Ep12 Stop Expecting YOU from other people

The podcast episode titled "Stop Expecting You from Other People" discusses the importance of recognizing and embracing the fact that everyone is unique and different. The host, Velora, explains that expecting others to think, react, and behave like ourselves often leads to disappointment, frustration, and conflict. She emphasizes the need to let go of unrealistic expectations and appreciate the differences that make each individual who they are. The episode also highlights the negative impact of unmet expectations on relationships and provides tips on how to navigate these differences. Overall, the message encourages self-acceptance and understanding of others. Hey, welcome back to another episode of Just Lori, I Can Only Be Me, the podcast that's all about keeping it real and empowering you to show up as your true self, one story at a time. I'm your host, Velora, aka Lori, and today we're going to talk about a topic that hits close to home, stop expecting you from other people. Now before we get into it, let me just say, this one is a game changer. If you've ever felt frustrated, disappointed, or even just plain confused about why folks don't react or respond the way you do, this episode is for you. So grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and let's embark on this journey together. Let's break it down real quick. What do I mean when I say stop expecting you from other people? It's all about recognizing that we're all built differently, right? Your way of thinking, feeling, reacting, that's your way, but not everybody's going to handle things like you do, and that's okay. It's like this, you wouldn't expect somebody who's never baked a cake to follow your grandmother's secret recipe just by looking at the ingredients, right? So why do we get mad when people don't react or think like we do? We expect them to know things they may not even understand or value the same way. So let's talk about why we expect other people to behave, think, or react the same way we do. It often starts with the assumption that because we would do something a certain way, other people should naturally do the same. But here's the reality, we are all unique. Our upbringing, experiences, and mindsets shape how we navigate the world. Expecting somebody to be a carbon copy of us is like expecting a pineapple to taste like a mango, it just doesn't work. This kind of thinking often leads to disappointment, especially in relationships. Whether it's family, friends, or co-workers, the frustration builds when people don't meet our expectations. And here's the kicker, they didn't even sign up to meet them. We set these invisible standards in our minds, and then we hold other people accountable without even communicating those expectations. So how does that make sense? Okay, I'm going to drop some knowledge, all right? Did you know that a lot of conflicts, especially in relationships, come from unmet expectations? According to the American Psychological Association, 50% of people say their relationship stress comes from differences in expectations and communication styles. Now I don't know about you, but 50% is a whole lot of stress we can avoid by just understanding that we're different. When we keep expecting other people to act like we would, it just leads to more frustration, anxiety, and in the long run, it can even mess up our relationships. And nobody wants that. So let's talk about what happens when we expect us from other people. First, there's disappointment. How many times have you thought, why didn't they just do it like I would? That disappointment can turn into frustration, and if we're not careful, it spirals into conflict. We start arguing over things that, in reality, are just differences in how we see the world. Then there's stress and anxiety, which, by the way, doesn't just live in your mind. That stuff can mess with your body, your mood, and your peace. And over time, if we keep expecting people to be like us, those relationships get strained. We start pulling away from folks because they just don't get it, when the truth is, they're just not built the way we are. And listen, I'm guilty of it, too, but once I started realizing that I can't expect me from you, things started getting a whole lot easier. You feel me? Okay, so here are some examples. Let's say you're the type who always checks in with your friends when they're going through something. You're offering support, showing them love, but then, when you're having a rough time, they don't check in with you in the same way. You might feel hurt, thinking, if I were them, I'd definitely reach out. But that's where expecting you from other people comes into play. Their love language might look different from yours, and that's okay. Or say you've got a childhood best friend who's more like family. You haven't seen them in years, but now they need a place to stay for a while until they get back on their feet. And of course, you open up your home because that's what friends do, right? Now at first, everything is great. You're catching up on old times, laughing about the past, but soon, little things start to work your nerves. Like you fold your towels a certain way. You know, you know the neat hotel-style fold that you take pride in, but your friend, they're folding them any which way, and it drives you bananas. Or you've got a cleaning routine, right? When they try