that at the very least. It is likely that before you were in the orb state, which perhaps might be said to be pre-birth, you were hanging around what would become your parents. You were hanging around what would soon become your life. There is very likely a different kind of state where one is not about to become born, or in danger even of such, and one is not actually aware of what's going on on the earth at all. In that state, you are likely to be in a different form. Perhaps you can decide what form that is, that there is no limit, there is no restriction. It is simply as you wish. From what I've gathered from those I believe their experience, there is a greater freedom to be and express and do as you are feeling. There is no time, you can be anywhere at any moment. I can't really go there to imagine it because it creates boggling. But it makes sense. I get it. Spirit would be a greater freedom. Some might remember you have actual memories of pre-birth experience and existence. That is rare in many cases, but certainly not unusual. And so, it makes more sense that there should be zero fear of what should come, other than the idea of waiting to die in a sense, because perhaps, and only perhaps, because we don't know what is yet to come that might change things. Perhaps for some of us we have reached a point where life as we know it is no longer possible. We can't go any further. That as we get older and if illness and restrictions begin to affect us as they are you, then slowly but surely you are shutting down. You are becoming smaller and smaller. Less physical opportunities. It may increase your astral experiences. It wouldn't surprise me. This idea of waiting to die takes on a different meaning if the idea of death is not the end. It isn't nothingness, non-existence. Many people don't feel that it is who haven't had the benefit of being in a pre-born state. The orb state, which perhaps we all go through, yet you have memory of it in a way that others do not. That in itself should bring you a sense of calmness in the sense that you don't have to worry about what comes next. It will all become obvious, familiar and you will step back into it just like you putting on a comfortable pair of slippers or a favourite coat. It is familiar, it is normal that this experience, this thing we call life, was nothing but a momentary dream that is also fading. It is just for us fading before we are finished essentially. Now it could be we are not finished but there is more experience, there is more to come that will reveal a greater reason for being here. It could be that none of that is true, that we are just simply waiting to die, living day by day by day, making the best of things, being comfortable, enjoying the things we like, the things that give us pleasure, the things that interest us. We have to fill time with something and so if we can do that, that seems a good way to be. It could be that the end, at least from the perspective of others who are still living this life, could come quickly, it might come slowly, as you are experiencing a fairly faster but yet slow descent into a life that is very different from the one that you have lived for most of it. For me it is a much slower descent, I am a little younger, not by many years but enough. Five years ago you weren't experiencing these things and so things can change fairly quickly without warning. When the time is right the descent into the final stages begins, who knows how long it lasts for and if the attitude is one of I will do whatever I need to do to be comfortable as best I can but I am not going to actively seek to prolong the experience for the sake of it. Many attempt to do that out of fear, they have no strong belief and they may have fear about the idea of nothingness, non-existence and so they do their best to avoid it. Others may have some belief but they still do as much as they can to avoid it and also they are often encouraged by those in the medical professions to do so. It is their job to keep life going. People get caught in the idea of quantity over quality and then still die having spent a lot of time suffering unnecessarily in their attempt to prolong things. For people like us, perhaps certainly for myself, the idea of prolonging has no meaning unless there is a reason, a good reason that doesn't currently exist. Were there to be diminishing, descending and obvious descending into deathness then I'll just go with it, I'll just accept it and I'm okay with that. I don't particularly like being involved in the medical profession anyway. I have at least understood how to deal with them in a way that allows me to make the decisions not them. They are simply an advisor and ultimately it is my decision. I do not simply accept what they say as if their word is true because often it isn't, it's merely opinion cloaked in a suit of truth to give believability to something that is at best guessing. I can do my own guessing. I don't need to worry because the idea is that in their eyes I have to do everything to maintain life but in mine it doesn't matter and so I'm not going to take decisions out of fear. I'm only going to do what feels right at the time without compromising the essence of myself because there is no fear of death being the end. It is simply the end of this but it is not the end of everything. And in many ways while I don't remember where I came from or carry strong beliefs about where I'm going I feel sure that I will expand into something that will be at once familiar and also new. And I'm quite looking forward to that in many ways because this life is containing the physical body's comfortable day by day experience. It's not needing to, as I used to do or would have done 40 years ago, 30 years ago, it's not needing to live life as if this is all there is and I have to make the best of it and have a career and so on. While I have done many things seemingly replicating that idea the reality is as I look back over them I was never really into them in the way that others seem to be. I did it because I had never done those things before and I wanted to know what it was like and in having done those things I realised I didn't really need to do them. It's just that they were available to me as a living person and it made a change to do something different or new because if I had come to accept I was waiting to die 30 years ago it would be a long wait. It may still be a long wait but perhaps it will be a lesser wait than it would have been back then. And so I'm okay with the future being unknown. I don't have to go seek out a fortune teller to tell me the date of my demise, quite happy for it to be a surprise. Doesn't really matter in many ways, I'll just accept whatever takes place as being what needs to because that's what's happening. And while it might not be easy and I'm sure that what you're experiencing in your physical movements and the restrictions you now have isn't easy, I must assume that it is easier now than it was as you get used to it, as you make adjustments, as you accept the limitations that you now have. You're not alone, even if who you're with perhaps is not ideal, that's who you're with and you're still needed by him while he remains here. And in many ways you also need him, he supports you and provides you with a way of living which you might change or would have changed or would change when you have control of that but perhaps by that point you might not want to. You might be quite content and used to the new living situation which has now become the normal and just are happy to continue being comfortable and supported by having what you need around you which seems to be perfect, absolutely ideal. Hopefully I'll know as we continue our journey together understanding what's taking place and this waiting to die thing is just a thing that we do and it doesn't create sentimentality. It is something that many people wouldn't understand as being a valid way of looking at things and yet I think it makes perfect sense, I think you do too and so we'll wait to die together.