to help, you know, it's not up to your standards, so you get frustrated. The dishes aren't scrubbed the way you do them, and suddenly, you're feeling more irritated than grateful because they're washing, let's say they're washing the silverware before they wash the glasses, or they're washing the pots and pans before they wash the silverware. So it's driving you crazy because that's not how you do it. So here's the thing. You're expecting you from them. You expect them to fold towels like you, clean the house like you, and take care of things the way you would, but your friend has their own way of doing things. It doesn't mean that they're wrong. It just means they're not you. And when we expect people to mirror our habits, especially in situations like this, we set ourselves up to be downright irritated. I've been there. I know how easy it is to expect that because you would do things, just because you would do things a certain way, you know, you think other people should just naturally fall in line, but that's not how it works. Instead of getting upset or feeling like they're not being respectful, what if we tried seeing their differences as just that, differences? Maybe their way isn't wrong, just different from how you do it. This example hits home because it's not just about towels or dishes. It's about deeper expectations we place on other people, especially the ones we love. We want them to reflect our values, our habits, and our way of thinking, but when we free ourselves from that, we allow space for them to be themselves and for us to have a more peaceful relationship. So you are allowing them to just be their authentic self. Now in this case, letting go of those little expectations can keep the friendship strong instead of causing unnecessary friction. All right, let's take a breather and recap, you know, what we've covered so far. We've talked about what it means to stop expecting you from other people. It's about understanding that everybody's different, and that's okay. We dropped some stats to show how common these unmet expectations are, and we talked about the frustration, stress, and conflict that comes with it. But we're also about to shift into how we can let this stuff go and embrace the differences that make us unique. So here's a summary of some of the main points that we talked about. Stop expecting people to act like you would. It's just not realistic. A lot of relationship stress comes from unmet expectations. Disappointment, conflict, and stress can arise when we expect other people to be like us. When we embrace our differences, we build healthier, happier relationships. Now it's time for a little affirmation. Now you all know, if you already know me, you know I love these, so I want you to say this one with me, okay? I embrace the uniqueness of others and respect their individuality. I release unrealistic expectations and welcome understanding and acceptance. Feels good, right? So let's keep that energy. And if you're somebody who loves scripture, let's reflect on Romans 12 and 18. It says, if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. So basically, this verse is saying that God wants us to do our best to get along with other people. Think of it like this. In life, you're going to run into people who might be tough to deal with. Maybe they have different opinions or they just aren't being nice. But God is saying, hey, try your best to keep things peaceful. It also says, if it be possible, because God knows sometimes, no matter how hard we try, not everybody will want to be friends or play nice because, man, people be peopling way too much. And I guess that's okay. And this verse is more about focusing on what you can control, your attitude, you know, your actions. So even if other people aren't being easy to get along with, you can still choose to be kind and try to keep things calm. In other words, do your part to be a peacemaker. You can't always change how other people act, but you can make sure you're doing your best to keep things positive and peaceful. All right, beautiful people. Next week, we're going to dive into a topic that I know hits home for so many of us, loving the skin I'm in. We're going to talk about what it really means to accept yourself fully, flaws and all. I'll be sharing stories and tips on how to embrace those parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide or feel ashamed of. This one's all about radical self-love, y'all. So if you've ever struggled with body image or if you've been hard on yourself for not being perfect, trust me, you won't want to miss this. It's time to own your beauty inside and out. So what do you think? Are you ready to stop expecting you from other people? Remember, we're all unique, and it's a beautiful thing. When you let go of the need to control how other people behave, you free yourself. Life's too short to be mad because somebody didn't show up the way you would. Stay true to yourself, embrace the differences in other people, and let's keep walking this journey of authenticity together. And if you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss out on future episodes. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Head over to www.justlaurie.biz, leave a comment, or hit me up on social media. And if you're feeling generous, leave a review. It helps more people discover the show. Until next time, God bless, much love from me, I'm Just Laurie.